Be Careful What You Wish For
What happens when Jeff gets what he says he wants
Annie had begun dating Darren over Spring Break. When she introduced him to the group, Jeff instantly tagged him as a douchebag and insisted that Britta and Shirley talk to her. Britta, having been down this road before with Vaughn, flat out refused to get involved in Annie's dating life again. Shirley, though admitting she was a little worried about Darren's character, was too caught up with her pregnancy to deal with a new problem.
Out of desperation, Jeff brought this problem to the guys. Abed reminded him that the last time he interfered in one of the women's love life, Britta's nephew had thought she was coming on to him. Troy took Abed's side, mainly because they had plans to freeze some Special Drink to see how it tasted as ice cream, and that was more fun than talking to Annie about another dude. Pierce's only response was to mutter, "Just pork her already."
So that left Jeff. And while he didn't relish the thought of talking to Annie about this guy, someone had to do it. You know, for her sake.
Which is how he got to be where he was now: in a screaming match with Annie, just the two of them left in the study room.
"I can't believe you are doing this again!" she yelled, her hands balled into fists.
"All I'm doing is pointing out that you have terrible taste in men!" he yelled back, hunching over to get in her face.
She raised an eyebrow and lowered her voice to a dangerous level. "Well, maybe that's true, since I used to have a thing for you."
Jeff knew she was trying to get him angry, to flip the script, but he wasn't biting. He could push her buttons, too.
"Used to have a thing for me?" he asked, sarcasm dripping in his voice. "C'mon, Annie, how do I know you're not dating this loser just to make me jealous?"
She had pursed her lips together as he spoke, ready to make a quick retort. But as his words registered, all she did was blow out a small breath and take a step back.
Jeff was expecting more vitriol, so he was shocked to see her move away. He watched as she crossed her arms as if she was protecting herself from his words, from him.
He straightened up to his full height and exhaled. "Look, Annie," he began more calmly.
"No, you're right, I admit it," she interrupted, turning her eyes to him. "I know Darren is a loser, but he's the only guy that has paid me attention in months. So I agreed to go out with him, partly because he was there, and partly because I was secretly hoping you would hate it."
Jeff shook his head slowly. "You shouldn't have done that."
"Why not?" Annie asked, feeling a little bolder. "You do hate it. We wouldn't be here right now if you didn't."
"I'm just trying to look after you, as a friend," he offered.
"That's bull, Jeff!" she cried, stepping back into his personal space. "Maybe that kiss last year meant more to me than it did to you, and maybe I've read more into everything that's happened since then, but you feel something for me, too."
"Annie, we're friends," he repeated.
She nodded. "Yes, we are friends. But there's something else there, too. It's been there since the debate. It's why you hated the idea of me dating Vaughn, it's why you wouldn't let Rich get voted into the group, and it's why you're trying to get me to dump Darren."
Annie was now mere inches away from him, her finger pointed into his chest. "I can admit that I tried to make you jealous, so why can't you just admit that you are jealous? What are you so scared, of Jeff?"
She was taunting him, he reminded himself. He should be mature and not give in to it. But she was giving him such a smug look, it made him snap.
"All right, I admit it!" he yelled, arms in the air. "I hated it when you dated Vaughn, I hated the idea of you dating Rich, and I hate that you're now dating Douchebag Number Three."
Even though he was yelling and pushing into her personal space, causing her to blindly step backwards, Annie smiled triumphantly.
"I would hate the idea of you dating Troy," he ranted on, "or Fat Neil, or that guy," he said, pointing to a random man walking past the study room. "And while we're at it, I hate the idea of you transferring, and I sometimes think about you when I'm out with other women and all of it, Annie, all of it is really, really bad."
"But why is it bad?" she implored, taking a step forward. "Why is the idea of us so bad for you?"
He once again lowered his face to make direct eye contact. "No, not bad for me: bad for you. I. Am. Bad. For. YOU."
"Don't you get it?" he continued. "You think I've been leading you on, or messing with your head or whatever. But what I've really been doing, since the night of the Transfer Dance, is protecting you from me."
"Oh, c'mon Jeff," she scoffed, crossing her arms again. "That is such a lame excuse."
He stared at her, begging her to understand. "I don't want to be that guy. The guy who breaks your heart in college; the guy you compare every other asshole you date to for the rest of your life."
Jeff flailed his arms around and tried to mimic her voice. "'I should have known that guy was going to be a jerk, he's just another Jeff Winger. What did I say about that loser? Just a Jeff Winger in disguise. I can't believe I got hurt by that Jeff Winger-esque douche.'"
He let out a breath as he finished and shrugged. "I'm not going to be that guy for you, Annie."
Annie watched him for a few moments, searched his eyes for any sign that he was being insincere. Not seeing any, she gave him a shrug of her own and said simply. "Okay."
"Okay?" he asked skeptically.
"Yeah; I get it, finally," she nodded. "No more trying to make you jealous, no more pining away for you, no more anything."
"You win," she continued, stepping closer to him. "You're bad for me, and I need to stop thinking there can ever be anything between us beyond friendship. Okay."
She held out her hand for him to shake.
Jeff hesitated, but he saw nothing in her features to show she was faking. He took her hand. "Well, great then."
"Great," Annie smiled, picking up her backpack. "I have to get going."
"Okay," he nodded.
At the door she hesitated and said, "And I'm going to break up with Darren. I deserve better."
"Cool," was his only reply.
Jeff stepped out of the study room and watched as she made her way down the hall. Annie didn't look back. He should have felt relieved, happy even. But all he felt was sad.
She hadn't looked back.
