AN: Originally an Easter oneshot, though it's not Eastery at all. Anyway, I just wanted to get this out of my head before I forgot, I think it's just gonna be one chapter. I'll probably do some fan art for it sooner or later and I'll link that, but as for now, it's just a story having to do with Kakashi. I added Iruka in it because they're one of the most believable pairs in Naruto.

Warnings: implied rape, suicidal thoughts, self harm, yaoi

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto. I do not own Robert Frosts' poem.

OOOOO

Face..crushed under a rock, blood gushing everywhere, one single red eye staring dimly.

Kakashi shivered as his eyes slowly opened. He wanted to scream, he wanted these images to stop, he wanted to be free.

Pale lips, white face...snuggled deep within a coffin. A sea of black, villagers started, a silver haired boy stood alone, wanting to be forever left alone.

But being free was impossible in his world, if he wanted to be free...Freedom meant...

Eyes wide open, shocked and betrayed, blood covering an arm impaled in a chest...betrayal and peacefulness.

Death...was death freedom, was death peacefulness? Was that why she looked so contempt when her eyelids fluttered, and were eternally sealed. Was she free?

Is that why they all looked so contempt at the time of their deaths, or what he had seen of their corpses?

Kakashi wanted to be free, he yearned for freedom, but his friends and his sensei didn't receive freedom on their own behalf, it had been given to them in the form of death. But he could easily take his own life, he could easily free himself. He had the tools, a dagger hidden under his pillow ready for use.

His father had done it too.

"No," Kakashi growled to himself as he buried his head in his hands and ran through his mess of hair with shaky fingers. He was not his father, he would never be his father. But the thoughts that coursed through his head, surely his father's thoughts were almost the same.

That scared him more than anything. The fact that he contemplated his own death made him sick.

It's not death, he would tell himself on nights like these, nights when he could no longer ignore the monster inside of him, no longer ignore that he was falling further and further into insanity, it's freedom.

But freedom at what cause?

"I'm not you," Kakashi said silently to no one in particular, "I'm not you Sakumo."

Kakashi closed his eye and attempted to go to sleep. He needed sleep, sleep was good. He only prayed his body wouldn't work on autopilot, he only prayed that when he woke up his room would be intact, his house wouldn't be torn to bits and he wouldn't be locked in his restroom shaking with emotion.

But nights like these usually resulted in just that, and that was something Kakashi could never fix. If he couldn't kill himself, than he could take his pain out on something else...someone else.

Not someone else, you're no monster.

Yes, he tried to tell himself that, but he had hurt someone before. He'd hurt many unintentionally. It had been a boy once, a friend had been particularly close to him. He didn't mean to snap his wrist, he didn't mean to leave bruises on his frail wrist, he didn't mean to hurt him...but he was so angry.

Who was he angry at that day? No one in particularly, but she was there, she had made one mistake and he'd unleashed his anger on her. The young kunoichi understood, however, she forgave him and offered to help him.

Like all help, he turned it away.

With sad smile, he pulled his favorite book from under his pillow in hopes that perhaps reading it would calm him.

Sex, lust and love were things written inside of this book. That's why he read it. In Kakashi's mind, they all led to happiness., and happiness led to freedom. These things Kakashi craved, things he could never receive, at least not in the way he wanted it.

He believed once, when he was younger and when he was alone, that sex was love, any type of sex, man or woman, even if it was forced. It made him happy. He'd grown to know the truth however, to know that once again, he'd stooped so low in order to achieve something he could never receive.

He went from suicidal thoughts to harming others to being slut. At least that was in the past.

He wasn't happy, he wasn't free, and he wasn't sleeping.

He looked at his book, he looked at it hard. This damn book!

With such strength, he plunged it into the lamp near his bed, causing the bulb to shatter into pieces.

With a sudden jolt, Kakashi realized the mess he'd made. He didn't mean to break his lamp, it was an accident. But the lamp was broken and glass was splattered on the floor. It would be unwise to leave it there until the morning.

Trained eyes guided the Jonin out of bed and slowly around the glass. He crouched down and began slowly scooping pieces into his hand, careful not to cut himself. With a sigh, he stood up and placed the pieces on his nightstand, as well as adjusted the broken lamp. He'd have to buy a new one soon.

He was back in his bed, his one eye fluttering. He needed sleep, yet he had miles to go before sleep even crept upon him.

He had promises to keep. He had a promise to live, he had a promise to earn freedom, he had a promise to defeat his demons. He did it every night, he did it every day. Sleep was happiness, sleep was freedom, two essential things he was denied in this world.

Kakashi wouldn't sleep for a long time, he had miles to go before he was okay though, it was perfectly okay. He'd lie to himself, he'd take the pain out on himself. Though faded, marks still stained his pale skin, but he was done with that.

His mind was a circus for his emotions, and at night, they were free to perform. And despite the fact that he knew he couldn't sleep, he closed his eyes and steadied his breath, knowing that in the morning his house would be in ruins and he'd be in his restroom, crying his heart out. He'd put on a "smile" for his friends and students, and repeat the same routine again.

Dying was out of the question, he still had promises to keep, and sadly, miles to go before he slept.

The woods are lovely, dark, and deep, But I have promises to keep, And miles to go before I sleep, And miles to go before I sleep.

OOOOO

"The woods are lovely, dark, and deep, But I have promises to keep, And miles to go before I sleep, And miles to go before I sleep." Robert Frost

Anyway, I've always wanted to use this title :D! Writing oneshots is usually my speciality as most of my stories start off as one shots. BTW Happy Easter! This is an Easter fic (not really) but it's an Easter treat. I've recently been obsessed with Kakashi, I don't know why. He's so mysterious and sexy. That's an awesome combination.

Please tell me what you think, i'll accept critiques but NO FLAMES! Please review, i really want to hear what you have to say. Also, there's a link to a picture based off of the POEM not the story. Please look at it, it's beautiful:

art/Miles-to-go-Before-I-Sleep-362273744?q=gallery%3Alidsworth&qo=0

Hope you liked this chapter, God bless and happy Easter!