Author's Note: This is set in the current Zanpaktou arc (anime), after Ichigo talks to Rukia as she heals in fourth division and before Ichigo sees Byakuya for one moment atop a rooftop.
Ichiruki is my favorite pairing and I hope it doesn't offend anyone.
This is also my first fanfiction! I'm so excited :D
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The stars were out, but the moon was not.
Kuchiki Rukia lay in one of fourth division's hospital beds, resting and healing after her unsuccessful battle with Sode no Shirayuki. She was not asleep; she was wide awake, violet eyes half open and raven hair spread-eagled around her head.
She could see the stars from where she lay, through a large window looking out at a courtyard. She watched them and tightened her lips. It had been two days since she had tumbled, wounded and weary, down to the hard, hard ground. Two days since she freed her beautiful zanpaktou, and let her go.
There was hope there; Rukia had seen the realization and remorse in Shirayuki's beautiful eyes, but only for a moment, for there and then a cruel hand had clamped upon her zanpaktou's arm and sent her far away again.
She could... She could live without her zanpaktou. Couldn't she?...
The doubt was strong and like a writhing worm in the back of her head, but that was not all that worried Kuchiki Rukia.
Nii-sama...
Again and again the scene of him crashing down through a rooftop, surrounded by a cloud of Senbonzakura's petals, replayed through her mind. It had plagued her from the very day it had happened, and every day it ran like a broken reel that did not know how to stop.
He couldn't be dead. He simply couldn't. Not after everything...
Even after Ichigo's words, which had paused the reel for a moment, she was more worried than ever after time passed and no news of Kuchiki Byakuya lit the corridors of the divisions.
Now, the worry and anxiety were unbearable.
Restless, she got out of bed. Perhaps standing up and looking at something would help take her mind off of her Nii-sama. With weak, hesitant steps she approached the window, and clutched the sill, staring up at the velvet night sky. She gritted her teeth and stood there, fighting herself and her blasted mind.
Slowly, the clouds let the moon come out, but it was dull and dark.
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Kurosaki Ichigo lay in the room across from Rukia, awake and brown eyes open. He, too, was injured, and though his wounds were not as bad as Rukia's, Unohana-taichou had insisted he stay and rest for a few days as well; having come together with his zanpaktou again, he was a valuable fighter, and could not be risked injured when an attack did happen.
He was awake because he could literally feel the waves of despair crashing towards him from Rukia. He was awake because, in truth, he was getting worried about her, seeing as this had continued for a couple days. Tonight it was worse than ever.
He rubbed his eyes and stood up. Who could sleep with that?
"The idiot," he muttered, and slid open the door to step out of his room.
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"Rukia?"
Her head rose; she turned and looked to see Ichigo standing at her doorway, a look of concern on his face.
"What's wrong?"
She turned away again, eyes hard. "Nothing," she rasped.
Ichigo frowned. "Nothing?! Baka. I can feel your worry from across the hall."
She said nothing, and bowed her head further, black hair falling and licking against the windowsill.
He saw how her hands clutched harder at the wood. He sighed and walked up to her side, eyebrows furrowed and mouth in a tight line. Once again she was burdening herself with what he would gladly take upon himself.
"It's Byakuya, isn't it?"
She shrank away and trembled.
He stared at her. Was this the Rukia that always punched him, kicked him, yelled at him? Where had the strong, dutiful fighter gone? Where had the Rukia he had always known, with her bright violet eyes and a smirk on her lips and her powerful voice, gone?
Ichigo was shocked to find this small girl, weak and thin, injured both physically and mentally.
He sighed again and rubbed his hand through his hair. What an idiot, doing this to herself.
"Listen, Rukia. Byakuya isn't dead."
She stayed silent, face masked by raven locks.
"Geez, how many times do I have to tell you? He just can't be, okay? I told you before, but you don't need to worry about him so much, 'kay? He's a captain, dammit. He knows how to take care of himself. We'll find him! Just leave him to us. And don't burden yourself like this! I mean... L-let it out, I'm here to listen, we're all here... to listen..."
He hesitantly reached out with a hand and touched her on the shoulder.
"...Okay?"
Rukia rose; she smacked the hand away, face livid, eyes filled with tears.
"Shut up!" she shrieked. "Shut up!! Stop trying to make it all better! Stop trying to hide the reality! You didn't see what I saw! You didn't see him disappear in a cloud of pink and crash into a rooftop! Go away! Stop trying to cheer me up with empty words that mean nothing, absolutely nothing, nothingnothingnothing!!!"
He stared, unable to say anything. He stared at her, hand hovering in mid-air from her hitting it away, saw the tears in her eyes as she stood, half-crouched, in battle position.
Ichigo felt hurt; he felt a mark carved into his heart, deep and genuine.
His hand flopped uselessly to his side.
She was right... His words were nothing. He couldn't imagine the feeling if he saw Yuzu, or Karin, or even his father, meeting the same fate. He hadn't helped with anything.
Instead, he had hurt her more.
Rukia dropped down to her knees, hands out on the floor, head down again. He wished he could see her face, but her hair was blocking it again.
He closed his eyes, to stop a tear that had threatened to fall.
"All right," he whispered, "I'll go."
He turned. His black robes swished the wall and he took the first heavy step away from the small white figure that was Rukia, crumpled on the ground. How would he speak to her tomorrow? How would he ever meet eyes with her again?
He felt like he was walking away from everything; Rukia.
Rukia was everything.
He felt a tug. He paused, looked down at the edge of his shihakushou, and looked into her face.
The tears were brimming and threatening to pour out of her eyes. The look she gave him made his heart pound painfully; a look of pitiful hopelessness and anguish.
She staggered and stood; she caught part of his sleeve and fell into his chest.
Rukia began to cry, shaking silently and staining the front of his shihakushou.
Ichigo's eyes were wide and startled as he took in the fact that she was there, crying into him. He felt her trembling there, and his eyes softened as he brought up his arms to stop the shaking.
"Baka," he murmured, and held her tight.
The black sun embraced the white moon, and made her bright again.
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