Owen died. No, this time he really died. Internally.
He managed to survive the room, thanks to the rift pulling him through like so many other victims before. The minute he closed his eyes he was pulled through. He had watched the third great Human Empire fall and crumble. It had taken him three months to get back.
Owen was not dead, but staring at her lifeless body he felt everything inside him dry and rot. The worst part about it was he couldn't cry about it. He couldn't take deep breaths. He couldn't just let it out because he was stuck in a dead state of living. Tosh was just dead.
Jack never thought about Owen's reaction. In fact, it took him a while to digest the fact that the medic had not died in the first place. He had hired Martha and Andy to replace Tosh and Owen, though in his heart he knew no one would ever really replace them. It was almost as if someone had granted him a second chance with Owen though. The same could not be said for Tosh.
So, after the tears, questions, happiness and hugs of welcome back, Jack didn't know how to answer when Owen asked "So, where's Tosh?"
Ianto looked to Gwen who stared at her feet, her arms folded, both faces frowning.
"Jack? C'mon where's my favorite computer geek?" he smiled.
Jack couldn't make eye contact as he tried to control the emotions raging across his features. Owen's smile had long since faded as he looked upon the team, "Jack, what happened?"
"She didn't say…you spoke to her on the comm? She was hurt," Gwen slowly said as she held back tears of remembrance.
"Yes, but her arm…it was just her…It wasn't just her arm was it?"Owen spoke as sudden realization hit him.
"Owen…"Jack's voice was low and serious, his eyes wet and his expression grim as he relived the memory of watching Tosh fall into darkness with her eyes still looking into the light.
Owen was too quick to react. His face turned to anger and misery as he raced for the stair leading to the morgue. Jack chased after him, but Owen ran hard forgetting everything and anything around him.
As he ran up the walk he pulled open every drawer he could looking desperately for her face, her body, her spirit that had long since gone. And then he found it. Drawer 011. Frozen. Dead. Gone from this life. Living in the darkness he so feared.
"No," he breathed.
There she laid. Her eyes shut. Her face frozen. Her body was now a lifeless corpse and he felt everything in him begin to drain. His hands shook as he went to touch her once smiling face. His face emotionless and numb more than ever before. He brought his hands back not being able to bring himself to do it. And then he broke.
"That Fucking Son of a bitch! AHHHHHH!"
He screamed and yelled and kicked. He pounded his fists against the drawers that held the other dead bodies, though none as meaningful as Toshiko Sato's was to him. He pulled at his hair and punched the solid wall trying to find some way of feeling. He couldn't feel anything at all.
"I'm going to rage my way to oblivion. AHHHHHHH!"
"Please stop."
"Why?! Give me one good bloody reason why I shouldn't keep screaming."
"Because you're breaking my heart…"
Jack had come down to find a furious Owen. His eyes raged as he punched him. Jack fell and Owen began to beat at him. It was all he could do. First Katie. Suzie followed. Then Diane. But not Tosh. Never Tosh. That just wasn't bloody fair!
"You let this happen! You let this happen! This is all your fucking fault! I hate you!" Jack controlled his hand movements.
Owen struggled against him until he finally stopped. Jack pulled him to him. Owen's frantic movements calmed as his voice broke against Jack's chest, "I can't even cry for her, Jack. I can't even…"
"I know, Owen. I know," Jack said as loose tears swiveled down his cheeks.
He just stayed against Jack's chest as Jack held him close trying to offer as much comfort as he could. Jack explained what happened, diving into the memory of what his brother did.
Tosh's voice played out in his ears. She had been shot. She was dying while she was talking to him and never mentioned it. All he did was scream and complain about him. Him.
"You still haven't changed, have you?" she told him as she stood in front of his counter just after his resurrection, "It's all about Owen."
She was better than him. Better then he could ever hope to be and she still loved him. Him. Of all the decent human beings in the world who would cut off their limbs for a girl like her, she had wasted her life on him. In the last moments of her life, she didn't cry for her wounds. She cried for his. His...
Owen's eyes fluttered open and closed as he remembered her voice. The last bit of her stationed in his memory. It killed everything inside of him and the worst part about it was he couldn't cry for her. He was too dead to produce tears. When he had died she had cried for him. She tried to make his last moments just that bit more meaningful, but…he could never live up to her.
"We never did get that date, did we? You and me. Eh…we sort of missed each other. It was my fault. I…I didn't notice until it was too late…I'm sorry."
"Me too."
…
"It's starting."
"Owen?"
"It's all right. Really, Tosh. It's all right…"
Well should I continue? Let me know what you think pretty please )
