If you aren't familiar with peanut butter kisses as anything other than cookies: /candyblog/item/maryjanepeanutbutterkisses/
Quotations are from J. M. Barrie's Peter and Wendy.
"When In Neverland..."
"Not one word," Joe Hardy hissed at his brother, who was staring at him with an amused smirk. "Not one bloody word, or so help me Frank, Callie will find out exactly why you missed your date at the skating rink."
Frank's smirk disappeared immediately. "I wasn't saying anything," he mumbled.
"Not yet," the younger Hardy retorted, reaching behind and adjusting a little."But I know you." He grimaced. "It itches."
"That's what happens when you wear tights, little bro."
"I suppose you'd know, wouldn't you?" Joe shot back, sounding more snappish than teasing.
Frank flushed of out anger and embarrassment. "Look, Joe, that was for a completely different reason - It was my job, I had to or-"
"Relax, Frank," Joe said, cutting him off. He took a deep breath himself. "But that means you should understand my situation here."
"I do," Frank replied. "And I sympathize. But you didn't have to agree to this."
"Oh yeah?" Joe raised an eyebrow. "You try being reasonable with my daughter around the major holidays. Especially if candy's involved."
Frank didn't have a reply to that one.
After another adjustment, Joe sighed. "This is as good as it's gonna get," he declared weakly. "Let's get this show on the road." He headed for the bedroom door.
"Just a sec, Joe."
"Yeah?" Joe asked as he turned around. Frank was holding something out.
"You forgot the shoes."
Joe groaned. "Give 'em here." He sat down on the floor with a "whumf" noise and began to try to pull on the pointed shoes. Frank, watching, tried to hold back a snort of laughter but it didn't work. Joe shot him an irritated glance.
"'Boy,'" quoted Frank in a falsetto voice, "'why are you crying?'"
"I'm not crying," Joe grunted as he successfully pulled the right shoe on. "But you will be if you don't let up!"
Another moment of struggle, and the left shoe was on. "I don't see why you got to be the pirate," Joe grumbled as he headed for the door again. "I'd look much better in that outfit."
"Take it up with the costume coordinator," Frank replied.
"I tried."
"What happened?"
"She reduced my candy commission."
"She's paying you in candy? And here I thought you were being the loving, devoted dad, indulging his daughter in her innocent request."
"Right. I love my little girl, Frank. But sometimes, you have to put your foot down."
"So what's she paying you?"
Joe's face fell. "Only the ones she doesn't like. Which means...I'll get a handful of Three Musketeers and a couple of peanut butter kisses. Not exactly worth a night's humiliation."
"More like lifetime, humiliation, little brother. Callie's planning on taking pictures."
Joe groaned as they wandered down the hall to his daughter's room. He rapped on the door with his knuckles. "Nancy? Honey, are you ready?"
"My name's not Nancy! It's Wendy! And I don't like being called Honey!" an angry voice called back.
"Wendy, darling, are you ready?" Joe glared at Frank, who was again failing to hide his amusement.
The door to his daughter's room opened. Out stepped Nancy Hardy, barefoot, and clad in a long, white nightgown. "Yes, Peter," she said softly. She reached out and grabbed his hand. "I'm ready."
"Shall we fly off to Neverland, then, Wendy?" Joe asked with a grin. She smiled back, and he swooped her up in his arms, holding her level at his side. She spread her arms out in front. "I'm flying! I'm flying!"
They "flew" down the rest of the hall, then "Wendy" consented to let "Peter" escort her on foot down the stairs. Frank followed, and "Wendy" turned to face him with a pout.
"Captain," she whined. "You're not playing your part!"
"Forgive me, my dear Wendy," Frank said, bowing low as he finished going down the stairs. "But I am afraid I lose me manners a bit when in the presence of Pan."
"Is that so, Captain?" Joe asked, grinning as he reached for the toy dagger in his belt. "Shall I teach you some, then?"
"'Proud and insolent youth!'" Frank quoted, drawing his sword. "'Prepare to meet thy doom!'"
"'Dark and sinister man,'" Joe replied, his dagger in hand. "'Have at thee!'" He lunged at Frank.
For several minutes, the pair dueled, moving about the downstairs rooms of the home. "Wendy" followed, shouting encouragement and warnings to "Peter," and jeering at "Hook." Finally, the duel came to a close. "Hook" had "Peter" pinned against the wall, his hook at the youth's throat. "Wendy" was whimpering in terror as the curved tip of the hook began to dig in...
"Alright, gang, that's enough." Callie had entered through the front door without anyone noticing. "Now, are we ready to get some candy?"
"Where are John and Michael?" Joe's daughter asked, peering around for her cousins.
Her question was answered as the duo came tramping in. "I don't see why I have to be Michael," Alexis complained, dragging her teddy bear behind her. "I'm too old to be wandering around in footie pajamas."
"You're Michael because you're younger, and I'm older. John's older than Michael. It's only fair!"
"But your name's already Michael! So you should be him!"
"I'm still older!"
"Mo-oooom!"
"Kids, we went over this before. And it's only for a couple hours. Just long enough to go 'round our neighborhoods. You can take the costumes off when we get home. And Nancy, dear, put some shoes on."
"I can't wear shoes! Wendy goes barefoot!"
"She doesn't wear slippers?"
Nancy frowned thoughtfully. "Wel-llll..I guess she could...I'll be right back!"
She raced from the room, and her feet were heard pounding up the stairs seconds later. There was a bang as her door was flung open, sounds of furious rummaging, a slam as she closed the door, and more thunderous footsteps. She appeared, red-faced, hair wild, and gasping. "I have my slippers," she choked out. "I'm ready!"
"Thanks, Cal" Joe mumbled in his sister-in-law's ear as they escorted the kids out the door.
"No problem," she murmured back. "Now," she said, in a louder tone. "Everyone get together for the group picture!"
Joe smiled as widely as he could while the digital camera flashed and clicked and whirred. Callie took several shots, and he was happy through them all. Inwardly, however, he cringed as he imagined the photos going out with the November family newsletter, or as an added bonus in the Christmas cards, or being displayed prominently in the foyer of his parents' house...
"C'mon, Peter," his Wendy said, tugging at his hand. "It's time to go. The Gundersons always give out great candy, and I don't want to get there and learn they've run out!"
This time, the smile came easily. It was real. "All right, Wendy," he said. "Let's fly there!"
And he swooped her up, and began to jog ahead of the group. He ignored Callie's warnings to slow down, Frank's calls not to drop her. It was Halloween. Time for Peter and Wendy to explore Bayport, get their candy, and when at last they'd return to their fort, maybe he could steal some of Hook's booty without the pirate captain noticing...
A guy couldn't live on just Three Musketeers and peanut butter kisses, after all.
END