PORN!
-blackraven23-
Do what makes you happy. Regardless. It's your only life to live (that you know of).
"You do these things just to spite me, don't you?"
Naruto slaps the manuscript pages down on Jiraiya's bed, effectively scattering the typewriter-formed scripts everywhere. Jiraiya makes an unintelligible sound and dives for the pages that fall to the floor, as though the rough wood will somehow soil the integrity of the words.
Naruto snorts. Integrity and Jiraiya should never go in the same sentence. Or same thought. Ever.
After Jiraiya gathers the papers in one hand neatly stacked (though still out of order, Naruto notes with some satisfaction), the man glares down his painted cheeks at Naruto, but Naruto's lived through two Sasuke's, one Sakura, a Tsunade and a Kakashi, so glares are worth little.
Naruto just makes a little 'huh' sound, raising a yellow eyebrow.
"Naruto…" Jiraiya growls, "These words are sacred! I spent months of my life trying to perfect the emotion in each of the lines! The shame, the latent love, the suppressed desire--!"
"It's a PORN script! About ME and--," Naruto clamps his jaw shut, making his teeth click together. His blue eyes rage silently and he wonders if he can shove Jiraiya out the window and get out of there fast enough for his mentor not to follow.
Jiraiya starts to laugh creepily, saying through his smug smile, "Oh, Naruto-chan, who said this had anything to do with you? Or are you hiding something from me?" He raises his eyes suggestively, clutching the papers to his chest. "All I did was write a novel of great depth and tragic love!"
He'd probably just laugh if I did that, Naruto thinks. "Whatever you want to call it, it's still PORN! About ME!"
"Oh, nonsense, Naruto-chan! The main character, Naruke-kun is nothing like you! Not at all! And the other main character, a one Sa—."
"Shut! UP! Do not even say it out loud!"
"--suto-kun is also so unlike—"
"Hey!" Naruto's voice blocks out whatever Jiraiya says next. "When I agreed to be your student you swore you'd never use my personal life as inspiration for a story! And that's what you're doing, you big fat liar pervert hermit!"
"—but the emotions are so real, the script so lifelike! The chase scenes through the forest, the fights, the betrayals, the inappropriate timing of family members! The story that never seems to end, even when they're apart, still always thinking of each other, always chasing after one another, even when they know meeting will mean certain death! Oh, the devotion!"
Naruto growls and dives at Jiraiya, hands outstretched, trying to grab the papers or shut the hermit up or both, but Jiraiya, in raptures at his own story, easily sidesteps Naruto with a swirl of his cape.
"Oh, Naruto, if only you could feel what the characters, what I felt, when I wrote it! If only you knew the feeling of loving someone that was forever disappearing, the heartbreak that it causes!" Naruto lunges for the papers again, but at that moment Jiraiya throws his hands in the air, smile wide enough to crack his cheeks.
Naruto jumps towards Jiraiya's hand, but his teacher merely catches him in mid-air and crushes his protégé to him, practically singing. "It's heartbreaking, its heart wrenching, it's raunchy, and so long it makes me cry! There will be so many volumes! I'm going to be RICH!"
Jiraiya looks down at Naruto whose face is scrunched up in pain, and adds: "And all because my student slept with his best friend!"
"JIRAIYA!"
I don't know why either! cowers So, you see, it started off like this... I like Jiraiya. This is dedicated to him (since he's dead, for all those who don't read the manga, uh, well, if you're here, you should so suck it up). I also like yaoi (though not very much in the hardcore persuasion). Somehow, I wanted to marry these loves. Okay, so perhaps marry is the wrong verb for this. Meld is more like it. Hmm.. no, that's like metal.
Oh, okay, thats weld. Er, well... irregardless, I wanted to bring them together in a weird ironic off-beat humor sort of way. Because, you know, if they ever did do it (you know of whom I speak), I think Jiraiya would totally mine their story for inspiration. Because if you look at Naruto in a romantic sort of way, isn't a large part of it about Naruto and Sasuke chasing after each other? And isn't that cute?
It's almost like Gatsby trying to find his Daisy again. Except without the whole Egg thing. Although, there is the status kick.
And it's all for fun! And now people can make the crack that its Nar-uke! Haha... okay, sorry. There will be more. Later.
