Looking at him just made her head hurt. She was tired of wanting, tired of caring, and yet she was so done with reasoning it out. His perfect disposition as his friends fawned over him and girls all stared in adoration at the seemingly perfect boy and she knew he was listening to every word they said and loving it. He hadn't changed a bit since the first day of first year.
A quick glance over at her told him she wasn't any happier than she was. Her poised head was nodding as if she understood everything but he knew she wasn't listening to a word of it. She was a different girl, but one just as hard to walk away from.
She didn't date selfish guys. Not ones who pushed her around. Not ones who drove her crazy. Not ones who didn't give a shit what happened to her.
He didn't really need her. She wasn't super hot. She wasn't super curvy. She didn't have that look about her that screamed come love me. She wasn't even his type! She wasn't even coming back to him crying.
The great hall candles floated up and down as Lily hummed a silent lullaby under her breath; anything to get James out of her head. He should get off her mind and into the clutches of the giant squid. She smiled for a quick moment before she remembered not to. He hadn't affected her at all. She was still same old responsible Lily. She did her schoolwork, skipped her meals and longed after pretty boys but ran away when they got too close. She didn't date them; that just wasn't who she was. She hung out with Sev and Maddy and nobody else. She didn't miss him, she didn't care about him and she wasn't affected by him. It was as simple as that.
"Hey! Lily?"
"Huh? What?" Severus was trying to talk to her. She was listening. She was always there to listen, not to speak. And since when did she say 'huh'? She was always eloquent. Punctual, polite, and prepared: Lily Evans was the definition mum always said. Mum? Mother. She had always said mother.
"Did you hear what I just said?" Severus sounded confused. Did she respond wrong? What was wrong with her? She didn't fucking care about James! He stood up; taking that little half step he always took to move away from the bench. His messy halo of curls falling into his eyes, he grabbed his bag and made his way towards the door. She stood up too, but Severus gently touched her cold arm and se sat back down. It must have been coincidence she woke up early this morning, and didn't have anything to do. The day of his big game…She couldn't go. She had to study…something; she was going to get an acceptable in divination if she didn't go see Professor Cyrus before the NEWTs.

"What? No, I'm sorry I must have missed that last thing. What did you say Sev?" His annoyingly quick gate had moved him halfway down the hall, he hated sitting close to any of the professors. He was speaking quickly to Sirius, Remus stumbling behind to keep up and hobbling towards them maybe 10 metres back was Peter.

James paused at the door to survey the room as always, his dark eyes looking in every corner. "I'm checking that no one's following me."

"Who would be following you?"

"Who wouldn't?"

She hated when he answered her questions with questions and she wanted to know everything. His eyes raked across the staff table. He saw every empty seat, and the status of every professor in relation to their respective meals. His keen eyes even pulled out who had already left and he muttered something under his breath to Sirius never even turning his eyes towards him. His eyes moved to the first table, Raven claw. His fingers jerked slightly as he counted the kids sitting down, how many were near done and how many had yet to come.

"I was asking you if…you know…you wanted to practice charms before the NEWTs." Severus sounded resigned but desperate.

"Excellent. We can do that now." She tried to put as much life in her voice as she could but she was still flat as the old piano James had once played for her on the 7th floor. It had been covered in dust and the air had been impossible to breath but James wanted her to see it. Just a cubby of a room, barely 7 metres across and with dirty walls, he had still managed to look like a god. And when he sat down to play the old instrument, the first song he'd played for her was…no. She didn't care about him. He hadn't affected her at all.

"This is just our place."

"Really? It's so…magical here."

"We are at Hogwarts. Everything is magic." Everything he ever said to her was just a trick. Her mind was making it up. She hated the way he took whatever she said and made it wrong. It was the most frustrating thin in the world.

Somehow, she knew when to look up. She didn't want to but she couldn't stop herself. No. His eyes were drawing nearer and nearer. They cast down onto Severus without him noticing. He was pushing his scattered books into his bag while she waited patiently. James Potter's eyes caught her off guard as they always had. So dark, they always looked like they were moving but they weren't. His eyes were holding onto her in every way. Petrified by how messed up all of this shit was, Lily stared at him for a moment longer before she blinked and looked down. Gently, she pulled at the zipper on her bag until it was entirely closed and brushed it off. Despite the spotless floors, she always felt as though everything was covered in dirt when she and James…no. It was just her confusion and her desire to mediate everything that made her clean things. It didn't have anything to do with him. When she finally glanced up at where he was again, she expected him to be gone. He was supposed to only survey for a moment. He never stopped for longer than a few seconds. It was instantaneous. Instead she met his dark eyes again. Sirius was gone, so were his other little cronies. It would have been effortless for her to smile at him but she didn't. He raised his hand and beckoned to her just slightly. She stood up, unable to stop her feet from moving. She walked like a sleep walker just first seeing light. Although he hadn't looked shocked, she knew he was caught off guard when she stood. His eyes softened a little, it was as if she was reading his thoughts off one of the books she adored, instead of off of his incomprehensible face. She couldn't look away. Couldn't look away. Blinded by the light. He was her god come to save her. She turned on her heels and ran away from the only boy she had ever needed: running away from the only thing she would ever need.