I DO NOT OWN THE CHARACTERS! (i wish i did but i dont) THEY BELONG TO SUZANNE COLLINS AND I QUOTED THE BOOK FOR THE PART WHERE PEETA SAYS HE CANT GO ON!
My Peeta
"Peeta, what have they done to Peeta?" I ask quietly choking back tears.
"We have a theory but we are not sure-"
"WHAT DID THEY DO TO MY PEETA?" I scream. Tears start to flow. I had seen Peeta in the recovery room, joy coursed through my body as I ran to him. He raised his arms in welcome, or so I thought. I flung my self into his arms, expecting him to embrace me. Instead his hands found my throat and he tried to kill me. I now stand in the room next to his as they try to calm him down. Silent tears course down my cheeks, I quickly concentrate on something else to stop them. The one thing I was sure of, the one thing I knew was real is mutilated and disrupted.
"Your Peeta?" Gale whispers. He's the only one who caught on to that.
"Yes Gale, MY Peeta" I say with venom in my voice. I had been confused about whether Gale or Peeta was right for me, but the moment I saw Peeta here, in district 13 I knew it was him. All doubt was gone, but now he's gone. My Peeta, the kind one who reassured me, who held me, who loved me, he seems to be gone.
"Soldier Everdeen, our theory is that he has been Hijacked". That's when my world crumbled. I knew what hijacking was, they used trackerjacker venom to alter his memories…mostly of me. I listen until I am dismissed and then I sprint to my room. I slam the door and lean against the wall. I slump to the floor and finally let the tears fall freely, no stopping them now. Peeta, my Peeta, wants me dead. He hates me. He doesn't love me anymore. He feels nothing for me, nothing like I do for him. I love him. More than anything do I love him. I stand up forcefully and pull on my drawer. I fling my clothes aside and grab my pearl and locket. The two things Peeta gave me at the Quarter Quell. I clutch both items to my chest and sink down again. It is a while before I resurface. When I do, I have a plan. I will get him back. I don't care how long it takes, I don't care if they say it is impossible, I will get my Peeta back. I stand up, still clutching my pearl and locket. I rub the smooth surface of the pearl against my lips as I walk. I finally reach Peeta's hospital room.
"Woah there Catnip! You can't go in there! He'll kill you!" Gale cautions. I know he loves me and I love him, but I love him like a brother or "cousin". I love Peeta in the way that I cannot and will not live without him. If he's gone, I'm gone.
"Gale, I have an idea" I whisper. He raises his eyebrow.
"What if it doesn't work? What if he attacks you again?" he asks. I turn to the guards outside his room.
"Will you stay close in case he does attack again?" I ask, my voice wobbles.
"Yes Soldier Everdeen" they say in unison. I take a deep breath and grip my pearl and locket. I quietly open the door and leave it slightly ajar. Peeta is still strapped to the bed, less of a danger, but harder to go through with my plan. I make up my mind, this is almost a death wish, what with his strength, he's probably able to break free of his restraints.
"Peeta?"I whisper.
"Katniss!" he snarls. He struggles to release himself from his bonds.
"Peeta, Peeta, please listen to me!" I say, my voice cracks, tears prick my eyes. I used to look into his wonderful, inviting, clear blue eyes for comfort. I look into them now and see that they are clouded with rage.
"Why should I listen to you? YOU'RE NOTHING BUT A STINKING MUTT!" he bellows. I take a deep breath and hold out the pearl and the locket.
"See these Peeta? You gave them to me at the Quarter Quell, you tried to convince me to fight for my life, let you give up yours. I wouldn't do it though. I went in having only one goal, to see you walk out alive. Peeta, I was and still am willing to give my life for you. When I thought you were dead, it was like I was dead inside. I am not going to live without you Peeta" I choke out. He seems stunned for a moment. He stares at the objects in my hand.
"I-I don't know" he trails off. Suddenly he's convulsing. His eyes dilate and shrink and go back again. He's screaming.
"PEETA!" I scream out. I run closer, his arms are still by his sides. He eyes slam shut, he's fighting two memories.
"KATNISS! KATNISS NO! YOU CAN'T DIE YOU CAN'T!" he shouts.
"Peeta, Peeta, its okay! It's okay, it's okay! Please Peeta!" I cry. Tears race down his cheeks. He's still convulsing, he has stopped screaming, he whimpers now. I place my hands on his face. I brush hair out of his face, I wipe away tears, I kiss his forehead, I kiss his cheeks, I kiss his nose, I stay away from his lips. His eyes snap open. He looks at me and starts to scream again. I back up, but not too far. His eyes are still clouded, but now its confusion rather than rage. He's sweating, and he's face contorts with pain. I'm about to loose it. His pain is my pain. The doctor walks in.
"What do you think you are doing?" he yells at me. I am numb with shock, I hold out the pearl and locket to him and explain. He ponders this while Peeta struggles with himself and his memories.
"I'm going to unstrap him, and I want you to hand him the pearl and the locket. Then for the time that he is sane hug him or kiss or something to jar him back to reality okay? If he tries anything we have the guards" he whispers. I nod. Peeta has stopped convulsing and now just stares up at the ceiling. The doctor walks over and unstraps him. He flexes his muscles and sits up. He spots me and a noise like a growl erupts from him. I feel my eyes go wide as he jumps up and makes his way toward me.
"Back off, back off" I hear, but I stand my ground. I once again hold out my hand, the two things that I value most held out as a shield almost. He stops dead.
"K-k-katniss?" he asked uncertainly. I register no emotion, just nod. His eyes focus in on me, and, a smile graces his face. I take a step toward him nervously.
"Peeta?" I asked just as uncertainly. He nods and opens his arms. I look over my shoulder at the doctor. He nods and I immediately turn around and bound into his arms. He strokes my hair and I bury my face in his chest.
"Katniss, I'm so sorry" he whispers. I just hug him tighter.
"I love you Peeta" I whisper, I'm not sure he hears me though. I don't want anything to ruin this moment, my Peeta is back, at least for now. We stay like that for a while then I pull back just to look at him. He smiles. Suddenly the door opens, I turn around and see Finnick walk in. He says the words "Hunger Games" and "Capitol" and "District 12" while talking to Annie. Peeta's grip on me tightens, in fact he's gripping me so hard it hurts. I whip around and look at his face. His are shut again and his face, a mask. Suddenly he squeezes me.
"Peeta? Peeta? PEETA?" I shout. He just looks at me, fury in his eyes.
"NO! NO NO NO!" I shriek. My Peeta he is gone, and this new one, is trying to break my back. I grab his face. I start gasping and crying,
"No Peeta, no PLEASE! Peeta its Katniss, Katniss! Peeta please come back" I sob. Suddenly I am ripped from him as Gale comes in. I struggle against him to get to Peeta. Peeta struggles against the doctors to get to me, but not for the same reasons.
"Katniss, calm down, Katniss please" Gale whispers, his voice cracks. I know its not because of Peeta, its because I am freaking out and it causes him pain to see me like this. I finally stop struggling and just hug Gale.
AFTER WHEN PEETA SAYS HE CAN'T GO ON
Peeta is huddled in a corner, he is the only one who hasn't gotten up.
"Peeta" I say. There is no response from him. He remains huddled with his cuffed hands over his face. I walk over to him and crouch down. I moved his hands from his face and look at him. His eyes, completely black, the blue has almost disappeared entirely. He wrists are flexed and he is stiff.
"Leave me. I can't hang on" he whispers to me. I just stare at him.
"Yes. You can!" I say, urging him to get up. He just shakes his head.
"I'm losing it! I'll go mad. Like them." His voice trembles slightly. The mutts he means.
"Come on Peeta" I say in as fragile a voice I can. He just shakes his head again. Alright well there is only one thing I can think of. It's a death wish, just as it was calling out his name in that hospital room. In fact this could quite possibly result in my death. I take a deep breath and lean towards him. I hear Gale gasp, but I keep going. I kiss him full on the mouth. He starts shuddering and convulsing as he did before.
"Katniss stop it!" Gale shouts. I hold there, I keep my lips pressed against his until I need to come up for air. I look at him and grasp his hands in my own. I lean my forehead against his as he continues to shake.
"Don't let him take you from me" I whisper, any louder and my voice would crack and I would break down. Peeta is panting, he is fighting the tampered memories raging in his mind.
"No. I don't want to…" he is all he manages. He throws his head back and his eyes are closed again. He grunts and gasps. I clench his hands to the point of pain.
"Stay with me" I demand. I watch as his pupils contract to pinpoints, dilate rapidly, and then return to a size that is almost normal. He goes slack and leans his forehead against mine again. He is breathing hard and is sweating.
"Always" he manages. I breathe a sigh of relief and kiss his nose. I help him up and we get ready to move on.
REAL OR NOT REAL?
Peeta and I lay together on his bed. Our clothes lie in a heap on the floor, we are tangled together under the covers. He's breathing heavily and my head is tucked under his chin. He plants a kiss on my hair and pulls back. I had been drifting but he strokes my cheek until I open my eyes and smiles at me.
"You love me…Real or Not Real?" he asks. I raise my hand to his cheek and rub my thumb along the side of his face. His eyes close and small smile creeps onto his lips. I kiss his nose.
"Real" I whisper. His face breaks into a smile that could light the world forever. I kiss him again and we fall asleep clinging to each other. No one will tear us apart ever again.
MARRIED LIFE
I watch the two children playing in the meadow. I lean against Peeta. Our children live in a happy world. No more Hunger Games. My daughter is Primrose Mellark. She has my dark hair and knack for archery. She has Peeta's blue eyes and eye for art. My son has Peeta's blonde curls and again his eyes for art. He seems to have an interest in baking as well. He has my gray eyes. Peeta still has moments where the flashbacks take hold of him and he has to lock himself in a room, or just grip the back of a chair until its over. Most of the time, unless its obvious its dangerous for me, I am right there. Rubbing his back and whispering soothing words until he's my Peeta again. He is my Peeta more or less. He will always be mine, and I will always be his. Our children will not be terrified of being picked to go fight for their lives, we will not tell them about the horrors before they were born. We simply leave it behind, though we cannot fully. I still have my nightmares that accompany Peeta's. In the night we hold each other, we comfort each other. He is my Peeta and I am his Katniss.
