Hello people! This is an experiment I want to do to try to keep my fleeting Muse on the leash! This will be a series of separate little oneshots inspired by one single word in alphabetical order, all about B&B of course, but every chapter will be on its own. Some fluff, some angst, some fun… some will be present time, some missing scenes from the past, some future stuff… I will try to keep these little pieces under 1000 words each… this one is 998 words, perfect! :) This series will be my experimenting field, everything new will be here and if a big muse comes I will do one of my usual long oneshots but then I'll always come back here :)
As always, thanks to my beta Shin/Bonesbird for corrections and first feedback. She's currently doing something similar in the Criminal Minds fandom, "Alphabet".
This first piece is set during "The Beginning in the End". And here comes my first experiment too. I've never written anything just from Booth's POV! ;) Read and let me know what you think!
Oh, and Bones isn't mine… if it were, Booth would be having insomnia for a different reason!
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Abandonment
He stood leaning against the doorframe and in the darkness he was staring at the piece of paper he had in his hand without really looking at it and without the slightest idea of what to do with it. He sighed. What should he do? What did he have to do? But he didn't have much choice, didn't he?
His son turned in his bed with a quiet dreamy chuckle and Seeley Booth looked at him with deep affection, still surprised by Parker's words that afternoon. Did he really want him to go? Did he really felt responsible for people dying? Booth shuddered. No kid should ever have that kind of weight on their back.
Parker wanted him to go back to Afghanistan for a year. He still couldn't believe that. He really hoped that Rebecca had nothing to do with that thought but he doubted that. How could he go back there? How could he not see his son for one year? He already went crazy when he didn't get to see him for two weekends straight, how could he resist not seeing him for one year? One whole year? No, he couldn't abandon his son for a year. Even if apparently he wanted him to.
Since that colonel showed up with his letter and his speech about losing men and serving the country he had a horrible feeling. He didn't want to go back in the army, he didn't want to leave DC, his job, his son… and his partner for a whole year. He was sure that he didn't want to go. He had already told the messenger that he wouldn't. He had already served his country, well, loyally but with a dear cost to pay. He didn't want to do that again.
But then Bones was thinking about leaving herself to the other side of the world for a year, his son said what he said and now he was there, in his house, in the middle of the night and not only he could he not sleep but he couldn't even lay in bed and rest. He moved away from Parker's room and headed to the couch, the letter still in his hand.
Everything was changing and he didn't want to. He knew, he didn't do well with change. But it seemed that everything in the past few weeks had been leading him… them… to this. From Bones'… rejection, to his failed attempt at dating someone else, and now this whole new matter. And he realized that he had no choice. Because, apparently, once again his decision depended on her. He thought he was free now, he tried to move on (key word being "tried" of course), but no, he was still chained to her.
He realized that his decision had already been made the second she told him about thinking of leaving to go to the Maluku project. Then he knew. He just knew. Even if it wasn't his decision at all, he just knew what to do. He just wasn't sure if it was the right thing to do. But he had no choice.
Because if Bones decided to leave he just couldn't stay. He couldn't stay in DC without her for a year. If she decided to go, he would go too. About Parker, he really hoped that his son knew what he was talking about, because one year apart is a lot to deal with.
But, if Bones stayed, he would stay too and the Rangers could beg him as much as they wanted but he wouldn't set foot on that base. He would not leave her. He would stay with her, for her. He was stuck. She wanted a break and he felt that one could do him good too, even if he had thought about just a week or two at the sea and not a year.. . but he couldn't leave. Not if she stayed here. He wanted to move on but he realized he couldn't. So he would do the next best thing. He would stay. For her. Even if she had hurt him, even if it was painful and difficult, he decided to be with her. Just be with her for her. He wasn't going to become another person she… cared about that left her when she started to get scared. Seeley Booth was going to show her that he was there, he wasn't going anywhere, he was waiting for her, as long as he had to wait, even if that meant his whole life. Because she was his life. He couldn't see it any other way. He wouldn't abandon her.
And, if she decided to leave, if she decided to abandon him… well that isn't his choice to make. He would just accept, act accordingly and leave himself. But he wouldn't leave her. He could never leave her. He could just hope that she didn't decide that.
He kept staring at the empty TV, tense, his eyes and brain refusing to close up and give him some rest.
"Daddy?" called a sleepy voice behind him.
Booth jumped off the couch at his son's voice "Parker? What are you doing awake?" he asked
The boy turned over his question "I saw the light on. What are you doing awake?"
"Couldn't sleep" he answered honestly.
"Are you thinking about the war?"
Booth looked at his son in the eyes. A boy like him should not think about the war himself. He got down on his knees and hugged him tightly. Parker hugged him back.
"Did you decide to go?" he asked shyly in his father's ear.
Booth held his son in his arms and stood up "You shouldn't have to worry about it. Let's get us both back in bed, ok?"
"But will you?" Parker asked insistently.
"I don't know yet, Bub." He said, almost absently.
But the truth was he already knew. He just didn't know what. It wasn't his decision to make anymore.
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Here we are at the start of this journey! Who's with me? Let me know what you think, reviews are always very important, they allow me to know if I'm doing it right! See you soon with letter "B"!
