When I look out of the window, I can see ships flying by.
They're low in the sky, getting ready to land, and the people down on the streets start making their way to the landing place.
I hurry outside to follow them.
The first thing I feel is the wind in my hair and the smell of spring coming to the settlement. This is where I live know: A settlement of Anomalies that isn't too different from the stone villages.
Most of the people who come here seem to be disappointed; they've expected more of the Otherlands.
For me, it's all right.
I am free.
This is a place of life and happiness as I've never known before.
It's the place I always wanted to be.
Some of the other settlers smile at me as they pass by, but most of them don't even notice me.
It's been only a few days since I first got up.
I don't know how long I've been still; all I know is that the settlers had a cure, and it worked on me.
After I'd recovered completely, I started visiting the sego lilies every day.
I wonder if the villagers from Endstone have already figured out the lilies to be the most important ingredient of the cure. The settlers planted a whole field of them at the edge of their settlement, although the Plague did never really reach the Otherlands.
They're clever people. Clever and foresightful and kind.
It's probably my fault that nobody has talked to me yet.
I like to isolate myself, to be alone with the sego lilies that saved my life.
We've almost reached the landing place.
It's connected with the settlement through a small path, and when we break free to the smooth wide ground, I see three ships in front of the crowd, resembling some giant birds.
They're beautiful.
I miss flying.
I've been one of the best pilots the Rising ever had. This is at least what the Pilot's told me.
Roughly, I push through the crowd, curious to see who's inside the ships.
Maybe Ky's flying one of them.
If the villagers from Endstone have found the cure, and he already recovered from the Plague –
I should stop thinking of him.
He won't come here as long as he's with Cassia. He'll go wherever she goes. And she won't come to the settlement; this much is certain.
When the first group of people emerges from the ships, I stand on tiptoe to have a better look at them.
Surprise flows through me.
One of those people is Leyna.
It's unmistakably her.
Next to her, there's Colin.
And somewhere behind them, I can see Noah and Tess.
Those ships have brought the villagers from Endstone, I realize slowly.
I knew they would come here after they'd found their cure, as this is a settlement close to the old Enemy territory and closest to the Society.
Everyone coming to the Otherlands from the Society reaches this settlement first, and then most of them move on. Some stay.
I wonder if the villagers will stay here.
I've heard Leyna talk about the Otherlands once; she imagined them as a completely different world, a world of hopes and dreams and new beginnings.
This is probably not what she was looking for.
It's so close to the life she already had, in Endstone –
Suddenly, I see someone else, and I gasp for air.
Is it really him?
I can't believe he's here. So I don't take my eyes off him until I'm absolutely sure it's Xander.
Still, it's impossible.
He's supposed to be far away, in the Society, at the medical center in Camas with that girl –
There's a lot of work to do for a physic like him.
And Xander would never neglect his duty.
So why is he here?
I watch him come closer.
He's walking alone, his eyes wandering anxiously over the crowd.
He sees me, and his eyes wander on, and then he stops and looks at me.
In spite of myself, I start moving toward him.
We meet somewhere in the middle between the ships and the crowd.
I see his shape right in front of me and now I know: He's real.
He's here.
„Indie", he says.
The blue of his eyes is so deep I might get lost in it.
"Xander", I say.
"I thought you were –"
"Dead", I finish his sentence, and I have to drop my gaze because I can't look at him any longer.
"But you're not", Xander says.
His voice sounds so close, so alive.
"I almost died", I explain to him. "I got the Plague and flew away in one of the Rising's ships until there was no fuel left."
"And your ship went down in the old Enemy territory", Xander whispers. "The Pilot told us you died, but you're alive."
I nod, risking a short look at him.
I've never been shy.
I've always looked people right into the eye.
With Xander, it's different, and I cannot quite tell why.
I thought I'd been in love with Ky – an impossible longing that stood with me until the end, until I met him in the ocean – but obviously, this love is gone now.
Ky's with Cassia.
He might've chosen me if it weren't for her.
"I'm alive", I say out loud, as if to prove it to myself. "The Pilot was wrong. I've been at the edge, as close to death as I've never been before, but I survived."
"How?" Xander asks.
I swallow.
He's right in front of me, with those deep eyes and golden smile of his.
I've never really known him – only the data on his microcard – but it feels like I've known him forever.
And I realize that I have to tell him.
It wasn't only me who lost the person I thought I was in love with; it also happened to him.
I lost Ky, and Xander lost Cassia.
They deserve being together. They've waited for each other all along. They've been through the canyons, through the Plague, and all these things have made their love strong.
I don't think it is ever going to die.
There's never been a person to love in my life. My parents wouldn't support me, so I built that boat and tried to find the Rising on my own.
But my plan didn't work; I only caused my Reclassification to Aberration status.
Xander has had everything – everything except a choice.
As far as I know, nobody has ever chosen him.
Cassia decided for Ky, and Lei –
"What happened to your friend from the medical center?" I ask Xander. "Lei?"
"You go first", he replies. "Tell me how you survived, and I'll tell you about Lei."
"The Anomalies found me in the desert", I say. "They brought me here, to the Otherlands. The place where my ship went down isn't far from here, so I've been lucky."
I only realize it when I say it.
I've been lucky.
I've never been lucky before.
All I had to be was strong, unconcerned, determined. I didn't even dare to wish for luck.
But my strength and determination weren't enough to take me through the Plague. I wouldn't have survived if the Anomalies hadn't found me.
I owe them my life.
"I'm glad they found you", Xander tells me then. His voice is so quiet, so gentle.
I want to close my eyes and stay right here and listen to him forever.
"Cassia told me how she couldn't believe you were gone", he goes on. "She always thought you were too strong to die."
"Surviving the Plague doesn't depend on strength", I reply. "If I hadn't been lucky, I would've died just like the Pilot said –"
"But you haven't", Xander interrupts me. "Only Lei has."
I look at him, and he looks straight back at me. Wholeheartedly.
"I'm sorry", I whisper.
"Don't be", he says. "It was my fault."
I want to protest, but Xander anticipates me.
"I didn't spare a cure for her, although I could've done it", he explains. "When Cassia's mother finally told us where to find more of the sego lilies, it was already too late for Lei."
"It's ironic, somehow", I say. "The Anomalies here have known the ingredients of the cure all along. There's a field of sego lilies near the edge of the settlement –"
"I know", Xander says. "I've seen it from above."
He sounds tired; a deep weariness has appeared on his face.
"Look, I'm really sorry for Lei", I say again. "But it wasn't your fault. You didn't know how much time she had left."
"How do you even know about her?" he asks me, straightening up a little. "How do you know her name?"
I feel ashamed, but I have to be honest.
"I observed you, that night I came to the medical center", I admit. "I saw the two of you in the courtyard and heard you talk, and I saw how she went still – I shouldn't have done this."
"It's all right", Xander says. "It doesn't change anything."
I wonder if he already knows the reason why I observed him that night.
I wonder if I could tell him if he asked for it, because I'm not sure I know it myself.
Back then, I was in love with Ky.
But he wouldn't be happy until he was with Cassia. So I brought them together again, as the Pilot had told me to. And I got Xander so he could help find a cure, and the moment I saw him sitting next to that girl in the courtyard, I felt something different from what I felt for Ky.
Something deeper, more painful. More intensive.
"Did you come here because she died?" I ask Xander.
I don't dare ask him what I really want to know: Did you come here because you loved her, and you couldn't stand living without her?
If Xander has been in love with Lei, he will have lost too much to love again.
He won't be able to love someone else, someone like me, now.
"I came here because of everything", Xander answers. "Cassia and Ky had each other. And Lei died. And I was just tired of being left behind, so I decided I couldn't stay where I was. Too much has happened."
"Too much has happened", I repeat.
He's right.
But we can't turn back time.
I don't know what I would do differently if I could.
Though everything started with the boat, I did never regret building it. I would do it again and again and again, because it showed me that I am my own Pilot.
I'm the Pilot of my sea, my rebellion, my life.
And I think that I wouldn't change a thing, even if I could start once again.
I would build a boat and meet Cassia and run with her from the work camp and through the canyons and fly errands for the Rising and fall in love. I would try to escape and end up here, where I'd meet the villagers from Endstone and Xander.
I would never regret a step.
"Can you show me the way to the lilies?" Xander asks me suddenly. "I need to see them."
"Of course", I answer. "Just follow me."
When I look back, Xander doesn't move.
"Maybe you didn't understand", he tells me. "Can you please lead me to the lilies?"
He wants me to lead him.
As if he's blind, as if he needs me to help him find the right way.
I will.
"Close your eyes", I say softly.
Then I step forward and take his hand, feel his warm touch, and I'm torn between letting go and coming closer.
Before I have even time to decide, I find myself pulled toward Xander by his strong arms, and I see his eyes still closed, so I close mine, too.
My hands find his back and I let my fingers move up his spine; slowly, gently.
The way his body shifts when he's breathing is so beautiful, I have to smile immediately.
I know his lips are right in front of me, and so does he, but neither of us has the courage to overcome the distance.
We open our eyes at exactly the same time.
All I see is the blue.
The sea, the sky; it's all in his eyes.
Maybe that's what I loved about Xander when I saw him on the microcard.
So I know what I see in him, but I still wonder what he sees in me.
Until he answers my question.
"I think I've already found the lilies", he says, holding my gaze.
His hand's running through my hair as he whispers: "Have you ever heard of a plant called Desert Mariposa Lily?"
I shake my head.
"I've seen it, too, on my way to the Otherlands. It grows in the old Enemy territory. It's related to the sego lily we used for the cures."
I look at him, trying to figure out what he wants to say.
Xander smiles; golden, like the sun setting over the sea.
"Desert Mariposa Lilies are colored in bright red", he tells me, his fingers still playing with my hair.
And now I understand.
For me, Xander's the ocean: a place full of life and movement, a place to dream and drift away. The place where everything started.
For him, I am a mariposa lily: a plant finding its way even in the hot desert sun, a plant to cure people from the Plague. The plant that ended everything.
The ocean and the lily; these are the two things that made Xander and me end up here.
And though we've seen too much pain and suffering and death on our way here, we still wouldn't change a thing, because that's the place where there's only the two of us.
The Otherlands.
Our fingers intertwine and our lips finally meet.
It's a kiss full of longing, of unanswered love and broken faith.
But it's also a kiss of hope; pushing away all my doubts.
A kiss of a new beginning.
Right here.
Right now.
