Title: Memories of Gold
Author: Gillian Taylor
Rating: PG
Characters: Tenth Doctor, Rose, Jack
Summary: She remembers gold, but she does not know if it was merely a dream. A fantasy woven as an explanation.
Spoilers: PotW, Children in Need episode, Christmas Invasion, the existance of Torchwood.
Disclaimer: Don't own them. I just like playing with them...a lot.
Archive: Sure, just let me know.
A/N: Thanks, as always, to my lovely betas NNWest & WMR for both their encouragement and suggestions.
"Memories of Gold"
by Gillian Taylor
She remembers gold.
Gold within. Gold without. Gold on her fingers. Gold in her eyes. Gold in her soul.
It filled her. Surrounded her. Protected her.
Golden power. Golden dust. Golden beams.
Within her. Around her. Fighting for her, doing her bidding. Golden power. Golden light.
She remembers pain woven with the gold.
Her head. Her heart. Her soul. Painful golden light, painful golden past, present and future. Painful gold. Painful future.
She remembers life within the gold.
She brought life. Prevented death. Drove it back just once to reclaim what she loved.
She remembers death within the gold. A future that was certain the moment the Doctor's lips pressed against hers.
She remembers it all...
And then she wakes.
He remembers gold.
In her eyes. In her hair. Around her and within her.
And it was killing her. All of the Vortex housed within a fragile human girl. All of that power consumed for one reason. For him. For her Doctor.
Of all the choices that he could have made, of all the choices that he had made in the course of his lives, this was the easiest. He had done it before, certainly. Given up a life for a companion, but this was different. This was far, far different from that. He would give up his life for her, because she was willing to give hers up for him.
Him. A lost and broken Time Lord that had only just begun to heal because of her.
He remembers gold.
Golden light. Golden pain. Golden fire that rippled through his ninth body. Golden death. Golden rebirth. For her.
Gold within. Gold without. Golden hair spilled upon the grating of the TARDIS floor as he burned. For her. A fantastic life. A fantastic rebirth. For her. In gold.
Golden fire. Golden flames. New teeth. New life. Barcelona. New mole. New world. A world that she created. New him. New her.
He remembers gold...
But he thinks that she never will.
He remembers gold.
A Dalek's voice. Exterminate. A blast of energy. Fiery darkness. Death.
The feel of air within his lungs. The burst of golden energy that restored him to himself.
He remembers gold and death and life.
He remembers the grating sound of a temporal engine filling his senses.
He remembers running, denying what he had heard.
He remembers golden energy that filled the room. Golden light atop the fading blue police box. Golden pain, golden sorrow, golden grief.
He remembers gold.
But they don't remember him.
She remembers gold, but she does not know if it was merely a dream. A fantasy woven as an explanation. He sang a song and scared the Daleks away. But what if it was her?
She remembers gold. It haunts her days and nights.
She remembers gold, but she is not sure how to tell him. Would he deny her memories?
She remembers life. Giving life. Giving Jack life. But it is woven with the gold. What is the truth? What is fiction?
She remembers looking into the Heart of the TARDIS. She remembers its gold. She remembers its fire. She remembers it all.
But does he?
It starts with a word. "Doctor?"
He turns toward her and hidden within the depths of his dark brown eyes she thinks she can see it. Gold. In him. In her. "Yeah?"
"I remember."
"What?" He doesn't understand, not yet. But she remembers. And she thinks he did too.
"I remember gold. All around. Within me. Around me. An' I think it did somethin', or I did somethin', an' it had nothin' to do with singing a song. Doctor, what did I do?"
She remembers gold.
In his eyes she can read sorrow and something else. Grief? No. Something else. Something...golden. He smiles, but it is not full of joy. Regret? "Rose..."
"Doctor, tell me. Please. I think it 'as something to do with what happened to you, an' me, an' the Daleks, an' Jack. An' I think it's important. 'Cause why else would I be dreamin' about it now?"
She sees the truth in his eyes. Regret and sorrow and determination that intermingled and fought for dominance. "I didn't sing a song and scare the Daleks away, Rose."
"Oh?"
"You did."
"Oh." She remembers gold, and it suddenly makes sense.
She was the gold. But what did she do? "How?"
"The Vortex. You looked in the Vortex and no one's meant to do that, Rose. You saved me and ended the Time War. You saved the universe and all before it was time for tea."
"But what about you?" She remembers the gold, but it didn't save him. Why?
He meets her gaze and she knows. She knows. "What did you do, Doctor?"
"Only thing I could do. I saved you."
"But, why? I don't get it Doctor. If I ended the Time War, why did you die? Why didn't I stop you?" She remembers gold and pain and the future intermingled. She remembers, and she knows.
"You were dying. I couldn't let you, Rose. You had to live. So I did the only thing I knew I could." He seems anxious, but the gold burns in his eyes.
"You kissed me." It is not a question.
"Yeah. Strictly speaking, I didn't have to, but I had to get it out of you, Rose. The gold. The Vortex. It was killing you."
She remembers gold, but she remembers that kiss. Everything that she had wanted was woven in a single moment. He died and was born again - because of her.
"I killed you." She remembers gold, but the guilt is not a memory.
"No!" He pulls her into a hug. "No, Rose. You didn't kill me. It was a choice. I chose to do it. Not your fault at all. Don't ever think that."
"Why, Doctor? Why me?"
"Why not?" His eyes burn gold. "Remember what Jack said? You're worth fighting for. And you're worth dying for. But above all that, you're worth living for."
"But what about Jack?"
She remembers gold. She remembers life. She remembers Jack.
He's alive.
He remembers gold.
The fiery tendrils of the spaceship that left him on a burning Earth still linger in his mind. He had asked. He had wanted to come. At least, on the planet, he might be able to find a way home. He might be able to find a way back in time. He might be able to find Rose and the Doctor again.
Those were 'mights.' This is the truth.
Long, hard days and longer nights. Little sleep. Little food. The struggle for existence on a barely surviving world grows harder every day, but he perseveres. For Rose. For the Doctor. Even though they left him behind.
He remembers gold.
His 'death' in golden fire burns in his dreams each night. He remembers dying and he remembers being reborn. Life and death and life became a transient state. Death has no use for him. Life gets a second chance. Ironic for a conman.
He remembers gold.
Her hair, her smile, her laughter. They were golden, and he remembers it all. But what lingers longest within his mind were his final moments on the station. He remembers watching his home, his family, disappear into the vortex without him.
He remembers gold, but he believes deep within his heart that they don't remember him.
Jack.
He remembers gold and the sudden blossoming of possibilities throughout space and time. He remembers possible futures, pasts and presents. He remembers what could be, what was, and what will be in a jumble of memories that will never make sense. He remembers life.
Jack's life. Jack's future. Jack's possibilities. Once he lived, died, and was buried on a planet thousands of years from his home - never a Time Agent, never a conman, never a Time Lord's companion. Once he lived, joined the Time Agency, was betrayed and torn and became a conman. Once he destroyed the Earth and himself in the process. Once he lived and became a Time Lord's companion, better with three. Once he lived, became a Time Lord's companion and died like Adric, Katarina, and a thousand others. Once he lived, became a Time Lord's companion and died but lived because of gold.
The gold he remembers.
The gold wielded by Rose.
Jack lives, and it is because of her.
But Jack was left behind, and it was because of him.
He remembers gold and he remembers that possibility. Jack lives and saves the planet - Earth of the future and Earth of the past. But to do so he had to be there. Has to be there. Must be there. Historical fact.
He remembers gold, and it left Jack behind.
But not anymore. He lives in a time machine, his wonderful TARDIS. Time is nothing, a trifle, a momentary consideration. He can bring him home.
Maybe it's time.
"What about Jack?" He grins. "He's coming home, that's what about him."
The sudden brilliance in her smile is worth it.
She remembers gold. Gold in his eyes. Gold in his voice. Gold in her mind, whispering goodbye as it passed between them through a single kiss.
She remembers another goodbye kiss. Jack's kiss. His insistence that she was worth fighting for. She. A twentieth century shopgirl worth all of that? But even the Doctor said as much. Said so before, said so now.
She remembers being sent away. The pain and sorrow and anger that filled her as the TARDIS stubbornly refused to go back to save the Doctor. But she knows how she came back now. Because of the gold. The TARDIS' gold. Her golden heart. And it was because of the TARDIS that she was able to do what she had done.
End the Time War. Save the Doctor. Save Jack. Jack's alive and now he is coming home.
She remembers gold. His gold. Her gold. Their gold. She remembers how it flowed between them like a river as he kissed away her pain. She remembers how he changed before her eyes, erupting in golden light. She remembers realising that it was still him. The outside was different, yes, but the inside was still him. Still her Doctor.
But will Jack still be her Jack?
"Where is he? Jack, I mean. I remember you sayin' that he was busy, but that's it. Nothin' more."
He looks at her, and she sees something hidden within his gaze. Sorrow? Regret? Or hope? She cannot tell. "He's on Earth. Helping to save the planet, the usual."
"Always the hero."
"Yup. And that never changes." He grins at her as he sets the controls, keeping one hand entwined with hers in constant contact.
"But does he? Change, that is. I mean, is he the same Jack? Will he want to come home? Will he still..."
She is silenced by his finger upon her lips. "Change is a fact of life, Rose. We all change - have changed - though my change is a bit more obvious. I don't know what the future'll bring, but I do know this." His finger moves, trailing gently across her cheek before being joined by the rest of his hand in a caress.
"What's that?"
"Whatever happens, we're in it together. You and me. No matter what."
She remembers gold, and she can see it once more within his eyes. She watches him lean in, suddenly knowing what is to come. She remembers gold, but the gold is suddenly overwhelmed by a familiar new sensation. He is the same man. Different covering, perhaps, but this cinches the conclusion.
He is the same man because it is the same kiss.
In his touch, the gold seems to intensify and the TARDIS sings. She feels the golden notes deep within her soul. Silent they might be, but she knows they are there. And she sees that the Doctor does too.
To be concluded