I felt like all the air had been forcefully sucked out of the room. He sat opposite me with his intense dead blue eyes boring into my skull. I avoided looking directly at him, fearing that whatever demons plagued him would suddenly transfer to me via eye contact. From my peripheral however, he seemed to be furiously meditating in his jail cell gray straight jacket.
"Good Morning Mr... err.. Joker. My name is Har..leen... Quinzel" I said shakily.
I cursed myself. I heard my fear bleed into my words. I took a deep breath, gathered my courage, and looked directly at him for the first time. He was smiling.
His front teeth were all metallic. It was as if an upper jab had smashed in his face then some charlatan dentist had fixed his grill in a basement. I shook my head slightly. That was probably what had happened. His smile widened into a metallic toothy grin, crinkling his eyes. He no longer seemed intimidating. If not for the stark white face and acid green hair he was sporting, he could have passed for an innocent child with that expression.
I pushed my black rimmed glasses up the bridge of my nose. I need to do something with my hands so I started writing on my clipboard.
"I am going to be evaluating and treating you for the next few months" I continued.
"Harleen Quinzel" He called. I looked up startled. I didn't expect him to engage with me so early. I looked over his case notes for months before this session. He hadn't spoken a single word to any of the other psychiatrists before me. His medical diagnosis had so far been inconclusive.
"Yes?" I answered, again unable to keep the fear from pouring out of my voice.
"Can I call you Harley?" He asked. He cocked his head to the side. There were orderlies standing in the corner. They were looking at each other surprised.
"Hmm sure"I said. I pretended to write something important down on my clipboard. He patiently waited as the noise of scratching resonated in the placid room. He shifted himself so that he sat forward in his chair. As he leaned in, I involuntarily leaned away. My heart was pounding a million times a minute. I was so sure he could hear it, and that he could smell the terror radiating off my skin.
"Harley... Harley... Harley, you know your name almost sounds like... Harley Quinn... Harlequin" He said excitedly. I looked up at him again with dread in the pit of my stomach. He looked simply delighted.
"Yes, I've heard that before" I replied.
"It makes me wanna laugh" He said. Then he laughed. It was the kind of laugh that could send chills down the spines of even the most hardened criminals. I felt the hair on my arms standing.
I was briefly reminded of just how many grave stones in the Gotham cemetery, were there because of the man sitting in front of me. Was he really a man? Or was he some nightmare dreamed up by a raving lunatic? I wasn't sure.
My superiors had thrown around the words sociopath and psychopath around. But they seemed just as unsure as the rest of us.
"What motivates you to do what you do?" I asked. His smile died. I was terrified that I had disappointed him in some way.
"Big questions... BIG QUESTIONS" He said menacingly. "BIG BORING QUESTIONS"
I was captivated. He didn't like boring questions and if I wanted answers, I had to ask him things that were interesting.
"What do you find funny?" I asked as a wild card. Perhaps he would indulge me. By this time, Doctors were gathering at the reinforced glass viewing window. They were all jotting things down furiously. I briefly turned my head to look over at them.
"Don't look at them. Aren't they boring baby? Well they are boring to me. They are boring me to tears" He said. I turned back to him quickly.
"You look like the kind of girl that likes to have fun" He said to me. I felt my face go crimson.
"I... don't know what you mean" I managed to sputter.
"Oh..." He smiled coyly "Don't lie to me, you're a bad little monster... I can tell"
I straightened the glasses on my face hoping to break whatever magnetic hold he had on me. It was then that he lunged at me. I felt myself fall back. I could see in almost slow motion, my cup of coffee flying off the table, its lid askew, spraying its contents in to the air.
My brain went into over time trying to process what was happening. My eyes were shut tight. I could feel warm breath blowing on to my face. I could feel coffee soaked fabric tugging at my skin. I opened my eyes. His entire weight pressed down on me. We were face to face on the ground.
"We are going to have so much fun" He said with dreamy eyes. Then he kissed me. I tried to push against him but he kept shifting his weight so that I couldn't get a handle on him. He moved his head to the side and left kisses down my collarbone.
"Help" I choked out. Orderlies pulled him off of me. He was laughing jubilantly. They stuck a needle filled with milky liquid into his side. He dozed off in a matter of seconds.
Another orderly helped me to my feet.
"Are you alright Dr. Quinzel" He asked gently. I smoothed down my blonde locks.
"I am just fine. I should change out of these wet clothes" I said. I walked quickly out of the room. I hoped my composure would hold until I got into my office. I quickened my pace unsure of my resolve.
I quickly got into my office, having trouble with the keys for short moment. Then I locked the door and sank to the ground. Sobs filled the air. I thought someone else somewhere else might have been crying until I realized it was me.
I was afraid... afraid that I would have to see him again and also afraid that I would never see him again. I didn't understand what I was feeling. I was terrified, but at the same time wistful. I felt I was the one going crazy
