Ways to Severely Piss Off Various FMA Cast Members

How to Make Kimbley Blow Your Ass to Hell

Hello, I am Blast Alchemist and this is another of my crazed ramblings. In this chapter, I will tell you how to utterly infuriate our favorite psychopathic alchemist, Zolf J. Kimbley.

Replace his shampoo with bright purple hair dye. Call him the Lavender Alchemist afterwards.

Coat his mattress in peanut butter.

Replace his yellow ribbon with a frilly pink one.

At a very inappropriate time, ask him if he was ever raped in prison. Then, run for your no good life. Point and laugh at him if he cries in the fetal position.

Tell him his haircut makes him look gay.

Send him a love letter signed by Scar.

Attempt to remove his transmutation circles.

Send him to therapy with Mr. Rogers as his therapist. (See Fullmetal Funnies fic.)

Bet him in a game of cards, and lose the hand intentionally.

Post his address on a fan-girl website.

Walk up and hug him. Tightly. If he hugs back, slap him and yell, "Pervert!"

Let loose an army of angry ferrets into his room.

Shove a rabid wolverine in his boxer drawer.

Strap a fart machine to the bottom of his barstool and activate it during a long silence. Then stare at him with nothing but contempt.

Walk up and kick him in the groin for no apparent reason. Then pretend to blank out and ask him why he is on the ground.

Kimbley stared at the list with his left eye twitching uncontrollably. He said, "I would question your sanity, but I don't think you ever had any.

Blast looked at him innocently, and asked, "Does being insane make me a bad person?"

Kimbley replied bluntly, "Yes, yes it does."

"Well, then you're a bad person too, Kimbley!"

"And you're an ass!"

Blast looked serious and replied, "Be that as it may, I write the fic. You do things my way. Got me?"

Kimbley glared and said, "I despise you with every bone in my body…"

Blast smugly replied, "And I wouldn't have it any other way."