Obsession
Put me on the table
Make me say your name
If I can't remember
Then give me all your pain
I can sit and listen
Or I can make you scream
Kiss it and make it better
Just put your trust in me
[P!nk: Oh my God]
Looking back I realize that it was a childish obsession.
At least in the beginning.
Aizen made me want to be in the fifth division in the first place and eventually I became his lieutenant. I managed to be as close as possible to the man I adored. And what was not to adore? His handsome face, his kind way of treating people, his calmness. He was strong and soft at the same time. He made me enjoy dull paperwork simply because of his presence.
I spent the days with him in person and at night he haunted my dreams. The mere thought of him made me shiver.
Of course I seemed like an innocent little girl unaware of anything beyond adoration. I enjoyed the advantages that my puppy eyes, sweet demeanor, and petite body gave me. People simply had to like me or envy me. The latter kind called me manipulative, which wasn't far from the truth.
Often clumsiness or tiredness send me into his arms or his bed. I know he watched me toss and turn under the thin blankets. It even distracted him from his work. I played that little game often enough just to make sure I could take the next step.
Sword-fighting practice brought me closer to him. The captain/lieutenant quarters housed only one shower each so I made sure he left earlier than me. It was easy to sneak in and listen to him shower afterwards.
As usual it took him exactly ten minutes. I took off all my clothes except for the white kimono and went into the bathroom just as he left, bumping into him "accidentally". His delicious body was wrapped in nothing but a wet, white towel.
"Oh, I'm so sorry, Captain", I said, pretending to be ashamed.
Of course I couldn't do these kinds of things all the time or he would have sensed my true motives. I had to let it cool down for a bit. Be a good girl. Act naturally.
Some time that summer I had a new idea. Maybe it was the warm weather or maybe I was becoming too impatient.
Again, sword-fighting practice was my best friend. I felt wonderful that day. It was hot and my uniform was sticking to my body. It was just Captain and me on the small square behind our quarters.
"Oh my, Hinamori, you look exhausted. Let's stop for today."
I nodded, sheathed my katana, and we went back inside together.
"Go ahead and take a shower first. You look like you need one."
I blushed and collected my towel from the window where it was hanging to dry.
The next part was the most difficult. It had to be convincing.
I undressed in the bathroom, throwing my clothes into a heap on the floor. Stepping into the shower I undid my bun. The cold water was a bliss after the heat outside. I hummed a little and made sure my body was meticulously clean before I dropped the soap. I held my breath. My foot pushed the soap away, I let myself drop a little and banged my head against the wall. With a clearly audible thud my body hit the tiled floor.
A knock at the door. "Hinamori? Hinamori, are you all right?"
I bit my lip to stop myself from whimpering. This hurt a lot more than I had anticipated.
"Hinamori?" The door was opened a little and I saw a hazel brown eye appearing in the crack. "Damn it." Aizen rushed in, half-dressed, and knelt down next to me. His cheeks were slightly pink as he touched my shoulder.
I groaned and opened my eyes wider. "Captain?"
"What happened? Did you slip?"
"Ah, yes, the soap." I sat up and pointed at the white bar lying on the other side of the room.
The water was still running and I was beginning to get cold, being all naked on the floor. Now that Aizen was sure I was conscious it was funny to watch him trying to avoid staring at my body.
"Are you in pain?"
I nodded. My whole body was hurting but nothing seemed to be broken. There was a little blood from where I had hit my head.
"Well, er-" He held out his hand for me to take. "Maybe you should get dressed."
After he pretty much lifted me up I held onto his arm and pressed my body against his. He tensed. My hands slipped under his open kimono and I held onto his hips. Pretending to regain strength I rested my head against his chest.
His body was hot and smelled of cloth and sweat. He was breathing quickly and I could hear his strong heart beat. One of his big hands was holding my back. I looked up. It was hard to interpret the expression on his face. It was a mixture of shock, worry, and even a faint glimmer of lust.
Could I seduce him now? Should I?
Before I could make my decision he had already pulled a spare towel out of the shelf and was wrapping it around my body. He picked me up like a child and carried me into the living room where he lay me on the futon.
"Do you want me call someone from the forth division?", he asked.
"No, I think I'll be fine for now. Maybe sleep a little."
In response he pulled the blanket over me. "It's really incredible how clumsy you can be."
Was that suspicion in his voice?
Unwilling to answer I simply stared back at him.
"Well, then. Get some sleep. I'll be right here," he said, smiling.
Maybe my plan hadn't been that good after all. That's what I thought as I was drifting off into a restless sleep.
It was dark when I woke up. I looked around and saw Aizen with his back turned to me sitting at the table. He turned around when he heard me sit up. I was still only wrapped in the towel but there were fresh clothes lying next to me. I reached out for them groggily.
"It's really wierd." Aizen pushed up his glasses as he looked at me. "You know, you're a good fighter. You're graceful and strong for someone your size. Yet you're easily unbalanced outside the battlefield." He stood up and came over, kneeling down next to me. "But only when I'm around."
I swallowed. Had he finally realized?
He put a hand under my chin and made me look him in the eyes. I tried hard not to tremble but I must have failed because his expression changed again.
He knew.
"Is there something you want to tell me? Like, why you run into me? Why you spy on me? Or why you slip in the shower? Intentionally?"
I couldn't answer.
"Do you want to be cute and adorable so I can't be mad at you? Because that's not working. Everyone else might fall for this but I don't. So tell me, Hinamori, what is it that you want?" He leaned back and took his hand away.
"This." It was a bold move but I never regretted it. I gripped his shoulder, pressed my lips on his and almost made him fall over. But he returned the kiss. He pushed me down on the futon and straddled me. A grin spread on his face. "I knew you're not the little innocent girl everyone sees in you."
He bent down, his mouth at my ear. "You're so desperate, aren't you?" He whispered. "You really, really want me. You do all these little things, these games of yours. And at night you probably dream of me. The way you toss and turn in your sleep. The way you moan my name."
He kissed the side of my neck and my body arched, desperate to feel him. A sweet chuckle escaped his throat and he covered me in more kisses. They were fiery promises of pleasures to come.
He stripped me off the towel and took a moment to appreciate the sight. I trembled under his longing gaze. "What a lovely body," he said, licking his lips playfully. I wanted to tell him that he could do anything he wanted with it. But I would have sounded like a whore. So instead I pulled him down, pushed my snakey tongue into his mouth and began opening his hakama pants.
"You. Are quite. A horny. Little girl. Mmh?", he breathed between kisses.
Finally his pants and underwear were gone.
"Oh, how I've longed for this moment." I whispered throatily. I pulled his hot body closer to me and then he was inside of me. I wrapped my legs around him. Never again would I let go of him.
That night he made me scream. He made me lose my mind. He became my addiction. And after this night we kept making love whenever it was possible.
Rumors spread. But I didn't care. Some people still fell for my cute face. Others called me a slut. Manipulative. Word had it that I was passed around between the captains. Of course that was a lie. I never would have taken anyone but Captain.
And then he stabbed me in the back. It's not like we've been a lovey-dovey couple. It was merely physical. And by God it was the best time of my life.
Until he staged his death only to return some time later and put his katana through my petit body.
Even then I couldn't hate him. Even then all I wanted was for him to take me to his new world and to keep being his priced possession.
But he did not and never will do this. I said goodbye to the world I thought I lived in. But I will create a new world.
