I just love the holidays!!! Don't you??? I just absolutely adore them! And since they're so lovely and wonderful and sweet and happy, I will make sure you have a little bit of angst with your coco! So Happy Holidays my darlings!

It's times like this when I

Truly utterly sincerely

( selfishly cruelly vindictively )

Hope

That you feel

An ounce of what I feel

( but the more the better )

You better fucking miss me

( because you replaced me way too damn fast )

It's days like these

( the days with all of our traditions )

That I miss you the most

Eight years

( eight goddamn years )

Of traditions

That's most of our lives

( considering for a chunk of years we didn't know what traditions even were )

You threw then away

( are you happy now? )

Do you miss me?

Do you miss

How I call every Christmas Eve

( at midnight because then Oh My God it's Christmas! )

The presents

( I've always loved to spoil )

The calls Christmas morning

( my list was always longer and more of the designer label but your stories always beat mine because I was alone and you had family )

How I showed up at your house as soon as the clock stroked twelve

( it was no longer Christmas and I could finally be with my real family )

How I laughed

( because I've always been a little liar )

How I cried

( because it gets so hard to pretend all the time )

Do you miss me at all?

I miss you

I miss you so damn much

( and I don't think I can take it anymore )

The pretty boxes

With their silky boys

And glittery wrapping paper

All look the same

( if they were empty we'd have everything in common )

And the things

The gifts

All look the same now

( you made them special )

And it's so draining

To realize you have no family

( what happened to us? )

I'm so pretty

With my silky hair

And glittering eyes

( I think I'm hollow Caity )

I don't think I can do this anymore

( I'm only allowed to smile )

And I don't think any of this matters

I miss you

( you sure as hell better miss me too )

And I'm giving myself my very own Christmas present

( this is a forever kind of present )

And I'm so tired

( I won't be tired anymore Caity )

Miss me

( please )

Miss me

( I need you to )

Miss me

( please Oh God please )

I love you

( and I won't be around to hurt anymore )

Merry Christmas Caitlyn