What would you have done if it was you on that airship? What would you have done; the staff in one hand and in the other vanishing illusions of something you hold dear?
Nowadays I find it difficult to answer that question. I picture myself doing it over and over again, but every time it is the staff that falls into the clouds instead of his fading form. Vindication courses through my veins, but what would I see in his eyes? Resent? Disappointment, maybe? Or even gratitude? Every time the scenario repeats itself before my eyes it is a different emotion each time, and I don't know which one it would have been. Even worse still, I don't know what I would feel about myself.
It's the same ethical question again; is it right to kill one person to save a million people? Except in my case, it wasn't just a million. And except in my case, that one person was the one I loved the most. The Summoners' Pilgrimage is one of sacrifice, after all, and I had long resigned myself to my fate of losing someone close to me at the end. There was a stark difference, though. In the latter, I would be able to join him. In the latter, I wouldn't be left alone.
I used to be comfortable being morally grey. I was brought up like that, after all. Yevon is all about having infinite shades of grey; who questions sacrificing summoners for the people of Spira to enjoy peace? Who questions sealing the souls of people in stone just as a preliminary stage; mere practice before summoners literally kill themselves? In itself, the religion of Yevon reveals its own bigotry by campaigning against the Al Bhed. Maybe it was these shades that made me so reclusive in the first place, so afraid to take risks. But hey, love does crazy things. Love is powerful. And morals come at a roaring second to that power called love.
Some people call it survivors' guilt, but it is much more complicated than that. There was an element of choice involved: A choice between doing what was for the best and what I wanted. And I was the one who made him evaporate like a soul, after all.
I was the one who scattered his pyreflies as he jumped off the airship.
