It started with little things.

I noticed Karamatsu going out more than ever lately . At first I didn't think about it . He was probably going to find his shitty Karamatsu Girls or something.

That was what I thought.

I guess I was wrong.

I noticed his smile would fall more easily, and when he thinked no one was looking, he would sit and look at some random object with deep thoughts.I wish to know what he thought back then.

He then started to wake more early . It even got to point where he would get up when the sun rise.

Then I realized.

He actually never slept . He just lay there awake and sometimes his erratic breaths would turn to normal for a few hours,and I would understand he fell asleep, then he would wake up terrified from the nightmares and continue to his erratic breaths and his thoughts which I never know.

Why I know all of this?Because after sometime I became too worried and just watched him at nights, wide awake.

This was not enough.I should've done more.

This had more effect on him than he expected I guess.

Because it was clearly shock on his face just before he collapsed.

When he wake up no one was there . No one cared for him.

Expect there was me . Expect I was the only one who carried him to the couch and give him a blanket . Since everyone just get out of the room after his collapse.

But he didn't know that.I should've told him that I care . That I see him . That I love him very much.

But I didn't.

Because I was stubborn and trash.

Because I am stubborn and trash.

He slowly got up from the couch and got in the bathroom.

I can swear I heard his sobbing from the bathroom that day.

After that, he stopped singing.

Everyone in the house was happy with this event . Because
it was just Shittymatsu's disturbing voice and guitar.

Expect me and him.

No one asked him why did he do that . Why did he stopped.I wanted to ask.I want to ask . But I'm a coward.I couldn't ask.I should've ask.

Sometimes I caught him looking at his guitar with longing.I wanted to scream;

"Go and play!What are you waiting?! If you want just sing like before!No one can say anything! I won't let them!"

But I didn't. Because I was afraid that I can't stop the others from saying bad things.

He then started to stay outside until midnight . Some days he never came home . Seemed like no one noticed . It 's like he never existed.

I noticed.

I noticed when he quietly closed the front door at night and walked in with light steps . When the beer he drank hit my nose . When he changed to his pyjamas . When he just lied down and continued to think things I never know before his body couldn't take and puted him in sleep.

I noticed when he started to eat less and less.I noticed when he nearly stopped eating.I noticed when he lost weight and I could count his bones.

I noticed when he stopped wearing his shitty clothes.I noticed his precious mirror broken in trash.

I noticed when he stopped talking to any of us . When somebody - which is something rarely happens - talked to him how he would smile so forcefully . The person he talked didn't noticed that.

I did.

I noticed when he didn't came home for 5 days.

I noticed when he run and vomit the little things he ate.

I noticed no one else noticed.

I noticed when he practically became a living ghost.

I noticed all of this.

But I didn't do anything.

I should've.

Because even I didn't notice him leaving a little letter and leaving the house forever.

I didn't expect the police call from the hospital.

I didn't expect him to suicide from a bridge.

But I'm really glad he survived.

But it's my fault.

I noticed everything but I didn't say or do anything.

I'm the worst.

I just want him to be happy now, my Karamatsu Nii-san.

Just live and be happy.

I want to apologize you for not saying anything even though I noticed.

So,please wake up.

I'm waiting.

I promise I will notice everything from now on.

So please don't leave me.

I know you can do this so I'm waiting.

I'm waiting Nii-san.