It all started ten years ago. He had come back from his games, so utterly alone, that he even took comfort in a little 12 year old nerd. Me. Since then we both grew up. We played together, suffered together, and most importantly, loved each other. My name is Annie Cresta and this is the story of how I tried to pick up the pieces after I lost everything.
"Come on mommy, I wanna play in the ocean," screeches Caelum from outside our cottage. With a sigh, I drop my books, and race out. Caelum looks so much like his father that it's painful at times. Whenever I see him, it's like a shot to the heart. But I love him. Caelum's the only part of Finnick I have left.
"Why don't we visit Johanna first?" I suggest gently, bending down, and grabbing Caelum's hand.
"Yay! I love Aunt Jo," Caelum exclaims as he begins running. Although only 2, Caelum's athletic, his short stubby legs pulling him along with such speed that I already have trouble keeping up.
As we run down the beach, I flash back to Finnick. Caelum notices and stops, grabbing my hand, and whispering, "It's okay Mommy."
I feel bad that Caelum has to take care of me at times, but according to Johanna, I've already improved greatly. Johanna says that I'm a wonderful mother, and Finnick would be proud of me. I hope she's right.
After another moment, I come to. Looking at Caelum sheepishly, I say, "Sorry Cae. I ready to keep going now."
The way that Caelum nods makes me feel a twinge of guilt. He's so used to me spacing out, that it has become commonplace to stop and help me.
After running for another few minutes, we finally reach Johanna's home. It's a small house, even smaller than the one that Finnick built for me and Caelum all those years ago, but it's still perfect.
"Aunt Jo!" Caelum basically yells from the beach, as he runs up to her door, throwing it open, and running into the house. I hear a commotion before seeing a disheveled Johanna emerge with Caelum clutching her hand.
"You should teach this boy how to knock," Johanna scolds me, but I can see a happiness in her eyes. A light I had rarely seen before the revolution. Johanna was one of the people that still reminded me that something good might have come out of Finnick's death.
"Hi Johanna," I reply, ignoring her previous comment, "Caelum has been bugging me to go swimming. And you know how I've been with water since that flood."
"Because I'm so much better," Johanna laughs as she leads Caelum to the water. Neither of us will go in past our knees since everything we've been through, but Caelum understands. He doesn't pull us further, just splashes and plays, occasionally coming back to show us a crab that he has found.
After a good hour of splashing and playing, Caelum is finally worn out. Retreating back to Johanna's house, I feed Caelum a small supper, then put him to bed on Johanna's couch. Johanna only has one bedroom in this place, and she never lets Caelum in. Something about it being a mess, but I know that's not true. It has to do with a certain friend of Katniss who live in District 2. But I don't push for details. We all have our secrets.
"So," Johanna says as I sit down at the table, "How've you been doing."
"Not good," I respond, "I've been spacing out more and more. I just miss Finnick so much. The awful thing is I no longer remember the exact way that he would laugh. The exact shade of his eyes. It's like I'm forgetting him."
Johanna nods quietly, but doesn't say anything. I know she knows how I feel. Her fiancé from District 7 all those years ago was killed because Johanna refused to be Snow's pawn. Everyone she loved was killed. Whenever I think of Johanna's past, I feel an overwhelming sense of guilt to Finnick. He did awful things to keep me safe. And he never doubted his decisions for a moment.
"Earth to Annie," I hear Johanna chuckle. I know I must have been spacing out again, but I don't say anything. I know that if I open my mouth, I'll start crying. I can't cry. I promised I'd me strong for Caelum. I think Johanna notices that I'm on the verge of tears because she pulls me into her arms and comforts me. Just how Finnick used to. I know that I'll never find another Finnick in my lifetime, but I have Johanna and I have Caelum. So maybe everything will work out fine.
