Chapter 1
In a world where Hinata was dictator, Rock Lee baked cookies, Neji's a billionaire, Sasuke was hated by all, Kakashi is a cannibal, Kisame hated all that ate fish, Itachi played hide-and-seek with his brother, Shikamaru was a military general, Gaara wants revenge against Kakashi, and Gai frightened everyone, they lived and despised one another. Everyday brought new, hilarious stories and events to the Leaf Village and I will tell you all that happens. I am Linda, Piñata's vice-dictator and I hear it all.
-The Clone-
"Shit!" Gaara muttered nervously as he ran down the forest path. "Hey where the fuck are you going peasant?" Hinata said as he ran by them. He stopped and turned around. She stared at him waiting for an answer." I don't have to listen to you. I'm Gaara of the sand." He said professionally with a glare. She threw a kunai at him but he dodged. "Everyone listens to me. I'm going to kick your ass for insubordination to your leader." Hinata said and they began to fight. She hadn't had her daily sugar for the day so she was a bit weak. She lost and Gaara smirked. "I'm calling my top dog…." She mumbled and went off to the side by a bush to talk on her cell. "You all suck! Fuck you all." Gaara yelled angrily. "Attitude….." Neji said and Lee nodded. Hinata knocked him out with a glare and Neji went unconscious. "Stupid lower branch Hyuga." She said. "Gaara what's wrong?" Lee asked only to be knocked out by sand. "Hey everyone." Kakashi said appearing beside Gaara. "Fuck off." His reply was. "Can't I'm hungry. Can I have a leg? Or an arm? Something?" He asked. "No!" Gaara yelled and Hinata sighed. "Go on a diet or be a vegetarian Hatake." She said impatiently as she waited for someone. Kakashi poked Gaara's arm for tenderness and Gaara broke his calmness if he had any. He and the cannibal fought and from his anger Gaara won. "I'm still hungry…." The half masked ninja said.
"Why are you in such a rush?" Hinata asked him. "I'm doing bad things and Gaara found out he had a clone so he's coming to kill me. Now if you'll excuse me." He said starting to run away when Shikamaru appeared." You called?" He asked Hinata and gave a yawn. "You're late you lazy ass bum! Take him out." She ordered pointing at Gaara. "Aww come on…I hope this doesn't take too long." Shikamaru complained and he and Gaara fought. "That was tough." He said after winning. Hinata had run off to her huge estate already. "Hello people." Someone said and Itachi smiled walking to them with Kisame. "Leave me alone! I need to get out of here before he comes." Clone Gaara yelled nervously. "I found you!" Sasuke shouted jumping out of a bush. They all looked at him. "Oh you found me alright!" Itachi said sarcastically and his little brother smirked in triumph. "Now I have to go hide again. Close your eyes." He said and as soon as Sasuke closed his eyes they had left. Sasuke sat there counting. Shikamaru's phone suddenly rang and it was Hinata. "I'm looking through my telescope and Gaara is close by. He's really pissed off. I suggest you leave now and grab my cookie boy. Hurry up!" She told him and hung up. Shikamaru sighed, grabbed Lee, threw him over his shoulder and ran off. "Done!" Sasuke said and opened his eyes to see only a few people still there.
-Near Hinata's Estate (the roof)-
"Holy shit! Look at that wave of sand!" Itachi exclaimed handing Kisame the binoculars. He peered into them and his mouth gaped open. "He's not being environment friendly by killing all those trees with his sand." Kisame said shocked. Itachi snickered. "Sasuke's still there I bet." They laughed.
-Back at the Forest Path-
Suddenly the earth under them shook. The shake woke up Neji! "My head…What's going on here?" He asked. "He's getting closer. Shit!" Gaara said worriedly. "I'm out of here. Gaara already hates me so I don't feel like dying." Kakashi said with a small grin and began to walk away when a wall of sand stopped him. He backed up slowly and stood by Neji. Gaara appeared with sand all around him and it looked like he was ready to kill. Sasuke slowly crept back into the bush and didn't come back out. "What's your problem?" Neji asked him. Without hesitation Gaara had his sand fling him a mile away. "Maybe Neji's blind spot is that he's too naïve to realize Gaara's pissed off." Kakashi muttered and huge bursts of trees flew at him sending him flying off like Neji. Clone Gaara tried to throw a sand shuriken at Gaara but the real Gaara's sand absorbed it like it was starving. "Fuck this is not good…" Clone Gaara mumbled. "There's only room for one Gaara and that's me." He said and then completely crushed his clone with his loyal sand. Out of nowhere a big truck with Hinata's name on it arrives and stops in front of him. "Gaara can you hear me? It's your leader Hinata. In this truck are over 3 tons of cookies, a variety of flavors. If you calm down your anger I'll let you have them all. Now is the true question…Deal or no deal?" She said through a microphone that reached from her house. Gaara was silent for a few seconds then replied, "Okay!" He said happily and drove his truck home to eat his cookies.
