Chapter One

I wake up early Monday morning, the Miami sun shining through the tiny window in my bedroom. I turn over on my tiny cot and check the time on the analog clock that hangs on the cracked white walls. 7:00. I jump out of bed quickly and hurry down to the tiny little bathroom. I take a quick shower and throw my damp hair into a pony tail. I apply very little makeup.

I rush back into my bedroom and select a white t-shirt and jeans, then put on my thick-rimmed glasses I don't have a very large selection. I slip into my black sneakers and then dash down the stairs. I search our practically empty kitchen cabinets for something to eat, but I hardly have time, so I grab a granola bar, my black backpack and head out into the heat to walk to school.

Thankfully my father wasn't home this morning. I would have been even later if he was home. My father abuses me. It's a horrible thing to do, and I can hardly take it. He whips me with a belt, slaps my face, punches me, and kicks me. He'll toss me around like a rag doll, call me names, and pulls my hair. He threatened me that if I ever tell anybody he surely will kill me.

My father wasn't always the crazy man he is today. In fact, he used to be kind. He became brutal when my mother died when I was eleven. He was so sad, depressed, and angry that he started taking his anger out on me and beating me up. He also became an alcoholic, drinking his sorrows away at a pub down the street from our house. He quit his job a long time ago, so we moved out of our nice house on the beach, to a little double house in the suburbs of Miami. We are living off government money and my night job that I work Wednesdays, Fridays, and Saturdays. We hardly have money for nice clothes or food. It doesn't help that he blows the little money we have at the bar.

School isn't much better for me. I'm bullied all the time. I don't have a single friend. I never did anything to anybody, they just automatically judge me based off of what I do. For example, they make fun of my clothes. If I had more money, I would love to wear the designer brands that all the girls wear. They make fun of my grades. I have all A's. The only reason I study hard and make sure to maintain my grades is so I can get a scholarship into college. I will never be able to afford it. They make fun of my shyness. Everything I do, I seemed to get picked on. They don't me. They don't know my story, but they automatically judge me. They have no idea how hard my life is, and how being bullied only makes things harder.

I walk into school, keeping my head down low. Maybe the kids won't bother me if I will remain unnoticed. Of course, I have to walk through the popular kids to get to my locker. They are the worse bullies in the school, and I'm usually their number one target.

The two worse bullies out of all of the popular kids would have to be Kira Starr and Austin Moon. Kira is the primo girl at Marino and Austin is the primo guy. They are dating as well. Kira is totally gorgeous, with thick black hair and tan skin. She's flawless, like a model. Austin Moon is equally good-looking with shaggy bleach blonde hair, deep hazel eyes, and a muscular body. Kira is the captain of the cheerleading squad and a star track runner on the girls track team. Austin is the captain of the football team, despite only being a junior. He also plays basketball, baseball, wrestles, and runs track. Everybody wants to be friends with them. Everyone wants to look like them.

Kira steps in front of me, blocking my path. "Good morning, Dawson," she says, with an evil look in her eye. She plasters a fake smile on her face. I look down avoiding her stare. I never know what to say and I'm extremely shy, so I usually don't have any type of comeback for whatever she decides to say to me.

"Um are you not going to answer me?" Kira asks, disgusted, "You are way to shy." I look up and squeak, "Good morning." Kira rolls her eyes. "You sound like a little mouse. Whatever. Anyways, did you shop at the Salvation Army or something this weekend? Because you're outfit practically has awful written all over it." If only she knew some of my clothes actually did come from the Salvation Army. Of course, I'd never admit that. I shake my head and look down. "Well then you must have some terrible fashion sense. You are in need for a serious makeover. It won't help though. You could change your outfit, but there is still the problem of your face, which you can't change. Can't change being ugly," she sneers. That one stung. I look down, feeling tears stinging my eyes, but I fight them back. Kira Starr will not have the satisfaction of making me cry.

Austin Moon then steps beside Kira. "Hey babe," he says. She stands on her tippy-toes to give him a kiss. When they break apart, he sees me looking at them. "Ew Dawson, don't stare at us," Austin says disgusted, "Go away." Kira giggles. "No, she's here because I was giving her some fashion advice. Like I said though, she's naturally ugly, so even better clothes won't help this poor charity case. I can't believe she's even human. She's like some weird creature from another planet, some deformed alien or something. At least that what she looks like," Kira says and Austin laughs.

I look down, and try to walk away, but Austin blocks my path. "Hey Dawson," he says, "Let's see your report card." We had just finished the third quarter and got our report cards. "I don't have it," I lie. He rolls his eyes. "We all know you take it home the first night and make sure your Daddy signs it so it's ready to come back to school. You have it," he says and Kira takes my backpack off me and searches through my purple folder.

"Here it is," she says, taking my report card out of it. I try to take it, but snatches it away. Her and Austin examine it. "All over 98s. You really need a social life if you have this much studying time on your hands. Honestly, do you like sleep with a textbook or a calculator or something?" Austin says and laughs. At this point everyone in the hallway is watching us, curious in what the popular kids are doing and laughing out of relief that they aren't the victim. Nobody even dares to try and stand up for me. Instead, they stand on the side of the halls and laugh.

Kira pulls my brown leather book out of my bag. My eyes grow wide. That book is my songbook (I write songs) and my diary all rolled into one. If Kira reads it, I'm doomed. It has some of the most humiliating stuff in there. Kira opens it. "No!" I scream and try to grab it, but she holds it up in the air and waves it above my head. She's much taller than me and her holding it in the air is practically unreachable. "Give it!" I scream, much to the kids amusement. "No!" Kira giggles and opens it. "Dear Diary," she begins reading loudly so everybody can hear, "Today I-" I snatch the book out of her hands and dart to my locker, locking the book safely inside.

Kira glares at me. "I'm going to find out what's in that book, Dawson," she says, coming up behind me, "And I'm going to make sure everybody knows." She walks away with Austin, hand in hand. I frown. I can't stand them.

After a couple classes, it's time for lunch. I sit at a circle table in the lunch room alone all the way in the back, near a garbage can. Not one other person sits at my table. Even less popular kids are more popular than me and won't sit near me. It's really upsetting that not one person in this school likes me.

I walk slowly up to the lunch line with the little money I found this morning, and purchased myself a lunch. I walk back towards my table, but Kira intercepts me. "I think I found a way to make this outfit look a little better," she says. She takes my tray and smothers it onto my white t-shirt. All over my clothes goes my ketchup for my fries and my chocolate milk. I can't even buy another lunch because I have no money, and this would honestly be the first decent thing I ate since last week. Everybody in the cafeteria begins to laugh and I can feel everyone's eyes on me. Tears prick at my eyes, and my cheeks flush red with embarrassment. My eyes flicker over to Austin, whose head his back and uncontrollably laughing. I look at all the laughing kids, and my heart races. I drop my tray and dart out of the cafeteria, running until I reach the bathroom.

I lock myself in a stall and start uncontrollably crying. Thankfully, I can change into my gym shirt. I pull it out of my backpack and replace it with the white one. Not only can I not eat, but one of my only shirts is now destroyed. I only have so many articles of clothing. I hate wearing my gym shirt outside of gym, but I have to do what I have to do.

I stay in the bathroom for the rest of lunch. I'm so hungry. My mouth is watering and all I want is those fries and that chocolate milk. School is where I get the best food. It's so much better than anything we have at home. Now, I can't even eat it.

Finally, the bell rings for seventh period. I pass Kira in the halls, who gives me the nastiest look you will ever imagine. I sigh. I hate seventh and eighth period. Two consecutive classes I have with Austin Moon. History and gym class. Kira's not in my history, but she's in my gym. I don't even know how Austin is in my history. It's an honors class, and everyone knows he doesn't have the grades. Maybe it's to accommodate his schedule or something.

Today, Mr. Daniels, are history teacher, gets this lovely idea that he wants to change seats. The class groans and stands in the back of the room waiting to hear their names. He calls a few names before he calls Austin Moon. Mr. Daniels has the desks grouped in little pairs. Please don't let it be me who has to sit next to Austin. Please, please, please. "Ally Dawson," Mr. Daniels announces. Just my luck. Austin groans as I take my seat next to him.

He raises his hand and Mr. Daniels says, "Yes Austin?" Austin sighs. "I'm sorry, I can't sit next to a loser," he says and the whole class starts laughing. Mr. Daniels frowns. "Austin that is not nice. Apologize right now," he says. Austin turns to look at me. "I'm sorry you are a loser," he says and then he starts to laugh. Mr. Daniels sighs. "Austin, maybe a little trip down to the principal's office will do you good," he says, but Austin just rolls his eyes. At least he doesn't say anything more.

During class, he flicks my arm and whispers mean things to me. I can't concentrate and I'm extremely annoyed. "Ugly," he whispers. "Nerd," he whispers. "Loser," he whispers. It is taking every muscle in my body to make sure that my eyes don't give out and those tears start to one point during class, somebody from the back passes a note throughout the class. Austin gets it then, reads it, laughs, and passes it to me. It must be funny to the class, cause everyone is laughing. I'm the last one who gets it. "It's for you," Austin says and snickers. I'm afraid to read it.

Ally DORKson,

Why do you even bother coming to school? You are a loser with no friends and nobody likes you. You are ugly and disgusting. Just go home and don't come back, you ugly bitch.

Cassidy

Cassidy is Kira's best friend. The note made me gulp. I shoved it into my backpack and suddenly I felt sick. I excused myself from class and ran to the bathroom where I began to cry. I can't stand this anymore. I honestly can't take this. Between home and school my life is a disaster.

I fish through my backpack until I find a sharp razor. I place it to my wrist and cut. The wound begins to bleed and I place a piece of toilet paper over it. I don't like to cut, and I don't like the pain, but it takes my mind off of the awful things going on in my life.

I saunter back to class, which has ended several minutes early. Everyone is turned in their seats, talking and laughing with their friends. I quietly take mine. Nobody talks to me. Austin is sitting scribbling on the back of his notebook. He's not talking to anybody, but his phone is in his hand under his desk, probably awaiting a text from Kira.

He looks up at my presence, but doesn't say anything. I unsuccessfully cover my wound up with my hand. He notices the cut, I know, because his eyes widen. He blinks and then his phone vibrates so he looks down at it. I know he just told Kira the story about the note because she just sent back, "Olivia is hilarious when she makes fun of Dawson."

I gulp. The bell rings, and everybody stands up putting their backpacks on and filing out the door. I follow them, but Mr. Daniels calls my name. "Ally, would you mind staying a couple minutes?" he asks. Kids snicker on their way out. I sigh and then walk to his desk. "Yes, Mr. Daniels?" I ask.

"Ally, I know that these kids are vicious," he says, "I know some of the things they say to you are awful." I gulp. Even the teachers know. "Look, when I was your age, I was going through some of the same things. Being bullied is rough. If you ever need anybody to talk to, I'm here. Just remember that those kids are never going to add up to anything in their lives. They focus on bullying and being cool and don't care about their grades. Somebody like you, though, you are gonna go far in life. Keep dreaming," he says, "Go to class." I smile at him and then leave. It's nice to know somebody cares.

I walk to the girls locker room and replace my jeans with shorts. I had already had my gym shirt on from my lunchroom incident. I change in the back, alone. The other girls share snacks, change together, gossip, and take silly pictures. I realize I am the outsider looking in. The one nobody wants to be friends with. I can hear Kira talking about me.

"I heard about your note, Cass. You got her good," Kira says. Cassidy giggles. "Yeah, it was so hilarious. I wish you were in history with me and Austin," she says. Kira laughs. "Oh I know, I could have sent her a note too," she says, laughing.

The whistle blows then, so we all head out to the gym. The boys from the other locker head out as well. We all gather around Coach Cobb, the gym teacher. "Alright guys," Coach Cobb yells, "The weather is looking nice today, so we are going to head outside." Everyone groans. Outside most likely means laps on the tracks or conditioning on the football field.

We all head towards the door. Kids purposely push past me, including Kira. "Get out of my way, loser," she says as she bumps me out of the way. I will not cry. I will not cry.

We head out onto the paved track. "Today we are going to do something different," Coach Cobb says. "It's a little thing I like to call teamwork. I will be splitting you guys up into partners. A girl and a boy, to mash things up. I know who you are all friends with, and I chose these partners based off of this. You will not be with your close friends. This is an exercise to help you get to know each other, and meet new people. You might make a good team with somebody and have more in common with somebody than you think."

Everybody groans. This thing sounds so stupid. I know whoever I get paired with is going to hate it. "Alright. When you get your partner, you and your partner are going to train together. You are going to work really hard at different sports. You will then have to compete against the other pairs. You want to show effort and teamwork. This is a grade. If you don't show improvement in these sports, show some effort, or some bonding, you will fail. This is a project that will be done over the next three weeks. I have the partners here."

Coach Cobb begins yelling out the different partners. He yells a couple of pairs before yelling, "Austin and Ally." You. have. got. to. be. kidding. me. Austin moans. "Oh come on," he says, disgusted, "Seriously?" Coach Cobb frowns. "Yes, seriously." Austin sighs and then comes to stand by me. "You better not mess this up for me Dawson. You know I like to win." It's true, Austin gets very competitive when it comes to sports. I don't know why. The grade is based off effort and improvement, not winning.

Coach Cobb begins to talk again after he's announced all the partners. "Today you will spend some time getting to know your partner. I am taking all your phones because I know you have them and you will focus completely on your partner. You will have a proper conversation," he says. He comes around with a gray bucket as the students empty their pockets. Austin drops his in the bucket. Coach Cobb holds it in front of me. "I don't have one," I say, looking down. Austin rolls his eyes and mumbles, "Who doesn't have a phone?" Coach Cobb sighs. "Ally, give me your phone." I frown. "I really don't have one!" Coach Cobb raises his eyebrows. Austin laughs. "She's not technologically advanced. She doesn't have one," he says. Coach Cobb gives me a look and moves on to collect more phones.

Coach Cobb makes us sit in the grass facing one another. I don't want to do this. I can tell right now this is going to be a nightmare. "So," I say trying to make conversation with him. I am only doing this for my grade. "I'm not talking to you," Austin says, "Really, I have no interest in anything you have to say." Coach Cobb looks over at us and glares at our silence. "Please, Austin," I say. "Please, I-I need this grade." He rolls his eyes and mutters something unintelligent.

"Fine, but I already know everything about you," Austin says. I frown. "You'll never know half the things about me," I say and look down Austin laughs meanly. "Please. Your name is Ally Dawson. We have been in the same school together since kindergarten. You barely have any clothes, you don't lift your head when you walk, you have no friends, you sit at lunch table eighteen, you have impossibly good grades, and you're into really boring things like book club and science clubs, and you cannot talk above a whisper," he says, rolling his eyes. "That's accurate," I say, "But doesn't describe half of my life."

Austin rolls his eyes again. "Fine. Let's do this. We'll take turns asking questions. Alright? We have to get through this somehow," he says. I shrug and agree, hating every minute of this. "You go first," I say and he sighs. "What's your favorite color?" he asks, leaning back into the grass and resting on his elbows, sticking his feet straight out in front of him. "Purple," I say softly, "How about you?" He frowns. "It doesn't matter," he answers. "Just tell me," I say, annoyed. "Purple," he mutters. Of course. He can't have anything in common with me, for crying out loud.

Turns out that is the only thing we have in common for a while. He likes pancakes, and I like pickles. He likes horror movies, and I like romance movies. He likes being loud, and I like being quiet. He has two parents, and I have one. "What happened to your mom?" he asks, when I tell him I live with my dad.

I look down. My mother's death was hard for me. She was my best friend. She was my everything. When she died, I didn't come out of my room for two weeks, except to eat and use the bathroom. I was extremely depressed.

"Um, she-you know," I say, looking down at the grass. I sneak a peek back up at his face. He looks at my eyes which are holding back tears. It still gets to me. I hate talking about it. Austin's face immediately softens. "I'm sorry," he says softly. I shrug. "It's alright," I say and gulp. He looks at me then and smiles, "Let's talk about something else," he suggests.

"Okay," I agree. I was sort of shocked at how nice he was before. I can't even believe it. I mean, he wasn't being that nice, but it's nice than he usually is. "What do you love more than anything else in this world?" he asks.

"Music," I answer immediately, "I love music." His eyes grow wide. "Do you play any instruments?" he asks. "Y-yeah, everything. My parents got me into music when I was young, but I don't really play anymore. I love to sing and I- I write songs," I answer quietly. "Really? You write songs?" he asks. "Yeah, they aren't really good, though," I say.

He looks at me. "Can I see one?" he asks. I shake my head. "Never. I would die if somebody saw them," I say strictly. Nobody touches my book. Ever. "Well then can you keep a secret?" he asks. I sigh, "Who am I gonna tell?" I ask. He shrugs, "Good point. Okay, so I love music too. I play every instrument as well. I'm a musical prodigy. I really love to sing."

I stare at him shocked. The Austin Moon likes music? "What's so embarrassing about that?" I ask. He sighs. "If somebody knew I play instruments and have a love for it, I would become unpopular. I wish I was in the school band or singing in a musical. I just love music, but in order to stay on top, I got to play sports and stuff," he says. "You shouldn't let being unpopular hold you back from what you love to do," I say. He sighs, "You aren't popular. You wouldn't understand. You have no idea what I have to go through everyday. Being popular isn't easy."

I widen my eyes at him. "You gotta be kidding me right? You think you're life is hard?" I ask, shocked, "You have no idea what a hard life is." He rolls his eyes, "Please, you have it easy. Nobody cares about you. Nobody expects anything out of you. You don't have to come to school and make sure you look perfect, or if you say the right things, or if you fit in. You're a loser, so nobody expects anything out of you," he says. I shake my head. "You disgust me!" I yell, standing up.

"I disgust you? At least I'm not...revolting!" he says standing up. "You are a selfish, inconsiderate person. You are disgraceful!" I scream and run away from him. He turns in the opposite direction. I officially hate Austin Moon.