AN: If anyone's read "Something to Think About' you'll realize these are the same stories. For some reason that other file corrupted itself and will not open, so I've reposted it undera different name just to make my life a lot easier.

Disclaimer: I'm sixteen folks, I wasn't even alive when MASH went off the air.

Chapter One

It was neither the permeating stench of feet nor the constant roar of jeeps in and out of the compound that woke him. Hawkeye had grown almost impervious to the constant sounds of the 4077th, just as he had grown used to sleeping in the middle of the day, eating food that practically tried to crawl off his plate, and operating in a perpetual state of half awakeness. No, not a lot bothered Hawkeye Pierce any more, but something awoke him that morning and he found himself suddenly strangely alert, staring at the ceiling of the Swamp in bemusement, wondering. It was the first time in a long time that thoughts other than what was occurring to him in the present found their way into his consciousness. Strange, displaced memories drifted about, bumping into each other, and he lay there for nearly an hour trying to sort them out. It was not even dawn yet but he felt the weight of the coming day settling on his shoulders as he struggled for those last few minutes in bed.

And just as the last bit of sun emerged from beyond the rolling Korean hills, he heard a grunt from across the tent and turned his head to see his friend, B.J. Hunnicutt, struggling to prop himself up on his elbows. He turned his head, golden brown locks touseled and his upper lip newly devoid of his beloved mustache, and grinned sleepily at Hawkeye. "Well good morning sunshine. Why so lively? It's not even technically daytime yet."

"Oh, I don't know," Hawkeye replied, solemnly. "I was just trying to win you over with my deep sensitivity. Is it working?"

"Is it ever. But what are we going to tell Peg?"

Hawkeye grunted in reply, his eyes still fixated on the roof, his brow creased in thought. B.J. lifted his eyebrows and swung his legs out of bed. "Bad dream? Should I phone the doctor?"

"Just get me a nurse to take my temperature," Hawkeye replied unenthusiastically. "I think I should get a full body exam while I'm at it." He grinned suddenly, shattering his heavy pensive mask and turned to look at his friend. He was about to say something when he stopped, peered more closely at B.J., and started to laugh. "Either I'm more hung over than I thought or your upper lip is suspiciously paler than the rest of you."

B.J. grinned. "Don't you remember?"

"It's starting to come back…"

"I can't believe I let them shave it off. My pride and joy! Gone!"

"It'll grow back," Hawkeye replied, a small grin on his face. "And just think of how happy you made all those birds and mice! They'll have something to nest in this spring." He put his head in his hands suddenly and moaned under his breath. "Man, Seoul wasn't the only thing that got bombed last night."

Charles was similarly propped up on his elbows, eyeing Hawkeye suspiciously. "What's this? Is our everlastingly witty chief surgeon feeling a little under the weather? Would you perhaps like a nice bucket of cold water to stick your head in? That always does the trick, I hear."

"Tell you what, Charles," Hawkeye retorted, sitting up, "you try it first and let me know how it goes." He got up and slipped into his housecoat. "I believe I hear the scurrying of tiny feet across the compound."

Sure enough, a split second later Radar threw open the door of the tent and dove inside, hunkering down behind the stove in a little ball. The three surgeons stared at him in silence for a moment before Hawkeye ventured to walk around the stove and peer down at the scrawny clerk.

"Look, you know I hate to pry in on people's private business but-"

"Shh! She's coming!" hissed Radar desperately.

A second later Nurse Baker threw open the door of the Swamp and furiously stormed in. B.J. and Hawkeye both squealed in mock embarrassment and hastened to cover their revealed boxers. Hawkeye stuck his nose in the air and humphed loudly. "I'm sorry my dear, but you had your chance. The Maison du Pierce is closed for the night." He glanced at her devilishly from under a lock of displaced hair. "We are however, having a matinee. Noon, my place. Cocktails are free."

"Where is he? Where is that little fink!" she shouted, storming around the stove to where Radar was cowering. "There you are! You got a lot of nerve! If these three weren't around you'd be getting SUCH a licking mister." She turned to Hawkeye, red hair falling out of her ponytail in her fury. "Do you know what this…this fool has done?"

"Clipped his toenails all over your stockings?"

"Worse! We don't even HAVE stockings anymore thanks to him!" She turned to Pierce. "Do you remember yesterday when we ran out of bandages? Guess what he grabbed to cut up and sterilize! Almost every nurse's undergarment he could get his slimy little hands on!"

"I'm sorry, missus, I just grabbed the first thing I saw off the clothesline, I swear!"

"You'd better be sorry! What are we supposed to do now?"

But B.J. and Hawkeye were both crouched over in hysteria. "Are you meaning to tell me that those boys in Post-Op are wearing unmentionables on their cuts and scrapes?" The thought brought on another wave of laughter, even Charles allowed himself a small chuckle.

Baker was standing with her hands on her hips, but they could see even her mouth was twitching. "Just order us new ones," she ordered Radar, before storming out.

When the hilarity had died down, Hawkeye stood up and pulled on his pants. "C'mon, Radar, I think it's safe now."

"Good." He stood up, gingerly. "I gotta finish filing those reports before the colonel gets back and I don't need the entire nursing staff breathing down my neck neither. They're mean when they've been in post-op all night! I'll be glad with the colonel gets back."

"Ah, yes, good ole Sherman T. How I have missed our noteworthy leader. What was he up to in Seoul this time? Stealing from the rich? Giving to the poor?"

"Naw, he was just picking up that new nurse. Remember, Lieutenant Trawly got pregnant on her honeymoon and-"

"Yes, we know all about Trawly, I'm the one who made the diagnosis," B.J. said hurriedly, holding up his hand. "But what's this about a new nurse, the colonel never said anything."

Radar's face suddenly fell and he blushed. "Oops."

"Radar, were you under orders not to tell us?" Hawkeye inquired, smiling in amusement.

He shrugged and scratched the back of his neck, his eyes shifting. "Maybe."

Hawkeye hooted in laughter. "Well, I am thoroughly dismayed at the colonel's lack of trust in me. As if I, the esteemed Benjamin Franklin Pierce, would pounce on a poor, unsuspecting nurse like some sort of…of…"

"Cretin?" finished Charles, pulling his boots on.

"Yes, cretin. Thank you Charles." He ran a hand through his hair. "But really, how do I look?"

"As disturbed as ever."

"Really? I was going for diabolical." He shrugged and sauntered out into the morning sunshine.

B.J. and Charles glanced at one another with lifted eyebrows.

"You think he's going to try something?" Charles drawled, gazing outside with raised eyebrows.

"I don't think he will, I KNOW he will."

Charles sighed heavily. "It's a shame. Such potential wasted on such a foul creature."

"They're cute at first. And then they grow up."