Title: Decisions
Author: Ines
Email: ines.hamernik (at) chello.at
Rating: PG-13
Category: Romance/Angst/Humor
Pairing: Jack/Sam
Spoilers: None
Season: 8 BUT Chimera never happened so Pete doesn't exist in my AU.
Song/Lyrics: By Depeche Mode - It´s no good
Archive: Others please let me know.
Summary: Jack finally knows what he wants, but what about Sam?
Disclaimers: Don't own them I have just borrowed Sam, Jack and Cassie to play a little bit with. I promise I'll not harm them and return them in one piece when I finished or get bored.
Author's Note: As always I have to thank my great beta Trish who encouraged me to write more stories. And thanks to all of you who reviewed to my other stories I appreciate this.
Decisions
It was a warm autumn day in the late afternoon. The sun had already set and it was getting dark outside. The normally quiet neighborhood was disturbed by loud music from General Jack O'Neill's house. Inside the house a birthday party was going on. Fifteen teenagers were dancing, laughing and talking to each other, which caused an enormous amount of noise, while a busy Carter tried to clean a wet spot left by a dropped paper cup. Vowing to herself to make him pay for leaving her alone with the crazy teens, she walked into the kitchen to get rid of the now wet dishtowel.
When Cassie had asked Jack two weeks ago if she could use his house for her birthday party, he had said yes without hesitation, although he had insisted on inviting Carter too. He told Cassie he wanted someone his age around to keep him company while fifteen teenagers occupied his house. It was a lame excuse to have her around and he had known it instantly, but Cassie had immediately agreed with a huge grin on her face.
Here he was ... on the top of his roof looking at the beautiful stars in the sky. It was just dark enough to watch them and what really mattered... it was the last quiet place in his house. After having had a discussion with one of the boys about the music level he had decided Carter could handle this on her own for a while.
´Good leadership training´, he thought. ´If she is able to handle a crowd of teens she is able to handle an army of Jaffa, too.´
Looking into the wonderful, cloudless and almost dark sky, he took a sip of his soda. He would never think of drinking alcohol when there were so many kids in his house... Impressionable teenagers he was responsible for.
Looking through his telescope he spotted a bright blue shining star... A star that reminded him of the one person he couldn't stop thinking of lately.
During the last few months he hadn't been able to think of anything else but her. He had tried to focus on other important stuff like taking care of the pile of paperwork that had covered his desk for the last 2 weeks, but his thoughts had always returned to her...
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He opened the file of a mission report and read the first sentence. Suddenly, the steam of a hot shower surrounded him. He took a look around in confusion and recognized his bathroom, but who was in the shower? Looking around again, his gaze landed on an unfamiliar pile of clothes. Clothes that he was pretty sure belonged to a woman. Glancing up, all he could see while looking through the steamed doors of his shower cubicle was the outline of a beautiful woman. She was slender and her legs seemed to be endless, while her movements were smooth and feminine. He wanted to know who was hiding behind the opaque door, he needed to know... Just as he reached his hand out towards the barrier, the water cut off and the woman turned towards him. He held his breath as she reached for the handle... the door slowly opening...
„Unauthorized Offworld activation ... Unauthorized Offworld activation"
His head jerked up from his arms, where he had rested his head after falling asleep. The sound of the alarm klaxons was still ringing in his ears as he fought off the dregs of sleep. He took a last look at the opened file and read, „Team: SG-1. CO: Lieutenant Colonel S. Carter..." Thunderstruck, he felt everything come back to him in a rush. As the klaxons continued to ring, he realized that this was not time to think about the strange dream and rising, he headed for the gateroom.
2 days later
He was in a briefing with SG-3 about their next mission. Captain Miles explained the importance of their mission to help the people with medication, food and tools in order to get access to the Naquada mine they had found on a previous mission to PX5-776.
The fact that he was a General now, hadn't changed his behavior when he got bored during a briefing. The he wasn't paying much attention, was actually a flattering description of a General who was drawing little smiley faces all over the sheets Miles had handed out. Just as he finished a really fun one he heard something. At first he wasn't sure if the others heard it too, but as no one turned to look and Miles happily continued his explanations about the prevailing flora and fauna, he decided it had to be in his head.
´Jack you have to go. ... Bring her something to eat. She is starving ... and exhausted´, Jack turned to look at Miles, who was still describing an important flower, and held a hand up to stop him.
„As much as I love this interesting presentation about PX5-776 I have to stop this now. I've heard enough to instruct the President. Thank you gentleman," he told them. „Dismissed."
Confused, SG-3 left as they were told.
Still sitting at the head of the table, he pondered what he should do. He had known immediately whom the voice was referring to. It frightened him even more that he had instantly known. He made his decision and headed for the commissary and ordered Coffee and blue Jell-O and then made a beeline to her lab. He opened the door carefully, so as not to startle her... He'd made that mistake once, the result being a grouchy Major with a cut on her left hand. Slowly pushing the door handle while balancing the coffee and the blue Jell-O in his hands, he leaned his back against the door to push it open.
„Hey Car... " His voice trailed off immediately as he caught sight of her sleeping form.
He sat down on a free chair and just watched her. He was completely lost in time when he realized that he still held the coffee and the Jell-O in his hands. He sipped at the coffee and ate the blue Jell-O while watching her sleeping form.
´She looks so peaceful,´ he thought.
From time to time he pushed a silky stray lock of hair out of her face, smiling as she continued to sleep. He didn't know how long he'd sat there but it had to be hours... His back was sore from the uncomfortable lab chair and his knees hurt from the lack of movement. He could pay attention to a briefing only a certain amount of time but he never got tired of watching her, awake or asleep. Although he preferred to watch her asleep... that was when she let all of her guards down and he was able to get a slight glimpse of the real Samantha Carter.
Just as he decided to leave, he noticed Sam starting to stir. He quickly left her lab and headed for the security room.
He wasn't able to fall asleep. He had been lying awake in his bed for hours, sleep completely elusive. Each time he closed his eyes, pictures of her smiling face appeared. The vision was always the same. She wore that lovely summer dress in bright colors with flower patterns, her hair had become a little bit longer and the ring on her finger was sparkling in the sunshine. He could see her speaking as she walked over to him but he wasn't able to hear what she said. Standing in front of him only inches between them she closed the remaining distance. At this point the vision always faded. It took hours for him to finally find the much needed rest his body required. Exhausted, but with a smile on his face, he drifted off to sleep.
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Only offworld had he ever been able to collect his thoughts and force his mind to focus on what he was doing. But since he was now a General, it rarely happened that he went offworld with his team. His presence was always required on base.
Startled by the creak of the wooden floor he turned around to see the woman of his thoughts was standing before him. She looked exhausted, but nevertheless she was smiling at him. Although she looked tired to him, she was just as beautiful as ever. He caught himself staring at her with a dizzy smile on his face.
„Hi," he said, a little bit surprised by her sudden appearance in his hiding place. Shaking his head to regain some self-control, he asked, „What's up downstairs?"
„I was looking for you, Sir," she answered, forcing herself to sound serious.
Jack immediately felt sorry for leaving her with all of the work, knowing how frustrating dealing with teenagers could be. He started to apologize but didn't even get a chance to say something before she quietly cleared her throat, an indication she was up to something.
„I wanted to let you know, that one of the boys deleted one of your favorite Simpson's tapes by accident." Quickly adding the ‚Sir', she stared at him, waiting for any kind of reaction.
Jack knew immediately that she was kidding. He saved his tapes to avoid such accidents, pulling out this little piece of plastic; which, once removed, protected the tape from being deleted. Quickly deciding to let her have her fun, he played along. Eyes wide, he looked at her angrily. „You are kidding, right?"
She shook her head no.
„How is this possible?" He asked the question, already knowing she would have made up an answer for him... His Carter always thought about a plan twice.
„Sir, they watched the tape and didn't turn off the VCR. One of the boys accidentally pushed the record button... They didn't realize it until it was too late." Her voice was soft as she told him her made-up story, trying desperately to stay serious.
He rose to his full height and took a step toward Sam and the ladder.
Not knowing he knew she was kidding, Sam decided the fun was over and stopped him by taking a step forward, resting her hands on his shoulders to stop him from going any further.
When he felt her hands on his shoulders through the thin fabric of his shirt, the vision of her in the lovely dress popped into his mind. He must have looked very confused, because she started to laugh at his expression.
´Yeah revenge can be really sweet', Sam thought, still looking at his now stupefied expression.
„No giggling Major!" The order came out much louder than he had intended it to.
„I'm not giggling Sir, I'm actually laughing," she managed to reply between the laughs.
Her laughing was infectious and he found himself joining her.
„Sorry Sir, I just wanted my revenge for being left alone with a crowd of teens with no respect," she gasped, still trying to get control of her laughter.
He watched her and there it was again. The vision of her in that dress. Something was different this time, the voice so quiet it was hard to understand as it whispered; ´Jack... You know you love her.´
The voice sounded familiar to Jack but he still couldn't figure out to whom this voice belonged.
´Now the time is right to show her ... Or you will lose her forever. ... Hurry up! She wont wait forever ... DO something. NOW. You know you have no more regulations to prevent you, so what are you waiting for?´
„I know," was his short, barely understood answer. He wasn't sure himself, which statement he was actually replying to.
She was a little surprised by his last statement.
´I know? He knew. ... Crap. ... But if he had known, why had he looked so strange?´ Sam couldn't believe he knew and hadn't say something.
Suddenly, she realized that her hands were still resting on his shoulders and the space between them was very close. Just as their eyes met, the music reached new levels of loudness.
...
„...I don't know what it is
That makes me feel like this
I don't know who you are
But you must be some kind of superstar
Cus you got all eyes on you no matter where you are
You just make me wanna play..."
...
The lyrics floated up to them, clearly heard from downstairs.
Now Jacks' quiet, hiding place, wasn't so quiet anymore.
Lost in each other's eyes, the electricity between the two was nearly visible. They each stared into the others eyes, the need to say something gone. Years of suppressed feelings had taught them to show their affection for each other in different ways. Most of the time they didn't recognize their subtle flirting themselves, but it was there and had developed into an art form over the years. They had learned to show their affection to each other with only a glance, a smile or a nod and most of the time it had been enough. But something had changed, Jack wanted more. It wasn't enough anymore to just look at her; he wanted to touch her, to hold her in his arms. He wanted to be there for her when she felt bad, to be able to show his feelings for her in public. He wanted to wake up with her in his arms every morning for the rest of his life. He wanted to kiss her, to make love to her. He wanted to be able to tell her that he loved her. He wanted her so much it hurt.
She thought about his behavior over the last few months and realized that something was different. She was used to his visits in her lab, but there was more to it than that. When she thought about it, she realized he was less distanced now. He smiled at her more often... Ok it had happened before, but during the last few weeks he had come to her office nearly every day, twice sometimes, to check if she needed something or only to distract himself. He brought her coffee and ordered her off base if she was working too hard. In the past he had been caring too, but he hadn't showed it as obviously as he was now.
After the Zatarc debacle she knew he cared more than he was supposed to, but feelings can change easily. And there were always the damn regs hanging over their heads like the Sword of Damocles. She had always wanted to be in the Air Force, it had been everything to her. She'd worked hard to be where she was today, ignoring some of the important things in life to succeed. And she had. She'd just been promoted ... By him. What would people on base think if they started a relationship? Many of them knew she earned that promotion... She had saved their lives many times, not to mention the planet, but there would be always someone who would be jealous.
The grapevine on base was already out of control. Two weeks ago she'd overheard a conversation between two young Airmen about a bet. She couldn't understand everything they'd said, but it concerned a bet about herself and the General. Something about what the General had done while he spent hours in her office. She was too angry to say anything she wouldn't regret later and had let it go. The next day Daniel started to act strange... Well stranger than usual. He'd wanted to know if she had seen the General the day before. When she had told him she hadn't seen him, he'd looked disappointed. If such stupid, untrue rumors got that much attention, what would happen if something real ever happened? She loved him, but she couldn't gamble her career, not even for him. She sighed and closed her eyes.
As her eyes closed, a vision of Jack sitting on a park bench came to her mind. She could see herself walking over to him. She wore a nice dress and her hair was longer. Now she was standing in front of him and when he rose he hugged her tightly. He looked so happy... she had never seen him smile like that.
All of a sudden everything went black and she opened her eyes, meeting the intense gaze of his chocolate brown eyes.
They didn't recognize a new song had been started.
„...I'm going to take my time
I have all the time in the world
To make you mine
It is written in the stars above
The gods decree
You'll be right here by my side
Right next to me
You can run but you cannot hide..."
She knew she had to do something, although a part of her wanted to stay. She tried but wasn't able to pull her eyes away from his gaze. She had seen so much in his eyes, things she never recognized before... Or did she never recognize them because she feared the consequences if she did?
´Sam, you left it in that room... You decided it was best a long time ago,´ the voice in her head chastised her.
Lost in her thoughts, she didn't recognize that Jack had moved closer until she was able to feel his breath right next to her left ear. His closeness caused goose bumps on her skin and the argument in her head between Sam the woman and Sam the soldier was over. The soldier surrendered ... for the moment.
„Everything ok with you? You look.... cold," he softly whispered.
Guessing she didn't shiver because she felt cold, he didn't know what else to say. His own thoughts were driving him crazy. He wanted her so much, but he had to wait for a sign… something, anything, that told him she was ready for him. Ready for their love.
She felt his warm breath on her sensitive skin and a shiver ran down her spine. Jack recognized this too and wrapped his arms around her and embraced her tightly.
Don't say you need me
Don't say you love me
It's understood
Don't say you're happy
Out there without me
I know you can't be
'cause it's no good..."
Sam was so lost in thought she didn't even recognize they had started dancing. Her mind was still trying to figure out what this vision was about. Maybe a sign to follow her feelings? Maybe. Or something her subconscious was trying to tell her. God knew she wanted him more than anything else but she couldn't risk their careers. Both had been recently promoted....
I'll be waiting patiently
Till you see the signs
And come running to my open arms
When will you realize
Do we have to wait till our worlds collide
Open up your eyes
You can't turn back the tide..."
Smash.
Startled by the sound, she was suddenly aware of where she was and in whose arms she was dancing, even as she recognised how good it felt. She took a deep breath and closed her eyes slowly as a vision of Jack appeared. There he was again, sitting on that park bench smiling and waiting for her.
Crash.
The sound of glass smashing followed by Cassie's loud voice shouting at someone startled her out of her thoughts once more. Sam pulled her head up from where it had been resting on his chest and looked down the ladder.
Don't say you love me
It's understood
Don't say you're happy
Out there without me
I know you can't be
'cause it's no good..."
Jack followed her movements and as she turned her head back, to him their noses bumped.
He could feel the light touch as their noses met.
´Maybe you won't get another chance ... Now or never... Do something... Jaaack forcryingoutloud! ...Don't be a jerk!´ , The familiar voice yelled at him.
He couldn't resist anymore. The voice was right. Why wait? Closing the remaining space between them, he closed his eyes and kissed her softly on the lips. His heart beginning to sink when she didn't respond.
Sam didn't know how long she'd been lost in her thoughts when soft lips caressing hers suddenly startled her.
´Oh. My. God,´ was all she was able to think of.
Eyes still closed she slowly parted her lips. She wasn't sure if this was real or a figment of her imagination. She felt his wet tongue on her lips and realized that this had to be real. Opening her mouth a little more, she felt him immediately respond to the new circumstances. As their tongues met, both felt the electricity rush through their bodies and all thoughts about regulations and other uncertainties were gone.
I have all the time in the world
To make you mine
It is written in the stars above..."
Freed of all sorrows, the tension between them vanished and they relaxed for the first time. They were only Jack and Sam. Man and woman. Two people sharing the greatest gift on earth: Love. The kiss became more intense the longer it lasted. Arms wrapped tightly around each other as hands began to slowly make their ways along the other's body. Sam tangled her slender fingers in Jacks' short hair, as he cupped her face with both hands, kissing her with a passion he thought he had lost a long time ago. They kissed until both were breathless.
Gasping for air, Sam rested her head on Jacks chest, smiling as she felt him drawing patterns on the small of her back. Together they moved to the music.
„...Don't say you want me
Don't say you need me
Don't say you love me
It's understood
Don't say you're happy
Out there without me
I know you can't be
'cause it's no good..."
The song stopped and they stopped dancing.
As the music faded, the soldier in Sam's mind woke up and yelled at her ´Why are you so stupid? ... Do you want to lose everything for a few hours of happiness? ... I know you love him, but you can't let your feelings overwhelm you. Not now. You have suppressed them this long and everything was fine.´
´Yeah. Sure. Everything was fine,´ was her sarcastic response to the voice.
´The time will soon come for you two,´ another voice in her spoke.
´You could stop now and pretend nothing ever happened´ she thought, pulling away from him. She was angry... not with him, but with herself for not being able to resist, for not being strong enough to say no.
Jack had felt the tension begin to rise in her after the song ended and allowed her to take a step back from him. But he had no intention of letting her go, not like this. There were too many things left unspoken.
He was so unsure of the situation. Maybe the kiss was a huge mistake and he had screwed up everything they had between them. She looked so angry and hurt... Then there it was again, the picture of her in the park with this incredible smile on her lips. He didn't hear the voice anymore, as he thought; It's now or never He forced so much love in this one kiss, and she responded with so much passion, that he couldn't put his hope away that easily. For the last few weeks he had thought a lot about resigning, the regulations that kept them apart and had come to the conclusion he would do anything, even resign, if there were no other possibilities for him to be with her. He would do it for her, for him, for them.
Then General Hammond sent him a letter attached with a Presidential order. The fraternization regulations had been immediatley reversed for the SGC said the order.
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4 days ago
As Jack read the order, he couldn't believe what he was seeing. Finally, after 8 years, he was officially allowed to take Carter on a fishing trip up to his cabin. First, he wanted to run to her lab and tell her about the news but then he decided against telling her. He didn't want to rush her. She should be able to decide on her own if she wanted a relationship with him or not. He wasn't even sure if she cared for him anymore, as she had admitted to during the Zatarc testing. What if she had another guy, someone she had fallen in love with? He wasn't sure about that, he didn't ask her such personal questions. Either Daniel or Teal'c would have known and would have told him, but he couldn't be completely sure. He spent the rest of the day wondering what he should do. In the end he decided he would wait and see how things developed. Maybe he should wait for a sign or something... a touch, a word, anything that could assure him she still had feelings for him.
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Still angry about herself she started to rise. Jack immediately recognised her movement and reaching for her, said softly „Don't go. ... Not like this, ... Please."
She stared at the ground, unable to look into his pleading brown eyes. She could hear both the fear and the love in his voice, and it made her stand frozen in front of him, not knowing what to do next. Thousands of thoughts crossed her mind... Should she take the next step in her life, a life in which exists no General, Sir; Colonel or Carter, but only Sam and Jack or should she turn on her heels and run?
She was still lost in her thoughts on whether to run away or to take the chance of her life and reach for the happiness standing in front of her, when Jack reached out one hand to touch her.
Suddenly his cell phone rang. Cursing himself for not turning it off, he looked at the display, which read, „SpaceMonkey".
Great timing as usual, Jack thought and answered the call.
„Yes!" He knew he sounded ruder than he wanted to, but didn't care.
„Sorry, did I disturb you?" Daniel's voice filtered through the speaker.
„No, not anymore than usual." Jack struggled to hide his frustration, but was a bit annoyed by Daniels bad timing.
„I'm just calling to tell you I'm not going to make it to Cassie's party in time. My car refuses to start... Siler's promised to take a look at it, but I don't know how long it will take to get the car ready."
While listening to Daniels explanations about his cranky car, Jack turned to look out at his beautiful, but dark back yard.
„I'll tell her, but she will be disappointed if you don't show up," was Jacks answer, as he tried to get rid of his friend as quickly as possible.
„Tell her I love her and I'll figure something out to make it up to her if it's too late to come over. See you." With a soft click, Daniel hung up.
With one last look at the display, Jack turned back where Sam was supposed to be... But she was gone and he was alone on his roof.
TBC
