"See you later, Kirara. Say hello to Sango for me." Kohaku smiled sadly as he looked at the little cat. She quirked her head inquisitively and mewed a small sound. He turned away, blinking back tears that had suddenly formed in his eyes.
"See you later," he said again, then turned and walked away. He could hear her meow behind him, but he didn't turn around. He tightened his grip on the flowers he had taken from his secret spot and kept going.
Soon, he was deep in the forest. It was calm and quiet this far in, with only the rustling of the trees and the chirping of the birds for company.
"KOHAKU!"
Kohaku stopped walking as a jolt of terror knifed through him. That was Sango! He couldn't let her find him here, he had to get away!
He scrambled to the nearest tree and jumped behind it. The massive truck would easily hide him from view, and he felt his terror abate a little. Not a moment after he hid did Sango burst onto the path. He peeked around the tree. She was running the fastest he had ever seen her, her hair flying behind her. She looked frantic as she dashed by the bushes and trees, coming ever closer to his hiding spot. Convulsively, he dropped the flowers. He felt a sudden, irrational burst of terror, not that she would see him, but that she would run right by and leave him alone. She was almost out of range, her frantic footsteps where passing right by, when he flung himself from behind his tree and into her path.
"Sister!"
She stopped short, gasping from surprise or breathlessness, maybe both. She stared at him with wide and frantic eyes, and he stared back with the same.
"Kohaku, is it really you?" she whispered.
"Yes," he whispered back.
"You remember me?" Tears leaked out of the corners of Sango's eyes as she unleashed a torrent of questions he couldn't quite follow. "How did you get away? How long have you remembered? I saw Kagura; is she with you? Where have you been? Why didn't you come to me?"
As she barraged him, Kohaku realized he couldn't remember the last time someone had been so concerned about him. The feeling was quite nice, but it brought a feeling of guilt along with it. Sango always cared so much about him, even now, even when-
"I'm sorry!" He didn't know how he had gotten into her arms or when he had shouted, all he knew was that he was holding her as if his life depended on it, and she was hugging him back. "I'm so, so sorry!"
"I know, I know!" Sango cried, hugging him harder. "Oh, Kohaku, I know!"
"I never wanted to hurt anyone." He could feel tears pouring down his cheeks, and he didn't try to stop them. He didn't know, though, why his tears would make the top of his own head wet, but then he realized that his sister was crying too.
Eventually, they stopped crying, but Sango still held onto him as hard as ever. Kohaku felt guilty. He didn't deserve it, she shouldn't be sad for him. He killed their father, and god knows how many others. He was dirty. She was too clean, too pure, to have to touch a foul sinner like him. He wormed out of her arms, and she let him go, but she still looked at him so sadly he couldn't take it.
"I have to go, sister," he said, looking away.
"But we only just found each other, you can't leave now!" He could hear the barely suppressed note of panic in her voice that grew with each syllable.
"I have to. Naraku could find me any moment. I have to stay ahead of him."
"Come with us," Sango said urgently, reaching for him. "Come with us, we can help you, we can protect you-"
"It wouldn't work," Kohaku interrupted. "He'd find me. He'd take me again. You know he would, sister."
"We can keep you safe, please, Kohaku-"
"No, he'd come for me, he'd take me over." He ducked out of her reach as she went for his shoulder. "I can't kill anybody again. I can't. I won't."
"Kohaku…" Her voice wavered and she dropped her hand to her side.
"I can't do it, don't you understand?" Kohaku suddenly broke down again. He didn't know he had any more tears left, but here they were, spilling out of his eyes and down his cheeks. "I can't take it anymore! I can't live like this!"
Sango was staring him with an odd expression on her face. She reached out and placed a gentle hand on his head, rubbing his hair as she had often done when they were younger.
"I can save you," she said finally. "Come with me."
She led him to a secluded area in their forest that he never knew existed until now. A copse of trees stood around a small clearing with a raised stone slab in the middle.
"What is this place?" Kohaku asked, staring at the trees and slab with wonder. "I never knew this existed!"
"It's for cleansing," Sango said. Far from the emotional wreck she was earlier, she now appeared calm and closed off, her face a mask that let no emotion slip past. "Father showed it to me once. It's for people who've made mistakes, mistakes that can't be forgiven any other way."
"What do we do?" Kohaku asked.
"There's a ritual spell or something," Sango said, going over to the slab and inspecting the base. "Father taught it to me. He said that all the leaders of the clan should know it, so they could perform it in case it was needed. Ah, here it is!" She interrupted herself as she pulled a loose stone from the base. A small shell sat in a small opening, along with a piece of flint and a small knife. She took them out and put them on top of the slab.
Kohaku looked at the trees as she fiddled with the catch on the shell, which was slightly rusted. A breeze picked up and rustled the leaves. A few came loose and fell down, landing scattered on the soft green grass. It was beautiful in the grove, although he might have been projecting his happiness onto his surroundings. In a few minutes, he would be saved, and then he could go kill Naraku. And when he finally died, he was sure to see his father and everyone else, and apologize to them. Everything was looking up.
He heard a small pop as Sango got the shell open. He went nearer, curious to see what was inside. The shell was full of a purple jelly that looked similar in consistency to their medicinal salve. He wondered what it was used for.
"It's used to make special symbols on the petitioner," Sango said, looking at it. "Chest, arms, legs, head. That sort of thing. They cleanse the person of their crimes."
Kohaku was just about to ask her how she knew what he was wondering when she looked over her shoulder at him. A ghost of a smile flickered across her face. "Don't be surprised. You're my little brother; of course I know what you're thinking. I love you, Kohaku." Her eyes lingered on him, and her face grew a little sad, her mask slipping a little bit.
She looked back at the shell. "Let's get you ready. There are some preparations we have to do."
She instructed him to take off his clothes, leaving nothing on but his fundoshi. He complied, and she folded them neatly. Then she had him lie down on the altar, his arms and legs stretched out in a star shape. She tied them to the stone, his arms facing up with his wrists exposed. He curled his fingers around the straps and wondered what exactly was going to happen.
Sango began to draw the symbols on, curving lines and circles that he couldn't see but could feel as she dipped her fingers in the jelly and pressed them onto his skin. When she was done, she stepped back, surveying her work.
Then she bent down, picking up the flint and knife as she dropped out of his line of sight. He heard the knife striking the flint and knew she must be starting a fire. Sure enough, the slab was soon slightly warmer, and smoke was billowing from somewhere near his feet. When Sango stood up, she looked at him sadly. She pressed her lips into a thin line. Kohaku didn't understand why she was acting to strangely. It'd be over in a minute, and then he could go with her and her friends.
Sango balled her hands into fists. Kohaku saw her take a deep breath, as if she was preparing to say something important. "Kohaku… I'm sorry about this, I really am, but it's for the best this way."
"What are you talking about, sister? What's for the best?" Kohaku felt a hint of panic. Why did she sound so final?
"This ritual, it's for the best. The crimes that I mentioned, they can only be paid with a life for a life."
"You're going to kill me?" Panic stronger than what he had felt in the forest before shot through him. "You can't! I have to kill Naraku, I have to avenge our family!"
"I have to." Sango looked pleadingly at him. "Don't you see, Kohaku, this is the only way you can be free of him. You said it yourself, you never want to kill another person. This is the only way to ensure that."
"Let me up!" Kohaku tried to pull his arms up, but she had tied them down too tightly. "I have to kill him! Please, sister, let me go!"
"Even if I did, you'd never be able to kill him. If you lived, you'd only suffer more. I can end that, I can save you."
Her voice was so soothing that Kohaku paused a moment to take her words in. An end to his suffering…. Being saved…. If he died, he could see his father….
"How does it work, exactly?" Kohaku relaxed his arms a little, but still kept his grip on the straps.
Sango nodded encouragingly. "I stab you and pull out your shard. Once your blood gets on the symbols, they glow and your soul is saved." She inched her hand into her sleeve, and he could see the rough outline of a knife as she took hold of it.
"Okay," he said softly.
"Okay," he repeated, more loud and forceful. "Do it, sister."
Sango nodded. She took a firmer grip on the knife and held the point over his heart. He saw her hands shake before she tightened her grip and swung the knife up to the sky. She held it there for an instant, but then plunged it down. Kohaku screamed as it made contact, piercing through his heart. He knew he would've died instantly had it not been for the jewel shard in his neck.
Sango pulled the knife out. It was drenched in blood, and some was splattered on her hands. The knife was shaking uncontrollably as she moved it over and held it to his neck. Kohaku looked up at her.
"Thank you," he croaked.
A tear slipped past Sango's lips as she opened then to reply. "Always."
She flicked the knife and the jewel sharp popped out. Kohaku gasped as the knife went in, then felt nothing at all.
Sango caught the shard with trembling fingers and stepped away. The fire she had lit rose up as the symbols glowed. The fire engulfed the altar before dying down. It had burned away the purple symbols and the straps, although Kohaku wasn't even singed.
She fell to her knees and sobbed. It was done.
Sango howled as she pulled Kohaku's body off of the slab and cradled it in her lap. When she had decided to kill him back in the other forest, she had thought it would be easier than this. It was for the best. He would be saved. He would be safe and out of harm's way. Desperately, she tried to focus on the relief she had seen on his face right before she had pulled out his jewel shard. So calm, so happy, so glad to be released. It's what I wanted. It's what he wanted.
Sango stumbled to her feet, half lifting, half dragging Kohaku's body. She tried to hoist him into her arms, but they were tingly and rubbery and it was all she could do to hold him as she was.
She brought him to the row of graves she had come upon long ago. She found the one that had been dug last, the one with no bones, just armor and dirt from a faraway castle. Dropping Kohaku, she fell to her knees and began to scrape at the dirt with her hands before the thought dawned on her that she might need a shovel. She staggered to the shed and brought one over. The wooden handle broke off as soon as she stuck it in the ground. She tossed it aside and used the metal spade instead. She shoveled the earth towards her, as soon she was covered in dust and dirt with a small hole in front of her. She worked at it for hours, the methodical scooping and dumping distracting her from the cold corpse beside her.
Finally, it was big enough. Sango thought dimly of mats before realizing that if the shovel's wooden handle was rotted away, the flimsy reed mats wouldn't stand a chance. She gently picked Kohaku up. Kissing his forehead, she bit back a sob as she lowered him into the grave next to their father's. As she stood there staring down at her little brother, she repeated and repeated a single phrase in her mind.
He wanted this.
AN: I've always wondered what would have happened if Kohaku had come out from behind that tree instead of staying put. This was a little sadder than I usually do, but I wanted to try something new, and I've been working a lot on Mother Dearest, so I figured some angst wouldn't be amiss. Hope you enjoyed! :)