A/N: Hi guys! This idea got into my head and I knew if I did not write it, the little evil plot-bunnies would eat me alive. For any of you who might be wondering, I have not given up on Invisible Hero. The third chapter has been increasingly difficult to write. Curse writer's block! Anyway, I hope you enjoy this story. It is sort of written out of personal experience. Please read and review!
Disclaimer: Yes, I am J.K. Rowling. Instead of writing the sixth book, I am writing fanfiction for fanfiction.net. I own everything you see here. For dense people who do not understand sarcasm… I pity you.
~*~
Never Enough: Prologue
Have you ever had the feeling that nothing you did was ever good enough? No matter how hard you tried, nothing ever worked? You made so many changes and no one ever noticed? I know that feeling well; it's something I've experienced my whole life.
Ever since I started school, I felt like I was left in the shadows; trapped in my own little dark corner, left alone with my foreboding thoughts. And every time I secluded myself, I was harshly reminded that nothing I did was ever good enough for anyone. I did everything in my power to make people notice me. After a while, I came to the sickening conclusion that no one cared. And shortly after, I began to believe it.
The only thing people knew me for was my grades.
My grades were what I was known for, the only thing I was known for. In their eyes, I was just the brainy, bushy-haired, know-it-all… Hermione Granger. I was always the first one to shoot my hand in the air to answer a question, and always the last one to put it down. I was constantly teased and picked on for that certain trait of mine, too.
But I didn't care…
Back then, I never felt the need to impress anyone. I studied hard to get good grades, but it was always for me, no one else. After all, there was no one to show off for. But I don't think showing off how smart you are would attract a person to you. But what do I know?
I never had any friends until I was eleven. When I went to Muggle School, everyone ignored me. I was left alone, thinking that I was hated and un-loved. And you have no idea what that does to a person.
Gradually you begin to sink lower and lower, until no one can see you. A wall builds up around you, that not even the strongest weapon can destroy. You know you are destined to be alone for the rest of your life. And as time passes, your heart turns black and cold, not letting anyone or anything pierce it; not even your parents. You are not the person you were before. You are now a shell of the person you once were, and nothing can break that shell… except for the one thing that created it, the one thing you have never experienced.
Love from a friend.
Love is an amazing thing. It comes in all different types, and yet… I never had any of it except for love from my parents. And I came to find out that it wasn't enough.
It makes my insides boil to know that if one person, just one person had cared enough about me to become my friend or at least get to know me, I would never have had to endure any of this. I don't think it is fair. How hard can it be to introduce yourself to someone? Maybe you will come to find that the person is not bad at all, and you may become great friends. I do not understand why that concept is so hard to grasp.
I tried… heavens know I tried. So many times I had sauntered up to someone, maybe a class mate, and introduced myself. Every time I was rejected in the cruelest of ways. I was spat on, laughed at, made fun of; the list goes on and on. And every day I would come home, bawling my eyes out.
What is wrong with me?
What is so bad about me that they won't even give me a chance? It puzzles me to know end how kids can be so mean. It makes me wonder if they were raised up that way, to treat others like useless trash. But it always seemed I was the only one to get picked on. Everyone else had friends or someone to play with. Why didn't I?
But like I said before, when I turned eleven, everything changed.
I received startling but amazing news that I was a witch. I never knew witches and wizards were real until I received my Hogwarts letter. I thought they were just some fairytale, made-up creatures in story books. But I was wrong… very wrong.
My parents were hesitant about letting me go. They didn't like the idea of their "only baby-girl" living so far away for such a long time. But after a lot of begging, pleading, and crying on my part, they gave in.
I have to admit I was a little scared about going at first. But I knew that anywhere had to be better than the hell-hole I was living in now. So on September 1st, my parents dropped me off at Kings Crossing Station, where I would begin a whole new chapter of my life… but I didn't know that yet.
~Flashback~
I walked through the invisible barrier to platform 9 ¾. I was breath-taken when I saw the beautiful scarlet train before me; The Hogwarts Express. I pinched myself to make sure I wasn't dreaming. Thank Merlin I wasn't. I looked around at all the other kids, saying their farewells to their parents. I gave my mum and dad a quick peck on the cheek, and pushed my trolley towards the train.
After my luggage was all stored away, a boy my age came up to me asking if he had seen a toad. I said no, but agreed to help him look for it. We boarded the train and before I knew it, I heard the train whistle blow and we began to move.
We poked our head into every compartment, searching for "Trevor" as he called the thing. After about thirty compartments, we came to the last one.
~End Flashback~
Obviously, you all know that's when I met Harry and Ron. Before I met them, I was ignored. Everyone steered clear of me like I had some sort of a disease. But it didn't bug me then. I threw myself into my studies because that's all that mattered to me. I had no one to talk to, no one to spend time with on weekends, and I never had a shoulder to cry on when times got rough.
But this life I had lived for eleven years came crashing down when I walked into that one compartment on the Hogwarts Express for the very first time.
~Continue Flashback~
I had claimed to be looking for Trevor. In actuality, I really was, but when I came to that last compartment, all thoughts about the stupid toad fled my mind. I had not seen Harry Potter yet, so I knew he was in there.
I had read all about him of course. I knew he had caused the downfall of the Dark Lord when he was just a baby. I knew he had been the first person to survive the evil killing curse, Avada Kedavra. I knew he had that infamous lightning bolt scar on his forehead and what caused it. To tell you the truth, I think I knew everything about him that was possible to know; at least about his history anyway.
I half expected him to be rude and arrogant, full of himself you might say. Boy was I in for the surprise of a life-time.
~End Flashback~
I never expected to become friends with him or Ron. Never in my life would I have guessed I would come to share everything with them and have them share everything with me. I never would have thought I would go to Hogwarts and have friends, namely with Harry Potter being one of them. But ever since it happened, my life has taken a different path, and a much better one at that.
My life finally had meaning. I had two great friends who would go to any lengths for me in a heart beat. I had someone to talk to, share my thoughts with; someone who would actually listen and care about what I had to say. I can't express to them just how much their friendship meant to me. It saved me from a place I never thought I could return from; a place I had been my whole life.
Needless to say, I had dug myself another hole when I became friends with them, a hole much deeper than my previous one. And this hole could only be filled by one person. There was nothing anyone could do, except that one person. And that person meant more to me than life itself.
He was the first person to acknowledge my existence. He gave me a chance before he had even gotten to know me. When the others made fun of me, he didn't join in with them. He listened when I talked and actually cared for my well-being even when we were not friends.
If you haven't guessed it by now, let me clue you in. This person was my best friend whom I constantly worried about. Every time he was put in a dangerous situation, which was quite often mind you, I would pull my hair out worrying about him. Whenever he had a Quidditch match, I would always be there, making sure he didn't get hurt; all the while biting my nails and hiding behind my hands. Whenever he needed help with homework, I would help him, or let him copy mine.
To put it simply, I would do anything for him; even die for him, just as I know he would do for me.
For you stragglers out there, the person I am talking about is none other than Harry Potter himself. Whatever thoughts I had about him before I came to Hogwarts were washed clean when I strutted into that blessed compartment.
~Continue Flashback~
Their conversation abruptly stopped and their eyes fell on me. I saw that the red-head had been doing magic, so I egged him to continue, because I was quite curious myself. Not to my surprise, his spell to turn his poor rat yellow failed.
After that, I introduced myself. Harry Potter was very polite and nice to me. He actually listened and looked me in the eye when I spoke. So, you could say that from the very moment I met him, I knew he would change my life.
Ronald Weasley on the other hand, rolled his eyes at me, and passed Harry a look of disdain; an annoyed look written clearly on his face. I figured it was time to shut up and high-tail it out of there.
I don't believe they had a very good first impression of me. I knew right off the bat they were thinking how bossy and annoying I was; and for the first time, it bothered me.
~End of flashback~
I guess I fell in love with Harry from the very beginning. I don't know how or why it happened, but there was something about him that drew me to him; his kindness, his personality, everything.
As the years passed I fell in love with every little thing about him; the way his hair never lies straight, the way he still wears his glasses even though he can wear contacts, how he has to hold himself responsible for every bloody thing that happens.
I knew that I hadn't made the greatest impression on him that first day, but he came to love me as his best friend anyway.
So I try not to dwell too much on that day. What is in the past doesn't matter anymore. What matters is today and what I am feeling now…at least that's what I keep telling myself. And what I'm feeling now is stronger then it has ever been before. I know that no matter what I do, Harry Potter will never see me as anything more than just his best friend, who just so happens to be a girl.
Nothing I do seems to catch his attention, no matter how extravagant the change is. I gave up all I had for one man, and I never want to go through such pain again. Once was enough to completely crush my heart, and I know nothing will ever heal it. The one thing that can, I gave up on because it just wasn't worth it anymore. I suffered through so much and still came up empty-handed. It left such an impact on me that not even time can heal.
So right now, I'm left alone once again to dwell on my thoughts and past mistakes, even though I commanded myself not to. My mind is telling me to stop, give up, and forget him, but my heart is not listening.
My heart is telling me that there is still hope, it's not over yet, don't give up, and keep trying! I've tried for twelve long years and all of it has been in vain. I've tried my hardest to keep my mind in control, but my heart won't hear of it.
The heart thinks and does what it wants, and if it wants control, it will take control.
Someday, I hope to get over him and move on. I will try to settle for the next best thing, but I know that it won't be enough. In my heart, I know that nobody can fill that missing piece except him.
~*~
A/N: So, what did you think? This was originally going to be another one-shot fic, but I thought I owed it to you and myself to write a chapter story for once. So please drop a review and tell me what you think. Thanks!
~Leah
