He looked around and felt panic. The sun was blistering hot, the desert wind whipped sand in his face, he could taste blood in his mouth, his limbs were weak from hours of battle and the men attacking him were strong. He could see from the looks on their faces that they knew who he was, and they wanted him dead. Dead before he grew up and became powerful like Frieza.
Prince Vegeta bit his tongue sharply and acknowledged the fact that he was terrified. It was a harsh fact to accept-a warrior prince afraid-but that was the truth of it. The fear was washing over him like warm water, soaking to the core, taking over his ever action. He wanted to turn and run away screaming. But then, just like he knew and accepted his fear, he knew that he couldn't run away like a coward. Not him. Not a prince. His people were counting on him--what was left of them.
With an angry shout, the seven year old kept fighting. He turned on the soldier nearest him and plunged a tightly clenched fist into his gut. Vegeta felt his wrist buckle on impact, but his arm held out and his hand went straight through the man's stomach. Blood sprayed his face and got in his eyes.
A second enemy was on him in an instant, fighting ferociously, attacking with a long semitar-type weapon. Vegeta felt his heart jump as he leapt away, barely avoiding being decapitated. The sword sang past his head and cut a few strands of hair from his head. The man had Vegeta on the ropes. As long as he had that weapon Vegeta couldn't get close, and if that was the case he'd have to rely on his energy blasts. The only problem was that he was exhausted and worried that if he used anymore energy he wouldn't make it out of this fight alive. He looked around desperately for Nappa.
He'd been working for Frieza for a long time now-almost two years-and he'd all but forgotten his home planet, his friends, his parents. Of course he hadn't really. He remembered it all in strange detail. He remembered the dark, cool skies and the dampness of the consistent rain. The memories were fading though. The faces of his mother and father were like old, graying photographs, and sometimes he had to think very hard just to recall them. Sometimes when he was alone, in a pod going to one planet or another that Frieza wanted conquered, he thought about that horrible day when Nappa had first told him the terrible news.
The look on his bodyguard's face had been one of absolute loss, "Prince...Vegeta is gone."
At the time Vegeta hadn't dared to say anything, he'd stood completely still, not even really breathing, just looking at Nappa with his eyes, not lifting his head or even an eyebrow.
"It was struck by a large meteor...it just...couldn't hack it..."
Still there was nothing to say. Vegeta didn't believe that. He knew better--he knew the truth. His father had given him to Frieza-betrayed him in a way-and while he'd been locked away, waiting impatiently for the tyrant to speak with him, Frieza had destroyed his home planet, and likely his father as well. At the time Vegeta hadn't cared. For a brief moment in time he'd been so angry at the King that he thought he deserved to die.
"Didn't you hear me Prince? Everyone is dead. The King, your mother, everyone--the whole planet is gone!"
"Everyone." Vegeta said quietly, and there was this deep, crushing sense of loss.
Now here he was, almost two years later, fighting for his life, and he didn't think his father had gotten what he deserved anymore, he wasn't glad the King was dead, he couldn't be quiet. Vegeta screamed and dove away from the man with the semitar. He was furious. He felt the rage he'd been warned about so many times bubbling to the surface. He'd always had a temper problem, people had told him it wasn't good, his own father had suggested he get it under control. His father! There'd never been a more tempramental man in the history of space.
The fury took over, replacing the fear, and Vegeta lunged at his assailant, felt the semitar cut int his arm as he shoved the man back. It sliced again, this time in his side, but he ignored the pain. Hot blood was gushing from the wound in his arm, running thickly over his wrist and hand, but Vegeta didn't care. For just a moment he really wished that he was dead.
They had all abandoned him--his mother, his father, his whole race, they were all gone now, and they hadn't done a thing for him while they were alive. Vegeta hated them. Some part of his angry soul was screaming.
The man with the semitar looked at him, eyes wide with fear, stepped back, stunned, and swung. But Vegeta dodged this time, feinting back, and the razor-edge of the blade sliced his cheek. More blood oozed down and dripped from his chin. There was the faint attempt at a scream just before he blasted through the man with an energy attack.
Vegeta swung around, still not quite caring if he lived or died, kicked back a man who was coming at him with both fists ready, blasted him as well, then another, and another. He could feel his energy getting low, he could feel his body maxing out, and yet he didn't quite care. If he died here so be it. He was going to die some day. The fear and the anger were going to take hold of him some day and drag him down, down until he was dead. He was dying already. He was too young, too weak to survive on his own, and he knew it. And they had all abandoned him. Every last one of them, anyone who had ever smiled at him or held him or whispered in the dark that they cared for him, they were all dead. So what was to live for anyway? Frieza was always there, looming over him, smiling that cold smile that froze his soul.
Someone came at him from behind and struck him at the base of the skull, probably hoping to knock him out. Vegeta went at him, energy blast creating a halo around his fist, and even as he felt the blood beginning to leak from the newly-acquired head wound he struck, hitting the man squarely in the face. There was a bright explosion of brains and blue blood, and it all showered down on him. Vegeta kept fighting, kept punching and kicking and killing for long hours. The anger had absolute control of him now. He was barely aware of his weakness and absolutely oblivious to his fear. He killed one after another after another, fearlessly, until, at last, as the sun was setting, they turned and began to flee before him. The Prince chased one and killed him off, but he was too weak and tired to kill them all.
He collapsed to his knees on the desert sand, breathing hard, blood streaming from numerous wounds. His lips were cracked and dry from dehydration. He reached for the water capsule he carried with him at his hip, but it was gone, and so were his food rations. His armor was busted and partially useless, but it felt heavy.
The Prince clenched his fists. He felt the tears coming to his eyes, hotter than the blood, fiercer than the anger. The loneliness was impossibly intense, like a huge, looming shadow. He looked up at the white, rising moon and let that feeling engulf him. That feeling of being the only being alive in the whole universe. He'd held it in too long, and now it was eating him. For a moment the pain was so real that Vegeta could have swore there was an actual hole in his heart. He wanted to scream but he couldn't find his voice. He simply held his fists tightly until his knuckles were white, and opened his mouth so that he could feel the aching start of that scream, and kept his eyes fixed, unblinking, on the bone-white sliver of a moon, until the tears blurred his vision and stung his eyes; And then he screamed. He pounded the ground with both fists and bent over, beating it, cracking the earth beneath him, his tears and his blood dripping on the sand. The fury was drifting away, leaving nothing but this pain. The pain was the worse: he could tolerate the anger and even the terror, but this pain and this emptiness was something he couldn't face. He didn't want to. Some part of him simply couldn't acknowledge, couldn't accept that a weakness as powerful as this one existed in his otherwise powerful body.
Vegeta felt the heartbeat in his chest. That was the problem. That was the source of the weakness. That thing. That organ that pumped blood and oxygen and feeling. After all, what good was his heart? There was no one to give it to. Everyone he had ever loved was dead. Frieza was going to destroy it, just like he was going to destroy this planet. Vegeta knew that his heart was already irreparably damaged.
What use was there for something so broken?
Overhead the sky was beginning to blue with the first touches of night and he could see a few stars, glimmering like jewels. Out there, at some time, there had been a planet of brave people. Gone now. He remembered the day he'd seen it, hovering in the vastness of space, red as his own blood. As Frieza's men had taken him from the King's ship onto Frieza's ship he had seen it. And there had been a very cold feeling in his blood. But he hadn't guessed then that he would never see it again after that. He had never guessed that he would be so alone.
It was enough to make him wish he were dead, and he thought that just maybe, if he beat him to it, Frieza wouldn't get the chance to destroy him utterly.
"Prince!"
Vegeta barely glanced over his shoulder. A huge man was moving toward him, rather quickly. He looked young, and there was a strange bush of black hair on top of his head. His tail was free-floating behind him. There was blue blood splattered on his armor, and a scratch or two on his face, but he looked okay.
"Prince! There you are. God, I've been worried about you."
Nappa stood over him, looking him over, "You're a mess! I'm sorry I lost you, there were a lot more enemy soldiers than I thought there'd be. Do you think you're all right?"
"'m fine." Vegeta muttered, a little embarassed about being treated like a helpless little boy, even though he knew very well that it was up to Nappa to protect him. A lot of things were up to Nappa these days.
"Are you sure? You look a little..."
"I said I'm fine." Vegeta got to his feet, half-stumbling and nearly fell, but he managed to keep his balance, wiped the tears away quickly, knowing full well that Nappa had already seen them.
"I heard you screaming out here and I thought maybe...you know...I thought maybe you were hurt."
"Let's get back to the pods..." Vegeta murmured, began walking. He took a false step and fell again on his knees, just stayed that way for a long time, staring down at the sand, mostly because the tears were coming back. Dammit. Why couldn't he keep from crying? Nappa was going to see. He was going to think he was weak.
"Can you get up?"
"Of course I can!" Vegeta snapped, turning on Nappa fiercely.
His bodyguard studied him quietly.
"It's just that...just that...dammit Nappa, get the hell away from me!"
Nappa seemed a little taken a back by that, and Vegeta knew that he hadn't really ever cussed before. He was constantly surrounded by soldiers whose language was filthy, and yet he was a young prince, so those words had always been off-limits to him. It was an unspoken rule. But today it felt good to use them. Today it helped to take the edge off his loneliness and gave him pleasure.
He thought for a moment that his words were strong enough to actually make Nappa leave him alone.
Nappa was too stupid to do that though. The massive man knealt at his prince's side and looked him in the eyes, using his hand to cock Vegeta's head to the side so that the were face to face, "Hey, did you forget again? You're just a kid."
Vegeta shuddered at the words. They made him feel weaker than ever and afraid. He was aware of his age, he was aware of his youth, and he knew it was dangerous to be young. He knew people would hurt him because of it. After all, maybe if he was an adult people wouldn't do things to him. Maybe he wouldn't be alone.
"You're just a kid, Vegeta. Maybe you're damn tough, and maybe when you get older you'll be one of the strongest fighters in the universe, but right now..." Nappa smiled a little and brushed the bangs awayy from Vegeta's eyes, "right now you're just a kid."
The Prince snorted, "I'm one of the strongest fighters in the universe right now."
Laughing Nappa grabbed him under the arms and swung him up in the air, cradled him in his arms, "C'mere you!"
Vegeta's face turned bright red at being carried like he was a little baby, and for a moment he put up a fight, protesting and demanding to be put down, but Nappa ignored him and began walking in big, somehow graceful steps. When the Prince had finally given up and was being quiet he asked, "So you wanna' tell me why you're out here crying?"
"'M not crying."
"Right. Right."
They were silent for a moment and Vegeta looked back up at the stars. After a moment he muttered, "I couldn't find you...I thought I was alone."
"Awe, Prince, you were lonely?"
"I didn't say that. I said I thought I was alone."
"I'm sorry I lost you. I had some pretty tough bastards to work with."
With a sigh, Vegeta leaned his head against Nappa's shoulder and held on a little tighter. He closed his eyes for a moment and thought back to that terrifying pain in his heart. It was dormant now, like a tiny pinprick that he hardly noticed, but he knew that it was still there, and he knew it would come back some day, he knew that it always would, until the day he died.
"Why did it have to happen, Nappa?"
"What?"
"Planet Vegeta...why did it have to go?"
Nappa was quiet a long time and Vegeta wondered if he knew the truth like he did. He wondered if maybe Nappa thought he was protecting him by not letting on to the truth. At last he sighed, "Prince...you know, I can never explain to you why you don't have a planet to grow up on or a race to be in charge of. You know, I don't understand it either."
For some reason the words made Vegeta afraid all over again. Nappa was an adult, he was supposed to know. They hadn't really talked about the destruction of Vegeta at all in the last year and a half, even though it was always there, like a huge stain on the rug, but he had always assumed that his bodyguard had the answers. If he didn't who did?
"I can't explain it to you, just like I can't ever, ever replace your mother and father."
"I miss them." Vegeta whispered, a little embarassed at being so truthful, but he could usually tell Nappa anything,
"I know you do, Prince."
"Nappa, I...I think it's my fault Dad's dead..."
The bodyguard sounded aghast, "How can you? Why would you think that?"
"I...I was angry...I wished he was dead...the day he gave me to Frieza."
"Hey."
Vegeta opened his eyes to look at Nappa, and for a moment he could have swore that he saw a tear streaming down the big man's cheek. But that couldn't be.
"It's not your fault, all right? You have every right to be angry: what the King did...it wasn't right..."
Vegeta gasped a little. He'd never heard Nappa say anything against his father before. "N-Nappa...?"
"What?" Nappa growled, "It wasn't. He used you. Do you think that was okay?"
"I never should have wished he was dead though, I-"
"It isn't your fault Frieza killed him...none of this has been your fault Vegeta."
The Prince was quiet, trying to sort through what Nappa had said, but he just wasn't sure how to deal with it. And he was still consumed by the tear on Nappa's face. He felt a sudden, strange urge to dry it away for his bodyguard, but, like most of his sentimental compulsions, he suppressed it. At last he asked, "Do you miss it? Vegeta?"
Nappa barely smiled, "It was my home for twenty five years. I grew up there Prince."
Vegeta felt annoyed. Nappa always avoided answering questions about his own emotions. It was like he didn't want anyone to know what he felt like or that he felt at all. The Prince wondered if he would become that way. He thought maybe he already was.
They were quiet the rest of the way back to their pods. The two ships were sitting deep in the brush of a nearby oasis.
"Raditz must have left already," Nappa said, putting Vegeta back on his feet, "I don't see his pod anywhere."
"We'd better get going too."
"Yeah, I guess so. Frieza's gonna' want a report."
Vegeta snorted and headed for his pod. He hated thinking about Frieza. After what he'd done... "I'll kill him some day Nappa. I'll become a supersaiyan and I'll kill him." He looked his bodyguard in the eye for a moment, "I promise."
Nappa seemed at a loss for words, but then he broke into a half-teasing grin, "You? A supersaiyan? All right Veg, all right."
He could tolerate being called Veg sometimes. But only if it was just Nappa calling him that. If someone like Zarbon or Kiwi started calling him Veg he'd probably kill them.
"I'll do it, you watch."
Nappa set a hand on his head, "I know you will Prince," he said quietly, "I'm counting on it."
With a slight smile, Vegeta started climbing into his pod.
"Veg."
The Prince glanced back at his bodyguard, almost indifferently.
Nappa seemed at a loss for words for a moment, kind of looked away and then back, like he was nervous, "Just...don't forget about me. When you're a supersaiyan. All right? I mean, when you're strong enough that guy's dead...but until then..." he sort of sighed and seemed to give up on explaining himself, said softly, "Just remember, you're only a kid, but no matter what happens...I'm going to be with you."
Vegeta was sort of surprised because it was a very sentimental thing for Nappa to say, but he nodded a little, accepting it along with the terror and the anger and the painful loneliness. Perhaps that sentimentality, above all, could conquer that pain.
