A joint fanfic...by Natalie and Lauren.

Disclaimer: we do not own these characters, please do not sue.

Summary: Owens thoughts before death.

"Tosh, it's ok. Really it is."

God, it's taken so long, so long just to realise how I feel. I'm going to die. But it's ok, well technically maybe I'm dead already, but right now, in the moments before the end, as the room fills with intoxicating gas, threatening to engulf me, I have never felt more alive. All those one night stands, meaningless to me, if only I could have been with her! Did I even love Katie this much?

I never thought I would admit this to myself, but I'm really going to miss the team. Jack, Ianto, Gwen...Tosh. Oh Christ Owen, don't you dare cry now. Through all the shit we had some good times. I mean, "who orders pizza through the name of Torchwood," And I'm the idiot who orders the sodding pizza under the name of a secret organisation. At least I'm going to die laughing.

Makes a difference I suppose, I've been a bit of a bastard for the past four years. Especially to Tosh. Maybe life would have been different if I could survive today? No. I can't kid myself; this experience is what has brought us together. If only I could save her. She has always been so sweet, why did I have to be so cruel, such a sarcastic twat.

Why didn't I take her up on that date? I may not have enjoyed it at the time, but it would have made all the difference for her. Even if it had of worked out, I would be a dead man, regardless of how I felt inside.

Catholic but good in bed. Stop it Owen you idiot, is that really all you ever think about? I would never have found out anyway, dead people do not have sex...the odds really are against us.

I suppose that's what's wrong with this type of life. It's all good for Jack, eternal life, but me. All I got was eternal death! Prevented from doing everything I hold dear. Eating, drinking, shagging. Me in a nutshell. Hmm, me in a nutshell, bit of a squeeze.

Jesus my head hurts, how can I think that much in such a short amount of time?

At least I have the name of the Weevil King! One thing to be proud of. Is that all I have to be proud of? At least I was a bloody good doctor, but the patients, couldn't stand them.

I've seen a lot in my time. How old does that make me sound? It's true though, Weevils, Blowfish, cannibals, ghosts, time travelling psychopaths, (no offence Jack). I never really understood him, that coat. I swear he had a thing for Gwen, wanker.

Oh god this is it.

"I love you!"



Hope you enjoyed...our first torchwood fanfic. Considering a Tosh version, but depends on reviews.