( Author Prelude: Yes this story involves the PTSD Huntress you find in the Hospital during the events of ME3. She is one of the many small but incredible side stories you find all throughout the the game if you're paying attention. The sort of tiny details that makes such a huge impact.
Part of me had always wanted to write a story of the unknown soldiers, the volunteer units that are constantly sent to deal with the worst the Reapers have to offer on a regular basis. To put it simply, I wanted to write about the multiplayer characters that I've built and played with almost as much as I've played Shepard herself. Among the multiplayer elites this Huntress would be one of many.
Even so I felt her story was significant, and I wanted to see it continue in a different direction. I can only hope I do her justice, as well as the many multiplayer related character I plan to add as the story progresses. And yes, every character in this story, including T'Goni herself, are representative of my multiplayer characters and kits. )
She had been sitting on the bed in her room alone for hours now. A nurse - another Asari thankfully - had brought her some food earlier, stressing the importance of getting out with the others during the free periods. She had refused of course, she didn't want to take the risk. She didn't wan't to deal with the memories.
Perhaps soon they would approve her request. She managed to get reassigned here after all, maybe in time this would all be over.
Then the door opened. There was no knock, there was no care in the swing, there was no sign of any consideration for the resident of that room from behind the door as it swung wide open.
To her horror, the open door revealed a human standing on the other side.
The human walked in, there was no consideration in her manner that this was her room. By the Goddess, A Human in her Room!
The Human, a fierce woman with black hair, pale skin, and blue eyes, she strode about like she was meant to be there. She held a datapad which she looked over carefully, standing there casually as if unaware, or uncaring, about the trama she was causing her.
"Aeian T'Goni." The human said suddenly. Hearing her name felt like a whip cracking against her skin forcing her to sit up straighter.
"You don't belong here!" Aeian yelled glaring at the human.
"I'm a Spectre." the human said simply, "I belong where ever I need to be." She looked up and stared right back into the Asari's eyes. The Human's own piercing blue eyes was causing physical pain to Aeian under their shear intensity.
"Spectre? Human?" Aeian blurted out. Hearing herself say those words forced her to process the information, allowing her to come to a realization. "You're Commander Shepard."
"Bit of a no-brainer, isn't it." Shepard joked.
"Why? Why are you here?" the Asari insisted.
"I came across an interesting request at the Spectre office." Shepard said. She tossed the datapad in her hand onto the bed as sat down in a small chair opposite Aeian. Carefully Aeian picked up the datapad. She soon recognized the request, her request, to obtain a firearm.
"Why do you- What is this?" Aeian demanded.
"No one wants to deal with handing a psychologically damaged person a gun." Shepard explained, "Short of Spectre authorization, this request isn't leaving the beaurocratic cesspit that it came from."
"You?" Aeian said in shock, "You're the only one who can approve my request?"
"That's right." Shepard said simply.
Aeian put the datapad down. At this point she just didn't want to the human Spectre to see her hands shaking so much. Eventually she mustered enough courage to ask the question burning in her mind.
"Will you?" It was all the Asari could manage to say though her quivering voice, but it was enough.
"Yes, but not the way you planned." Shepard told her. She let Aeian's confusion spread across her face for a moment before explaining. "I did some research on you. Not just regarding the events at Tiptree, but your entire service history." Shepard leaned forward scrutinizing Aiean, "I don't say this often, so you can be damn well sure I mean it when I tell you. I'm impressed."
The room's silence punctuated Aeian's surprise at Shepard's words.
"What do you mean?" She asked finally.
"Just what I said." Shepard shrugged, "Your service record is impressive. Before you ended up in this nut house you were an extremely talented huntress. And to be blunt, you survived Tiptree when there's no reason you should have."
"I didn't deserve to survive!" Aeian cried out, she quickly forced herself to quiet down before adding, "Not after what I did."
"Bullshit." Shepard shot back. The outburst took Aeian completely by surprise. "I get it, you're hurt, you saw horrible things and you had to be just as horrible to survive. You blame yourself for what you did, and it broke you." Shepard crossed her arms before she continued, "I'm sure if I gave you a gun right now you'd just end up blowing your brains out. If I could I'd leave you in a big fucking padded cell for the rest of your life to let you figure your shit out, but right now we don't have that option. Unfortunately for you, you're too damn good to waste in this dump. We need you out there fighting. We're all fighting for our very survival, for all of us, not just your own. If you want a gun so badly, I'll give you one, out there, where the fight is."
"No! I can't, I can't go out there." Aeian began. Before she could say more she felt Shepard's hand on her shoulder.
The sensation almost made her scream out in pain, lashing out in biotic fury. She would have done just that but the moment she looked up her eye's met with Shepard's once again. She saw the eyes of someone who knew what she was capable of and yet she was not afraid. All she saw was determination, and concern for herself. Aeian felt there was nothing she could do to deter this human, nothing she could do to hurt her. Shepard simply looked at her for a moment, as if to assure her.
"I forgive you." Shepard said finally.
"..what?" Aeian said softly unable to understand what she was hearing.
"Perhaps I'm not the best suited for this sort of thing but I think it's something you need to hear." Shepard explained, "And being the first human Spectre you can consider me a suitable stand in representative of humanity. So let me say it again; I forgive you. I forgive you for killing those colonists, and I forgive you for enjoying it. I'm not going to say you weren't responsible at all, but you are not my enemy. The Reapers are. They are the ones who killed the colonists, not you. All you did was end their suffering."
"What does your forgiveness matter?" Aeian demanded angrily. "What makes you think I even want it?!"
Shepard didn't answer at first, instead she just let go of the Asari and picked up the datapad she had discarded earlier. She scanned through T'Goni's file as she turned around, letting the room fall entirely too silent as she searched for the information she was looking for.
"The little girl who was with you." Shepard began. Immediately a cold terror began to fill Aeian's thoughts with the memories. Shepard just continued, "Hilary Moreau. Did you know her big brother is a pilot in the Alliance navy? A really good one. Probably why she wanted to become a pilot so much. I'm telling you this because her brother Jeff is a really close friend of mine." Shepard looked back at the Asari huntress with an sad look on her face.
"I won't forgive you for killing her." Shepard told her, "Not because I don't want to, but because it's not my place to do so. Her brother Jeff is the only one who can. He doesn't know about you, not yet. You may think that you don't want forgiveness, but the truth is you wouldn't be here right now if you didn't need some kind of absolution. Lucky for you I know a trick that will get you just that."
"What is it?" Aeian asked despite herself.
"Retribution." Shepard smiled at her, it was a warmly terrifying experience, "Even the odds, and make the Reaper bastards pay for every single life. Then put your life on the line as many times as it takes until you've atoned for every human you've killed, and then double that for Hilary. And if you still want to die after that, then go down fighting. If you somehow managed to survive all that, maybe you'll finally be able to forgive yourself."
"Don't be stupid!" Aeian spat out. "Don't give me ridiculous ideas for doing the impossible. I know I'm damaged goods. No serious military unit would take me. All you want is just another foot soldier in your army."
"Of course." Shepard admitted without a hint of tact, "I never implied anything less. It might sound impossible to you, but trust me, I know from experience that nothing is impossible. You'll never know unless you try. And consider this, if you ever want to hold a gun again for any purpose what so ever, you'll have to do it on my terms. Also I wouldn't worry about finding a unit that would take you, I know the perfect place to put you, and just your luck I have the Spectre Authority to put you there."
The Spectre left the room just as suddenly as she had arrived. Aeian let out a sigh as she felt the pressure of being so close to a human begin to subside. Despite her best efforts she couldn't stop thinking about what Shepard had told her, about Hilary in particular. She felt a wetness across her cheek but it took a while before she realized it was a trail of tears. She never even remembered crying.
"Commander Shepard! Once again I must strongly object to this course of action. Putting someone in her condition on the battlefield is recklessly dangerous."
"And if the situation were any different I would completely agree with you. But if you haven't noticed we're in the middle of a big fucking Reaper war."
"I understand but -"
"No you don't understand! You're living in a fantasy world here on the Citadel where you can safely ignore the reality of the war. People are dying by the billions. Whole systems are being wiped out while talented soldiers like her are allowed to wallow in pity and despair. Right now we need anyone who is even remotely capable of fighting out in the field killing as many Reaper forces as possible."
"In her current state she'll likely become a greater threat to her unit then to the the enemy."
"Clearly you have no understanding of the level of the Reaper threat. Even if what you say were true ... well let's say given the people I'm putting her with, she'll be in perfect company."