You know that moment when you realize you ship something, hard?
So, I was writing (duh) and it hit me, hard, that I ship Iangst. Which is, Ian X Angst.
There is something dark about Ian that draws me, and I can't help but torture him.
Thus was this born.
And then I realized that Ian and the word 'angst' meshed together perfectly. A little bit of a fangirl moment, but let's not dwell on that.
Enjoy some die-hard Iangst.
The trees sway slightly, and the sun shines. But it doesn't feel like a sunny day. To Ian Kabra, it might as well be cloudy with a chance of thundestorms.
It doesn't help, either, that he's at a graveyard. The most depressing of depressing places. Especially when his sister is in the ground, her body cold, her eyes closed to the world, and to him.
"Natalie Kabra." He reads, looking at the tombstone in front of him. "(1997-2010) R.I.P."
Rest in peace. He thinks, bitterly. What about the rest of us? You get to rest, we get to sit down here and mourn.
He sinks down to the grassy ground, for once not worrying if his Armani suit will get dirty. Leaning against his deceased sister's headstone, he looks up at the sunny sky, and wonders if his life will ever have a bright moment again.
Sighing, he shuts his eyes to the sun, and tries to think happy thoughts.
But there are none to think.
His thoughts are filled with blood, death, and funeral after bloody funeral, putting relatives in the ground. To stay. Forever.
His mother's funeral had been...interesting. For some, they came to give him support, to give him a hug, and say, "I'm sorry." But some, Ian knew were really thinking, "Good riddance."
It wasn't his fault that his mother was evil. But he could have prevented her death. Just like he could have prevented Natalie's.
He should have run forward, grabbed the iron pole, and told her, "No!" He should have seen it coming. He should have run away to a corner, hid her, and then gone out to fight himself. He should have not sent her to that stupid boarding school. He should have told her superiors not to let her go shopping by herself. He should have gone shopping with her. He should have. He should have. He should have.
And that's when Ian knew he was broken. That's when his heart would crumble. When he knew that it was his fault.
My fault. My fault. It's all my fault.
Through his shut eyes, he suddenly notices that the sun is blocked. Opening them, he sees a stray dog. Its eyes are hollow, and he can see its ribs through the tattered fur and skin.
His first thought is, Get out of my sight, you filthy creature. And just as he is about to raise a hand to slap it, he notices its eyes for the first time.
They're just like Natalie's. Rich, knowing, but these eyes are sad, and the dog's mottled fur could use a good trip to the beauty salon...but, whatever they were called for dogs...
He realizes his hand is still raised, and he lowers it, letting the dog sniff it, praying it won't grab his hand in a vicious bite. The dog sniffs it. Its nose is dry, and its tongue slips out of his mouth and licks Ian's outstretched hand. Then, whimpering, it sits down next to Ian. Shutting his eyes, he leans back against the stone.
And he sees his mother's face. When she was dead. Her mouth was heavily lipsticked, her rogue and eye liner thickly applied. Instead of being the picture of health, which had been the intent, she looked awful, like living death.
He had touched her. Wanted to feel her one more time. But the touch sickened him, her cold, stiff flesh against his hand was more than he could bear.
Thinking of this now, he feels tears running down his cheeks despite his best efforts to contain them.
He feels a drop of rain, and looks up, startled. Last time he had seen the sky, it had been clear, but now, angry thunder clouds argued loudly overhead, letting the world know of their anger.
He stands up, and looks down at the dog at his feet. Maybe...maybe he needs a friend. "Did you send him, Natalie?" He says, looking at her grave. Just then there's a clap of thunder, and Ian wonders if that's Natalie saying, "Yes."
And he walks out, a dog by his side, ready to try again. But if it doesn't work, there's always the ground, next to Natalie, where he can rest.
AHHHH! That was soooo fun!
Wait...maybe that wasn't angsty enough...but...too bad. It was still super fucking fun!
Please review. Unless you want to review someone else's...and not mine, cuz I'm fine with that.