Title: Busted
Author: Zipper Nova
Rating: T
Pairings: blink and you'll miss it Gladio/Ignis
Summary: The boys are all trying to sleep for the night but Gladio is a bit distracted. Distracted by a certain blond to be more specific. May as well tell everyone else.
He wasn't serious, right? He wasn't actually doing that, right? Prompto wasn't that dumb, RIGHT? Yet there he was. Doing THAT. Or so Gladio thought.
It had been a pretty normal day, nothing out of the ordinary. A couple hunts, some shopping after picking up the bounties, another amazing meal by their ever talented Chef Ignis. Or as Prompto liked to call him: the Founder and Mayor of Flavor Town. Everything had gone smooth. The hunts didn't take any longer than they were suppose to and nobody sustained any serious injuries. So honestly, today had probably been one of their smoothest days since their whole trip even started. So why, WHY, is this happening now? Why now of all times did shit decide to get weird?
The group had decided to all turn in at the same time tonight, a rare occurrence in of itself. The boys had all had a good few rounds of cards before Ignis had suggested they turn in. No big deal, it was nice to actually have them all together and falling asleep as a unit versus them all turning in one at a time. Or it should have been. Would have been had Gladio actually fallen asleep like Noctis and Ignis supposedly did. Had Gladio not heard the shuffling of a blanket to his left and leaned up ever so slightly to listen better, had Gladio not held that position then actually look in the direction of the sound, had Gladio NOT seen Prompto's blanket moving oddly suggestively down by the younger male's groin region, Gladio would very much be asleep. Boy would he be asleep. So asleep, he would actually be causing the others problems with his very much asleep snoring instead of Prompto jerking it.
Gladio held his head up slightly on his arm so he could still see Prompto's blanket moving. He understood the need. Shit, he'd be lying if he said he hadn't took longer in hotel bathrooms just to get some alone time himself. But in the damn tent? With three other guys? Fuck's sake he was doing it right next to Noct! The damn prince of all people!
Gladio squinted in the dark at his blond counterpart. How dare he? Where did he get off? Well the tent clearly, but that wasn't the point! Where did he get the balls to jerk it right in front of everyone!? He could barely talk to Cindy without getting all flustered! AND HERE HE WAS SPANKING HIS MINI LEVIATHIN!?
"Prompto are you jerking off?" Gladio finally asked, frowning at the other. Mostly because he couldn't believe the kid would be doing this but shit he had to put a stop to it. He guessed.
"WHAT!?" The blonde turned to face Gladio so fast it was a miracle his head didn't spin and just pop off. It was also a miracle the pitch of his voice didn't shatter Ignis's glasses but that would have been a whole 'nother story.
"What are you doing over there? Changing your oil?"
"WH-WHAT!?"
"Doin' the five finger knuckle shuffle? Pettin' the cactuar? One hand clapping?"
"Gladio I swear if you say one more-" Ignis began from his position next to Gladio.
"Chocking the chocobo!?"
The distinct sound of a hand hitting skin echoed in the tent momentarily. Gladio looked down at his now tingling forearm then to the frowning Ignis that was peeking out from under the blanket he had pulled around himself when he had first laid down. His hand was poking out from the side of the blanket, resting near Gladio's arm. The cause of his pain.
"So you jackin' off or not Prom?" Gladio asked, quickly recovering from the harmless attack. Ignis sighed and closed his eyes, tucking his hand back under the blanket.
"If he is it's certainly none of our business." he said, not coming out from under his blanket.
"Come on Iggy, there's no way you didn't hear all that." Gladio tried to reason, looking down at the other.
"I'm afraid all I'm hearing is the ungodsly number of ways you know to alternatively say masturbating."
"Yeah? You should use one. Masturbating sounds weird."
"It's the proper verb."
"And milking the behemoth isn't?"
It was quiet for a moment as Ignis's eyebrows pulled together. Gladio was pretty sure they were almost touching. Their little genius was pretty done with the whole situation. The sigh just now really proved that.
"Besides this is kind of my business when he's doing it two bodies away from me."
"Dude I totally wasn't!" Prompto exclaimed, now sitting up himself. "I swear! I would never do that!"
"Yeah right, you totally have since this trip started."
"I-I mean I have but not like, not in the tent with you guys!"
"Then what the hell-"
"Could you two please keep it down? Or better yet, cease this conversation." Ignis cut in. He still seemed to be trying to sleep. Of course with the volume Gladio and Prompto were talking that was highly unlikely. There was nothing quiet about this situation. Wasn't gonna be either until it was solved.
"Look I just wanna know what the hell he was doing over there if not spankin' it." Gladio said with a hand motion towards the young blonde.
"Just- don't worry! I wasn't doing anything!" Prompto said with as much emphasis in his words as a man just caught seemingly jacking off could.
"What the hell was it? An itch on your leg? 'cause that was one insistent scratch!"
"Gladio..." Ignis said firmly as Prompto groaned. "Leave him be and go back to sleep."
"Why are you so chill with this?" Gladio asked in slight disbelief. He knew it was late and Ignis had probably been asleep earlier but surely he was awake enough now to actually take in what had transpired.
"Why are you so interested?" Ignis asked with a hint of exasperation. He had pushed the blanket down away from his face so he could fully look at the bigger man.
"I-"
"Oh my six shut uuuuuup..." came a new voice. Ah, Sleeping Beauty was up now. Great.
"It's night time. Bed time. Shut up. Who cares about Prompto's dick." the Prince muttered as he pulled his blanket around him tighter.
"Your highness..." Ignis sighed as he looked to the male on his left. Really, dick? His royalty was going to use the word dick and not something less... vulgar?
"Why has this tent descended into chaos." Ignis asked himself aloud. "All I wanted was for everyone to get a decent amount of sleep. Maybe we could leave in the morning at a decent time. I'd make breakfast, have an Ebony, and we could begin our day in a timely manner. Yet here we are, all awake, loudly discussing Prompto's life choices."
"Not my fault he can't be quiet." Gladio answered to Ignis's somewhat rant.
"Dude how many times do I have to tell you? I wasn't jacking off!" Prompto exclaimed.
"Then why is your hand still under the blanket?" Gladio immediately fired back.
"Shut UUUUUP." Noctis threw in from under his blanket.
"Enough!" Ignis sat bolt upright and quickly looked to the large man on his right. "Gladio, lay down! Prompto," he turned to look at the other. "Stop, just stop whatever it is you were doing and lay down. Both of you sleep! Now!"
Gladio and Prompto laid down, not without some grumbling on Gladio's side, and Ignis followed shortly after. But it couldn't be as simple as yelling at two mostly grown men and them listening now could it?
"Mom's mad." Gladio muttered as Ignis attempted to get comfortable again. The swift sound of a slap echoed in the tent again.
"Ow." Gladio deadpanned. His forearm had been assaulted again. But honestly now, he had it coming. It was too late for this nonsense. Really it was probably only close to midnight but still. Ignis had had enough of these childish men.
The silence finally crept in around them and Ignis exhaled comfortably as he felt he could finally go to sleep. He turned on his side to face Gladio and pulled the blanket back up towards his chin, his eyes closing and body relaxing as the unnecessary situation was finally resolved. Well, one could dream. That is if everyone in this damn tent would sleep.
"This is Gladio's tent." came Noctis's drowsy voice. He was probably the only one who had actually fallen asleep at all so far.
Ignis slowly opened his eyes and stared at the aforementioned male in front of him. The man turned his head to look at Ignis as he frowned in question.
"Yeah?" Gladio said after a moment.
"I bet you jacked off in here while you were out camping before." Noctis finally explained.
"Ugh," Gladio groaned as Ignis practically rolled his eyes into the back of his head. Why was this still happening?
"Dude! Gross!" Prompto exclaimed as he rolled over to face his friend. "We have to sleep in here remember?"
"Wait so you can rub one out in here and I can't? It's my tent!" Gladio said as he sat up slightly to look over Ignis's form.
The noise started to bubble back up again, Gladio, Prompto, and even Noctis this time all talking over each other.
"If only a daemon would show up and end my suffering." Ignis drawled. He allowed the bickering to continue for a couple moments, himself being too exasperated to honestly know what to do at this point. He sat up slowly and stared blankly at the canvas wall in front of him. Everyone was sitting up now. Noctis appeared to be helping Prompto with his argument. Whatever that was. Gladio had scooted down away from his pillow so he could yell at the other two around Ignis's body.
"Enough!" Ignis finally, almost, shouted. His head snapped to his right to look at the large man next to him. "Gladio, you lay down, now!" quick turn to his left to look at his younger counterparts. "Prompto, Noctis, bed. Now." Ignis looked directly in front of him and held his hands up so they were parallel each other. "All of you need to lay down now and sleep. Just sleep. All of you. ALL OF YOU." his tone seemed to grow more exasperated the more he talked.
All the boys looked at each other then at Ignis before slowly beginning to lay down. It was quiet. Truely quiet. Ignis remained upwards as he let his head hang momentarily, listening, waiting, for the boys to start up again. After a few moments of silence, and not a damn person questioning why he himself hadn't laid down or if he himself was okay, Ignis finally took his place in between the Shield and prince, and attempted to sleep again. He could've sworn up and down that this time it was for real. Would've bet his eyesight on it he was so sure. However, he'd be one blind man in the next couple minutes had he done that. Six only knew how inconvenient that would have been for him as well.
"Hey,"
A relatively quiet voice came from next to him. Well, at least Ignis had had at least a couple minutes of silence. He laid there silently, not sure if it was directed at him but honestly he could care less at this point.
"What were you doing if you weren't... doing that?" Noctis continued, his voice a soft whisper. At least he had the common sense to be quiet.
"Noooct!" Prompto hissed.
"I'm just curious!" Noctis tried to defend himself. Prompto huffed quietly before answering.
"Fine! I was trying to open a candy bar."
"What?" Noctis asked with a laugh.
"Are you serious?" Gladio rumbled, not bothering to be quiet. Again.
Prompto brought his hands out from under his blanket and in the darkness you could barely make out a long rectangle that crinkled slightly in his hand.
"I didn't wanna share so I tried to open it secretly under the blanket..." Prompto said dejectedly.
"Oh my gods!" Noctis laughed into his pillow.
"Geez," Gladio said with a huff of a chuckle.
Ignis remained still. Staring directly in front of him. All of this, over candy. Candy. Candy is what was preventing him from sleeping and it wasn't even his candy.
"Well you know you gotta share now right?" Noctis asked as he looked back to the blond.
"Yeah..." Prompto said, sounding only slightly disappointed. He sat up and Noctis followed, the sound of a plastic wrapper being torn open filled the tent before the snapping of the chocolate bar.
"Hey guys," Noctis said to Gladio and Ignis, holding up a decently sized rectangle of chocolate. "You want some?"
"May as well." Gladio grunted as he pushed himself into a sitting position. Noctis have him the chocolate he'd been holding and took another piece from Prompto. "Specs, you in?"
"The only thing I want to be 'in' is dreamland." Ignis said matter-of-factly.
"Come on Iggy, may as well." Gladio smirked at him. Ignis sighed before sitting up and holding a hand out for the last remaining piece of chocolate.
The four men sat quietly as they ate their problematic snack. Even though it was surely past midnight now and the lot of them were indulging in a much unneeded chocolaty treat, it was kind of a nice moment. If they were to actually be quiet this time Ignis could probably actually fall asleep in the next couple minutes.
"Damn, Prom this is really good!" Noctis spoke around a mouthful of chocolate.
How long had that silence been? That sweet, sweet silence? Only a couple seconds? Sweet Ramuh have mercy on Ignis's soul, he'd lost all sense of time at this point. He could've sworn that time it was at least a minute.
"It's a famous brand. One of those 'rich' people chocolate. At least that's what us plebs call it." Prompto explained after finishing his first bite. "Good thing it came in four squares huh?"
Noctis hummed in agreement as he took another bite from his piece, trying to savor the flavor as he knew what he was holding was all he would have for a good while.
"What brand?" he asked his blond friend.
"It's those Square Cafe guys."
"You mean the ones that are always at the festivals?"
"Yeah, they have their own line that's at some name brand shops. You know the ones that sell nice clothes and have whole fancy looking candy bars next to the check out? They cost like 50 gil each?"
"Can't say I do. Never really went to places like that."
"His highness either had tailors come to him or was too oblivious to notice." Ignis piped up.
Prompto chuckled as Noctis grunted in annoyance.
"You lot understand how unhealthy this is correct?" Ignis continued. "Eating chocolate before bed is well known for giving people unusual dreams, even nightmares."
"Then why'd you eat it?" Noctis pointed out with a smirk.
Ignis sat quietly as he contemplated an answer. He hadn't been thinking. He looked down at the remaining chocolate in his hand. It had been handed to him and he simply ate it. Honestly though you can't put chocolate in front of someone and not expect them to eat it. It would have melted in his hands and made a huge mess otherwise. Eating it as the only logical explanation.
"Uh, hello?" Noctis called out.
"Maybe he fell asleep." Prompto pointed out only half seriously.
"The sugar will be sitting on our teeth all night." Ignis muttered, as if he needed more reasons as to why his current life choice was a mistake.
"Alright," Gladio sighed as he laid back down and folded his arms behind his head. "All of you eat your candy and go to bed."
The three popped the rest of their chocolate in their mouths before getting comfortable again. Ignis doing so at a slower pace than the others. He lay on his back and stared at the ceiling of their tent.
"Laying down after eating chocolate isn't good for the stomach acids." he muttered. Why he was still hung up on why eating chocolate before bed was wrong, he wasn't sure. Perhaps he had finally lost it. He had finally lost his mind from being around this lot. "It'll cause acid reflux."
"Shh," Gladio hushed him. "It's too late. We all ate it and now we're gonna have acid-y nightmares. Get over it."
Ignis sighed as he closed his eyes and turned away from the youngest two. He had certainly failed tonight when it came to a proper bedtime. The actually sleeping and the snack part.
The flavor of the chocolate bar lingered on his tongue as he thought. While health wise it had definitely been a wrong decision to eat the chocolate now, he had to admit, he didn't entirely regret it. It had been a very good chocolate bar. Prompto said it was by the Square Cafe company. He'd eaten their sweets and even their more savory dishes before so he was aware of how delicious their food could be. He never thought to have a simple chocolate bar from them. Surely they had lots of flavors. Milk for one, he was certain that's what they had just had. Certainly dark chocolate. What brand didn't? But did they have varying percentages of cocoa? Some chocolate bars had a line of candy bars differing in bitterness due to the amount of cocoa in them. Maybe a 75% or a 50% was offered. Maybe some fruit flavored ones? Raspberry, cherry, oh maybe even blueberry!
Ignis's breathing finally grew heavier and Gladio smiled. He could tell the advisor was tired. His lack of reasoning on why he didn't stop them all from eating the chocolate was proof enough. He exhaled as he adjusted himself to get more comfortable. His smile still in place.
"Night Iggy," Gladio thought to himself. "Night you little shits."
Author's Notes: Hoooolllyyyyy shiiiiiiiit. This is the first fanfic I've written in exactly four years. Almost. On September 20th it would be. (I'd be lying if I said I almost waited a day jsut so it would be right on the dot.) Anyways I'm completely obsessed with Final Fantasy XV and I saw a post someone made saying something like "My husband thought I was masturbating when really I was trying to open a candy bar under the blanket so I didn't have to share. Next thing you know I wrote this. I actually wrote it on my phone over the span of multiple nights when I couldn't sleep. I made sure to check it over though so that it made sense.
The fact that this is the first fic I've written in four years and it's more of a joke fic than anything probably says a little bit of who I've become in my young adult years. Also I didn't make an Ao3 and I didn't bother changing my format so deal with it.
Anyways, hope you all enjoyed, and feel free to leave a review! :)