Set in the time frame of season 2. Mary is the only Winchester who is dead. Sam's point of view.
Disclaimer: The name of this website is FANFICTION. Self-explanatory.
"That's right….yes, that would be great, thank you."
Snapping his phone shut, Sam let out a small sigh and flopped down on a crappy motel room bed. He'd finally found the hospital where his brother had been admitted at the age of seven, after having called more hospitals than he could remember. All he had to go on was an entry in John's journal – 'Can't leave for N.D. till Dean is discharged day after tomorrow. He had an allergic reaction. The killings in N.D. seem to…'
They were in Missouri when the entry was made and Sam had called all hospitals he could find around there. His father had mentioned his credit card alias in the entry – Alan Jefferson. So Sam asked around for a seven year old boy called something Jefferson, admitted 21 years ago. And he found him after about three quarters of an hour - it felt like he'd been on the phone forever.
It didn't surprise Sam that his family had no medical history of Dean or himself. Things like regular medical check-ups, and in this case old medical reports, were of no import to John Winchester after the death of his wife. Much as Sam knew that his father had saved more lives than he could ever know, he felt his old resentment towards John's upbringing return in miniature.
A small ping sound from his laptop brought Sam back to the present. He had a mail and just as he'd hoped, it turned out to be Dean's childhood report.
His subconscious brain forced him to steal a glance at Dean, sleeping out the drugs he'd been prescribed, in the other bed. Sam felt like a child with his hand in the cookie jar, hoping not to get caught. Dean wouldn't like what he was doing, Sam was sure of it.
But Dean was knocked out and he wasn't going to wake up anytime soon. By the time he did, Sam would have his reports hidden and protected. Dean wouldn't find them unless Sam wanted him to.
Sam smirked at the idea. It felt good to have the upper-hand over Dean in computers – he'd seen his brother make dead cars purr for too long to not be envious.
Besides, Sam had every right to see the reports. He only wanted to know Dean's medical history so that they could prevent further allergic reactions and such - like the one almost 20 years ago and the one that had landed Dean in the hospital 2 days ago. If Dean thought he could tell Sam off on this, Sam had a solid case against him. He could take care of Dean if he wanted to, regardless of whether or not the elder Winchester liked it.
In Sam's eyes, Dean was an idiot who didn't want anyone to look out for him. He could sense it fairly easily – Dean didn't expect to be loved like he loved others. At the same time though, his brother seemed to think of his family as his everything and wanted to save the whole friggin world. The double standards confused Sam.
Dean wanted to spoil Sam like a kid while he couldn't forgive himself even the smallest of mistakes. Sam could screw up, want out, go to college, have a life outside of their bleak world but Dean wouldn't let himself. He lived by his father's orders like he didn't want anything that his farther didn't want for him. To Sam, it was like his brother was bound by his own feelings; he felt responsible so he had to watch out for everyone. He couldn't ever leave.
He was on a leash that Sam couldn't undo for him and until someone did, Dean was going to stay enslaved. A hunter's life was a heavy life and Dean Winchester seemed to want to carry everyone's loads on his heart. Alone.
But Sam couldn't let him do that. He wasn't an oblivious kid anymore. He could see, better than anyone else, his brother's subtle ways of isolating himself in his insecurities. Whenever he felt exposed, Sam could sense Dean shutting himself in and covering up with his cocky smirks and narcissistic one-liners. Dean never got to truly grow up; he only knew how to hide the weak kid and act the infallible man. And Sam didn't know how to fix Dean.
But he was going to try. He had decided to go with his basic instinct which screamed at him to shelter Dean when he was vulnerable. Sam knew that he was perhaps the only one who could see those bits of Dean - he had to try. He loved his elder brother enough to try for the rest of their lives if he had to. Dean had gone on alone long enough without anyone to depend on.
Looking away from his brother's sleeping back, Sam opened the report. To his surprise it contained all of Dean's medical history, including the reports of the regular check-ups Dean had undergone from a hospital in Kansas, when mom was still alive.
His interest piqued, Sam opened the first report. It was from when Dean was a new-born. A small smile found its way to his face as he looked at 'Baby Dean Winchester', one month of age.
Unsurprisingly, Dean was a beautiful baby with sparkling round eyes that were the biggest eyes Sam had ever seen on an infant. Or maybe Sam was biased towards his brother. Either way, he decided that he had to have that picture in his phone from then on.
Smiling wider by the second, Sam read carefully through the report. Dean seemed to be a normal baby, just a little underweight.
Over the next ten minutes, Sam covered all the reports. From what he gathered, Dean had been a weak, under-nourished kid with a world of rare allergies to his credit. And as Sam had just witnessed, his reactions to them were severe. Sam could still see him choking on his burger from 2 days ago, his eyes going wild as he tried to force air through his windpipe to no avail. His face was losing colour like magic as he fell to the floor. Dean had lost consciousness within less than 20 seconds of having taken the first bite. If the hospital weren't close enough, it might have killed him. Sam shuddered at the vivid memory, turning to look at his brother's sleeping form to re-assure himself.
Dean's back had the slightest rise and fall to it but it wasn't enough for Sam. So he lifted his tall form off the rickety bed that let out a groan every time Sam shifted so much as a leg, and walked over to the other side of Dean's bed to see his face.
Dean's face was neutral, almost childlike and he was breathing just fine. Sam eased into his smile again and stepped back to lean lightly against the wall. He had never really looked at Dean as he slept. As he did, he realized how good it felt to see Dean calm and peaceful looking. Maybe it was the drugs, but Dean looked so relaxed that Sam wondered why he'd never seen Dean like this before.
He'd only been watching for a few moments before Dean let a small hoarse sound and flipped to the other side.
Sam scoffed as he found himself facing Dean's back again. It was as if Dean's body was unconsciously preventing anyone from looking at his defenceless state. How typical, Sam thought as he stubbornly walked back to his bed to look at Dean again. Sam was being defiant in his own way – he wasn't going to let Dean hold it all in any longer than this.
Dean didn't move again. Sam smiled. It felt like he could save his brother after all.
Sam wondered if this was how Dean felt all the time, stubbornly over-protective as he was. It was only Dean who Sam felt so protective of. Sam wanted Dean to have a real life for once. Even if it was just for a little while, he wanted Dean to dare to dream for himself. He vowed to himself to do whatever it took to give his brother a chance.
Letting out a much happier sigh than last time, Sam settled back, still looking at his brother while thinking of what he'd sworn to accomplish one day.
As he shifted his pillows he heard a clank sound against the headboard. It was Dean's knife, the one he always kept under his pillow as he slept. Sam put it back under his own pillow as he lay down.
"I'll keep watch Dean….so just sleep tight for today. I've got your back." he whispered.
As Sam closed his eyes, he made a wish. He wished that Dean would dream a dream that night – one that had no creatures, no demons, no weapons. He wished Dean would dream of a happy place and feel safe. He wished Dean would dream of it until Sam could actually take him there.
"I promise, big brother."
He was a Winchester after all. They came stubborn.
Alright then, you've read it now! I have something I specially need feedback on - did they feel like themselves? Did Sam feel like the real Sam and did the descriptions of Dean fit?
Also, I might do a related fic (tentative title: The Elder Brother) because I'm dying to do Dean's point of view. It's DEAN! He IS Supernatural for me. So, if you want to be pinged, put that in your review or PM me.
See you next fic.
