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Did I mention I don't own SPN? All rights go to its awesome creators and writers. If I did own it, the would be A LOT more wincest
Sam couldn't take it anymore. not with Lucifer, not with Dean and not with the other hunters constantly on his tail. of course, Dean didn't know about the last, and wasn't going to if Sam had anything to say about it. Dean didn't have to know how useless and unsuccessful Sam had been in searching for his older brother. About how Sam was a letdown. Dean had assumed- and Sam had let him. Assumption was better than the truth in this case. Dean thought that had hit a dog, met a girl and settled down to normal. What was normal? He had tried to escape to normal once, with Jess. Look how well that worked out. No, normal was here. By his older brother's side. Hunting and killing anomalies. Still, why did it feel so wrong since Dean's return from Purgatory? But Sam had let him assume. Because that was better than seeing the disgust and hate in his older sibling's eyes.
No, he was just content to have his brother back. Details weren't necessary. Yet, it still hurt. Dean's words hurt. They kept replaying in his mind like a broken record. "Benny's been a better brother than you". When he heard that one, it had shattered what was left of him and left a hollow feeling where his soul should have been. like that time he spent soulless. Lucifer wasn't helping matters either. He kept morphing into Dean and playing every single hurtful comment that had been aimed at him his whole life by his big brother, his father, Meg, Ruby and even Jess. He knew they weren't true but that didn't make them hurt any less. Sam's head wasn't his own anymore. No, it was Lucifer's domain. The devil had taken over his mind and Dean had taken over his life. He wasn't his anymore. If Dean said "jump" Sam would ask "how high?". That's just the way it was.
