Day 34

New roommate Leonard leaves much to be desired. He whistles. Specifically stated in ad that whistlers need not apply.

Still have not won Nobel Prize. Am the smartest

Day 97

New friends: 2. Names: Raj and Howard.

Leonard still whistling. Am contemplating the creation of a new roommate contract.

No progress made on the Nobel Prize but still the smartest.

Day 102

New friends: 0. Nobel Prize: 0

Thus far, not a promising day.

Day 389

Blonde girl moved into the apartment across the hall. V. hot. Think Raj and Howard might be gay.

Nope, no Nobel prize.

Day 401

Blonde girl has a name. Penny. Kinda cute. Have decided to make my move. Will let her win Halo. Expect kisses when she beats me.

Still smartest, but no Nobel.

Day 402

No kisses. Might she be gay too?

Day 430

Met 15 year old prodigy. Told me I am not the smartest. Will show him.

Day 432

Showed him.

Am still the smartest. Go me.

Day 467

Hung Penny's underwear on telephone wires. Have discovered she is V. hot when mad.

Hope she doesn't notice I stretched the purple pair.

No prize, no kisses.

Day 502

Today gave Penny hug. Did not receive kisses. Am V. frustrated. Will have to rethink strategy.

Still no Nobel Prize.

Day 511

Raj and Howard definitely gay. Think Leonard might be gay too. Caught him looking at my bum.

Still no prize.

Day 514

Leonard not gay. Caught him making out with Stephanie.

Day 534

New friends: 1 Nobel Prizes: 0

Must fire existing friend to make room for new friend. Will drop hints in questionnaire to upgrade Penny to "girlfriend" status.

Day 535

New friends: 0 Girlfriends: 0 Kisses: 0 Nobel Prizes: 0

This sucks.

Day 565

Nobel Prize: 0 Kisses: 0

Have decided absence makes the heart grow fonder. Am going to Antarctica. Am hoping for kisses on return.

Am still the smartest, thank God.

Day 654

Kisses: 1

Go me!!