The will of the Gods
Summary: Kara has to accept new things about her life, and gets some unwanted help along the way.
Disclaimer: Oh, I want to (especially Apollo), but I don't own anything!
Author's note: Ok, first BSG story so be nice. This is set after the episode where they pick up Kara's car and I haven't seen the rest of the series yet (I can't wait!) so I think it'll be a near-miracle if this story follows in the season's plotlines. Oh, and I'm a massive LeeKara fan so hint, hint.
Kara shifted uncomfortably. She knew she was suppose to be getting some sleep, gods knew she needed it; but every time she closed her eyes and let her body relax for two seconds she'd see Zak. And somehow, she wasn't quite sure how, but somehow she knew she wasn't about to start reminiscing. She was going to have an extremely uncomfortable discussion about a related Adama. And Kara being Kara was avoiding it was as much might as she could.
But there's the problem, a little voice in the back of her head said, you avoiding your feelings and not confronting them started this whole mess.
Kara silenced the voice in the back of her head and shifted again.
"Will you just relax?" Helo said, "I think I can manage driving down a road by myself so get some shut-eye already."
Kara glared at Helo. He wasn't helping. Determined not to push away this friend as well, Kara switched sides, facing away from Helo.
Aah, but he wasn't just a friend you pushed away, the little voice said.
"Frak off." Kara mumbled.
"What?" Helo asked.
"Not you." Kara snapped.
"O-o-k," Helo said slowly "First a cylon and now a stressed-out impulsive pilot who's talking to herself. You pick great company Helo."
"Now who's talking to themselves?" Kara muttered sleepily.
"He's right Kara," a familiar voice said "You are stressed out."
Kara lifted her head and saw she was on Galactica, in the hangar deck, standing next to Lee's viper. Standing a few feet away from her was Zak Adama.
Kara groaned.
Zak chuckled "Oh come on Kara. You knew you weren't going to be able to avoid talking to me forever."
"I wasn't planning on forever." Kara argued.
Zak looked pointedly at her.
Kara rolled her eyes and grinded her teeth.
Zak smiled slightly "You haven't changed."
Kara opened her mouth to argue but Zak interrupted her.
"You haven't. And that's a good thing. Although…"
"What?"
"You need to let go of me."
"Excuse me!"
"You don't love me anymore Kara. You need to let go."
"I think I'll be the judge of that." Kara snapped angrily.
Zak raised an eyebrow "And when have you ever be a good judge? Especially about things concerning yourself."
"Zak-"
"Save it Kara. I've heard it before and it's about time you listened to me."
Kara stared at Zak malevolently, but bit down on her bottom lip to stop herself from speaking.
"You were meant to be an Adama Kara. The gods meant it-"
"The gods!" Kara burst out "The gods don't have anything to do with my life-"
"They have everything to do with it," Zak said calmly, "you were chosen to find Kobol. From Kobol you will find Earth. You were chosen to survive the holocaust. You were chosen to be an Adama. You just met the wrong one first."
"I wasn't chosen to find Kobol, I just di-" Kara stopped dead, "What did you just say?" she gasped.
"The gods have everything to do with your life-"
"Not that bit!"
Zak smiled "You just met the wrong Adama first."
Kara stared speechlessly at him.
"You love Lee, Kara."
Kara began to shake her head.
"Uh-oh don't do that," Zak said firmly, "you might want to deny it to yourself but you can't deny it to me. I can see it in your eyes."
"Zak…"
"You loved me, I loved you Kara, but that's it. Past tense. We wouldn't have stayed together and we would have ruined everything you and Lee are destined to have, meant to have. It's better this way."
"I'm sorry… its better you died?" Kara said slowly.
"Kara…"
"You died! How is that better! Your brother spent two years hating your father! If it wasn't for the holocaust he wouldn't have spoken to him again for the rest of his life! And it destroyed your father! He almost just gave up. Let alone what I went through! How could you possibly think-"
"Interesting how you always put Lee first," Zak mused "always before yourself. Like he means more to you…"
Kara gulped.
"But that's because he does," Zak continued, "he means more to you than anything else, or anyone else, that you've ever known. And he feels the same."
Kara just stood there. Zak wasn't making any sense, but at the same time the little voice in the back of her head was screaming at her that he was right.
"You think he's fighting to get back what he lost? Just like everybody else? He's not. He's fighting to keep what he's got left. You and dad. And he'll do anything Kara, to keep you guys safe, to get you guys to safety. He'll do anything. And you're not just fighting because it's the only thing you know how to do. You're fighting for him. You're fighting for something you want so much it's practically controlling your every move."
Zak smiled at her "You need to let go of me so you can have what you really want Kara."
"I want you." She said softly.
"No, you don't. You wanted me, and you had me. But it wouldn't have worked. I can't really describe it, but I'm at a place where I can see lots of different things. I can see every tactical move dad's ever made in his life, I can see every order Lee's ever carried out, and I can see every thought that's ever been in your head. I can see things that were and that could've been. We wouldn't have lasted. You and Lee had something from the moment you met. You were destined for each other. I just got in the way."
"Zak how can you say that!" Kara growled angrily.
"Because I know it's true?" Zak teased, "The gods have plans for all of us. But they can't watch our every move, make sure we do everything perfectly first time. Where'd be the fun in that? They weren't watching us closely enough. It's how the cylons rebelled and evolved. It's how you mistook one Adama for another."
"I can't… I can't process this." Kara said, wringing her hands through her hair.
"Well you're gonna have too," Zak said, "but right now you've got company. We haven't finished yet Kara. But don't worry; you're not the only one I get to lecture."
Kara's eyes widened "You're not talking to Lee!"
"'Fraid so, and dad."
"Frak you."
Zak laughed "You definitely haven't changed. Be careful Kara. You're needed a hell of a lot more than you think."
"Wait, what does that me-" But before Kara could finish her question she heard Helo scream her name and the sound of gunfire.
"Starbuck! Cylons!" Helo yelled, roughly grabbing her and pushing her out of the moving vehicle.
"Frak! Where'd they come from?" Kara yelled, grabbing her gun and aiming at the machines. "Helo? Where's the arrow?"
Helo looked back at the car as it smashed into a building and exploded.
"Oh you are frakking me." Kara said, before moving along the wall in the direction of the flaming vehicle.
"Kara! Where the hell are you going?" Helo yelled "The cylons are right there!"
"I need the arrow!"
"It's not worth your life!" Helo screamed, the top of the wall they were hiding behind crumbling over as the cylons intensified their attack.
"The frak it is!" Kara yelled and started running.
Helo swore behind her but then started running in the other direction, firing as he went, creating a diversion. Kara got to the building and quickly ran inside, heading over to her still burning car. Grabbing a pipe from the floor she hooked it through the door without touching any of the scorching hot metal. Pulling with all her might for what felt like an eternity, the door finally yielded. Reaching over she grabbed the arrow, then immediately swore as her brain kicked in telling her it was too hot to touch, then her body kicked in telling her body that the arrow was perfectly cool. Kara almost stopped to puzzle for a moment but the sound of gunfire brought her senses crashing back into focus.
"Helo." She muttered, and then she ran.
Hugging the wall for as long as she could, Kara covered as much ground as possible. She sprinted for ten yards uncovered as she ran into the tree line, bringing her weapons up as she slowed. Something was rustling the undergrowth. Crouching behind a tree, she paused for a second before spinning into the open and aiming.
"Starbuck!" Helo yelled, raising his hands.
"Helo, you alright? How'd you manage to lose them?"
"I'm fine. I made some noise with a building collapse and they followed that. You got your arrow?"
"Yeah. Let's get out of here."
"Yeah, let's. Mind telling me why that thing's so important?"
"It'll show us that way to Earth."
"Earth! As in the thirteenth tribe Earth, the thirteenth colony of humanity? That Earth?" Helo asked.
"That's the one."
"What the frak…!"
"The president is gonna lead us to Earth because the old man lied and there's some prophecy about her doing so."
"Her? Who's her?"
"The President. She's Laura Roslin, next in succession to Aidar 'cos Aidar's dead."
"O-o-k."
"And the Old man lied 'cos he told everybody he can find Earth when he can't but she thinks it's her destiny. And one of the ancient scriptures backs her up."
"The scrolls of Pythia?"
"How'd you know about the prophecy?" Kara asked.
"My mom used to read them to me. But the scroll says a dying leader will lead the way."
"Yeah, the President has breast cancer. She only has a few months to live."
"Sheesh," Helo said, taking in a deep breath "That's a lot to process."
"Yep." Kara said, pushing past some low-hanging branches "Ok, here's the plan. We head for higher ground, just like before. See if we can scout this place and then see if we can get us another ship."
"Ok."
They walked together in silence for a few minutes, each deeply embroiled in their own thoughts.
"Kara?"
"Yeah?"
"If the Old Man lied, how come he let you come get the arrow?"
"He didn't." Kara said simply.
"You came here without orders."
"He lied."
"He might have had a good reason to do so…" Helo started hesitantly.
"No," The fierceness in Kara's voice edged her words "He didn't have."
Helo shrugged slightly and avoided eye contact, leaving the conversation whilst he was still physically unharmed.
"He did have y'know." Zak said. It was a few hours later and Helo had ordered Kara to get some sleep, which obviously she was doing now.
"Who had what?" Kara asked, confused. They were back on Galactica, standing next to Lee's viper again. Zak was sitting on the steps down from the cockpit.
"Dad had a good reason to lie."
"Oh yeah, like what?"
"It's not just good enough to live Kara; you need something to live for. Dad knew that so he gave everyone a reason to live for. Earth; a safe haven, a refuge."
"That still doesn't make it right that he lied. He abused everybody's trust!"
"Especially yours," Zak said, "he hurt you Kara, and you can't deal with that. Not alone."
"So you're here to help me?"
"Yes, if you let me."
"Damn straight," Kara said, "I don't need your help Zak. I just need to clear my head and forget."
"You mean run away."
"No I don't. Listen, I do not just ru-"
"Yes you do Kara. Its part of what makes you you, but right now you can't run away anymore."
"I don't-" Kara began heatedly.
"What'd you do the first time someone challenged you? You hit them, running away from the original problem by creating a new one. What'd you do the first time you ever felt something genuine for a guy? Thanked him for the nice frak and shoved out the door, running away from having to deal with it. What'd you do the first time you met Lee? Pushed yourself even further into our relationship, which I'm not complaining for, but for which you ran away from dealing how you felt for him. What'd you do-"
"Alright! Alright!" Kara yelled. "Enough already! Even if none of them are true…"
"They are true Kara," Zak persisted "And you didn't let me get to the most important one."
"Oh, there's a most important one?" Kara mocked, "Gee, that just gives me such a special warm feeling inside."
"What did you do when you were told the old man was lying to you? When you finally figured that your feelings for my brother are a hell of a lot stronger than friendship? When you found out that this was all destined to happen? You ran Kara, you ran here."
"I came here because the President asked me too."
"You ran here because the President asked you too. You still ran."
Kara stared at Zak, half not wanting to say anything, to appear above this all, and half not knowing what to say.
Zak got up from the steps and moved towards her.
"You can't keep running Kara." he said softly.
"Why not?" Kara burst out, "I mean if it's all I seem to do, then I must be pretty good at coping with it…"
"Because Lee can't cope." Zak said firmly, the first hint of anger in his voice.
"W-What?"
"He can't cope losing you every time. He needs you there Kara. He needs you as much as you need him. Which is a hell of a lot."
"I don't-"
"Think about it Kara," Zak stressed, "whose opinion means the most to you in the entire world? Who is the only person who can make you stir-crazy mad in less than two seconds for no reason? Who is it whose buttons you know how to push and who knows yours? Who is the one person you can't bear to have hurt? Or to think less of you?"
Kara stared at Zak silently, knowing the answer, knowing that it was all true. Knowing that she couldn't run from it anymore.
"Lee." She barely whispered.
"Who is it who you love more than you thought was possible?" Zak asked, beginning to smile slightly.
"L-Lee." Kara said, tears running down her face even though she was smiling.
"Exactly." Zak said, now full out grinning. "And guess what? He... aah but that'd be spoiling it."
Kara laughed.
"Don't worry about me anymore. I just want you two to be happy. And happy you'll be, just as the gods wanted it."
Kara smiled again "Thank you." She whispered.
Zak just smiled and the next thing Kara knew she was sitting next to Helo. Her cramp, tired body felt relieved somehow and her mind felt at rest, as if a huge pressure had been lifted from it. Kara stretched her body, smiling as Helo turned around to face her.
"You look different." He puzzled.
"I do?"
"Yeah, can't quite put my finger on it though."
Kara just smiled.
You are different, the voice in her head said, you're not going to run anymore, you're going to face Lee Adama and the will of the Gods, and be happy for it.
Please review! And tell me if you'd like some more, ie Lee and Kara talking, or if you want a spin-off, like Zak talking to Lee or/and Com. Adama. Please tell me what you think! Hit the little button!
