I got the idea to this story reading a friend's comment to her own story and just let my imagination run wild from there...and now I hope you like the result. This story is written completely from Claire's point of view, something I have never done before, and I hope it's believable and clear that all you read are Claire's thoughts and not my own...at least I try...
I already have a couple parts finished but the story is nowhere near being finished so come on board and enjoy the ride...
Summary: Claire learns the hard way that one little decision made wrong can change your life in the most drastic way...
Disclaimer: McLeod's Daughters and its characters and plots sadly don't belong to me...if they did I wouldn't be the poor student that I am
We Will Make It in the End
Part 1
What a beautiful morning this is. Tugging my bathrobe a little tighter around me I take a deep breath of the cool, fresh air.
I'm outside on the balcony of my bedroom, leaning against the thick stone railing, looking out over Drovers Run as the sun slowly creeps over the edge of the hills around me and paints the morning sky in the most amazing colours.
I love the sunrise over Drovers…especially from the balcony. It's so peaceful…the only sound I hear is nature waking up.
This reminds me of my childhood…Sunday mornings with my Dad…we'd always come out here and look at the sun rising. Unfortunately I don't get to see this amazing experience very often nowadays…normally I'm already up by the time the sun rises, working somewhere out on this beautiful land I own.
But not today…today's a special day and I didn't even mind not going to work…I'm getting married. For the first and I'm sure only time in my life I'll be walking down the aisle in a few hours time, looking at the most wonderful man on this earth…
I have to smile at the thought of that…he's not perfect altogether, oh no…but he's perfect for me…the only man I ever truly loved.
Maybe I should be nervous because I'm marrying him…I don't know. It seems a bit strange to me that I'm not…or maybe strange is not the right word…I'm surprised…yes, that probably covers it better. I'm surprised I'm not nervous…but all I feel is contentment and happiness and curiosity about the life that's ahead of us.
I guess this has just been too long in the making for me to feel nervous about it…I must have lost that throughout the many years we've known each other now…yeah, that's probably the reason why. I know exactly what lies ahead of us and what I'm getting myself into. I know him inside out and for the most part he knows me just as well…so there's no need to be afraid of anything…I know we'll make it…
"Claire? You awake yet?" I then hear the soft voice of my sister through the half open balcony door. I don't know what time it is or even how long I've been out here now, so I take one last look at that beautifully coloured horizon, before I take another deep breath and head inside.
"Morning Tess…" I say with a happy smile on my face as I re-enter my bedroom…the master bedroom on Drovers Run that used to be my Dad's room many years ago. Now it's mine…and I'll soon share it with my husband. Not that we haven't done that for a while now…but from today on it'll be truly his as well…
"What time is it?" I ask Tess as I slip off my bathrobe and hang it over the footboard of my bed.
"Seven…" she says and comes a little closer to me. I know it's time to get ready…we only have four hours left. For once in my life I've decided I want to look nice…really nice. And since I'm not used to styling myself up it'll take a while…and a lot of help from my family and friends.
I look at Tess again…she has this questioning look on her face as if she wants to ask me something but doesn't know what…
I can see and smell that she's showered already, the sweet, flowery scent of her shampoo and shower gel filling my room…it's good to have her on Drovers again. Since she moved out last year I've really missed having her around.
It seems strange because I still get to see her every day…but it's not the same as living together and I have to admit to myself that I'm actually a bit jealous of Nick because he gets to live with her now. But she's happy…and that's what really matters. At the moment she's practically glowing being six months pregnant with their first child…yes…I am happy for my sister even though I miss her.
"I'll take a shower, Tess…okay?" I ask her because she's still looking at me a bit strange and it seems like she's in a whole other world. I shake my head and sigh "What is it?" I finally ask her…why again is it that I miss her so much?
"Oh…nothing…" Tess awakes from her stare "It's just…you don't seem nervous at all…"
I smile "Well…maybe that's because I'm not…"
"But aren't you at least a tiny bit nervous? I was a wreck the morning of my wedding…" Tess tells me and I only remember that too vividly. She was driving the whole house mad! So I tell her "I know Tess…I was here, remember?"
"Of course you were…I mean…but why aren't you?"
"Because there's no need Tess…nothing really changes…I'm happy and I know he loves me…"
"Hmmm…" Tess still seems to think I should be nervous but I only smile and walk past her, heading towards the bathroom.
"I won't be long Tess…" I look back at her standing in my doorway before I close the bathroom door behind me. I look for my shampoo and shower gel and put the towels where I can easily reach them, before I undress and step into the still wet shower. Here the smell of Tess is even more intensive and I smile…yes, it's good to have her here even if it was only for this one night…
I turn on the water and wait till it's warm enough for me to step under the stream…today everything seems to be perfect and I know in this very moment it is…no matter what the future may bring…today is a perfect day…
If only I had been able to see earlier that it really doesn't take all that much to be happy…all you need is an open heart…
As I feel the warm water running down my body I can't help but start thinking about how I got to where I am today…how this all started…five years ago to this day my life changed completely…it was the day Tess came back into my life…
But if I think about it…this actually started a whole lot earlier…it started the day I first met Alex Ryan…
I had just turned eight a few weeks before and that day I was out on Drovers with my Dad helping him muster some sheep. We were near the border of Killarney when I suddenly noticed somebody on what looked like a pony a little bigger than mine on the other side of the fence. I frowned…there weren't usually any people on Killarney, the property had been empty for as long as I could remember…
"Dad?" I asked my father and pointed in the direction of the pony. "Who's that?"
My father turned his head to see what I was pointing at and then smiled "Looks like the new neighbours moved in…" he said with a curious smile and rode off towards the fence. I followed him closely, way too curious myself about who that was to stay away. As we rode closer I then saw that the rider was a boy not much older than myself…
"Hello there young man…" my father greeted the boy "I'm Jack McLeod…do you need any help?"
The boy shook his head and I found it funny that he was not wearing a hat. The sun was getting hotter with every day…it was quite dangerous to be out here not wearing anything on your head…
So I asked him "Where's your hat?" before he could answer Dad's question and looked him in the eyes…they were the bluest eyes I had ever seen apart from my own…
"Umm…I don't have a hat…" the boy answered and added with a smile "but I'll get one soon I hope…"
Just then I saw two more riders come up the hill on the Killarney side to where we were at the fence…one on a horse, the other one on yet another pony…
"Alex Ryan!" The man on the horse shouted out loud "How many times do I have to tell you not to ride so far ahead of us…you don't know the territory yet…"
So Alex was his name…
I could see the annoyed look of the boy in front of me and had to chuckle…guess Alex was in a bit of trouble now…
"Hello…I'm Harry Ryan…" the man on the horse greeted us when they had reached us. The second rider was a blonde boy who looked a little younger than I was.
"Jack McLeod…nice to meet you…" my Dad replied and tipped his head.
"Ah…then you are our neighbours…" Mr Ryan said with a pleased voice "I'm the new owner of Killarney…"
"Welcome to the community then…" Dad said "You bought a good piece of land there…lot of work to do though…if you need any help let me know…"
Harry smiled back but I didn't really know what to think of it…it looked strange "Thank you Mr McLeod…but I think we should be fine…thanks for the offer though…"
I had been watching the two boys on their ponies the whole time…they had a good seat…it looked like they knew what they were doing despite the fact they had only just bought Killarney.
"Dad…can we go on now?" Alex asked his father "I thought we came here to ride and not to talk…"
"These are our new neighbours Alex…so be polite, will ya? You must excuse my son Mr McLeod…all the boy's got in his head is riding…"
I looked at Alex with wide eyes…so he liked horses, too…
"That sounds just like Claire here…" my Dad said with a smile and looked at me before he turned to Mr Ryan again "And it's Jack…out here you don't want to hold yourself up with formalities…"
"Claire?" Alex looked at me a bit strange "What kind of a name for a boy is that?"
My eyes narrowed as I shot him a nasty look and hissed "I'm not a boy…"
I knew I didn't exactly look like a girl with my jeans and shirt but he still could have noticed the braid that was coming out from under my grey hat…I didn't look like a boy THAT much!
Despite the fact that our start had been a bit rocky, Alex and I became fast friends…after all we were sharing the same interest…horses.
Whenever we could, he and I would go for a ride together and if we were in a good mood we'd even take his younger brother Nick with us. It didn't take long till Alex and I started playing all sorts of tricks on Nick…followed by many more over the next few years.
Our friendship didn't even cool down much when he and I went off to different boarding schools later on…it always only took us a few hours to be back at where we had left off before the school term had started…and then we'd spend almost all our time together during the holidays…it was always the same.
As Alex got older, he discovered, that there was more to other sex than just them having pigtails you can pull on…thankfully he had never done that to me…I don't think he'd live today if he had.
But I guess he never really saw me as a girl anyway…I was his best mate…sexless…just Claire. And I liked it that way. With Alex I never had to pretend I was something I wasn't…I could always be me. I knew he wouldn't look strange at me because I refused to wear skirts and dresses. He would even defend me when somebody made a mean remark about how I looked…I didn't always like that, I was perfectly able to defend myself…but it was good to know he was there anyway.
I left boarding school the summer after I had turned fifteen…I had never liked going to school all that much, all I ever wanted to do was work on Drovers. My big dream was to one day turn Drovers into the best stud in South Australia…maybe even all of Australia…and I couldn't see what school might hold for me…I knew everything I needed to know…and what I didn't my Dad could teach me.
It took quite a bit of talking but finally my Dad agreed and since that day I've been working on the land of my ancestors. I started from the scratch…did all the dirty jobs and proved I didn't mind…slowly working my way up. Dad never treated me any different from the other people working for him…and I liked that…he was a fair boss.
Because I was working now, Alex and I didn't get to see each other quite as much when he came home as we did while I was still in school. That was not only because I was working but also because Alex had to work on Killarney as well whenever he was back from school…
During the summer holidays Nick had had some kind of Rodeo accident when he and Alex had run away…Nick was badly injured and the hard work Alex had to do now was Harry's punishment for that. Alex had told me that his Dad blamed him for what had happened to Nick but whenever I looked at him since then while he was talking to or about Nick I always knew he was blaming himself just as much…
Alex had lost some of his carelessness that summer…and he took up self destructive behaviour he hadn't had before. True, he had always been a bit reckless…but he had never done anything to endanger his own life…
But after Nick's accident Alex suddenly took the most dangerous bulls and horses at the rodeos…he would ride over Killarney in a speed, that if he had ever fallen he would have either been killed or injured even worse than Nick.
And Alex had girlfriends…a new one every week it seemed. At first I was angry and jealous with him because he didn't spend as much time with me…till I realized that none of those girls meant anything to him…they were just distraction. When it came down to the really important things Alex would always come back to me…
But still I was surprised when he asked me for something a year later, the summer after my 16th birthday…I really hadn't expected that…
Alex had been back from boarding school for about a week but we hadn't seen much of each other. We both had work to do. I had missed my friend dearly while he had been away at school and couldn't wait till we could catch up properly.
On Friday the week after he had come home, Alex called me and asked, if I wanted to come on a picnic by the dam with him the next day. He had asked Harry if he could take the afternoon off and thankfully his father had agreed. The picnic by the dam had become our catching up ritual over the years whenever one or both of us had been away for a longer period of time. We always tried to do that within the first week of our return.
My Dad knew about this and how important it was for me so I was sure he'd let me have the time off the next day as well and told Alex when I'd meet him there. This time it was his turn to bring the food.
So the next day while the others were having lunch, I put my bathing suit on under my clothes, packed fresh underwear, a towel and a blanket and got on the way to the dam on Drovers…it was always Drovers where we'd meet…we had found out early on that Killarney was not a place where you'd be left alone.
When I reached our usual meeting spot I saw that Alex was already waiting for me. He was leaning against a tree, overlooking the wide open spaces of Drovers, his horse a few metres away from him, reins let down.
"Oi Ryan…" I shouted as I came closer "save a spot for me under that tree!"
I heard him laugh and shout back "Go find your own tree McLeod…"
That was the usual greeting formula for this kind of event.
I dismounted and got the things I had brought with me off the saddle before I let my horse join Alex's and I sat down beside him under the tree.
"Good day for a swim…" I said and Alex nodded "Yup…too bloody hot to do anything else…"
We both knew what was coming next…we did it every time…the race to the water. It would determine who would have to bring the food next time. I had won the year before…Alex had gotten tangled up in his jeans and had landed flat on his face…I don't think I'll ever forget that sight…I teased him for weeks after that.
Since it was also my turn to announce the start of the race I waited till Alex had closed his eyes till I shouted "Whoever's last is the slowest person ever…"
Our start signal.
While I kicked off my boots I wiggled out of my shirt without opening any of the buttons and pushed down my jeans as fast as I could…I knew Alex was the faster runner now so I needed to win with the quicker undressing…and as I started my run towards the water I could see out of the corner of my eyes that Alex was still pulling his jeans off…he had stayed seated this year, probably not to make the same mistake he did last year…start running too early.
But by the time I finally reached the water he had almost caught up with me…he had really gotten a lot faster over the last year…this would probably be the last time I'd win. Nevertheless I shouted triumphantly "That's three years in a row Alex…I'd start thinking about practice if I were you…"
Alex laughed "Just wait till next year…your unfair tactics of waiting with the start till I'm almost asleep won't work then…"
"Is that threat…" I asked with a cheeky grin but Alex shook his head "That's a promise, mate…just wait and see…"
While joking with each other we had moved deeper into the wonderfully cool water and when I didn't look for a second, Alex grabbed me around my waist and threw me under water.
"What do you say now McLeod…" he asked when I came back up, a proud expression on his face.
"I'd say you got yourself into trouble, Ryan…" I replied and splashed some water in his face.
Before I knew it we were involved in a water fight, laughing and joking with each other till we were both exhausted.
So we decided to head back to our blankets and let ourselves dry off in the sun before we would eat something. While we were lying there side by side I asked "So how's things?" but when I didn't get a reply I sat up and looked at Alex. He just looked into space and it seemed like he hadn't heard my question at all.
"Alex?" I poked him and finally he turned his head towards me.
"What?" he replied and looked me in the eyes…but his gaze stayed distant.
"Is everything alright with you? Something with Nick?" I was a little worried after what had happened with Nick a year earlier…Alex only got that kind of look when it had something to do with his little brother. The last I had heard of my friend he was still in rehab trying to catch up with his school work…that had been a few weeks ago.
"Nah…Nick's fine…" Alex answered and turned his head again to look in the sky.
"What is it then?"
He shrugged his shoulders "Got kicked out of school again…"
I sighed "And now Harry's giving you even more of a hard time, is he?"
"Sort of…" Alex nodded "I really thought I could have some fun this summer holiday…but I'm not even allowed to have a girlfriend…"
I couldn't help but smile a bit…that was really all Alex could think about…how to break the next girl's heart.
"So what?" I told him "Can't live without sex for a few weeks? I'm sure you'll get plenty when you get back to your new school…"
"It's not that Claire…I've…I've never done that with any girl so far…" Alex admitted and I was so surprised I couldn't say anything. So he just went on talking "And no…I won't get that in my new school…the one that Dad picked this time is all boys in the middle of nowhere…to keep me out of trouble he says…"
By that time I had woken up from my surprise…but still couldn't come over the fact that with all the girls Alex had gone out during the last few months he had really never gone all the way…some of the girls had had quite a bit of a reputation.
"You really never had sex before?" was all I could ask him when he was done and I couldn't help but smile…I liked that…
Alex must have felt a little self-conscious under my stare because he sat up, drew his knees up to his chin and hugged his legs.
"Why is that so hard to believe Claire?" he mumbled under his breath.
"Sorry Alex…" I told him "But with all those girls you had last year…I would have thought that you'd done it at least a dozen times already…"
"Well…I haven't…" Alex snapped back and added "Can we please talk about something else now?"
I shrugged my shoulders…I was sure we'd come back to that at one point…
So we talked about what had gone wrong at school this time and what I had done on Drovers while we were eating the lunch Alex had brought. It was delicious…cold chicken on toast, tomatoes, a plastic bowl of salad for each of us and fruit salad and chocolate cake for dessert…I loved Rhonda's cooking. Meg was a great cook as well…but I got her food every day. Rhonda's cooking on the other hand always meant I was doing something special…
After we were done eating, Alex and I lay down side by side again in silence and just enjoyed the warmth of the sun on our bodies.
I had almost fallen asleep when Alex suddenly asked "Claire…have you ever done it?"
"Done what?" I mumbled not really knowing what he was talking about.
"You know…had sex…"
I smiled…I knew he'd come back to that…
"Well…are you gonna tell me why you never had sex?" I asked, my eyes still closed.
"Maybe…" was Alex's indefinite answer. That was not enough for me. If he wanted to know something from me he'd have to tell him something from him…quid pro quo…something for something…that had always been our motto from day one.
"Not enough Alex…you spilled that you never had sex before so that doesn't count…" I therefore told him and he grumbled.
"Okay…" he sighed and I could feel him stir beside me so I opened my eyes and looked at him.
"I'm listening…" I said and waited. I could see the inner fight he was fighting with himself till he finally admitted "I've tried it once and it didn't work…" he quickly said "And then I never dared to do it again…"
"What do you mean it didn't work?" I was a bit confused. What could be so hard about having sex?
Alex sighed "I couldn't keep it up, ok? Are you happy now? But you owe me two answers for that one!"
"Righto…fair's fair…I know the game…so ask!"
"Alright…have you ever done it?"
I smiled. I didn't really have a problem admitting that to Alex…I don't know why "No Alex…I've never done IT…" I told him honestly "Next question?"
"I guess I want to know why as well…" he admitted and I had to think about that. It was not like I had never thought about it or that I had never had the desire to…so why?
So I shrugged my shoulders "I don't actually know Alex…" was the only answer I could give him "I guess so far I haven't met the right bloke I would want to try it with…"
And then he asked me the question I would have never guessed I would hear from my best mate and childhood friend Alex Ryan…
"Would you…maybe…consider trying it with me?"
I'm sorry for the cliffie...but I just couldn't resist...I promise you'll get your answer in the next part...which I hope to have up next week when my exams are finally done...
Now...please be so kind and let me know what you think of this story by leaving me a little comment...it's much appreciated!