-1This story is for Amy and Emma. Thanks for the support guys! It means the world to me.
Flickers of yellow and orange candle light still danced in the darkness, illuminating the face of the woman who waited amongst the flittering flames. The soft, outline of her profile was all Derek could make out as he slowly walked her. He stopped in exactly the same spot he had stood only hours before. As though she could sense his presence, Meredith looked up, a soft smile lifting the corners of her lips. He knew what she was expecting, it was what he wanted as well. Wanting and being able to give were two separate things, and he knew giving in would only delay the inevitable and break her even more.
"I missed you," she said softly, pressing her body against his. He closed his eyes, placing his hands on her upper arms. Gently, he moved her back. "Derek?"
Derek took a deep breath, opened his eyes, and stared down at the face of the woman he loved. "I did some thinking," he said slowly, "on my drive to Rose's house. A lot of thinking."
"Thinking?" Meredith frowned, shaking her head ever so slightly. He nodded, and started to explain why. He told her about realizing he had never been on his own, that he didn't know how to be on his own. He told her about needing to at least try. "So, are you saying that you need to spend some time on your own?"
"Yes," Derek confirmed. He knew she didn't understand, her confusion and anger was written on her face. "It's just something I need to do before we can…"
Meredith cut him off. "No. I'm not waiting Derek. I am tired of having something else be more important. So, you take your time that you need, but don't expect me to be waiting for you. Don't expect me to just put my whole life on hold because you suddenly have some desire to find yourself."
"It isn't like that Meredith," Derek pleaded. He needed for her to at least try to understand. Deep down he knew that she wouldn't. The stubborn tilt of her chin told him that much. "I love you."
"Then don't do this," Meredith begged, her green eyes glistening with tears. She placed a hand on her his chest, just over his heart. "Don't do this to us. Not now. Not when we actually have a chance at being happy."
"How are we suppose to be happy when I'm not happy with myself?" He asked. She stepped back, her hand falling to her side. He knew she could understand that. "I called my old boss, and if everything works out right, I'm going back to New York."
"For how long?" Meredith enquired quietly. She had a resigned look on her face, as though she knew their fate was sealed. He wanted to assure her it wasn't permanent, that he just needed this little bit of time.
"A year," Derek knew as soon as he said it he had lost her. Everything about her demeanor changed.
"You're going to miss me. You're going to miss us. You're going to want to come back…and when you do…I'm going to tell you I told you so. I am going to tell you that I knew you would miss me, that you would realize what you had lost. You know what though? It will be too late!"
He watched as she strode across the lawn to where she had parked her Jeep. He wanted to yell at her to come back, that they needed to figure this out together. He said nothing, though. He needed this time, and she needed to be the one to walk away at least once.
--
Five Years Later
The last rays of sunlight caught in her honey colored hair, giving it the appearance of being on fire. All he could see of her face was the profile, but Derek knew it was her. He knew the woman leaning on the rail, waiting for a Ferry, was Meredith. Even if she hadn't told him she would be wearing a yellow shirt, he would have known. He would have known her anywhere, she was that engraved in his soul.
"Meredith," Derek said softly. She didn't turn around, she didn't acknowledge that he was even there. "I'm glad you agreed to meet me," he said, trying again.
"You knew that I would, or you wouldn't have called," Meredith answered bitterly. Her slender body was tense. "I almost didn't come. I almost left you hanging the way you left me hanging so many times."
"I never meant to hurt you."
A bitter laugh filled the air. "Oh, Derek, you still haven't learned anything have you? Whether you meant to or not, you knew that it would, and that makes the pain intentional." Her head bowed, long hair covering her face. "I came because I knew this day was coming. Remember? I told you that one day you would miss me and you would come crawling back."
Derek held himself erect, knowing she was right. She had told him this day would come, and he had crawled back to her. It had taken him longer to find himself than he had originally planned, and he had tried to stay away from her, to give her the respect she deserved. He couldn't though. Five years alone had taught him that he wanted her by his side. "I'm not above begging for a second chance."
"So beg. It won't do you any good." Meredith slowly turned around. The air in his lungs threatened to suffocate him as he took in her rounded stomach and the large diamond ring on her left hand. A smile crept across her lips as she placed her hands on her belly. "A little girl. My little girl. We're naming her Emily. It's a nice, solid name. One she can be proud of, don't you think?"
Emily was a nice name, Derek assured her. He was still trying to catch his breath, to wrap his mind around the fact that she had kept her word and moved on. "So, you're married?"
"Four years next month," she told him, a shining look filling her eyes. She loved him, whoever her husband was, she loved him with all her heart. "We waited until I was finished with my residency to have children. I didn't think I would be this excited, but I am. I am so excited about this baby, Derek!" She grabbed his hand, laying it on her stomach. He gulped as he felt the tiny life inside her move.
"Who is he?" He had to know. He had to know who had given Meredith the life she deserved. He was trying so hard not to be jealous of the unknown man, but the feeling crept in none the less. A troubled look crossed Meredith's face. It was some one he knew, he realized. He knew whoever it was that made Meredith glow. "I know him, don't I?" She nodded. "Please, Meredith, tell me."
"Derek…I'm not sure…" He begged with his eyes, giving her a pleading look. She sighed. "Mark. I married Mark." Everything in him went still. Mark. Of all the people for her to move on with it had to be Mark. "It isn't like you're thinking, you know. We didn't get together out of some need to forget you. Quite the opposite. We were there for each other when you abandoned us. We helped each other remember the good things about you, and some how, through all that, we fell in love. I don't regret it, either, Derek. I…I'm glad you left. If you hadn't, I wouldn't have known life could be this wonderful. I wouldn't know what it feels like to have someone love me so completely they would give up everything just for me."
"I was willing to do that," Derek reminded her. The shaking of her head reminded him that his words were a lie. When had he ever been willing to give it all up for her? Most of it, yes, but not all.
"One day, we're going to meet again, Derek Shepherd, and I'm going to tell you I told you so one last time. I'm going to say I told you so when you tell me that you found the woman you were meant to be with and that you realize we never would have worked."
She stood on her tip toes and pressed a soft kiss to his cheek. "Be happy, Derek. Give me that chance to say I told you so."
--
Three Years Later
Across the crowded reception hall, shoulder length hair the color of honey caught Derek's attention. He turned to the white clad woman next to him and whispered he would be right back. Purposefully he strode across the room, ignoring the well wishes people sent his way.
Meredith greeted him with open arms and one of her sunshine filled laughs. She held him close, her face pressed to his shoulder. When they pulled apart there were tears in her eyes. "I'm glad you came," Derek said firmly. He hadn't been sure that she would when he sent the invitation. He had wanted her to know, though, that she had been right. He had found some one he loved so completely he had dropped everything to be with her. "Are you going to say it?"
"I told you so," Meredith whispered.
