"Joe," Addison groaned as she sat down at the bar. "I need something strong. Now."
"Tough night?" Joe asked sympathetically.
"You have no idea. I should have done this first. Because if I had done this first then maybe I wouldn't remember that I slept with Burke and that would make both of us. But I didn't do this first, I went and slept with Burke and probably ruined any chance I had of happiness. Joe, life hates me."
"Wait, you slept with Burke?"
"Did you not just hear me?"
"I did."
"I'm going to get drunk now," Addison announced, gulping down the drink he handed her, screwing up her face as the alcohol hit the back of her throat. Several drinks later she had clearly completed her task. "Joe," she slurred. "I need to stop sleeping with the Mc's because sleeping with the Mc's only gets me in trouble. Although, I was allowed to sleep with McDreamy, I mean, he was my husband. But then I had to go and sleep with McSteamy. And get caught. How moronic am I? And then I slept with Alex. But that was a good thing. Except I screwed it up. With Burke, the drunk one. Now I just have to sleep with… with… Richard and George and then I will have worked my way through the hospital. But I'm not going to."
"Ookay, McCrazy." Joe looked a little scared.
"You did not just Mc me! I have been Mc'd too many times! Derek Mc'd me, he made me McSatan, and then Alex Mc'd me, he made me I'm McHot (which is true), and now I'm McCrazy too? No more Mc's! I am done with the Mc's! McSeriously."
"You did not just McSeriously."
"I did. And I'm obviously still functioning. Give me another McMargarita and no one gets McHurt."
"I thought you were done with the Mc's."
"I McAm! McDamn it! I am clearly not McDrunk enough, Joe. Where's my McMargarita?"
"Haven't you had enough?" Joe asked gently.
"No. And I can't believe you Mc'd me!"
"I thought that you had to sleep with someone to be Mc'd."
"No, all you need is a McName. You know what? You need a McName. I'm pulling you into this McCraziness. You shall be…" She dragged out the word "be" as she tried to come up with a name. "McBartender! Ha, now you're Mc'd too!"
Mark walked up to the bar and sat down next to her. "Hey, Slutty McSlut Slut!"
Addison looked at Joe in amazement, "Again with the Mc's!" Then she turned to Mark, "And you did not just call me a McSlut!"
"Yeah, I did. And now it seems my work here is done so I'm going to leave before you hurt me. I mean, McHurt me. Tata!"
Addison glared at his retreating figure. "If I weren't so McDrunk right now," she informed Joe, "I would do stuff to him. McDamn, now I sound McSlutty!" She started banging her head on the bar and promptly passed out.
Joe looked at her and announced like a sports commentator, "And she is out cold!"
Meredith walked up to the bar. "Hey Joe. Whoa! What's wrong with Addison?"
"Well, she slept with Burke, got really drunk and then Mark…"
"That's all I need to know," Meredith interrupted him. "Mark screws up everything! Especially relationships!"
"McDreamy troubles?" Joe asked sympathetically.
"McDreamy became McAsshole!"
"Aww… I'm sorry, Mer," Joe said and patted her hand comfortingly.
"Yeah, me too," Mer said sadly.
"Can't say I know exactly what you're going through, but I can ease your pain…" He grabbed a bottle from the bar. "Tequila?"
"Yes please!" Meredith grabbed the bottle and downed half of it.
One hour and two bottles of tequila later…
Joe looked at the two passed out, drunk chicks. "Now they're both out cold!"
Alex entered the bar (take a moment to swoon… done? Okay, now read the damn story) and looked at the two women slumped at the bar. "They're both out cold, aren't they?" It wasn't really a question, it was more a statement of the obvious.
"Yeah," Joe nodded. "They kind of are."
"I'll just take them off your hands," Alex told Joe. He picked up Meredith and slung her over his shoulder and carried her out to his car then returned for Addison. He picked her up much more gently and carried her like a big, overgrown baby. He turned back to Joe. "Thank you and goodnight!"
Hours later…
Meredith and Addison let out simultaneous groans as they awoke from their drunken comas. Alex jumped up and ran to grab some aspirin and water. He returned with enough for one of them, which he promptly handed to Addison. Then he went and grabbed some for Meredith too.
"Oh my God," Addison moaned, sprawled on her back and covering her eyes with her arm. "What happened last night?" Slowly it all came back to her. Passing out, getting very, very drunk, sleeping with Burke. "Oh shit!" she gasped as she sat up.
"What?" Alex asked as he returned with Meredith's painkillers.
Meredith saw that Addison couldn't decide what to say so she made the choice easy. She grabbed the pills, swallowed them with a sip of water and proclaimed, "She slept with Burke last night." Then she saw the death glare that Addison was sending her, so she pretended to pass out, deciding that she'd take the heat later.
"Just because we are friends," Addison told the "passed out" Meredith, "Does not mean that I can't hurt you." She slapped Meredith's arm. "I'd hurt you more but someone is trying to tap dance in my head, and they are doing a sucky job of it and they keep falling down."
"You slept with Burke?" Alex asked her seriously.
Addison looked cornered. "Well, yeah, but he… he was drunk and he doesn't even remember and it was stupid and… and… and I love you, doesn't that count for something?"
"I don't want to hear it."
"But-"
"No, zip it."
"Alex, I-"
"Damn it, Addison! Can't you stay quiet for one second?" he yelled.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" Addison started sobbing and repeating herself. "I'm sorry!"
"Look at me," Alex commanded. "Look at me," he said again when she continued to stare down. He put his hand underneath her chin to force her to do as he said. "I forgive you. It's my fault. I know that you did it because I hurt you and I know you'll never do it again, right?"
"Never!" Addison shook her head violently and winced. "But don't you want to yell at me or anything? Because you have every right to yell at me. Go ahead. Really. Yell, scream, hit something, hit me, I don't care. I deserve it. Please just do… something!"
"No."
"I deserve something. Anything. Seriously. You want to yell? Go ahead, yell. I really don't care. I want you to. Please," she pleaded.
Meredith, sensing that the conversation could get loud, opened her eyes and asked them, "Have you ever had a tequila hangover?"
"No, I haven't," Alex answered and Addison shook her head.
"No yelling!"
"I wasn't gonna," Alex pointed out.
"But I deserve something," Addison said.
"Yeah, this," he replied and leaned down and kissed her softly.
"Too bright and shiny!" Meredith yelled and threw a pillow at them. She glared at both of them sternly. "There will be no yelling and there will be no fluff. In fact, there will be no anything. You are both leaving. Actually, Addison you can stay but you have to read, sleep, or die. I mean leave. I'm not exactly myself right now."
"When are you ever yourself?" Alex asked in his typical smart ass fashion.
"Leave!" Meredith yelled, flinging another pillow at his head.
"Leaving, leaving!" Alex replied and slammed the door. Both chicks groaned, holding their heads.
"I hate my boyfriend," Addison announced. "But I really don't," she continued, feeling the need to explain, especially after he forgave her for having sex with Burke. "Because he's amazing and perfect and I love him. And he took me back and he doesn't hate me for cheating on him and-"
"Yeah, yeah," Meredith cut her off. "We get it, he's freakin' McPerfect."
Addison raised an eyebrow. "We?"
"Yeah, me and the people who live in my head who have decided that tap dancing sounds like fun since you suggested it."
"He is McPerfect, isn't he?" Addison sighed. "And he's not gay."
"Hey! You were married to the guy for eleven years!"
"Touché. But I wasn't the one who was with him when he decided that he was gay."
Meredith glared at her. "Shut up. Just shut up."
Addison smirked. "I win."
"Nuh-uh," Meredith grunted. "We are going to finish this conversation, and I will win, but we are going to finish this conversation when my people stop tap dancing."
"I'm gonna go find Alex," Addison said.
"Yeah, that's right, just run to your McPerfect boyfriend!"
"I will."
"Fine."
"Fine."
"Fine."
"Fine!" Addison said, got up, walked out of the room, and slammed the door.
"Ow!" Meredith moaned.
The door opened and Addison stuck her head in the opening. "Admit it, I win."
"No."
Addison's head disappear and the door slammed. Then it opened again and Addison's head appeared. "Just admit it, I win."
"Nope."
Addison did the same thing again. "Ow!" Meredith whined.
"Admit it."
"Fine. You win."
"Thank you. Ha! I win!" Addison looked smug and with a little smirk, closed the door quietly.
