Pacey slowly entered the small classroom. He was already doubting his decision to join the TAP program at Umass. He had felt complimented to be accepted into the "talented advanced programs" program. A program which was only open to 15 kids in his major. They would all live together and tame small advanced classes in their dorm lobby. Suddenly he was doubting his decision, feeling like a fraud. He'd spent the last two years busting his butt to make up for the first two years of high school. Once a screw up, always a screw up? He relaxed as he recognized a familiar face. She was sitting at a desk, her long dark hair covering most of her face. Her gaze intensely fixed on a doodle in her notebook. He slid into the seat next to her.
"Hey Sexy."
She snapped her head up and looked at Pacey, a mixture of confusion and anger.
"What the hell are you doing here?" she asked crossly. "Please don't even tell me you're in the TAP program with me."
"I guess today's your lucky day, Joey" Pacey laughed leaning back in his seat.
"Are you stalking me? I thought you were going to UNH?"
"Well that was before UMass offered me a partial scholarship. And then the TAP program."
"I thought your dream was to be a gynecologist Pacey," Joey said sarcastically, turning back to her doodle.
Pacey laughed. "Yeah well I dropped my dream of having women everywhere spread their legs for me just to stalk you."
"You're sick," Joey snapped, struggling to keep the smile off her face.
"Something like that." Pacey laughed. "So how have you been? I haven't seen you since..."
"I'm fine," she said shortly, cutting him off.
"Honestly Jo, you don't look fine," he said gazing at her intensely.
"Thanks Pace, next time I need a confidence boost, I'll be sure to give you a call."
"I didn't mean it that way, I just meant, you look really thin."
"Thanks," Joey said, smiling wide for the first time.
"That wasn't a compliment, Jo, you are too thin. Again."
She pulled at her shirt nervously. "I've lost like 5 pounds since the beginning of summer. I'm fine."
"It's not going to fix things," he said gently.
She met his eyes, hers full of anger. "I don't know what you think I was trying to fix."
Pacey sighed, his eyes surveying her too slender body. "It's just, I like my women with meat on their bones." He reached out and lightly grabbed her arm. She pulled it away quickly.
"Well it's a good thing I'm not one of your women, isn't it? Of course if I was then you'd probably be either trying to get in my pants or avoiding me."
"Is that really what you think of me?"
"You're an insensitive jerk when it comes to women."
"Well it's better than being a frigid bit…" Pacey stopped.
"Go ahead – it's nothing you haven't called me before," she snapped, her eyes furious.
"Yeah, but that was before…"
"Before what? Before you realized it was true? Before he proved that I was so frigid he had to look elsewhere?" she turned her face away from him, trying to hide the tears in her eyes.
"Good Morning class, I'm Ms. Harrison." A young woman stated as she walked to the front of the room. "Welcome to Introduction to Communications. I'd like to start out the class with a little assignment. Everyone find a partner."
Joey quickly turned to the boy sitting next to her, only to find that he'd partnered with the girl on his other side. She sighed as Pacey turned to face his desk towards hers.
"Does everyone have a partner?"
Joey slumped down in her seat. Ms. Harrison partnered two girls together who didn't have partners.
"Now turn and face your partner."
The sound of desks being scraped across the floor filled the room. "Now for three minutes you are just going to look at your partner. Look at what they're wearing and what they brought to class. When you are done looking, you will tell your partner what you can tell about them, just by looking."
Joey glared at Pacey as he awkwardly attempted the assignment, looking at her beat up purple backpack she'd had since freshman year of high school, her notebook full of doodles, and then her jeans and a tshirt, both hanging loosely on her small frame. She continued glaring at him. Pacey smiled slightly at her, trying to get her attention. Joey sighed and turned away completely and watched as the rest of the class stared at each other.
When she made eye contact with Ms. Harrison she turned back to Pacey, keeping her eyes averted.
"Okay time's up. Now I'd like each partner to tell the other what opinions they've formed."
Joey looked up at Pacey. "This is stupid. I have nothing to say."
"I'll start then. I can tell that you haven't been eating. That you spent your entire summer indoors and that you haven't been sleeping."
"What is this, an attack?" Joey asked loudly, and then lowered her voice. "At least I didn't spend my entire summer racking up the numbers of how many people I could sleep with."
"You know nothing about how I spent my summer," Pacey said tightly.
"I know you were too busy to bother to pick up the phone and see how I was."
"How's the assignment going?" Ms. Harrison asked, looking at Joey's doodles across her notebook.
Joey looked up apologetically. "We already know each other, so the assignments a little hard."
"Actually the assignment works if you know each other too. Sometimes you need to take a step back and see things about the person that you don't notice." Ms. Harrison smiled widely at them and then moved on to the next group.
Joey kept her eyes on her notebook.
"Joey…"
"I think you said enough Pacey."
Joey threw her body across the bed, landing on the piles of clothes she still needed to unpack. She closed her eyes momentarily, her bed lightly vibrating to the beat of some rap song her neighbor was playing. The knock on the door was so light, she wasn't sure if it was a knock at all. She stood up and walked to the door, and glanced through the peephole. Sighing she opened the door.
"What's up Pace?"
"Listen Jo, I just wanted to apologize."
"Me too. I shouldn't have freaked out on you like that. I was just surprised to see you here. I haven't seen you since that day - a day I've been trying pretty hard to forget. Did you want to come in?" she asked stepping back from the door. Pacey followed her into her room, taking a seat in the chair next to her bed. Joey pushed some of her clothing aside and sat on the bed.
"I didn't know you wanted me to call," he said softly, staring out at the parking lot through her window.
"I didn't."
Pacey turned his head and looked at Joey. "Then why did you say that today then? God Joey, I'm not a mind reader."
Joey looked at him and sighed. "I don't know why I said it."
"I haven't picked up the phone to call you since you asked me not to call you."
"That's why you didn't call?" Joey asked, incredulous. "Pacey, that was years ago."
"You make the rules Jo, I just follow them. You asked me not to call, I stopped calling. Don't make me feel like shit because I did what you asked."
"I actually thought you weren't calling because of what I said that day," Joey said sheepishly.
"Oh you mean the day that you told me Dawson cheating on you was all my fault? Yeah that might have been part of the reason too. Believe it or not, Dawson is a big boy, and he makes his own decisions. What I do in my relationships doesn't have any effect on what he does in his."
"Sometimes it's easier to blame it on someone else. It's a lot easier than admitting it was your own fault," she said softly, tucking her hair behind her ears.
"It wasn't your fault," he said rolling his chair closer to the bed.
"How wasn't it my fault?" she asked, fidgeting with her hands. "I barely let him kiss me the whole time we were going out. Of course he's going to go looking elsewhere."
"Jo, if I'd know the way things were, I wouldn't have teased you so much about… you know, being frigid. I really thought you two were sleeping together."
"Nope. You were right. I am frigid, I am an ice queen, and any other name you tossed my way. And I ruined things with Dawson because of it."
"Jo," he said gently, "Dawson called me. He wanted to know if I'd seen you. I told him you were in my program with me and he asked me to give you his number. I'm pretty sure you didn't ruin anything with him. If you can get past what we walked in on"
"Do you think he wants to get back together with me?" she asked, her smile wide.
"Yeah, he does. But Jo, just… what we walked in on that day… that wasn't their first time. Don't forgive him too easily."
"What makes you so sure?"
"She told me," he said meeting her eyes. "Maybe you deserve better than that."
"Like who?" she asked softly.
Pacey sighed, as he stood up. "Maybe better isn't being with anyone." He shook his head as he watched her mentally preparing herself to forgive Dawson. "Never mind."
"Thanks Pace, for coming by. And I'm sorry about what I said that day. I know it's not your fault, and I know that it hurt you too. Seeing Nicole with him."
Pacey put his hand on the doorknob, looking uncomfortable.
"I'd like for us to be friends again. When I asked you to stop calling, I never meant I didn't want you in my life, I just…"
"I know what you wanted Jo," Pacey interrupted. "Sometimes things don't work out the way you want though. I'll see you later."
He opened the door and shut it quickly behind him. Joey shook her head, confused, and then set about getting ready to see Dawson.
