Disclaimer: Not mine. Big duh.

Rating: R for sex talk (Chapter 5 and later).

Situation: Set just after Hell's Bells, but AYW never happened, so no Spuffy breakup. Also, it's slightly AU from The Gift: When Giles killed Ben, Glory escaped through the open portal to a different dimension. Now she wants her key back to reopen the portal to get to her own dimension. Again. Oh, and Giles never left Sunnydale and Tara is a regular, too. Kay? Also, Buffy is brunette and always has been (I mean, in this story she hasn't been dying her hair blonde all these years!!! SMG looks so much cuter with brown hair, don't you think? I loved her as Kendall!!!). Just read, it all makes sense.

Acknowledgements: Thanks to all the TWoPers for the funny, funny fic. Special props to JeannieK75 for inspiring me with this idea.

Feedback: I'll inseminate myself with octuplets and give all 8 first-borns away to the first eight reviewers if you'll PLEEZE send me feedback!!!!!

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Somewhere, I call it heaven, way up high,
There's a land that went to
Once, though I had to die.
Somewhere way up in heaven
Skies are blue.
And my mommy who died last year
Rests peacefully up there, too.
Someday I'll wish upon a star
And wake up where this life is far behind me.
Where troubles melt like lemon drops,
Away above the chimney tops.
That's where you'll find me.
Somewhere high up in heaven,
Are people who've died.
People die, then rest in heaven,
Why then - oh, why can't I?
If happy little people die
Eternally in heaven,
Why, oh, why can't I?

Buffy whistled a sad tune as she let herself into Giles's apartment.

Ah, Buffy, thank goodness you're here, Giles said.

Buffy sat down on the couch between Willow, who was chugging a gallon-size bottle of Evian, and Xander, who was eating his third pizza of the afternoon. She ran her hand through her luxurious chocolate-colored locks. What's up, big prophecy or something?

Well, yes, as a matter of fact. Gesturing to the shy witch across the room, he continued, It appears Tara has found something rather interesting in the Mrmfrrd Report.

Buffy stifled a giggle. You mean, the volumey text? That really exists?

Giles replied. And according to this text, on this date the Slayer and the Key will be, er, sucked into another dimension to face the wrath of an ensnared hellgod.

Buffy hopped up off her seat. Glory again? Damn, I know this one. I have to get home to protect Dawn. This is getting way beyond annoying. And with that, she was out the door.

But Buffy... Giles called after her. He never got a chance to tell her that though the Slayer and the Key would pass through to another dimension, only one would return. Tara bowed her head shyly.

Willow and Xander continued sitting there stuffing their faces, each according to his particular vice.