Temari was sitting on a traffic cone in the middle of an intersection in Konoha. She was listening to something on her Gameboy Advance: it was the Fairly Odd Parents and she was watching a movie! Temari was so awesome listening to something so obsolete and on such a funny device. She was completely oblivious to the fact that about twenty-eight cars were honking at her to get out of the way, but she had not a single care. Nothing was gonna borrow the 14 year old girl who had a fan she stole from a Chinese restaurant in Oslo, Norway back in 2005. It was her prized possession and she used it whenever she went to blow people away after spinning around like a figure skater after smoking ten joints and listening to Korean-pop music while there was a thunderstorm in Berlin.
"Move, bitch, get outta the way!" said a man who was driving a 2003 Ford Excursion with 24 inch spinners. It was an old SUV, sure, but it was really nice looking. There was even an aquarium in the back seat that had a baby shark!
Temari was not gonna accept the man's rude remark and she took out her earplugs and went up to the guy. Sure enough...it was a black guy who was wearing a diamond chain and a baseball cap with the tags on it. How cliché it was that he was wearing diamond stud earrings.
"Excuse me, I hope you plan on apologizing, mister," said Temari as she took off her bamboo earrings to show that this bitch was not about to go down without a fight.
"Hell no, bitch!" said the man as he showed her a pair of brace knuckles. This nigga was serious. "I'm giving you one last chance to get out the way before I punch yo' ass so hard your turds will be red for a week!"
"What are you gonna do, make me eat some red velvet cake you got at a flea market in Barcelona?" laughed Temari who was also unimpressed. What was this guy trying to do? He looked like a guy who was rejected for a record label by Warner Brothers and then went to a strip club in Kansas to drown his sorrows. He didn't even smell like marijuana, let alone beer. What was he trying to do?
"Bitch, I am gonna pound you with these and slap your momma with a mackerel if you don't leave!" roared the man as he got out of the car.
Temari gasped. "No one dares waste a good fish!" She spun around super fast and created a whirlwind with her fan and created a localized F4 tornado on the Excursion which then sent it flying 48 miles southwest, creating a twinkle in the sky. Water began to fly out of the car thanks to the fish tank and Temari giggled at this. She turned around and began to walk towards school, but then, something hit her on the head.
"Owww!" she said as she turned around with her fan tightly gripped in case she had to kill someone. She saw no one and looked to the ground and saw that there was a bag that contained...
"Flaming Hot Cheetos?" she said as she examined it. It was a brand new bag that wasn't opened. "What the hell is this shit?" She shook it and laughed as it sounded like a maraca and danced to the sound of the Cheetos moving. It went really well with the Fairly Odd Parents opening and she began to twerk to it as she listened to the amazing sound. She needed to hurry to school and she began to skip all the way to her destination.
Konoha high school: a school where all the ninjas went to paint pictures of shoes and bracelets in art class and listen to rap music during government class. Temari sighed as she began to go to her first class: Mexican Art History and Its Applications to Being a Shinobi. Temari took her seat and was greeted by several of her friends. When she sat down, the bags of Cheetos made a sexy rustling sound, kinda like the autumn leaves outside of Halifax, NS and you step on them while wearing five-inch stilettos.
"Hey, girlfriend, what's making that cute sound?" asked Tenten as she turned around to look at her best friend.
"It's a bag of Cheetos I found," explained Temari as she looked at her best friend with a cute smile. "They are flaming hot. I bet I will feel like I'm in a sauna after eating these!"
"Damn, girl, I hope you find some cute boys in there!" exclaimed Tenten really loudly, causing the class to look at her.
"I KNOW, BITCH!" shouted Temari with a laugh and they starting shrieking with laughter. Temari snorted by accident when they were laughing and cleared her throat with embarrassment. "Yeah. So anyways, what do you think of this class so far?"
"It's better than How Pottery Techniques Can Enhance Your Jutsu," said Tenten. "I think the worst class was Deciding if Your Swedish Car is Gonna Improve Your Chances of Getting a Mazda. Why the hell does owning a Volvo dictate my future of getting a local Japanese car, huh?"
"I know, this is why our school has the worst ratings," agreed Temari as she applied eye shadow. "Remember the time in Middle school we had to take class that focused on geography within a 200-km radius of London? What's the purpose of knowing England's geography that badly?"
"Girl, don't get me started on that class we took in year seven," said Hinata. "It was called...um...How Uruguay is the New Paraguay. I fell asleep at least twice."
Naruto approached them and kissed Hinata on the ear. "My favorite class was that class that taught us about how the Greeks thought of air conditioning in 1521. We had to write a five-page essay about that."
"Everyone, please be quiet," said the teacher. It was Kakashi, of course, teaching a class about Mexican Art. "Today we are talking about how portraits of Hernando Cortés from 1714 inspired the Kazekage to resign in 1738 and caused the dark war."
"Good, this sounds more interesting than the time the leader of Kumogakure decided what to make for dinner after he saw a David Riviera painting," said Temari out loud.
"Yeah, I think this is an enjoyable topic," said Kakashi. "I spent exactly 341 pages of my dissertation for my Ph.D on this using only three available sources. So you little monkeys better enjoy this or I will not sign any recommendation letters to any university you may go to!"
"Oh, no!" shouted Temari. "I wanted to go to the University of West Virginia!"
"Well, shut up and listen to my lecture!" said Kakashi. "Now..."
Kakashi went on for about thirty minutes explaining how a portait of Hernando Cortés that the Kazegage saw would make him feel immortal and have desires of conquering the Land of the Fire and that he would become a dictator and enslave the women and children. However, there was one issue. The Kazegage, who was 58 at the time, was in love with a 20 year old maiden who could play the flute without holding it with her hands and not with her mouth. There was legitimate proof that the woman the Kazegage was in love with had huge F-sized breasts and she would hold the flute in between her breasts near the end and would bend her back so that the flute was by her asshole and would fart into it and play a melody that would cure depression. He couldn't dare picture hurting her, and the only way to save her was to remove himself from that position and give it to a 11 year old boy who could speak Italian. There is some conspiracy that this Kazegage had some sort of connection with Mussolini and Japan during WWII, but there is little evidence to back the claim of the nigga who made it. Kakashi explained how having an important title didn't do much in the long run because someone will probably take it away.
The entire class booed at Kakashi's lecture and Chouji threw a notebook at Kakashi's face, causing the teacher to fall over out of his chair. The class immediately ran out of the room and a few of them starting screaming while spinning "Eat my ass!"
Temari went to her locker and got her "Biochemistry for Shinobi's" textbook and slammed it shut. She then realized that she had the Flaming Hot Cheetos in her bag and was curious about how they would taste. She opened the bag carefully and then inhaled their scent. Man, they smelt so dang good! It smelled like cajun and pickles and onions. She put one into her mouth and she immediately started to cry out how amazing it tasted!
"Holy shit..." she whispered as she put two more in her mouth and chewed them up. She laughed at put more into her mouth. Man, these tasted so awesome! She ate about five more than closed it up and put it back into her bag. She smiled and went to Biochemistry class.
"Okay, kids,"said Iruka as he coughed. "We're gonna be doing an experience with proteins, and I brought some beef," he said. "Don't eat it or you will fail and I will slap you."
Each of them got a piece of meat. "We're gonna isolate proteins and separate them based on their amino acid structures," said Iruka as he started coughing for nine seconds straight. "Okay, you can do something by their pI, or the isoelectric point where you can separate these bitches by a pH in which there is no charge."
Temari was so glad to be in this class. Now she could do a special jutsu after this and impress Shikamaru! She took the piece of meat and began to hammer it and giggled, pretending it was Shikamaru pounding into her. She had to get a lot of chemicals and stuff like Iruka said and she began to prepare a solution. All the sudden, something felt...really off. Terribly off inside her stomach. It was not a normal sensation at all and she wondered if something bad was happening in her intestines. She needed help, and quick! She got up and started to run for the door, but Iruka stopped her.
"Where the hell do you think you are going, you thief?"
"Thief?"
"Yeah, I saw your fan in an antique shop once. And your hair. What the hell is wrong with your hair?"
"Nigga, you don't have any right to criticize me!" said Temari as she got on her knees. She got up and supported herself on her table, bent over and then...
PHHHHHHHHHHHHHHBBBBBBBBBTTTTTTTTTTT
Temari farted like you would not believe. The odor. The gas. The gas that escaped her anus filled the room with a reddish tint, thanks to the coloring of the Hot Cheetos. Temari farted so badly that her asshole was now stinging. It hurt so bad that she had tears running down her face.
"Look, Temari is crying because she farted!" shouted Kiba as he pointed at her. Soon the entire room was laughing at Temari and she had tears rolling down her face, her makeup getting smudged. She ran out of the room and farted again next to a group of about fourteen people.
Damn it all!