A/n: Before you start reading this I'm gonna give you a few warnings. This is a RikuxSora, RoxasxAxel, LeonxCloud fanfic. Kairi is going to be a bitch, and later on, you will figure out why I rated this M. There will be hints to some pretty vile and graphic stuff, but I will warn you before every chapter. And, no I do not own Kingdom Hearts, because if I did, trust me, the subtle hints of RikuxSora would be out there for the world to see.

Sora: 0.o Wait, what?!

Me: ((Evil scientist laugh)) Neee hahaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!

Riku: Great, she's at it again...

A/N II: Hi All!! So, this is revamped and re-posted, 'cause I had an AMAZING idea. So, besides this chapter, they will MOSTLY all be in first person, okay? Sweet.

This used to be A Past for the Future, but I am redoing everything, so be patient with me, okay?

A/N III: Warning, this is a yaoi, and a lime...maybe a lemon… How about a limon?...Oooh!! An orange! I dunno actually, all these citrus things confuse me… You know what?! Screw it all!! Mine's a freakin grapefruit! What now, bitches?!


Prologue: Papercut

"I don't know how I wound up there, but I did. I can vividly remember the EMTs placing me on the stretcher, and putting the oxygen mask on me. I remember the feeling of my lungs constricting when I went for air that wouldn't come. I remember lights, a lot of lights, bright white lights, even as I faded in and out of darkness. I think there were people there, trying to talk to me to keep me awake…"

The brunette paused as tears began to well in his cerulean blue eyes. The therapist looked at him, and cocked an eyebrow

"Go on Sora."

"Listen, can we stop now? I just want to go home… Please?! Can I go home now?"

A smile graced the good doctors tan features.

"You acknowledge it as your home. Does this mean you remember some things finally?"

"No… It's just… the only place I've known…and Leon… He says he's my brother… And Yuna says she's my sister…But I just don't know… They're nice to me and everything, but it just doesn't…"

The tan boy sighed as his head sunk lower. He looked up at the doctor from his slouched position, his chocolate hair falling over his eyes, but the doctor could still see the desperate look in the young teen's vibrant eyes.

"Please… I just want to go… We're not getting anywhere, and I-… Please, can I go?!"

The doctor sighed at the urgency and anxiousness in Sora's tone… It was the kind that just made you want to relent to what he wanted. But Ansem knew he couldn't. He pulled off his black-rimmed glasses, placing them gently on the legal pad set in his lap.

"No, Sora, not yet. Not until your hour is up, you know the rules. It's been a month, and we still haven't got passed the accident."

Sora sighed, not bothering to raise his gaze up to meet Dr. Ansem's. The old, yellow-eyed man sighed wearily at his patient. The blue-eyed boy was quite stubborn, making it seem like his own problems never existed, throwing everything aside to help others. Yet now, here he sat, alone, afraid, and vulnerable. He had lost his memory of his life before the day he was found, and had gone into a pit of deep depression. It had only been half a year since Sora's parents were killed, and for two months, no one knew where he was. He had wandered into a local police station, bloody, bruised, and half-naked with no memory of anything previous to just an hour before he had said he had started running. Of course, he was immediately taken to a hospital, and even though they did a rape test, they had come up with nothing. Reluctantly, about a month ago, he was released from the hospital into his older brother's care, and shortly after, he started coming to therapy with the famous Dr. Ansem.

"Well, Sora, I'm not going to lie to you, I don't know what we're going to do… You remember everything except who YOU are, who you're friends and family are, and anything else that seems to deal with personal matters in your life… And we've tried everything from talking to hypnosis… And yet you still don't remember…"

"Look, it's not like I chose this!"

The older doctor looked taken aback with Sora's sudden outburst, clearing his throat as Sora just sat there, looking down at the carpet, eyes shadowed by his hair. Tentatively, the doctor tried again.

"Now, Sora, let's go over it once more. You don't remember how, but you remember being in an ambulance?"

"…Yeah…"

"Do you remember running to the police station?"

Silence followed for the next few minutes.

"I… I think so…" Sora finally whispered, breaking the silence. Ansem merely nodded his head, urging the brunette to continue. "… I… was in a dark room… It was cold. I- " He felt tears starting to burn his eyes, but he continued. "I heard someone laughing, and they weren't alone… I was in so much pain, and I was shackled to a little bed… Then… someone came in – "

"Who?! Who walked in Sora?!" Dr. Ansem felt his anticipation growing in the pit of his stomach. They were so close, he felt it. "Think Sora… Who walked into the room?"

"I-I don't know!" He shrieked, tears falling down his cheeks. He then started to sob, covering his eyes with his hand, ashamed to let anyone else see him break down like this. All the doctor could do was sit there and watch as the boy broke down, feeling his heart break with him. He wanted to reach out, to pull that scared little boy into a tight embrace and let him know everything was alright. But, Sora would let no one touch him. The sheer thought of another's touch sent him into a fit. No, all the doctor could do was sit there, watch and do nothing.

It seemed like forever until the boy's crying died down, and he sat there, arms protectively around himself. Suddenly, Sora heard the grandfather clock telling them that their time was up. Ansem smiled reassuringly at Sora, scribbling something onto his legal pad.

"Well Sora, looks like our time is up… I think we've gotten further today, don't you?"

There was a knock at the door as the brunette man walked into the room. Ansem stood up, shaking his hand.

"AH! Squall!"

"Umm…It's Leon now, Dr. Ansem…"

"Ah, yes, terribly sorry, I always forget… Now, Sora is due back here in another week… and can I possibly take a moment of you time to go over something with you?"

Leon nodded as he looked at Sora.

"Yeah, hey Sora, I'll meet you and Yuna in the car, 'kay? She's in the lobby."

Sora stood up slowly and walked out the door, closing it behind him, but he could still hear the muffled voices of the doctor and his brother.

"What did you want to talk to me about?"

"Well, I'll be frank… it doesn't look like he'll be remembering anything for a while… I'm sorry to say this, but he might have a permanent case of amnesia…"

"…What do you mean?"

"Your younger brother has a form of Traumatic Retrograde amnesia, meaning, because of a traumatic event that occurred to him, he is not able to recall anything in his long-term memory… I have not determined whether it is a psychological defense mechanism, or because of what happened that is causing his brain to not be able to register those memories. Now, usually this type of amnesia isn't permanent… but-"

"But what?!"

"I can't be so sure with Sora…"

"How can you not be sure?!"

"Well, in a month of therapy, we have only just gotten passed the ambulance ride…"

"He has to remember. This isn't my little brother!" (This is what upset Sora more than anything. Even though he didn't remember Leon, it still hurt to hear that he was just a shadow of who everyone expected him to be.) "Sora is miserable! The Sora I knew never was miserable!"

"I am sorry, Leon… We have to take this slow. Whatever happened to him, and whoever did it, he has been scarred, and whatever it is he fears frightens him to death. I will not push him further than I have to. That might end disastrous."

"… I just want to see my brother smile again… That's all…"

"I know. I will have to figure it out as the program continues…"

Sora heard silence, and then felt something in him drop as he walked off, walking straight passed Yuna and out into the parking lot. Sora stood there, near the black sports car. Dammit!! Why couldn't he remember?! Was something wrong with him?! What happened?! He stood there, trying so hard to remember, lost in his own thoughts, when he felt someone's hands on his shoulders. He looked up, and found himself string into gorgeous aqua eyes.

"Hey… You okay?"

Sora was speechless. In front of him stood a modern-age Adonis. He had medium length silver hair, and flawless pale skin. He was tall, about 6'5, and had a very muscular yet lean build, a lot like Leon's but smaller. He smiled at the speechless brunette. Damn he had a perfect smile!

"I said, are you okay?"

Sora shook his head as he came back to reality.

"Huh? Oh, y-yeah… sorry…"

"You sure… you looked like you were having difficulties with something…"

"No! I'm fine!"

The silver-haired youth came really close to Sora as he brushed the hair out of Sora's face, staring into his eyes. The mysterious teen then pulled away, chuckling to himself as he walked into the building. Sora continued to watch the teen, until he was out of sight. He was so lost in his thoughts he didn't notice Yuna or Leon walk up beside him. Yuna put a hand on his shoulder, and he jumped, moving out of her reach.

"Sora, are you okay?" Yuna asked, worry about her little brother evident.

"Yeah. I am fine." He lied, even as they all got near the Ferrari belonging to Leon. Without a word, they all got in.

Yuna and Leon proceeded to talk about things to get for Sora, and his upcoming school year, how to make the transition of moving a little easier, and things like that. But Sora seemed to be wrapped in his own thoughts, most of them centering on the white-haired teen who had had met only a few minutes earlier. Within the hour, they were home, and Sora quickly made it to his room before anyone could stop him. Locking his bedroom door behind him, he fell to the ground, his emptiness swelling within him. It was so consuming, and so painful. The agony of not knowing who he was overwhelmed him, and without thinking, he pulled the razor from the nearby desk. He took off his shirt, running the blade of the razor against the soft skin of his shoulder. Instant relief hit when the pain did, and he leaned against the door, closing his eyes. Biting back a whimper, he made another cutting motion on his forearm, but far enough from his wrist where Leon wouldn't notice. He sat there, his senses heighten to everything around him. He felt the blood running down his arm in small rivulets. He felt every burst of wind racing through the window brush against his skin softly. He heard every sound that was made; he could hear his labored breathing, the creaking of the wood from where Leon was walking down the hall, the movement of pots and pans as Yuna began to prepare dinner in the room directly below him. For the first time in months, he felt alive. Slowly he pulled his shirt back on, hiding his newly acquired wounds from the sight of his older siblings. Crawling to his bed, and pulling himself in it, he fell into a fitful slumber, with dreams of faceless assailants torturing him monopolizing his nightmares.


Sora: ... Why? Why does this always happen to me? Every time something good happens in my life, you take it away!!

Me: Hey! Don't blame me, blame my brain!

Riku: Well, at least she hasn't gotten to the part where we have sex.


Me: ... No, but in the next chapter, my dear Riku, you develop an obsession. SQUEE!!