Legacy of the Rose

It's been years and nothing has changed much. It scared the kids but he tried. He tried to carry on like he was supposed to but I could see the pain that haunted his eyes. I knew what he was thinking every single day he continued to live. I know because I was there the day it happened and that day I felt the same as he did.

He asked her to be more careful and she was. She made it a promise and kept it even when we had that angels and demon crap and we'd been iced our fair share. This though… If there is one thing that defines this family, it is our thing for sacrificing for one another but that's what you do for family. You stick with them. Yet this time it was more, and it is cruel to say it, collateral damage but it was to save the twins.

He blamed himself. I know because I can see the guilt that haunts his eyes. It became more apparent every time he looked at the kids. He thinks that he failed them and never blamed the twins but those are symptoms. The diagnosis is one that even I can't fix and he knew he could always come to me to fix things. Really though, how can I fix a broken heart and shattered soul?

For years I watched as he struggled to try and be father and mother to the kids, their children. I know one thing, he was always good at keeping a promise especially if he made it to her. He kept it and was there for them along with me, the awesome big brother and coolest uncle ever. Yeah call me a softie but I love those kids.

They were understanding too and I think that hurt him the most even when the twins tried to say that it was their fault, which it wasn't. They were like their mother with the patience thing. Even John Robert with his temper like mine understood though I think he would sometimes take it out on Ellen Jo his twin sister. Brandon, the stray as she affectionately called him, had anger issues at first and then mellowed out over the years. I think at first he blamed his adoptive dad for letting her die and angry with her for leaving them behind. It wouldn't have worked out if it hadn't been for Jess.

Jess is more like her mother both in looks and nature (though I think she seriously has an emo side like her father) and ended up like I did; she took care of the younger ones and Brandon helped once he stopped being an ass like I used to do. Sometimes I would catch my brother looking at her and smile at a memory and I know that he is thinking of her especially after Jess would bring him a cutting of her roses. Then the guilt comes back and his face becomes haunted. If she were here, she would kick my ass for letting him get this way. I would let her too since I didn't know what to do and still don't at times but I go through it.

Now we are two grumpy old men, well I'm more grumpy than he is and we are living the apple pie life even though we've been on and off hunts and Dr. Jess runs a special clinic for hunters. The girl inherited the healer part like her mom. The twins are off doing their own thing and last I heard they were chasing down a wendigo. Brandon became a lawyer. Imagine that! I teased the kid and said like father, like son though he knew that if his dad stayed at Stanford and became a lawyer, he wouldn't be here.

Thoughts like that often occur to me. The what ifs in life tend to do that and I can see it in my brother's eyes too. For him, he always goes back to the what if he had gotten there sooner. I think that was worse than damned Lucifer tormenting him after the wall came down. Would she be alive today and see her children doing what she wanted and that was living a life of their own choosing? I wish that were the case. Then I wouldn't have had to endure the kicked puppy face he would throw up when he thought no one was looking. She loved that look.

I see him now wearing gardener's gloves that actually fit his freakishly huge hands and he is pruning a bush. Well it's not just any bush. It is her bush. It was one he bought her as a joke to when she decided to hide her feelings from him when we were a year or so together. It meant much more because like so many of us that had the privilege of knowing her, she was like a rose. She was gentle and beautiful but she did have a sting. Sam discovered that before anyone else so he gets the big I told you so.

Watching him take care of it, I realize that it was one of the things that helped him to keep going besides the kids. I think he operates under the assumption that if he could keep it alive, he was redeeming himself and keeping her alive. He certainly did a good job since the neighbors saw the roses and asked for cuttings and samples to grow in their gardens. He gave of it but didn't take a penny in return. That is fine. We both know that she was generous and, to go on a deep meaning here, the bush is her so it only makes sense to give it away.

He still misses her and occasionally blames himself but I think he will be okay. The years with me and the kids keeps him on the ground but it is her legacy and what she stood for that he seems determined to keep alive. Hell if he wants to be a girl and do it with a rosebush, then so be it. Me, I would prefer Deanna, the beauty she rebuilt as a racer which still runs today thank you very much. Then again Sam was always a girl and considered the sensitive one. They were a pair.

Dean?

Now here he is giving me… a rose? Sam do you have to be such a girl? What do I want with a flower? I don't say these things out loud but give him the look. He returns it with his bitch face. He may be an old man but damn that bitch face still works and I know the puppy eyes do which he is now flashing my way so I can take the flower.

I never could resist those eyes. So now I have a rose in my hand as I sit on this wooden garden chair. Damn my arthritis! I know why he gave it to me and I watch as he takes one for himself. We both know that it's that time of year again so I'm off my butt and ambling with him down the familiar pathways of the grounds to the property that has been home.

She is there waiting for us as always. On the ground I can see where the kids have come by. Jess hasn't been there yet but she will be. The headstone has no words but the one thing that had become recognizable to many of the things we had seen over the years. The image of her tattoo was carved deeply in the stone. Sam said that it was enough and at first I thought he was being a prick about it but I ended up understanding why.

She was so much to other people and the world to us. She gave us more than we deserved at times. She taught from experience and that sticks clearly for me as I lay my rose down and step away. Watching Sam I can feel a sense of contentment as he stood there talking to her. Taking it all in I can see that she is still with us. It is in the kids living their lives and the fact that I'm a granpa. If it hadn't been for her, I wouldn't have known about Hale and my Kayla. She lives on because we do and I think Sam sees that especially in the roses he tends for dutifully every damn day. I know that things would be all right and one day we both would see her again.

A/N: Just a look from Dean's POV about one person who ended up bring the best out of him and his brother.