Disclaimer- I own nothing.

A/N- …

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Anyone who has been a former cop can tell you that I messed this up bad.

No, don't tell me it wasn't my fault, because I can tell that you're lying. I know you too well, so don't even think about it.

I was so confident of myself. I thought I could handle this, I thought I was finally getting myself under control.

I was wrong.

It's my fault the HT got away, it's my fault that there's over twenty civilians hospitalized and the rest of the fifty are dead, and it's my fault that my partner is being whisked away to the I.C.U as we speak. I should have been primary, it should be me in that ambulance, but it's not. Isn't fate a funny thing?

Today started out normal enough. I woke up first, which is a first because usually it's Matt that wakes me up and has to drag me out of bed. And yes, I spent the night at his place. Everybody knows by now, so what's the point in trying to hide anything?

I made breakfast, and he drove us to work. I actually think he likes the new mustang just as much as the old one, there's not that much of a difference. We arrive at work, where you surprise us with a seemingly truckload of paperwork. Back then, it seemed like torture.

After today, I now know the true definition of torture. In my opinion, it's almost unbearable.

How do those actors in all of those action flicks make it seem like child's play?

Where was I? Oh, yeah, paperwork.

I had just finished when you call the both of us into your office. "Flannery, Lehman!" It seemed normal enough, but I wasn't aware of the mess that would unfold. Had I known that this would be the result…

You tell us that there's an emergency at First Bank, and I feel as though I'm in the movies. It happens every time we handle a negotiation at a bank; I feel as though I'm the sheriff going to shoot down those bad guys, like John Wayne or something. Heh, I can hear the dramatic music playing now.

We arrive to find HRT already in place and Frank tells us what has happened so far. Three punks think they can rip off a bank and escape just before the heat arrives. Unfortunately for them, fate has other plans. Here we go again with fate; why is it always concerned with matters such as these?

But once again, I'm getting off track.

They shoot the deputy in charge at the time, but before they make a break for it, back up has already arrived, so they retreat inside and take at the very least fifty people inside as hostages. I guess that the day after payday is a great day to rob a bank, the banks are loaded with money and innocents. Isn't that convenient?

Shots and screams echo thorough out the neighborhood. The next four are shot down and quickly carried away by the paramedics. By then, I could tell that it was getting bad.

Looking back, I now realize that those murders were just the icing on the cake.

I should have been primary, I never should have handed Matt that phone, but he was so damn insistent about it. He said that he didn't want me to 'take the call of this lunatic'. I didn't have the strength to argue; I just gave him the phone and let Lia patch him through.

A few hours later, he was still talking. A few hours later, I was still listening. And the more I eavesdropped, the more this strange feeling grew right in the pit of my stomach. At the time, I thought it was just hunger; I hadn't had anything to eat since seven that morning. But now I realize what it actually was.

Dread.

Somehow, an argument breaks out between the HTs, because the guy we're talking to starts to yell and scream at someone on the other line. Matt does his best to break up the quarrel, but to no avail. They start to shoot again.

Pandemonium erupts. Frank is yelling commands at his team and calls for back up, because three of his HRT guys are taken down. Everyone starts running and screaming once again. Paramedics already have their hands full; there were just too many civilians in the way.

Matt runs outside, but pushes me back just as I am about to follow him. I still remember what he told me.

"You stay. I can't afford to lose you."

I wasn't sure whether he meant his partner or… just me. But I do remember the look in his eyes; they were almost pleading.

And I know you may find this hard to believe, but for the first time I obeyed him.

I watched leave, with out a goodbye. I didn't even ask what he was going to do.

I just stared.

Lia's voice jerks me back to reality and asks what was going on. That was when common sense struck me like lightening, and, ignoring Lia, I ran outside.

Apparently the main HT didn't want to talk over the phone, because Matt was using a mega phone to try to reason with him. I could just barely hear him over the ruckus.

"How many more lives have to be taken? We can settle this, you and me, we can fix this…"

I don't remember what the HT said after that, but I do remember him pointing that gun at me. The screams were suddenly hushed, everything froze in place, and time seemed to stand still as I saw him load the gun and pull the trigger…

But the shot never came.

I look up, and find that I'm lying on the ground for some reason. There are a few cuts and I scraped my elbow, but the pain was washed away when I laid my eyes on the bloody figure just a few feet away.

I rushed over and turned the body over. And all the breath vanished from my lungs.

Matt. Bloody with two bullets. One in his arm, the other in his chest, just below the collar bone.

Someone screamed, I think it was me, but I didn't realize it at the time. He wasn't breathing right, it came in quick gasps. Blood was etching across his shirt, so I ripped off my jacket and applied pressure to the main injury.

My vision became blurry, and a few drops of water fell on Matt, blending into the blood. He had to hold on, help was coming, and I told him reassuring things, to keep both him and myself calm. But it wasn't working.

Then the strangest thing happened. He smiled at me. It sounds awkward, but he grabbed my hand and held it firmly to his chest and smiled at me. Then he whispered something.

"Better me than you."

I was bawling at this point. Despite the situation, Matt always finds a way to let me know how much he needs me.

I now realize how much I need him.

The medics finally came by this point, and they carefully put him on a stretcher and hauled him off to the nearest emergency room. I stood there for a while, refusing to let a paramedic treat my wounds.

It's strange how you look on your life after a life changing event. You see things that are more precious to you than you dare to dream, and find life unbearable without them. For a split second, I imagined life without Matt, and I never want to imagine it ever again.

I'm not afraid to say it; I really love him. Now I need to go tell him that myself.

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If you love someone, don't go one single day without letting them know it.

ACM