"Ladies and Gentleman, the captain has turned on the fasten seat belts sign in preparation for landing; please return all seats to their upright positions, turn off all electronics and discard all remaining trash to the flight attendants. We'll be landing in Los Angeles very shortly,"
I took a very deep, calming breath as I pushed the "Stop" button on my iPod, stopping the sounds of Matt Morrison's rendition of "Endless Love" in my ear buds, placing it back inside my carry on and turned my attention towards the window. This was it, there was no turning back now. It seemed like the last 24 hours had been a blur-- getting a call that my entry for the "Be a GLEEK! Extra" contest on Facebook had been chosen as the winning entry, and I should get to Los Angeles ASAP to begin preparation for a walk-on role on the most incredible show ever, GLEE.
I hadn't even had time to fully process this was actually happening to me, I had just been on autopilot; throwing things into a bag, checking flights and booking the first one I could-- the producers had better been serious about the reimbursement!-- and dashed over to the airport in the middle of the night. I had never done something so spur of the moment, so irradic. Hell, I hadn't even let any of my friends or family notice that I was leaving! Or my job, or school, or....oh God this was a horrible idea. What was I thinking?! I'm sure they didn't actually mean RIGHT that second, but I couldn't help it. I've wanted this more than anything, ever since I had seen the pilot last summer. I was in love with the show, the characters....and truth be told, Matthew Morrison. He was the real reason for all of this, as stupid as it sounds.
How stupid DID that sound?! I just took a major, potentially life changing chance of jetting off across the country in the middle of the night for a guy that literally had no idea I even existed?! Jesus....my shrink is right. I need a serious grip on reality. But...that was the thing; this WAS my reality! For once, something I actually had dreamed about was really happening. Oh god, here comes the hyperventilating again....in, out, in, out....just glance out the window. Breathe. Take in every single moment, Riles. This isn't a dream...
I gathered my carry on and jacket, continuing to attempt calming myself down as I walked down the plank from the plane to the gate. In, out, in, out. Right foot, left foot, keep walking....no screaming or crying. Not yet. Although truth be told if by some cruel joke of fate one of the prizes was a Glee cast member picking me up at the airport, all of this is going straight out the window. Potentially disqualifying me from the walk on role and cuing the restraining orders....oh my god STOP it, train of thought. In, out, right foot, left foot....I glanced up at a digital clock flashing over a gate; 5:30 AM. Well, there goes that fantasy. The cast was probably already in rehearsals. God how pathetic was it that I knew that? I need a life. Still, my breathing was rapid and my heart a-flutter as going down the escalator to the baggage claim, I caught a glimpse of a limo driver holding a sign that read "Ryleigh Walker". Oh my god, this was it....
~~12 hours later~~
After being rushed to the Wilshire Beverly Hills—The Pretty Woman hotel, really?! The dream continues-- for a quick nap, really; I was told a car would be waiting downstairs in the lobby at 2:30 pm, to take me over to Paramount where I would receive further instructions. Like this was some intricate spy movie, and I was some secret agent...posing as an extra. Or something like that. And now here I was, walking into Stage 23 on Paramount Pictures lot. Oh god, must breathe...must not freak out. I have to figure out where I'm supposed to go, no time for fan-girl freak outs.
Well, didn't have much time to wonder where to go. As soon as I stepped out of the car who should be waiting but Mr. Ryan Murphy.
"Miss Walker, I must say I am impressed. Not even my own cast members have been that quick to jump at my every whim," He chuckled, referring to my red-eye stint out there. I just nodded; what was I supposed to say to that?
"Anyway, you jetted out here so quickly I haven't even really nailed down where and when to put you in an episode! So, you may be stuck here for a while...is that alright?" He asked, as we walked into the stage and down a dark hallway. I just nodded once more, feeling myself grinning like an idiot. Just stuck here, like that was a punishment? Hell, tie me to the damn sound stage for all I care! We finally reached a big warehouse looking room, and there I saw it. The choir room, the gym, Figgin's office....it was all really there. And finally, my eyes traveled to a group standing in the middle of the bleachers. It was them. It was HIM. I felt my legs starting to go numb, as if they might give out at any second, but I desperately continued to keep composure, and upright as I followed Mr. Murphy over to the group. Lea spotted us first, nudging Cory and some others and motioning towards me.
"Here she i-i-ssss!" She giggled in a sing song voice, many of them applauding softly. Then I heard it-- a voice in the crowd, pretty sure it was Jane Lynch, say in a not-so-hushed tone:
"Ah, the cutie that has a thing for Matty!"
My heart jumped in my throat, my body went on instant panic mode, I froze in my tracks while Ryan kept walking. My eyes darted over to Matt, but almost instantly looked away, unable to see the certain disgust he must have had on his beautiful face at that moment. I could feel my cheeks quickly filling with blood, and tears welling up; Oh my god this was a nightmare! Why did I do this...
"Oh no no no, sweetheart don't be embarrassed!! Oh Jane you've freaked the poor thing to death. You're awful!" Ryan quickly returned to my side, pulling me closer into the group as the rest of them echoed his thought, patting me on the head and shoulders. "Truth is Ryleigh, your little crush on Mr. Shue is pretty much what won you the contest," he laughed, motioning to a beaming Matt.
Okay, so here's the deal. The contest was basically for you to prove that you A) Had the chops to be on Glee, meaning you could sing/act/dance and B)Were a MAJOR Gleek. So, I figured what better way to do this but to perform a number from the show? So, me being the cool one that I am-- I had made an entry of me singing April and Will's duet of "Alone", leaving Matt's vocals in the song. So it was my very own Mr. Shue duet, and it had somehow turned into a 3 minute confession of my love for him....it was shameless, but I never thought the actual cast would be shown the video!! Lordy....
It had been a long day of filming, well-- for the cast anyway. They were all getting really well acquainted with myself, it was almost surreal. They were all so incredibly nice and welcoming when they could've very well have been reserved. I mean, here I was, a fan girl that from the only impression they had, was obsessed with Mr. Shue and had literally dropped my life to rush out here and be with them. Personally, I'd have been scared for my life! Especially because Ryan still hadn't figured out how to fit in a walk-in role, and so he would just let me come to set every day and just watch filming, and basically hang out. On lunch breaks Lea, Dianna, Amber and Jenna would invite me to in-n-out burger or something, just like I was one of them. And in-between takes, Cory would come over and ask if I was bored yet. As if that was even possible!
Still, I had yet to have more than a two second conversation with Matt. Since I was already known as "the girl with the thing for Matthew Morrison," I didn't exactly want to go up to him and try and strike up a conversation, what was I going to say? "Oh my god, I'm in love with you...." no. And obviously, he thought that's exactly what I'd want to talk about because he wasn't exactly going out of his way to strike up small talk with me. He was nice, of course. Not like he was being a diva and avoiding me at all costs, he wasn't like that. He would always say hello to me, ask me how I was enjoying everything, stuff like that. At the end of the day he'd say goodbye, always nice and polite. But I can't blame him for not getting into some big thought provoking conversation with the girl that was there solely because she made a video professing her undying love for him. Awkward....
Anyway, the Glee kids were finishing up a scene, while the "grown ups" stood off to the side, quietly conversing in different sects and sipping coffee. I sat off in the gym set, on the bleachers under a giant "GO CHEERIOS!" banner just taking in the moment, as I usually did. A week of this, and still I had trouble believing it was all actually happening. Probably didn't help the fact I had the cast's version of "Like A Prayer" blaring over my ear buds, while on the set. Hope nobody could hear this, it would be very weird...I was so lost in thought I didn't notice Jayma Mays coming over, until I felt her hand tapping my knee. I sheepishly pulled off my buds, my cheeks flushing pink.
"Oops, sorry...was that too loud? Was I drooling over Matt? Oh god..." the words poured out of me like word vomit, me unable to contain things spewing out of my mouth. It was a problem. Jayma chuckled, shaking her head in a polite fashion.
"No no no, nothing like that...though I can't say I'd blame you if you were," She smiled. I could feel the pink turning to a bright red, pulling my blonde hair around my face to detract attention from it.
"...Although speaking of Matt, he actually...well, this is gonna sound silly but he wanted me to ask you if you wanted to have dinner sometime--" She went on, but my mind stopped on that sentence. And here comes the word vomit again.
"He wants WHAT? Wait wait, back up-- I'm sorry, I must've blacked out for a second. I thought you said he wanted to ask me to dinner," I chuckled, not believing what my mind came up with sometimes; but looking at Jayma's totally serious expression, I knew I hadn't imagined it.
"Er...well, I did. See, I know you don't ACTUALLY know Matty all too well, but he's really very shy. He's been trying all week to work up the nerve to talk to you, but he finally asked me to ask you....why are you looking at me like that?" She asked, my stunned expression clearly interrupting her explanation. It seemed totally genuine, but at the same time completely unbelievable to my ears. Matthew Morrison, Mr. Shue, was intimated by ME? Seriously. I had to say it--
"Jayma, be honest. Am I being punked?"
Her burst of laughter was all too vague, it could've been a confirming to the question or amusement, or none of the above....either way, it didn't make me any less skeptical. I glanced over at Matt, who was seemingly in deep conversation with Jane, but a quick catch of my glimpse, and I swear that dimple filled smile was focused all on me. I thought seriously I might melt into a puddle right there; and also, started to believe what Jayma was saying.
"Why on earth would I punk you?! That would be so mean! Especially with everyone knowing how much you like him...oh God that would just be cruel! No no no, Ryleigh believe me or not...I know it sounds totally high school but Matt seriously asked me to ask you to dinner tonight! For him, not me," she added the last part, shaking her head. She seemed genuinely embarrassed this conversation was happening, as she glanced over at Matt and shot him a playful angry look. But then again, she had made a valid point.
"Well-- I mean, I'm sorry..it's just...I mean you're right, I'm basically the "crazy Matt girl". Why in God's name would he want to subject himself to a full dinner of that potential crazy? NOT that I am in fact crazy, I'm really not. I swear. I'm not even THAT in love with him-- I mean, I'm not ACTUALLY in love with him at all, THAT in itself would be crazy!! I don't know him, not really. I just--" thankfully, Jayma clamped a hand over my mouth. I couldn't help it, the words just wouldn't stop, no matter how much my brain was trying to filter it was just not gonna happen at that moment. And the more I tried to cover myself the deeper of a hole I dug, god she must think I'm certifiable!
"...You have no idea how much alike you two are," She shook her head in an amused fashion, shooting him another glance and a thumbs up. Was that her officially committing me to a date with him?! Oh my god. Her attention turned back towards me, and I prayed to God that thumbs up wasn't signaling him to come over...of course it was. Oh, dear lord...
"Hello Ladies, interesting girl chat?" He smiled, sitting right next to me. Almost on top of me, really. Ok, deep breaths. Do NOT pass out. Smile, don't puke...
"Oh please, you sent me over here!" Jayma giggled, causing a death glare from Matt. "Whoa whoa whoa, Matty..calm yourself. I don't know why you just didn't do it, she doesn't believe me!" She continued, hitting my shoulder. Our looks seemed to mimic each other's, going from panicked to quizzical, then flat out embarrassed. Maybe she had something about us being alike...
"Why wouldn't you believe it?" He flat out asked, staring at me with genuine concern. God, those eyes. I hadn't been able to bring myself to just look into them for more than a second, fearing I'd lose all composure. Kind of like I was doing now, really.
"I-I-I...Well, I mean....c-considering, how I even got here...I mean, you must think I'm nutty," I stammered, shifting my eyes from him to Jayma, knowing I may pass out if I kept staring right into those eyes.
"Actually, I found it very flattering...." he said softly, looking down at his hands. I can't even put into words, how that sentence sounded. His tone, his body language. It was like he was being completely honest and vulnerable, like a little boy. It was so endearing it took literally every ounce of self restraint I had from leaping on him right then and there.
"Aw...well...err...I-I'm glad. And to answer Jayma's invite..." I chuckled, hitting his shoulder playfully so that he looked up into my eyes again. "...I'd love to have dinner with you tonight,"
Did those words actually come out of my lips? Did I say that full and coherently, with no screams and no drooling? I DID. And he's smiling. He SMILED. That lovely, amazing, heart melting grin. At ME.
"...But I have to ask," I quickly added, knowing I'd quickly lose my momentary lapse of courage any second. His smile faded, as if he expected me to start listing conditions. As if, right?
"...Why, on earth would you want to have dinner? You can't possibly know anything about me, except that I can reasonably sing, and am obsessed with you. Which, okay if you're one of those guys with a God complex and the whole fawning over you thing is a major turn on I'll totally go along with that, but--" his finger touched my lips, mimicking the last scene in "Sectionals" when he kissed Emma, and I cannot lie my eyes closed for a split second, almost expecting the same damn thing to happen. Then of course, reason kicked in and I realized this was semi-real life, not the actual show. And even though the nearly impossible was happening right now, let's not get TOO carried away...
"I'm sorry, I talk too much," I said, my lips moving over his still present finger. This would be SO hot if it wasn't SO incredibly awkward....
He finally dropped his finger, shaking his head with an amused smile glancing at Jayma who was probably dying with laughter inside, but gracefully kept composure in front of me.
"And, if you're doing it just to be nice, then please don't feel any need to. I mean, just being here literally is enough for me, I don't need any other indulgences, whatsoever, seriously," I quickly added, looking at them both.
"Wow, you REALLY don't believe me, do you?" Matt laughed, placing his hand on my head and pushing a strand of hair behind my ear. Oh my god, I could die now and be totally happy....
"Honestly, it's just hard to believe. I mean, seriously...you, me?" I chuckled, as if it was the funniest thought imaginable. Matt didn't miss a beat, he simply looked me straight in the eye and replied:
"Why not?"
Well, when he put it like THAT.....no, no this had to be some kind of "fan outreach" thing. This was too unreal, too...perfect. I just waited for the other shoe to drop, but from the looks of it, that wasn't going to happen.
"...I-I guess, I just can't see why you'd have any interest in me, is all," I sheepishly admitted. His left hand drifted from his lap to mine, forcing me to once again look into those gorgeous, amazing eyes.
"Ditto," He whispered, taking my hand and pulling out a pen with his free one. He scribbled something in my palm, patted my head one more time like a puppy then ran off towards Ryan who was beckoning him to film a scene. I stared at Jayma with a disbelief stare, still refusing to believe that had actually just happened. I looked down at my palm, praying to god the sweat wouldn't ruin the most beautiful words I had ever seen:
"8:30 PM, lobby bar. See you there? --Matt"
