Scarlett slowly made her way up the stairs, thinking of all the wrongs in her life, all the wrongs that had ruined it. She had done so many things to cause her pain when she was happy and did things without thinking of the consequences they might cause, and now she was paying, paying dearly. She had lost everything that had mattered to her, and hadn't even realized it until then. She had lost her happiness with the war. She had lost her mother, and her father. She had lost her only daughter with Rhett when Bonnie was only a little girl, and she had blamed poor Rhett. She hadn't even thought about how much he was hurting, and in order to rid herself of her own pain, she had hurt him even more. She had lost Melanie, her best friend, and she hadn't even realized how much Melly had meant to her until Melly was dying. She had spent her whole life hating her, while Melly loved her with all her heart, and stuck up for her no matter what. She never saw the bad in Scarlett, as everyone else did. And now, she had lost Rhett, too. She had loved him so much, and he had loved her. He could have made her the happiest woman in the world, but she was too focused on Ashley Wilkes to notice. He was the only man for her, but she hadn't realized it until it was too late. Now she either had to live with her mistakes or correct them.
Scarlett jumped out of the buggy, picked up her skirts, and jogged to the site of Melly's funeral. She was late and didn't care to miss a minute of the funeral. She had never told Melly how much she cared for her, and this seemed like the only way to repay her. She would be going to Tara as soon as the funeral was over. The women of the Old Guard were staring as she ran, but she didn't notice. Her mind was focused on Melly, and Melly only, and when Scarlett focused on something, nothing else registered in her mind but that one thing. She stood there, listening to the preacher, and looked at the small coffin dumbly. She couldn't believe that inside that coffin lay her best friend, Melanie Wilkes. It just couldn't be. Scarlett didn't notice Mrs. Meade and Mrs. Merriweather come up next to her. When they saw her, staring at the coffin, tears streaming uncontrollably down her magnolia white cheeks, and shaking, they decided to go stand next to her. There couldn't be that much bad in a person that loved Melanie Wilkes that much. Then, the service was over, and the coffin was lowered. Grandma Fontaine had told her at Pa's funeral that it was the most final sound in the world, and now Scarlett realized just how right she had been. When she heard it, she fainted. Mrs. Meade and Mrs. Merriweather were surprised to see a woman they had thought so strong and cold hearted faint from grief. They had never thought Scarlett had enough of a heart to care about someone that much. They had heard about her and Captain Butler, but they had figured it was her fault, always after Ashley Wilkes. Now, they were beginning to wonder how true that rumor was, but they weren't sympathetic enough to forgive her for all the things she had done in the past. The soft hum of people weeping suddenly stopped as Scarlett's small body fell to the ground. The two old women knelt down to help Scarlett as a large figure pushed through the crowd of people quietly staring. Rhett walked briskly through the crowd, worry apparent on his face. Scarlett never fainted, and he was worried about what this might mean. He reached for Scarlett, and picked her up into his arms. Her head was pushed against his chest. her steady breathing comforted him, made him feel the way he had when he comforted her after one of her nightmares. No, Rhett, you don't love her. You are just so used to loving her, you can't help it. Besides, this is bringing back memories of that love.
Rhett carried Scarlett's limp body towards the buggy and laid her on one of the seats. He instructed the driver to take the to the Peachtree house. When they got there, Rhett carried her up the steps, two at a time. He carefully laid her on the bed, and sat on the edge, just watching her rest. When she finally woke up, Rhett tried to hide the relief on his face, but not well enough for Scarlett not to notice. Scarlett was weak, and very pale. She was very thin from not eating, and there were dark bags under her eyes from lack of sleep. Rhett knew it was Bonnie's Melanie's deaths combining with his leaving her, and he felt bad. maybe he should have waited until she had gotten over the two deaths, but then he thought otherwise. It was hr fault that he had left her. When Scarlett saw the look of relief, she smiled to herself. He had been worried. He did care. Then, she began to feel very tired. "Rhett, I'm exhausted. I'm going to rest."
"All right. I'll be in Charleston. You won't have to worry about me."
"Rhett, please stay here. I love you with all my heart. Please, just give me a chance. I can make you the happiest man in the world if you would only let me."
"Scarlett, no. Please don't make this any harder than it already is. I tried for years to make you love me. I loved you more than anything, I would have done anything for you. You made me feel younger than I am, and I loved to spoil you and make you happy because it made me happy to see your beautiful smile light up your face and your green eyes dance. But you wouldn't love me back. You were always too caught up with the charms of Ashley Wilkes. Well, my darling, Ashley's a free man now, he has no wife to hold him back. You have your love, so now you can be happy, and he can see that smile and dancing eyes that I loved." Rhett's eyes lost their sparkle as he said this, and he looked down.
"Darling, I always loved you, and I always will. I tried to explain it all the day Melly died, but you wouldn't listen. Rhett, I never loved Ashley the way a man should be loved. I loved him the way you love Belle Watling. He was like a brother. I always thought I loved him, but I didn't. I never really knew what love was. Now, I know, and I realize that my love is directed at you. When I was sick, I wanted you, I wanted you badly, but I didn't think you wanted me. If I had only known you loved me, I-" Scarlett started to cry, and Rhett put his arm around her. "I didn't think you cared. And when Bonnie-when Bonnie died, I was so filled up with grief, I took it out on you to relieve myself. I shouldn't have, because I know you were grieving, too, but I did. I loved Bonnie with all my heart. She was always my favorite daughter, so full of life, like a little me. But Rhett, you always tried to take her away from me, to be loved the most, and I hated that. I always want to be the most loved, and when you were, I guess I didn't understand. And now Melly's gone, too. She was my best friend, my only friend. You and I both know how much I despised her, and then I finally realized how much she meant to me. But she's gone Rhett, she's gone forever, just as soon as I realize how much I love her. Rhett, when you left me, it was the worst of al l the terrible events of my life. Worse than being 16 and finding out my love was marrying someone else. Worse than becoming a widowed mother a 17. Worse than coming home to my mother dead, and my father crazy. Worse than the starvation and poverty that came with the war. Worse than my miscarriage. Worse than Bonnie dying. Worse than losing my only friend. Worse than all these things combined. When you left, my entire world fell apart. My life came to a halting stop. Rhett, I need you, and if you would just come home, home to me, I could make you happy, so very happy. Please, Rhett, come back."
"Scarlett, I'm very sorry to have caused you so much pain, but I'm getting too old to live a life with you. Scarlett, I don't love you anymore. I loved you for twelve long years, ever since I first saw you at the Wilkes'' last barbecue. Scarlett, I tried to make you love me, but my love's run out. Scarlett, like I said when I left, you're cruel to the men who love you. You take their love and hold it over their heads like a whip. I can't take it anymore, Scarlett. Please, let me go in peace."
Scarlett started to cry. "No, Rhett, please-"
"Goodbye, Scarlett." Rhett left as quickly as he could, without looking beck. He knew if he looked back, he wouldn't be able to leave. He'd be captured. Scarlett had a way about that.
***
"Scarlett got off the train and looked around. The Jonesboro station was bustling with all kinds of people. There were Yankees and rich folks like Scarlett, and white trash and poor folks. Scarlett could barely move, and with all those people, she didn't know how she'd find Will. Then, she saw him, leaning against a pole, straw hanging out of the corner of his mouth. "Scarlett!"
"Will, how are you? How are Suellen, Wade, Ella, Mammy, and your girls?"
"Suellen's fine. Wade has turned into a little man in the month he's been here. Ella's a sweet little girl, but she and Susie sure don't get along." Will laughed. "Kind of like you and Suellen. And Mammy, well, Scarlett, she's getting old and-"
"Mammy's not sick, is she? Oh, Will, she can't be-"
"No, no, nothing like that! She's fine. I was just saying that she can't do as much as she used to."
"Oh, thank God. You scared me half to death, Will Benteen. I wouldn't be able to deal with another death."
***
When they got to Tara, Scarlett was shocked to see it in such a state. When she had visited it in the fall, it had been so new and pretty, but now, now it was badly in need of paint, and the shutters were hanging by the hinges. She almost let out a gasp, but she caught herself. She knew Will tried as hard as he could to keep Tara up, but he didn't have much help in the fields, so he would have a hard time keeping the house looking nice. Mammy was sitting in a chair outside, watching Ella climb a tree.
Why, Ella was always so quiet! Scarlett remembered how she would climb the trees at Tara with the boys. Ella had turned into a fairly attractive girl, which was surprising, considering how ugly she had been as a baby. Scarlett smiled at Ella, and her daughter saw the smile. The child's scattered brain forgot all of her mother's past shortcomings, ad she jumped out of the tree and into her mother's outstretched arms. As she ran, her ginger curls bounced, and her brown eyes laughed with delight that her mother cared. Scarlett laughed at the girl's excitement, and kissed her on the top of the head. Then, she let go and ran over to Mammy. "Mammy! Scarlett's home!"
"Chile!" Mammy stood up and welcomed Scarlett's enthusiastic hug. "Ah've missed you."
"I've missed you, Mammy. Mammy, I love you."
"Ah knows that, honey. Why are you tellin' me things Ah already know?"
"I never told Melly, and I didn't tell Rhett until it was too late." Scarlett started to cry and Will left, knowing that if she started to cry, she'd want to be left alone.
"What are you talkin' 'bout?"
"Oh, Mammy, Rhett left me!" Tears rolled down her cheek, and she put her head on Mammy's chest.
"You have to help me get him back, you have to!"
"Mist' Rhett'll come back, lamb. He loves you, Ah knows it. No man ever loved a lady as much as Mist' Rhett loves you." Scarlett stopped crying. If Mammy said it would be all right, then it would.
***
"Miss Scarlett, yous just gotta give 'im sum time. He'll come 'round an' member how much he loves ya."
"Mammy, I can't live without him! What if he never comes?"
"He will. Honey, you is worryin' youself fo no reason. You shoul' go on a trip."
"You're right, Mammy. I'll go to Ireland and then to Paris. Pa was forever going on about how beautiful Ireland is, and I would like to see what it's like. And mother was always telling us about Paris, as did Rhett. You could come with Ella and Wade."
"Ah has knowed you since Ah put the first pair o' diapers on you. Ah woul' come if you wanted me to or not."
***
Before Scarlett went on the trip, she made sure Ashley was all right. She had promised Melly she would take care of him, and she was determined to keep her promise. When she got to the house and saw him, head in his hands and only thinking of Melly, she lost her temper. She picked his head up and shouted, "Ashley! Stop it! You have to live again. She's never coming back, and moaning isn't going to change that." She let go, and returned back around for a drink. As it was nearing his mouth, she grabbed the glass and threw it against the wall. Then, she slapped him. "Stop it! Don't lose yourself in a glass of whiskey. Your son, Melanie's son is in the other room, with no mother, and now, no father. He's mourning too; he needs you. Now, stop moping."
"Scarlett, it's so hard. If you only knew how much I loved her..."
"Knew how much you loved her?? Hah! Why do you think I was jealous of her so many years? Because
you loved her and not me. Well, guess what, Ashley? I now know I loved her too. Maybe not the same love as you, no that love is for Rhett..." She paused and then kept going. "She was my best friend. My only friend. Now get up."
Ashley got up and walked out of the room. After a few more visits, she knew he'd be all right. He was starting to get through the pain of her death, and the mill was bringing in plenty of money.
***
The boat was huge, about 3 times as big as her Atlanta house. The side had big, scrawling letters that read The Southern Princess. Scarlett was looking up in awe until Ella pulled her out of her trance and tugged on her skirts. "Momma? Is this the ship? It's big."
"Yes, it is big, darling. And we're going to have the biggest and best rooms on it." Then, the group of 4 climbed the ramp to the large deck.
Ella started running until Wade caught up to her and held her back. "Ella, stop running. We have to go to our room."
The young usher opened a big mahogany door with the gold numbers 839 on it. Inside was the sitting room. The sky blue walls were covered with pictures of the ocean. The big bay windows had velvet dark blue drapes that were swaying in the wind coming from the open windows. There was a big, dark blue couch and 2 deep red chairs. There was a table with red roses on it, and four adjoining bedrooms. Scarlett's was the biggest with deep red walls and a big bed with cream colored sheets with deep red flowers. After making sure they knew how to get back to the room and all the bags were packed, the 4 went to the deck to wave goodbye to the people on the docks.
They had a wonderful, relaxing time on the boat, but they were all happy to get off and see the rolling green hills of Ireland. The buggy Scarlett had wired to be there was waiting, and he introduced himself as James. On the way, he told them many stories about Ireland and things they passed on the way. It took an hour to get to the home Scarlett had rented, but when they got there, Scarlett decided it was worth it. It was a little house, especially compared to what Scarlett was used to. It was whitewashed with black shutters and a black door. There weren't very many rooms, just 3 bedrooms, a kitchen, and a sitting room, but Scarlett loved it just the same.
The nest day, their neighbor came over. Danielle O'Brian was also an American. She was from Mississippi. She was born to a rich Irish father and a British mother. She and her husband, Michael O'Brian, had moved to Ireland shortly after the war turned towards the worst. They lived in the biggest and nicest house near there, although it still wasn't near the size of Scarlett's house in Atlanta.
Danielle and Scarlett became fast friends. Danielle had long, walnut hair that fell over her shoulders in glossy curls. Her eyes were a deep blue, like the ocean on a clear day, Scarlett thought. She had a tall, slender figure and a face with small, smooth features. She had never experienced the poverty and pain Scarlett went thorough. When Scarlett told her about going home to Tara to find no food, her mother dead, her Pa out of his mind, and no money left, Danielle was dazed at the thought of it all. She was also much like Scarlett. They were both the oldest daughters, and both were daddy's girls. The two were the exact same age, 29. Like Scarlett, she had a strong will, and hadn't had many girlfriends growing up because of her temper and natural way with men. She had also had an unsuccessful marriage. Before marrying Michael, who, to Scarlett's dismay, reminded her a lot of Rhett, Danielle had been married to a man named Sam when she was 17, who was the father of Ben. Ben was a month younger than Wade. Danielle hadn't really loved Sam, but had married him because she was the beau of a girl who she absolutely hated, and when the girl, Sally, spread terrible rumors about Danielle, she used her charms to get Sam to propose. Sam died at the beginning of the war, and Danielle married Michael. They had a daughter the same age as Ella, Cathleen. Ella and Cathleen and Wade and Ben became good friends. Both children had their mother's light brown hair, and Cathleen had the blue eyes, but Ben had brown eyes. Scarlett and her family spent every day with the O'Brians, and the O'Brians showed her family everything about Ireland.
***
Rhett went home to Charleston, like he said he would. His mother welcomed him with open arms. The rest of Charleston was a little weary, except for Mary, his longtime childhood friend. Mary had blonde hair and brown eyes. She was a little chubby, but in Rhett's opinion, very pretty. She was married to a man named Tom, and had one 6 year old, Grace. Mary was very glad he was back.
Rhett finally regained a lot of his reputation and began to have fun. He was going to parties, and spending days on his boat. He and his mother had good times talking about the old days, and the same with Mary. He sometimes went into town with his mother, and when he did, they would always end the day at Rhett's favorite restaurant and then go for ice cream. He always had a wonderful time doing this, until he would see a dark haired girl surrounded by men laughing or a green dress the perfect shade for her eyes. He would start to thin about Scarlett, and then his laughing eyes would stop laughing, and Rhett would suddenly become quiet. He would think about all of the wonderful times with her, and how her eyes glowed when she smiled, and he remembered the sweet talk she used to wheedle things out of him, and how much he had loved it, although he tried to hide it. He missed theses things, but he still refused to admit he loved her. One day, Mary questioned one of these quiet moments. "Rhett, what's wrong?"
"Oh, nothing, I was just...thinking..."
"About what? You've been doing this a lot lately."
"Doing what?"
"You suddenly become quiet, and your eyes lose their sparkle. Your mother has noticed it, too. What's on your mind?"
"I was just reminded of something by that bonnet over there. The green one in the window."
"What did it remind you of?"
"My wife. That bonnet matches her eyes."
"Oh, you poor dear. Why don't you take a trip to get your mind off of her? You could go to Paris. You've always loved Paris."
"That's a great idea! I think I will." He smiled and gave Mary a peck on the forehead and rushed off.
***
The next Wednesday, Rhett was boarding The Southern Belle, heading for his favorite city in the world. He, his mother, and Mary had a long, tearful goodbye. As the boat left, Rhett pushed his way in front of everyone and waved bon voyage to the 2 women on the dock. Then, he went to his cabin for the night.
While Rhett was on The Southern Belle, he had a good time gambling. He even won $300. Then, he saw a woman with deep brown hair tied back in a dark green dress. How beautiful Scarlett would look in that dress. No! No, Rhett! Don't think of her! If you think of her, you won't be able to stop, and the purpose of this trip was to forget about her! Rhett quickly went to get another whiskey from the bar.
***
It was time for Scarlett to leave Ireland for France. Danielle and her family had decided it would be a fun trip to take, so they were coming along. Scarlett was pleased because it would give her a companion and she wouldn't have to make the tearful goodbye so soon.
Soon, they were in Paris. Rhett was right It really is one of the most beautiful cities in the world. No! I can't think about him! I mustn't! I will go crazy if I think about him now! I'll think about it tomorrow. Danielle noticed the panic on her friend's face, and asked her what was wrong. "Oh, I'm sorry. I-I was just thinking about-" Scarlett stopped and looked down. Then she whispered, "Rhett."
"Oh, darling, what made you think about him?"
"Just being here. Paris was always Rhett's favorite place to go. He always went here during the war, and once he brought back a wonderful green bonnet for me. He had seen it there and had known it would match my eyes. I was in mourning for my first husband at the time, and it sort of brought me out of it." Scarlett's eyes filled up with tears as she remembered. She couldn't remember ever crying so much about one thing as she did for Rhett.
"Oh my dear, please don't cry. It's all right." She turned to face her husband. "Michael, get a buggy quickly. Scarlett needs to sit down."
Scarlett protested, embarrassed. "No, I'm fine, really."
"Still, you should sit down," she insisted. The buggy pulled up. "Everyone in."
Soon, they were at the hotel. It was huge. Danielle's family and Scarlett's family were on different floors. Scarlett was on the 3rd and Danielle was on the 4th. Everyday, they went out sightseeing. Danielle and Scarlett loved to go into the little shops and buying one thing after another. The children loved going into the little pastry shops and buying snacks. They would also sit at cafes and talk all day.
***
The stay in France is when Scarlett's old dreams started coming back. Every night, she would dream about the same mist, searching, trying to find it. She never knew what she was looking for, but now she had a feeling it was Rhett she was trying to find. Every night, she would scream in her sleep until Mammy came and woke her up. Then, Scarlett would cry in her arms until she fell back asleep.
She also had trouble falling asleep. She almost always fell asleep in tears, either over Rhett or Bonnie, sometimes both. She couldn't help remembering Bonnie's bright smile, and her laugh. She missed her call for her mother, and her pride when she accomplished something on her horse. She missed Rhett waking her up by tickling her feet, and even his sarcastic ways that she always pretended annoyed her. She missed yelling at him, and sitting on his lap looking up into his eyes. Then, she would think of the baby they had lost so tragically, and couldn't help making up what-ifs. If I hadn't yelled at him and pretended not to want the baby, I wouldn't have fallen. If I hadn't fallen, we'd have a baby, and he would never have left, she would torment herself.
Then, other nights, she would cry over Melly. She wished she could have shown her friendship better than she had, even recognized its existence. Melly had been the ideal friend, and every day, she betrayed her. She had always hated her, and had always wished for her husband. Scarlett sincerely wished Melly didn't know about her lust for Ashley, but he knew she must have. She had made it so obvious. Every night, Scarlett reminded herself how stupid she had been throughout her life. She had done everything wrong.
***
One day, they found out that the big costume ball at the LeBlancs was to be held the next week, and they decided to go. Mammy would stay home with the children while the adults went to the party. Scarlett was going to go as a queen. She bought a white gown with a long train and diamonds sewn in at various places in the gown. The high neck was almost solid diamonds, and she had long white satin gloves. In her curled hair which framed her face beautifully, she put a diamond tiara, and he wore her old diamond earbobs. She also wore a diamond encrusted bracelet from Rhett, and the large emerald engagement ring Rhett had bought her. Danielle was a "damsel in distress," and Michael was her "knight in shining armor."
***
They walked into the room in shock. There were dozens of chandeliers hanging from the ceiling, and the wall had a beautiful mural of a sunset in the mountains. The music was playing, and on the floor were all sorts of things; more different costumes than you'd think possible. Everyone had a smile on their face and was laughing. Scarlett couldn't remember the last time she had been to such a wonderful party. She sat down and had a glass of champagne.
Before she knew it, there were five men surrounding her. She used all of her old tricks to capture their attention. She would bat her eyelashes furiously and look down at her feet and pretend she thought they knew everything. When Andrew took her outside, he kissed her, and she made him apologize. After that, he was even more in love with her. He had sandy hair and pale skin, and when his pale blue eyes met Scarlett's, his face turned red, and he would quickly turn his head away thinking she wouldn't notice. Scarlett was very glad she hadn't lost her touch.
***
Rhett had arrived and just gotten settled in his room when one of his friends, Jane, called Janie, told him about the costume party the next day. She thought they should go together. Rhett thought it was a great idea. He would have a wonderful time, and it would get his mind off Scarlett for awhile. It seemed like she was the only thing he could think about. Her eyes, her laugh, her temper. That was what he loved most about her, what had drawn him to her; her uncontrollable temper.
Rhett decided to go as king. He bought a velvet burgundy cape with gold edging and burgundy knickers with a matching shirt. On his head he wore a gold crown with rubies encircling it. Janie was a fairy. She held a silver wand with a star on the top, and silver strings hanging from it. She had her golden hair piled high on her heard, and a small tiara encircling it. Her silver gown showed off her slender figure. Rhett thought she truly looked like a fairy. When they got to the party, Rhett quickly forgot all his troubles and was absorbed into the happiness of the event.
He and Janie danced and danced until Janie's slippers started to hurt her feet and she had to sit for awhile. She suggested he go find someone else to dance with for awhile. As he looked for someone to dance with, his face suddenly went white. Janie hobbled over to his side and put her arms over his shoulders. Her blue-green eyes shone with curiosity. "Rhett, what's wrong? Are you all right?"
"Oh my God! Janie, see that woman over there, the dark haired girl surrounded by all of those men?"
"Yes, who is she?"
"She's Scarlett. My wife. The one I left, and the person I was getting away from by coming on this trip, or do I thought."
Janie was startled and looked the laughing woman over with her eyes. The last time Rhett had seen her, he had bragged that his wife could turn the head of a dead man. He had been right. Scarlett had an air about her that really could attract anyone's attention. "Do you still love her?" Rhett looked at her with venom in his eyes, and she knew she had said the wrong thing. "Oh, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that. Please forgive me."
"It's all right. As an answer to your question, I used to love her. I waited years until I finally got her, and you know I don't wait for anything or anyone, especially women, but she was in love with another man, Ashley Wilkes, who was married to her best friend, Melanie. Melanie just died, and now Scarlett can have Ashley, but she apparently doesn't want him anymore. Now, she's after me. She says she realized she loves me, but I think she wants me because she can't have me. My love for her has run out, Janie, I just wish she could realize it."
"Well, Rhett, it looks like she has."
"I think I'll ask her for a dance anyway. I like a good challenge, and those boys will most likely give me one."
***
Scarlett had just gotten off the dance floor with Andrew when she heard a familiar voice say, "May I have this dance, my dear?" It was all too familiar a voice, she decided. She swiftly turned on her heels, and as she had thought, there was Rhett, holding out is hand, wordlessly asking for a dance. Scarlett gasped in surprise and delight, and she casually nodded her head. She couldn't believe it had been half a year since she had even seen him. But she couldn't be too excited. "So Scarlett, what brings you here?"
"I could ask you the same question." Scarlett's voice had a serious tone to it, and Rhett couldn't believe it. Scarlett O'Hara was never serious about anything except Tara and money.
"Well, and old friend suggested I visit France. They knew I loved it here, and I had been getting bored in Charleston. I now repeat my original question. What brings you here?"
"Well, Mammy thought we should all go on a trip. We went to Ireland first- Oh Rhett, Ireland's beautiful. It's even better than Pa said. I met some of my O'Hara relatives, and I made a friend, Danielle O'Brian. She's here with her husband, Michael. They are the two dancing over there. Scarlett discreetly pointed to Danielle and Michael. "They have two children, Ben and Cathleen. Ben is Wade's age and Cathleen is Ella's. The children are home with Mammy. Rhett, you were right, Paris is certainly a wonderful place. Danielle and I have had a wonderful time, and the children are enjoying themselves. I hope you have been having and enjoyable trip."
Rhett smiled. "Yes. I have met up with an old friend, Janie Gaston. She's with me tonight. She's the one sitting over there, the fairy. She had to sit because her feet were beginning to hurt. You really are a divine dancer, Scarlett." Scarlett looked down at her feet when he said that, and then looked back into his dark eyes, trying to read them; trying to find a look of love. Unfortunately, times hadn't change, and she still couldn't read his thoughts as he could hers.
"Do you remember the first time we danced, Scarlett? It was at the bazaar in Atlanta. You were mourning for Charles at the time, I believe?"
"Oh Rhett, I remember perfectly. I'll never forget. I ruined my reputation that night. But lets not think about the past. You look back and then you can't help it; you're stuck in the past. Let's just dance." Rhett laughed and nodded. Then, he glanced over at Janie. She was sitting there, smiling at Rhett having a good time. She knew he still loved Scarlett, but she would never tell him that. He was too stubborn to listen, and he would just get mad.
"Scarlett, why don't we go outside? It's getting rather hot in here."
"Of course. You're right, it is." Scarlett took Rhett's hand, and he led her to the terrace. It felt good to get fresh air in her lungs, and she was very excited to be with Rhett. It was like a dream. They sat outside and stared into each other's eyes. Rhett's eyes had lost their sarcasm, and Scarlett's their childish dance. They were serious and fiery with love. Scarlett felt warm all over because she also noticed a new look on his eyes, one that she had seen so many times, but hadn't paid attention to. It was love. The problem was, she knew he would never admit those feelings. Before she knew it, she was in his arms. Then, as if by instinct, she brought her lips up to meet his. Their lips locked, and Scarlett felt a rush run trough her body. She had forgotten how good it felt to have have her lips touching his.
Neither saw Danielle and Michael walk out onto the terrace. They had seen Scarlett walk out there and needed to talk to her. When they saw Scarlet kissing a strange man so passionately, Danielle gasped and shared a confused look with her husband. When Scarlett heard Danielle gasp, she came out of her trance and opened her eyes and saw the two standing there, obviously uncomfortable. Scarlett quickly pushed out of Rhett's strong hold. He saw Scarlett's beet-red face and quickly looked behind him. When he saw who was behind them, he turned almost as red as Scarlett and quickly made his good-byes.
Danielle rushed to Scarlett's side. "Darling, I don't mean to intrude, but who was that?"
Scarlett's face lit up. "It was Rhett! Oh Danielle, he loves me! He really loves me! How could he kiss me like that if he didn't love me? Oh Danielle, this is the best day of my life!" Scarlett hugged Danielle so hard Danielle though she was going to faint. When Scarlett realized this, she apologized over and over.
"It's all right." Then, Michael cleared his throat and Danielle remembered what they had come to say. "Oh! I almost forgot! The reason we came was that Mammy sent someone from the hotel to get us. Cathleen woke up from a nightmare. She's terribly afraid of the dark, and she's crying for us. We need to go. Would you like to come?"
"Of course." Scarlett said this very softly. Danielle saying that Cathleen was scared of the dark had brought back memories of her darling Bonnie. She felt tears coming, but she fought them back by thinking of what a wonderful night it had turned out to be. She wouldn't be crying herself to sleep that night for the first time since Bonnie had died. She had so much to tell Mammy!
***
Rhett left wishing he hadn't kissed Scarlett. I can't believe I did that, he thought. Now she's going to think I love her. I'm such an idiot.
***
The next morning, Scarlett found a small green envelope on her night table. It was the same color as her eyes, and as soon as she saw it she know it was from Rhett. She calmly Walked to the table in case Mammy was watching from somewhere, but inside her hear was pounding so hard she thought it might wake Wade and Ella. She picked up the letter and ripped it open. She started to read and fell onto the couch as she started, stirring to get comfortable.
Dearest Scarlett,
It was a very pleasant surprise to see you at the party last night. As always, you looked
stunning. You truly looked like a queen, and you took my breath away. You gave me a very good time with the few dances we had. I sincerely apologize for the happenings afterwards. It was very irresponsible of me, and I now regret it. I realize my actions may have led you to believe in something untrue, unreal. I don't love you, Scarlett, despite what you may think.
The events that took place should never have happened, so you must understand why I
must never see you again. I will be leaving for Charleston on the next boat. And, Scarlett, I
know what you're thinking. I live with you for years. Please don't follow me or come up with
one of your schemes. It will only make matters worse, and I want to remember you as you
were the last night I saw you, a beautiful, flirty girl with a smile on your face. Don't get rid of
the last bit of dignity we have left in our marriage. Goodbye, Scarlett.
Yours, Rhett
She stood up, clutching the side of the couch so hard that her fingernails dug into the fabric. Then, when she finished the letter, her brain finally registered that Rhett would never be hers to have, and she let out a long scream and fainted.
When Scarlett awoke, she was in her bed with Mammy and Danielle standing over her , worried looks on their faces. "Scarlett, what happened?"
Scarlett's voice was soft. "Rhett..."
"What about Rhett, honey?"
"He.....He left me a note. He doesn't really love me..." Scarlett started to cry, and Danielle picked her up and tried to comfort her.
"Don't worry, my dear. It will be all right."
***
Rhett waved goodbye as the ship left the dock. He was bound for Charleston. I still can't believe I let that happen with Scarlett at the party. I don't love her. I know I don't. My life is such a mess...
Soon, Rhett was home. His mother was very glad he was home. She had missed him so much. They went home, and on the way, Rhett started to think. He thought so hard, his brow wrinkled, and his mother knew what a rare occasion this was. She was very curious of what would interest her son that much, but she didn't want to interfere with the thinking process. I'm glad there was a boat so soon. I couldn't have endured being in Paris knowing SHE was there. They passed a dress store, and Rhett's eye caught one in particular. Look at that dress. It would look perfect on... Damn it! Why can't I stop thinking about her? I don't love her, yet I can't take my mind off her. What if... No! I don't love her! But her touch felt so good, and I did miss... No, Rhett, don't do this to yourself! She'll only make you miserable! But she had looked so beautiful, and her kiss felt so good. And she had said she loved him... Oh my God! I've made a terrible mistake!
Rhett's face suddenly changed, but his mother didn't say anything. I love Scarlett, and I've left her for the second time, broken her heart twice when she couldn't bear anymore. What if she won't forgive me? I hope she will. I can't live without her.
"Mother, I have to go back to Paris right away. I've made a terrible mistake. I'm still in love with Scarlett, and I have to go where she is."
***
Rhett was in Paris as soon as he could get there. As soon as the ship had docked, he rushed to Scarlett's hotel and was relieved to find out she was still staying there. He was able to prove that he was her husband and obtain a key. He went to the room and waited. He had been there two hours when he finally heard the door start to unlock, and he got into position in front of he door. It worked out perfectly because Scarlett was the only one coming. The rest of the family was in Danielle's room.
***
As she walked into the room, she gasped when she saw a man standing in front of her. She was about to scream for help when she recognized the person in front of her. Oh my God. Rhett. No, it can't be... but it is..., she thought.
"Rhett," She whispered, still surprised. She ran to him, into his open arms, and cried into his shoulder.
"Rhett, you came back. I've missed you so much, but I only dreamed you'd ever come back... Oh, Rhett, I love you so much, and I'm so sorry for all the pain I caused you. I swear to you I'll never hurt you again, just never leave me. I can't live without you.
"Scarlett, my darling, I should be apologizing. I should never have left you, especially not twice, and right after your daughter and best friend had just died. I was unsympathetic, and I hope you'll forgive me. I love you, Scarlett. I have since the day I first saw you, and never stopped, no matter what I said."
"Rhett, how could I not forgive you? I love you with all my heart. Now, come downstairs so that I can introduce you formally to Danielle and Michael."
"Of course, my dear." Then, he suddenly pulled her in and kissed her unlike she could ever remember being kissed. As they left their room, he whispered again, just to reassure her, "I love you."
Scarlett jumped out of the buggy, picked up her skirts, and jogged to the site of Melly's funeral. She was late and didn't care to miss a minute of the funeral. She had never told Melly how much she cared for her, and this seemed like the only way to repay her. She would be going to Tara as soon as the funeral was over. The women of the Old Guard were staring as she ran, but she didn't notice. Her mind was focused on Melly, and Melly only, and when Scarlett focused on something, nothing else registered in her mind but that one thing. She stood there, listening to the preacher, and looked at the small coffin dumbly. She couldn't believe that inside that coffin lay her best friend, Melanie Wilkes. It just couldn't be. Scarlett didn't notice Mrs. Meade and Mrs. Merriweather come up next to her. When they saw her, staring at the coffin, tears streaming uncontrollably down her magnolia white cheeks, and shaking, they decided to go stand next to her. There couldn't be that much bad in a person that loved Melanie Wilkes that much. Then, the service was over, and the coffin was lowered. Grandma Fontaine had told her at Pa's funeral that it was the most final sound in the world, and now Scarlett realized just how right she had been. When she heard it, she fainted. Mrs. Meade and Mrs. Merriweather were surprised to see a woman they had thought so strong and cold hearted faint from grief. They had never thought Scarlett had enough of a heart to care about someone that much. They had heard about her and Captain Butler, but they had figured it was her fault, always after Ashley Wilkes. Now, they were beginning to wonder how true that rumor was, but they weren't sympathetic enough to forgive her for all the things she had done in the past. The soft hum of people weeping suddenly stopped as Scarlett's small body fell to the ground. The two old women knelt down to help Scarlett as a large figure pushed through the crowd of people quietly staring. Rhett walked briskly through the crowd, worry apparent on his face. Scarlett never fainted, and he was worried about what this might mean. He reached for Scarlett, and picked her up into his arms. Her head was pushed against his chest. her steady breathing comforted him, made him feel the way he had when he comforted her after one of her nightmares. No, Rhett, you don't love her. You are just so used to loving her, you can't help it. Besides, this is bringing back memories of that love.
Rhett carried Scarlett's limp body towards the buggy and laid her on one of the seats. He instructed the driver to take the to the Peachtree house. When they got there, Rhett carried her up the steps, two at a time. He carefully laid her on the bed, and sat on the edge, just watching her rest. When she finally woke up, Rhett tried to hide the relief on his face, but not well enough for Scarlett not to notice. Scarlett was weak, and very pale. She was very thin from not eating, and there were dark bags under her eyes from lack of sleep. Rhett knew it was Bonnie's Melanie's deaths combining with his leaving her, and he felt bad. maybe he should have waited until she had gotten over the two deaths, but then he thought otherwise. It was hr fault that he had left her. When Scarlett saw the look of relief, she smiled to herself. He had been worried. He did care. Then, she began to feel very tired. "Rhett, I'm exhausted. I'm going to rest."
"All right. I'll be in Charleston. You won't have to worry about me."
"Rhett, please stay here. I love you with all my heart. Please, just give me a chance. I can make you the happiest man in the world if you would only let me."
"Scarlett, no. Please don't make this any harder than it already is. I tried for years to make you love me. I loved you more than anything, I would have done anything for you. You made me feel younger than I am, and I loved to spoil you and make you happy because it made me happy to see your beautiful smile light up your face and your green eyes dance. But you wouldn't love me back. You were always too caught up with the charms of Ashley Wilkes. Well, my darling, Ashley's a free man now, he has no wife to hold him back. You have your love, so now you can be happy, and he can see that smile and dancing eyes that I loved." Rhett's eyes lost their sparkle as he said this, and he looked down.
"Darling, I always loved you, and I always will. I tried to explain it all the day Melly died, but you wouldn't listen. Rhett, I never loved Ashley the way a man should be loved. I loved him the way you love Belle Watling. He was like a brother. I always thought I loved him, but I didn't. I never really knew what love was. Now, I know, and I realize that my love is directed at you. When I was sick, I wanted you, I wanted you badly, but I didn't think you wanted me. If I had only known you loved me, I-" Scarlett started to cry, and Rhett put his arm around her. "I didn't think you cared. And when Bonnie-when Bonnie died, I was so filled up with grief, I took it out on you to relieve myself. I shouldn't have, because I know you were grieving, too, but I did. I loved Bonnie with all my heart. She was always my favorite daughter, so full of life, like a little me. But Rhett, you always tried to take her away from me, to be loved the most, and I hated that. I always want to be the most loved, and when you were, I guess I didn't understand. And now Melly's gone, too. She was my best friend, my only friend. You and I both know how much I despised her, and then I finally realized how much she meant to me. But she's gone Rhett, she's gone forever, just as soon as I realize how much I love her. Rhett, when you left me, it was the worst of al l the terrible events of my life. Worse than being 16 and finding out my love was marrying someone else. Worse than becoming a widowed mother a 17. Worse than coming home to my mother dead, and my father crazy. Worse than the starvation and poverty that came with the war. Worse than my miscarriage. Worse than Bonnie dying. Worse than losing my only friend. Worse than all these things combined. When you left, my entire world fell apart. My life came to a halting stop. Rhett, I need you, and if you would just come home, home to me, I could make you happy, so very happy. Please, Rhett, come back."
"Scarlett, I'm very sorry to have caused you so much pain, but I'm getting too old to live a life with you. Scarlett, I don't love you anymore. I loved you for twelve long years, ever since I first saw you at the Wilkes'' last barbecue. Scarlett, I tried to make you love me, but my love's run out. Scarlett, like I said when I left, you're cruel to the men who love you. You take their love and hold it over their heads like a whip. I can't take it anymore, Scarlett. Please, let me go in peace."
Scarlett started to cry. "No, Rhett, please-"
"Goodbye, Scarlett." Rhett left as quickly as he could, without looking beck. He knew if he looked back, he wouldn't be able to leave. He'd be captured. Scarlett had a way about that.
***
"Scarlett got off the train and looked around. The Jonesboro station was bustling with all kinds of people. There were Yankees and rich folks like Scarlett, and white trash and poor folks. Scarlett could barely move, and with all those people, she didn't know how she'd find Will. Then, she saw him, leaning against a pole, straw hanging out of the corner of his mouth. "Scarlett!"
"Will, how are you? How are Suellen, Wade, Ella, Mammy, and your girls?"
"Suellen's fine. Wade has turned into a little man in the month he's been here. Ella's a sweet little girl, but she and Susie sure don't get along." Will laughed. "Kind of like you and Suellen. And Mammy, well, Scarlett, she's getting old and-"
"Mammy's not sick, is she? Oh, Will, she can't be-"
"No, no, nothing like that! She's fine. I was just saying that she can't do as much as she used to."
"Oh, thank God. You scared me half to death, Will Benteen. I wouldn't be able to deal with another death."
***
When they got to Tara, Scarlett was shocked to see it in such a state. When she had visited it in the fall, it had been so new and pretty, but now, now it was badly in need of paint, and the shutters were hanging by the hinges. She almost let out a gasp, but she caught herself. She knew Will tried as hard as he could to keep Tara up, but he didn't have much help in the fields, so he would have a hard time keeping the house looking nice. Mammy was sitting in a chair outside, watching Ella climb a tree.
Why, Ella was always so quiet! Scarlett remembered how she would climb the trees at Tara with the boys. Ella had turned into a fairly attractive girl, which was surprising, considering how ugly she had been as a baby. Scarlett smiled at Ella, and her daughter saw the smile. The child's scattered brain forgot all of her mother's past shortcomings, ad she jumped out of the tree and into her mother's outstretched arms. As she ran, her ginger curls bounced, and her brown eyes laughed with delight that her mother cared. Scarlett laughed at the girl's excitement, and kissed her on the top of the head. Then, she let go and ran over to Mammy. "Mammy! Scarlett's home!"
"Chile!" Mammy stood up and welcomed Scarlett's enthusiastic hug. "Ah've missed you."
"I've missed you, Mammy. Mammy, I love you."
"Ah knows that, honey. Why are you tellin' me things Ah already know?"
"I never told Melly, and I didn't tell Rhett until it was too late." Scarlett started to cry and Will left, knowing that if she started to cry, she'd want to be left alone.
"What are you talkin' 'bout?"
"Oh, Mammy, Rhett left me!" Tears rolled down her cheek, and she put her head on Mammy's chest.
"You have to help me get him back, you have to!"
"Mist' Rhett'll come back, lamb. He loves you, Ah knows it. No man ever loved a lady as much as Mist' Rhett loves you." Scarlett stopped crying. If Mammy said it would be all right, then it would.
***
"Miss Scarlett, yous just gotta give 'im sum time. He'll come 'round an' member how much he loves ya."
"Mammy, I can't live without him! What if he never comes?"
"He will. Honey, you is worryin' youself fo no reason. You shoul' go on a trip."
"You're right, Mammy. I'll go to Ireland and then to Paris. Pa was forever going on about how beautiful Ireland is, and I would like to see what it's like. And mother was always telling us about Paris, as did Rhett. You could come with Ella and Wade."
"Ah has knowed you since Ah put the first pair o' diapers on you. Ah woul' come if you wanted me to or not."
***
Before Scarlett went on the trip, she made sure Ashley was all right. She had promised Melly she would take care of him, and she was determined to keep her promise. When she got to the house and saw him, head in his hands and only thinking of Melly, she lost her temper. She picked his head up and shouted, "Ashley! Stop it! You have to live again. She's never coming back, and moaning isn't going to change that." She let go, and returned back around for a drink. As it was nearing his mouth, she grabbed the glass and threw it against the wall. Then, she slapped him. "Stop it! Don't lose yourself in a glass of whiskey. Your son, Melanie's son is in the other room, with no mother, and now, no father. He's mourning too; he needs you. Now, stop moping."
"Scarlett, it's so hard. If you only knew how much I loved her..."
"Knew how much you loved her?? Hah! Why do you think I was jealous of her so many years? Because
you loved her and not me. Well, guess what, Ashley? I now know I loved her too. Maybe not the same love as you, no that love is for Rhett..." She paused and then kept going. "She was my best friend. My only friend. Now get up."
Ashley got up and walked out of the room. After a few more visits, she knew he'd be all right. He was starting to get through the pain of her death, and the mill was bringing in plenty of money.
***
The boat was huge, about 3 times as big as her Atlanta house. The side had big, scrawling letters that read The Southern Princess. Scarlett was looking up in awe until Ella pulled her out of her trance and tugged on her skirts. "Momma? Is this the ship? It's big."
"Yes, it is big, darling. And we're going to have the biggest and best rooms on it." Then, the group of 4 climbed the ramp to the large deck.
Ella started running until Wade caught up to her and held her back. "Ella, stop running. We have to go to our room."
The young usher opened a big mahogany door with the gold numbers 839 on it. Inside was the sitting room. The sky blue walls were covered with pictures of the ocean. The big bay windows had velvet dark blue drapes that were swaying in the wind coming from the open windows. There was a big, dark blue couch and 2 deep red chairs. There was a table with red roses on it, and four adjoining bedrooms. Scarlett's was the biggest with deep red walls and a big bed with cream colored sheets with deep red flowers. After making sure they knew how to get back to the room and all the bags were packed, the 4 went to the deck to wave goodbye to the people on the docks.
They had a wonderful, relaxing time on the boat, but they were all happy to get off and see the rolling green hills of Ireland. The buggy Scarlett had wired to be there was waiting, and he introduced himself as James. On the way, he told them many stories about Ireland and things they passed on the way. It took an hour to get to the home Scarlett had rented, but when they got there, Scarlett decided it was worth it. It was a little house, especially compared to what Scarlett was used to. It was whitewashed with black shutters and a black door. There weren't very many rooms, just 3 bedrooms, a kitchen, and a sitting room, but Scarlett loved it just the same.
The nest day, their neighbor came over. Danielle O'Brian was also an American. She was from Mississippi. She was born to a rich Irish father and a British mother. She and her husband, Michael O'Brian, had moved to Ireland shortly after the war turned towards the worst. They lived in the biggest and nicest house near there, although it still wasn't near the size of Scarlett's house in Atlanta.
Danielle and Scarlett became fast friends. Danielle had long, walnut hair that fell over her shoulders in glossy curls. Her eyes were a deep blue, like the ocean on a clear day, Scarlett thought. She had a tall, slender figure and a face with small, smooth features. She had never experienced the poverty and pain Scarlett went thorough. When Scarlett told her about going home to Tara to find no food, her mother dead, her Pa out of his mind, and no money left, Danielle was dazed at the thought of it all. She was also much like Scarlett. They were both the oldest daughters, and both were daddy's girls. The two were the exact same age, 29. Like Scarlett, she had a strong will, and hadn't had many girlfriends growing up because of her temper and natural way with men. She had also had an unsuccessful marriage. Before marrying Michael, who, to Scarlett's dismay, reminded her a lot of Rhett, Danielle had been married to a man named Sam when she was 17, who was the father of Ben. Ben was a month younger than Wade. Danielle hadn't really loved Sam, but had married him because she was the beau of a girl who she absolutely hated, and when the girl, Sally, spread terrible rumors about Danielle, she used her charms to get Sam to propose. Sam died at the beginning of the war, and Danielle married Michael. They had a daughter the same age as Ella, Cathleen. Ella and Cathleen and Wade and Ben became good friends. Both children had their mother's light brown hair, and Cathleen had the blue eyes, but Ben had brown eyes. Scarlett and her family spent every day with the O'Brians, and the O'Brians showed her family everything about Ireland.
***
Rhett went home to Charleston, like he said he would. His mother welcomed him with open arms. The rest of Charleston was a little weary, except for Mary, his longtime childhood friend. Mary had blonde hair and brown eyes. She was a little chubby, but in Rhett's opinion, very pretty. She was married to a man named Tom, and had one 6 year old, Grace. Mary was very glad he was back.
Rhett finally regained a lot of his reputation and began to have fun. He was going to parties, and spending days on his boat. He and his mother had good times talking about the old days, and the same with Mary. He sometimes went into town with his mother, and when he did, they would always end the day at Rhett's favorite restaurant and then go for ice cream. He always had a wonderful time doing this, until he would see a dark haired girl surrounded by men laughing or a green dress the perfect shade for her eyes. He would start to thin about Scarlett, and then his laughing eyes would stop laughing, and Rhett would suddenly become quiet. He would think about all of the wonderful times with her, and how her eyes glowed when she smiled, and he remembered the sweet talk she used to wheedle things out of him, and how much he had loved it, although he tried to hide it. He missed theses things, but he still refused to admit he loved her. One day, Mary questioned one of these quiet moments. "Rhett, what's wrong?"
"Oh, nothing, I was just...thinking..."
"About what? You've been doing this a lot lately."
"Doing what?"
"You suddenly become quiet, and your eyes lose their sparkle. Your mother has noticed it, too. What's on your mind?"
"I was just reminded of something by that bonnet over there. The green one in the window."
"What did it remind you of?"
"My wife. That bonnet matches her eyes."
"Oh, you poor dear. Why don't you take a trip to get your mind off of her? You could go to Paris. You've always loved Paris."
"That's a great idea! I think I will." He smiled and gave Mary a peck on the forehead and rushed off.
***
The next Wednesday, Rhett was boarding The Southern Belle, heading for his favorite city in the world. He, his mother, and Mary had a long, tearful goodbye. As the boat left, Rhett pushed his way in front of everyone and waved bon voyage to the 2 women on the dock. Then, he went to his cabin for the night.
While Rhett was on The Southern Belle, he had a good time gambling. He even won $300. Then, he saw a woman with deep brown hair tied back in a dark green dress. How beautiful Scarlett would look in that dress. No! No, Rhett! Don't think of her! If you think of her, you won't be able to stop, and the purpose of this trip was to forget about her! Rhett quickly went to get another whiskey from the bar.
***
It was time for Scarlett to leave Ireland for France. Danielle and her family had decided it would be a fun trip to take, so they were coming along. Scarlett was pleased because it would give her a companion and she wouldn't have to make the tearful goodbye so soon.
Soon, they were in Paris. Rhett was right It really is one of the most beautiful cities in the world. No! I can't think about him! I mustn't! I will go crazy if I think about him now! I'll think about it tomorrow. Danielle noticed the panic on her friend's face, and asked her what was wrong. "Oh, I'm sorry. I-I was just thinking about-" Scarlett stopped and looked down. Then she whispered, "Rhett."
"Oh, darling, what made you think about him?"
"Just being here. Paris was always Rhett's favorite place to go. He always went here during the war, and once he brought back a wonderful green bonnet for me. He had seen it there and had known it would match my eyes. I was in mourning for my first husband at the time, and it sort of brought me out of it." Scarlett's eyes filled up with tears as she remembered. She couldn't remember ever crying so much about one thing as she did for Rhett.
"Oh my dear, please don't cry. It's all right." She turned to face her husband. "Michael, get a buggy quickly. Scarlett needs to sit down."
Scarlett protested, embarrassed. "No, I'm fine, really."
"Still, you should sit down," she insisted. The buggy pulled up. "Everyone in."
Soon, they were at the hotel. It was huge. Danielle's family and Scarlett's family were on different floors. Scarlett was on the 3rd and Danielle was on the 4th. Everyday, they went out sightseeing. Danielle and Scarlett loved to go into the little shops and buying one thing after another. The children loved going into the little pastry shops and buying snacks. They would also sit at cafes and talk all day.
***
The stay in France is when Scarlett's old dreams started coming back. Every night, she would dream about the same mist, searching, trying to find it. She never knew what she was looking for, but now she had a feeling it was Rhett she was trying to find. Every night, she would scream in her sleep until Mammy came and woke her up. Then, Scarlett would cry in her arms until she fell back asleep.
She also had trouble falling asleep. She almost always fell asleep in tears, either over Rhett or Bonnie, sometimes both. She couldn't help remembering Bonnie's bright smile, and her laugh. She missed her call for her mother, and her pride when she accomplished something on her horse. She missed Rhett waking her up by tickling her feet, and even his sarcastic ways that she always pretended annoyed her. She missed yelling at him, and sitting on his lap looking up into his eyes. Then, she would think of the baby they had lost so tragically, and couldn't help making up what-ifs. If I hadn't yelled at him and pretended not to want the baby, I wouldn't have fallen. If I hadn't fallen, we'd have a baby, and he would never have left, she would torment herself.
Then, other nights, she would cry over Melly. She wished she could have shown her friendship better than she had, even recognized its existence. Melly had been the ideal friend, and every day, she betrayed her. She had always hated her, and had always wished for her husband. Scarlett sincerely wished Melly didn't know about her lust for Ashley, but he knew she must have. She had made it so obvious. Every night, Scarlett reminded herself how stupid she had been throughout her life. She had done everything wrong.
***
One day, they found out that the big costume ball at the LeBlancs was to be held the next week, and they decided to go. Mammy would stay home with the children while the adults went to the party. Scarlett was going to go as a queen. She bought a white gown with a long train and diamonds sewn in at various places in the gown. The high neck was almost solid diamonds, and she had long white satin gloves. In her curled hair which framed her face beautifully, she put a diamond tiara, and he wore her old diamond earbobs. She also wore a diamond encrusted bracelet from Rhett, and the large emerald engagement ring Rhett had bought her. Danielle was a "damsel in distress," and Michael was her "knight in shining armor."
***
They walked into the room in shock. There were dozens of chandeliers hanging from the ceiling, and the wall had a beautiful mural of a sunset in the mountains. The music was playing, and on the floor were all sorts of things; more different costumes than you'd think possible. Everyone had a smile on their face and was laughing. Scarlett couldn't remember the last time she had been to such a wonderful party. She sat down and had a glass of champagne.
Before she knew it, there were five men surrounding her. She used all of her old tricks to capture their attention. She would bat her eyelashes furiously and look down at her feet and pretend she thought they knew everything. When Andrew took her outside, he kissed her, and she made him apologize. After that, he was even more in love with her. He had sandy hair and pale skin, and when his pale blue eyes met Scarlett's, his face turned red, and he would quickly turn his head away thinking she wouldn't notice. Scarlett was very glad she hadn't lost her touch.
***
Rhett had arrived and just gotten settled in his room when one of his friends, Jane, called Janie, told him about the costume party the next day. She thought they should go together. Rhett thought it was a great idea. He would have a wonderful time, and it would get his mind off Scarlett for awhile. It seemed like she was the only thing he could think about. Her eyes, her laugh, her temper. That was what he loved most about her, what had drawn him to her; her uncontrollable temper.
Rhett decided to go as king. He bought a velvet burgundy cape with gold edging and burgundy knickers with a matching shirt. On his head he wore a gold crown with rubies encircling it. Janie was a fairy. She held a silver wand with a star on the top, and silver strings hanging from it. She had her golden hair piled high on her heard, and a small tiara encircling it. Her silver gown showed off her slender figure. Rhett thought she truly looked like a fairy. When they got to the party, Rhett quickly forgot all his troubles and was absorbed into the happiness of the event.
He and Janie danced and danced until Janie's slippers started to hurt her feet and she had to sit for awhile. She suggested he go find someone else to dance with for awhile. As he looked for someone to dance with, his face suddenly went white. Janie hobbled over to his side and put her arms over his shoulders. Her blue-green eyes shone with curiosity. "Rhett, what's wrong? Are you all right?"
"Oh my God! Janie, see that woman over there, the dark haired girl surrounded by all of those men?"
"Yes, who is she?"
"She's Scarlett. My wife. The one I left, and the person I was getting away from by coming on this trip, or do I thought."
Janie was startled and looked the laughing woman over with her eyes. The last time Rhett had seen her, he had bragged that his wife could turn the head of a dead man. He had been right. Scarlett had an air about her that really could attract anyone's attention. "Do you still love her?" Rhett looked at her with venom in his eyes, and she knew she had said the wrong thing. "Oh, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that. Please forgive me."
"It's all right. As an answer to your question, I used to love her. I waited years until I finally got her, and you know I don't wait for anything or anyone, especially women, but she was in love with another man, Ashley Wilkes, who was married to her best friend, Melanie. Melanie just died, and now Scarlett can have Ashley, but she apparently doesn't want him anymore. Now, she's after me. She says she realized she loves me, but I think she wants me because she can't have me. My love for her has run out, Janie, I just wish she could realize it."
"Well, Rhett, it looks like she has."
"I think I'll ask her for a dance anyway. I like a good challenge, and those boys will most likely give me one."
***
Scarlett had just gotten off the dance floor with Andrew when she heard a familiar voice say, "May I have this dance, my dear?" It was all too familiar a voice, she decided. She swiftly turned on her heels, and as she had thought, there was Rhett, holding out is hand, wordlessly asking for a dance. Scarlett gasped in surprise and delight, and she casually nodded her head. She couldn't believe it had been half a year since she had even seen him. But she couldn't be too excited. "So Scarlett, what brings you here?"
"I could ask you the same question." Scarlett's voice had a serious tone to it, and Rhett couldn't believe it. Scarlett O'Hara was never serious about anything except Tara and money.
"Well, and old friend suggested I visit France. They knew I loved it here, and I had been getting bored in Charleston. I now repeat my original question. What brings you here?"
"Well, Mammy thought we should all go on a trip. We went to Ireland first- Oh Rhett, Ireland's beautiful. It's even better than Pa said. I met some of my O'Hara relatives, and I made a friend, Danielle O'Brian. She's here with her husband, Michael. They are the two dancing over there. Scarlett discreetly pointed to Danielle and Michael. "They have two children, Ben and Cathleen. Ben is Wade's age and Cathleen is Ella's. The children are home with Mammy. Rhett, you were right, Paris is certainly a wonderful place. Danielle and I have had a wonderful time, and the children are enjoying themselves. I hope you have been having and enjoyable trip."
Rhett smiled. "Yes. I have met up with an old friend, Janie Gaston. She's with me tonight. She's the one sitting over there, the fairy. She had to sit because her feet were beginning to hurt. You really are a divine dancer, Scarlett." Scarlett looked down at her feet when he said that, and then looked back into his dark eyes, trying to read them; trying to find a look of love. Unfortunately, times hadn't change, and she still couldn't read his thoughts as he could hers.
"Do you remember the first time we danced, Scarlett? It was at the bazaar in Atlanta. You were mourning for Charles at the time, I believe?"
"Oh Rhett, I remember perfectly. I'll never forget. I ruined my reputation that night. But lets not think about the past. You look back and then you can't help it; you're stuck in the past. Let's just dance." Rhett laughed and nodded. Then, he glanced over at Janie. She was sitting there, smiling at Rhett having a good time. She knew he still loved Scarlett, but she would never tell him that. He was too stubborn to listen, and he would just get mad.
"Scarlett, why don't we go outside? It's getting rather hot in here."
"Of course. You're right, it is." Scarlett took Rhett's hand, and he led her to the terrace. It felt good to get fresh air in her lungs, and she was very excited to be with Rhett. It was like a dream. They sat outside and stared into each other's eyes. Rhett's eyes had lost their sarcasm, and Scarlett's their childish dance. They were serious and fiery with love. Scarlett felt warm all over because she also noticed a new look on his eyes, one that she had seen so many times, but hadn't paid attention to. It was love. The problem was, she knew he would never admit those feelings. Before she knew it, she was in his arms. Then, as if by instinct, she brought her lips up to meet his. Their lips locked, and Scarlett felt a rush run trough her body. She had forgotten how good it felt to have have her lips touching his.
Neither saw Danielle and Michael walk out onto the terrace. They had seen Scarlett walk out there and needed to talk to her. When they saw Scarlet kissing a strange man so passionately, Danielle gasped and shared a confused look with her husband. When Scarlett heard Danielle gasp, she came out of her trance and opened her eyes and saw the two standing there, obviously uncomfortable. Scarlett quickly pushed out of Rhett's strong hold. He saw Scarlett's beet-red face and quickly looked behind him. When he saw who was behind them, he turned almost as red as Scarlett and quickly made his good-byes.
Danielle rushed to Scarlett's side. "Darling, I don't mean to intrude, but who was that?"
Scarlett's face lit up. "It was Rhett! Oh Danielle, he loves me! He really loves me! How could he kiss me like that if he didn't love me? Oh Danielle, this is the best day of my life!" Scarlett hugged Danielle so hard Danielle though she was going to faint. When Scarlett realized this, she apologized over and over.
"It's all right." Then, Michael cleared his throat and Danielle remembered what they had come to say. "Oh! I almost forgot! The reason we came was that Mammy sent someone from the hotel to get us. Cathleen woke up from a nightmare. She's terribly afraid of the dark, and she's crying for us. We need to go. Would you like to come?"
"Of course." Scarlett said this very softly. Danielle saying that Cathleen was scared of the dark had brought back memories of her darling Bonnie. She felt tears coming, but she fought them back by thinking of what a wonderful night it had turned out to be. She wouldn't be crying herself to sleep that night for the first time since Bonnie had died. She had so much to tell Mammy!
***
Rhett left wishing he hadn't kissed Scarlett. I can't believe I did that, he thought. Now she's going to think I love her. I'm such an idiot.
***
The next morning, Scarlett found a small green envelope on her night table. It was the same color as her eyes, and as soon as she saw it she know it was from Rhett. She calmly Walked to the table in case Mammy was watching from somewhere, but inside her hear was pounding so hard she thought it might wake Wade and Ella. She picked up the letter and ripped it open. She started to read and fell onto the couch as she started, stirring to get comfortable.
Dearest Scarlett,
It was a very pleasant surprise to see you at the party last night. As always, you looked
stunning. You truly looked like a queen, and you took my breath away. You gave me a very good time with the few dances we had. I sincerely apologize for the happenings afterwards. It was very irresponsible of me, and I now regret it. I realize my actions may have led you to believe in something untrue, unreal. I don't love you, Scarlett, despite what you may think.
The events that took place should never have happened, so you must understand why I
must never see you again. I will be leaving for Charleston on the next boat. And, Scarlett, I
know what you're thinking. I live with you for years. Please don't follow me or come up with
one of your schemes. It will only make matters worse, and I want to remember you as you
were the last night I saw you, a beautiful, flirty girl with a smile on your face. Don't get rid of
the last bit of dignity we have left in our marriage. Goodbye, Scarlett.
Yours, Rhett
She stood up, clutching the side of the couch so hard that her fingernails dug into the fabric. Then, when she finished the letter, her brain finally registered that Rhett would never be hers to have, and she let out a long scream and fainted.
When Scarlett awoke, she was in her bed with Mammy and Danielle standing over her , worried looks on their faces. "Scarlett, what happened?"
Scarlett's voice was soft. "Rhett..."
"What about Rhett, honey?"
"He.....He left me a note. He doesn't really love me..." Scarlett started to cry, and Danielle picked her up and tried to comfort her.
"Don't worry, my dear. It will be all right."
***
Rhett waved goodbye as the ship left the dock. He was bound for Charleston. I still can't believe I let that happen with Scarlett at the party. I don't love her. I know I don't. My life is such a mess...
Soon, Rhett was home. His mother was very glad he was home. She had missed him so much. They went home, and on the way, Rhett started to think. He thought so hard, his brow wrinkled, and his mother knew what a rare occasion this was. She was very curious of what would interest her son that much, but she didn't want to interfere with the thinking process. I'm glad there was a boat so soon. I couldn't have endured being in Paris knowing SHE was there. They passed a dress store, and Rhett's eye caught one in particular. Look at that dress. It would look perfect on... Damn it! Why can't I stop thinking about her? I don't love her, yet I can't take my mind off her. What if... No! I don't love her! But her touch felt so good, and I did miss... No, Rhett, don't do this to yourself! She'll only make you miserable! But she had looked so beautiful, and her kiss felt so good. And she had said she loved him... Oh my God! I've made a terrible mistake!
Rhett's face suddenly changed, but his mother didn't say anything. I love Scarlett, and I've left her for the second time, broken her heart twice when she couldn't bear anymore. What if she won't forgive me? I hope she will. I can't live without her.
"Mother, I have to go back to Paris right away. I've made a terrible mistake. I'm still in love with Scarlett, and I have to go where she is."
***
Rhett was in Paris as soon as he could get there. As soon as the ship had docked, he rushed to Scarlett's hotel and was relieved to find out she was still staying there. He was able to prove that he was her husband and obtain a key. He went to the room and waited. He had been there two hours when he finally heard the door start to unlock, and he got into position in front of he door. It worked out perfectly because Scarlett was the only one coming. The rest of the family was in Danielle's room.
***
As she walked into the room, she gasped when she saw a man standing in front of her. She was about to scream for help when she recognized the person in front of her. Oh my God. Rhett. No, it can't be... but it is..., she thought.
"Rhett," She whispered, still surprised. She ran to him, into his open arms, and cried into his shoulder.
"Rhett, you came back. I've missed you so much, but I only dreamed you'd ever come back... Oh, Rhett, I love you so much, and I'm so sorry for all the pain I caused you. I swear to you I'll never hurt you again, just never leave me. I can't live without you.
"Scarlett, my darling, I should be apologizing. I should never have left you, especially not twice, and right after your daughter and best friend had just died. I was unsympathetic, and I hope you'll forgive me. I love you, Scarlett. I have since the day I first saw you, and never stopped, no matter what I said."
"Rhett, how could I not forgive you? I love you with all my heart. Now, come downstairs so that I can introduce you formally to Danielle and Michael."
"Of course, my dear." Then, he suddenly pulled her in and kissed her unlike she could ever remember being kissed. As they left their room, he whispered again, just to reassure her, "I love you."
