It was May 6th, 2002 in Konoha and it was 102 outside, which was a striking contrast because four days ago, it was 31 outside. The temperature outside fluctuated more than Oprah's weight in 1991. Sakura was outside in front of her high school wearing just a thong and her bare breasts that you couldn't even find with a telescope were hanging out. Her sweat had drenched her shitty pink hair and her body was so wet with it that you could fill up a gallon jug with it. It was pretty gross to look at her, but not as gross as some of the pink hairs that were poking out of her thong. They did not look sexy, and neither did the orange cowboy boots she had on that looked like something Sophia Petrillo from the Golden Girls wore when she went square dancing with a man who didn't believe that you could catch the flu from not washing your pussy enough.

"Look, nigga, I'm hot," said 18-year-old Sakura as she talked to Ino who was wearing a skirt without panties and a halter top. "I've looked over the campus for seven minutes and not one of the vending machines sells beer. This school is so fucking outdated, much like that time we went to your aunt Kukimoshitsu and she still used a well to get water. Like, it's 2002, nigga. Use a faucet. It's not 1848, you know."

"Look, cunt, don't insult my aunt!" said Ino as she slapped Sakura's titty. Sakura didn't even flinch since she had no mammary glands. Ino loved spiced dumplings with cajun. It was part of being a modern girl from North Dakota who was now living in Japan.

All the sudden, a large vehicle starting blaring "Rollout" by Ludacris and Sakura turned around.

"Here come my niggas now in the black Hummer stuntin'," said Sakura as she saw that it was Sasuke driving a black Hummer H2. He opened the door and came out wearing a speedo and a tank top. He had an extremely large bulge in his speedo and it looked like he had a turnip poking out. Sakura had huge eyes as she saw her boyfriend in the speedo and she laughed and hugged him, her nonexist titties rubbing against him. He pushed her down and she laughed at the sexy abuse.

"Look, I got something fun to tell you niggas," said Sasuke as he pulled his speedo down and flashed his asshole at everyone before farting. "They are having a rally at this gas a few miles north and they are distributing prizes.

All the sudden, "My Heart Will Go On" was playing and a blue Saturn Ion appeared. It was Naruto and he was wearing an orange speedo and a scarf that looked like something Michael Jordan found outside of a Costco in St. Louis. Man, did he look so fucking stupid that it made Sakura want to vomit more because his nipples weren't even covered up. They looked like flesh-colored grapes and the were pouring sweat everywhere. Sakura wanted to have her eyes stapled before she wanted to see this nigga's nipples again. But they were too hilarious to ignore so she kept looking at them.

"Naruto!" said Ino as she started to do the shimmy and kissed her boyfriend. Why Ino was with Naruto was beyond the scope of anyone's imagination, but hey, there was no accounting for taste, but Naruto was an individual who thought Cream O' Wheat was too spicy to eat.

"My ho!" said Naruto as he began to twerk while wearing the speedo. He farted a little and then Sasuke rolled his eyes.

"Naruto, lemme teach you how to fart," said Sasuke as he slapped both butt cheeks and released a fart of about 92 decibels. He was really proud of himself and Ino started to laugh at the stench.

An "awhooga!" sound was made and a 1923 Lincoln Model L appeared. It was Shikamaru and that pineapple head Idiot had gotten spinners on his 79 year old car that belonged to a woman who used to protest in women's suffrage in Canada and would toss off her hat to anyone who gave her a Budweiser.

Shikamaru was wearing a pair of fishnet stockings and very short running shorts and a training bra and had lip gloss on.

"Sorry I'm late," said Shikamaru as he pulled out his wallet and threw a condom at Sasuke. "This is what you get for not telling my mother about my women's shoe collection."

"Thanks, fruity," said Sasuke as he put it in his pocket and wiggled his eyebrows at Sakura. "Look, nigga, I guess we have to wait for Ch-"

Sure enough, there was Chouji in his giant Volvo crew cab truck that was used as an 18 wheeler. He had "Oops! I Did it Again" playing as he was driving. He got out and belched as soon as he got out.

"Look, guys, I arrived," said Shikamaru as he had on a bathrobe. "I got some potato chips so we can have some fun." He brought his handy log and put it on the ground and put some chips on it and said, "Futon!" and sucked them up like a vacuum. He belched so loud that it knocked Shikamaru over and Chouji laughed with satisfaction.

"Fatty, gimme that bag," said Naruto as he approached Chouji and snatched the Pringles. He put seven on a log and did a fruity hand motion and said, "Anal Futon!" And a suction came outta his ass and the chips flew to the asshole part of his speedo. He then did the fart Jutsu and all the pringles were released at 200 miles per hour, smashing the side mirror or Shikamaru's Lincoln.

"Baka!" screamed Sakura as she did a sexy uppercut and launched Naruto into the air, his farting as he did so and his speedo came off as he was flying, mooning everyone in the city. There were two twinkles in the sky: one for him, and another for his speedo.

Ino ran over to Sakura and did a roundhouse kick.

"Nigga, that's my boyfriend!" she screamed and then laughed when Sakura slapped her across the face. They fought for about 23 seconds and then Naruto returned, completely nude. No one bothered to look at his nasty pubic hairs and resumed their conversation.

"Yeah, so we're going to the rally, okay?" said Sasuke. "Sakura, get in my car." He walked over to the Hummer and turned on "Without You" by Mariah Carey. In about 8 minutes, they arrived to the rally. It was at a Toyota dealership and the guy who was hosting it was wearing a blue bikini and had a huge outline for his balls. That's all he was wearing. A blue bikini.

"ARE YOU NIGGAS READY TO DEMONSTRATE THAT THE HOKAGE IS A LOSER?!" he shouted as he jumped out, his testicles moving a lot. The guy wearing the blue bikini was Kotetsu.

"HELL YEAH!" screamed the audience. They talked for about 48 minutes why the Hokage was a fucking loser and then it was time to distribute the prizes.

"YEAH, YOU SEXY HO IN THE THONG ON AND NO TITTIES AND BRA!" shouted Kotetsu as his his penis bulge began to move. "CATCH THIS!"

Sakura caught an envelope and there was a voucher inside.

"A Disney Cruise to Antarctica?" she said in astonishment. "KISS MY ASS, NIGGAS!" she said as he punched everyone out of the way and went home screaming with delight.