Hello everyone,
as promised the Side Story to 'Come back to me'.
IMPORTANT: Please read the original before reading this. First, there may be things you don't understand. Second, this story includes spoilers for the original story.
This is more or less the memories of Neji Sasuke sees when they do the carrier connection for the first time (chapter 16).
This is rated M because of a kind of graphic birth scene in the fourth chapter. I don't know what I have with these. (Though I'm not sure if it already qualifies for M)
Disclaimer: I don't own Neji, I would never have killed him otherwise.
Why did he do this? Why? He was the first person I completely trusted and he betrayed me. It's just not fair! I did everything for him, but he simply threw it away. He didn't even find it important enough to tell me. He lied to me. Was I not enough for him? I tried my best, but I can't stop doing missions only for him, I'm a ninja of this village, my duty comes first. But apparently not for him. For him, it is more important to have some fun. More important than me anyway!
God, please let this end! Please let this be just a dream and let me wake up next to him when I open my eyes. No, I'm not a child anymore, I know it's real. But it hurts so much. I don't know how much more I can take. Hinata-sama, my friends and even Hiashi-sama have tried to comfort me, but I don't want to see anyone. Such bad timing that Sasuke has to be on a mission for two months at the moment. I need my best friend now.
The three days since our fight I have stayed in my room, not wanting to see anybody. I have a break from missions anyway, Tsunade ordered me to take six weeks off. Originally I planned on spending them with him, but now…
By now it has been nearly five weeks since my break up (if you want to call it that) with Shikamaru. I can't say it doesn't hurt anymore, it sure does a lot, but it's better now and I started going out and training again. My friends are happy that I'm better but everyone is careful around me and luckily never mentioning that subject. I haven't seen him in this time though, which I'm happy about. As much as I hate him for what he has done, unfortunately if I would have to be precise I still love him to some extent. I hate myself for that, but I can't help it. Damned feelings!
Even though emotionally I am better now, I have started to feel a bit poorly these past days. I am easier tired out than usual, need more sleep and food, plus I get headaches. At the beginning I thought it was simply a result from the emotional turmoil because of the situation with Shikamaru. But since close to two weeks ago I have started to throw up as well. Every morning I would have to rush to the toilet and vomit everything I ate the day before. Luckily I was able to hide it from my family as I don't need them to worry about me even more than they already do. I also don't want to see a healer because it is not much to begin with and something tells me I shouldn't.
Anyway at the moment I am heading back to my room after meeting with Hinata-sama and her team for lunch in a restaurant in the village and after it some talking about the latest missions. The compound is calm in the afternoon. Most members are somewhere out at their duties, the sun and breeze casting a serene atmosphere over the several green courtyards. I stop, taking a deep breath and bathing in the silence. Until I hear a high voice.
"Neji-Nii!"
I turn around just in time to find a small child crashing into my legs. I smile and ruffle his hair. Immediately a round face with the bright Byakugan eyes lifts up to me, a broad grin stretching over it. Shoulder length brown hair is unbound and dishevelled from the running, as is his kimono.
"Hey Nezu!" I grin and bend down to him, "How you're doing? Causing your parents trouble again, I guess."
He lets my leg go and reaches up to me with a smile. I pick him up and hold him at my side. When I nuzzle his cheek he giggles loudly and flails his arms around.
"I wanted to see Neji-Nii. Dad said you were not good," he looks at me as serious as a young child can.
My smile gets slightly sadder, "I was but I'm okay now. Don't worry. And anyway, how can I be sad when you're with me."
I assure him and swoop him up, swirling him around one time. He laughs and my heart lightens as well. Nezu always manages to make me feel better. He is one of the, at the moment very few, small children in the clan. In one month he is going to become four and he has developed a huge liking in me. I don't mind, because he makes me smile, so I let him call me brother even though we are not really close related. Nonetheless I guess I am the one Hyuuga he spends the most time with after his parents and when I'm not on missions.
"Ah, there you are, Nezu! How many times have I told you to stop running away? I was worried."
A new voice sounds from behind me. I was so occupied with the kid that I didn't hear him coming. I turn around, still a light smile on my face. In front of me is another Hyuuga, around ten years older than me with long black hair in a high ponytail and slightly panting, I guess from searching the child.
"Hello Yuu. Nezu's with me. Are you okay?"
He smiles back relieved, "Thanks Neji. I am. But how about you? I heard you have a hard time."
I wave it off, "I am getting better. And Nezu is a great help."
"I only wanted to see Neji-Nii after you said he was not well, Dad!" the boy in my arms pipes in as well.
"What am I gonna do with you?" the older sighs, "It was a nice idea, but let me bring you to Neji next time, okay? I was worried."
"So was I," a third voice joins in.
Suddenly arms wrap around Yuu's waist and pull him into another body. He only sighs and rolls his eyes. The boy giggles and hides his face in my hair.
"Do you have to always do that, Massao?" Yuu asks exasperated.
"Sure, I have to always look after you and our son. So I have to be always there," the other smirks.
"Idiot! That doesn't mean you have to appear out of nowhere permanently!"
Yuu hits the other man over the head. The other grins, pushing a strand of his brown hair over the shoulder.
"Dad! Father!" Nezu giggles into my neck and I fight to keep my face blank, too many memories assaulting me at that scene.
Yuu and Massao are Nezu's parents. Yuu is a branch family member some generations away. He sometimes looked after me when I was smaller and until today we are good friends. We understand each other easily and it's like there is something like a bond between us even though we don't spend that much time together. Massao was born into the main family but he was the third child of the couple so he is not anymore. When they started their relationship over 10 years ago there were some protests of his family who found that Yuu's status was too low. But even though Massao can be a snob sometimes he stood up for his love and in the end they got married.
And four years back they got Nezu. Yuu carrying him was what wiped out the last complaining voices. Having your son marry a carrier is considered an honour nearly as much as being one. As basically no one takes the test of who is a carrier and who not, they didn't know until Yuu announced he was pregnant. Nezu was born in late November before the war. That added another carrier to our clan, because every boy born from a carrier inherits this ability.
My mind is drawn out of my musings by an exasperated huff from Yuu.
"Stop pampering me! I'm not made out of glass!"
"But what if you are pregnant!" the brunette argues back.
Yuu only rolls his eyes, "I'm not, you know that!"
"Are you trying to have another child?" I ask interested.
The raven nods, "Yeah, but it hasn't worked yet. And this idiot won't let me have a calm moment because of it."
My eyes sadden, "He is only concerned about you, Yuu."
He fixes me with an unreadable look, "I know, but it can still be unnerving. Neji… Are you okay?"
"Hm, yeah, fine," I try to smile but I guess I fail regarding the looks I get from the adults and Nezu hugging my neck.
"Really, it's okay. I just need some time."
We talk a bit after that. Then I hand the child back to Yuu. The raven has been looking at me the whole time with something in his eyes I couldn't identify.
"Okay, I have to go. I want to train a bit before sunset. Thanks for the conversation. And I hope to see you and Nezu soon," I smile at them.
They nod, "Yes, you too, Neji. And don't worry it will get better."
"I know it will, thanks." I turn around waving at them, "I wish you good luck with another child. And Massao, try not to pester Yuu too much about it."
"Don't worry! I'm just waiting until the morning sickness starts!" he yells after me.
I grin when I see that it earns him an elbow to the rips from a flushed Yuu and a giggle from Nezu. Every time I see them it makes me happy to see the happy family they are. I wish I had… No, bad Neji! Don't even let your thoughts go there! He's an ashole for what he did to you and doesn't deserve that! You will find someone else to be happy with!
The next morning I wake up to a ray of sun shining directly onto my eyelids. I groan and roll over pulling the covers closer. But of course right at that moment the by now well-known nausea hits me and immediately I bolt out of bed. I sprint to my small bathroom, falling down in front of the toilet. Another one of these draining vomiting sessions follows. I hate them with a passion, not being able to keep anything down.
After I am finally finished I lean back. I wipe my mouth and lay my head against the cold wall, sighing in relief and annoyance. What is this? Why do I keep throwing up? I have kept watch on what I ate after it happened the first time and made sure I ate nothing foul, but it didn't change anything. One day I even didn't eat anything, but the next morning I still vomited, only with more dry heaving involved, which was even more uncomfortable. Nobody else is sick either as far as I know…
But suddenly when I think of throwing up with no apparent reason something Massao said yesterday comes back to me. 'I'm only waiting until the morning sickness starts!' Yeah, morning sickness, poor Yuu. That's the same, throwing up every morning even though there is nothing wrong with the food and…
Shit! Wait a second! Damn, please no! It can't be, can it? I groan and burry my face in my hands. Please not! There couldn't be any worse time than now! Nonetheless that would mean I would be a carrier. I didn't take the test either, maybe a bad decision, looking back at it now. No, uncle said there was only a really low chance I am because my father was a carrier but married a woman. But still, carriers are most of the time part of the strongest of a clan… In the Uchiha clan you basically tell only by strength, the best ninjas of each generation of Uchihas are carriers. It's different in the Hyuuga clan, but still…
And it would all fit! Everything I felt in the past weeks! The tiredness, hunger, headaches (due to the body adjusting; only the first time) and of course throwing up meaning morning sickness! Shit, please not! It's surely not that I don't want children, I do. But regarding that I just broke up badly with Shikamaru… and I didn't sleep with anybody else, so it can only be his child.
I notice that by now some tears have made their way down my cheeks. I hastily wipe them away. This is no reason to cry. At first, if anything it should be a happy occasion. Also I can only break down after I am sure whether I am pregnant or not. I can't go to uncle or other clan healers for obvious reasons as I don't want them to find out. The same goes for Tsunade or the general hospital. I don't know any carrier outside the clan I could ask. If Sasuke was in the village, I could try my luck with him, but it would be a dangerous bet as I'm not sure if he even knows about the system. Plus he's friends with Shikamaru as well and Naruto who would be also there, could never keep his mouth shut. That leaves me with only the classical method.
I take a deep breath and force myself to stand up. My whole body feels weak, for several reasons at the moment I guess. I get myself ready for the day, putting on the emotionless mask I had since the break-up. I eat like normal and pretend nothing is wrong the whole day.
In the late afternoon I am finally able to pry myself loose from all of them. Now it is six o'clock in the evening and I am back in my room.
God, this was embarrassing! Buying a pregnancy test is something I surely never want to do again! I transformed myself into some random girl, sure. Because buying that as a guy is beyond humiliating, thank you very much. Nonetheless it was extremely awkward! And doing the test wasn't any less embarrassing! Really who invented these things? Couldn't they think of a better way to find it out?
I am ranting out of nervousness because at the moment I am waiting for the results of the test(s; I bought two) I took. I am really afraid of them saying positive, because then I would really have to think of a new way to go on with my life. I mean…
Beep!
The sound of the device finishing rips me out of my ranting. I can't keep my hand from shaking when I lift the stick so I can see it. It takes only a moment before it falls to the floor, clattering. The green plus clearly visible. The result of the second one isn't different.
I soon follow the stick, falling to my knees in front of the bathroom counter. My face is buried in my hands, my whole body shaking. I break down right in the middle of the cold floor. I cry like I didn't since my father died.
It takes me over two minutes until I am able to form a coherent thought again or do more than shake and sob. I am only glad nobody witnessed that. Finally I lean back against the wall, sitting like this morning when the idea came the first time. Now I have it confirmed. Funny how only half a day can turn your life over so completely. I take a deep breath, trying to calm a bit down, and lay a hand carefully on my abdomen. There is really a life growing in there. It is still slightly hard to believe for me even though I am used to men carrying children.
So what am I going to do now? One thing is sure, I am not gonna abort it. First an abortion is very painful for a carrier and has high risks of not surviving the procedure. Second, I could never kill my child, even if it will make my life way more complicated. Telling Shikamaru (the father; I hate to say that!) is not an option either. The broken trust is not that easy to repair. Asking help from my friends is the same, most of them don't know what a carrier is to begin with, I guess. I could seek help from the clan, Hiashi-sama would surely support me during the pregnancy. But if I remember correctly from the lectures every boy of our clan gets (I didn't pay that much attention though, regarding my uncle said it was highly unlikely), if a carrier gives birth without a partner the child is taken in by the clan. No way I am letting that happen! I made enough bad memories with them and I don't want my baby to go through similar things!
But what does that leave for me? Only one thing basically. Run away… Leave the village and give birth and raise my child far from Konoha. But if I do, I will be classified as nuke-nin, missing nin, like Sasuke was and I really don't need the hunters on my trail when I'm with child.
My left hand is unconsciously rubbing my stomach. I know there is no sign of the life inside me yet, but it still is there. Nonetheless I can't keep my eyes from trying to drift shut. The emotional turmoil of today, together with a tiring training session with Gai, used up all of my energy. I also have a massive headache due to the pondering I have done. I need sleep! I can't decide at the moment anyway, so maybe a night's sleep will help. With that in mind, I slowly lift myself from the floor and stumble to my bedroom. There I simply fall onto the mattress, drag the covers over me and drift away immediately.
The next morning I am not much better. Tired and a headache. But before I can think about it the familiar nausea, now classified as morning sickness, comes and I rush to the toilet.
Luckily this day is a Sunday and the rest of my former team went on a mission yesterday evening, so I will have my calm today. I use it to think about my discovery from the day before. I am still shocked of course, but I can't help it but be excited as well. I have wanted a child since I first saw Nezu, but I never thought it would come to me this way.
At noon I am not much further than the evening before. The (in my opinion) most promising possibility until now is faking my death and then flee from Konoha. But the thought of leaving all the people I care for without a message hurts me.
Suddenly I hear happy voices. I open my half-closed eyes. Only to see Yuu with Nezu walk through the courtyard opposite my rooms. The child is laughing and tugging on the raven's hand, pointing at things and bouncing up excitedly. Yuu is smiling as well, caring but also proud and with a happiness I can't really define.
This picture is what finally makes my decision clear. I will not hand my child over to the clan! I am going to raise it by myself even if I have to do it all alone. I will leave Konoha to hide somewhere until he or she is old enough to travel. The best thing would be to pretend to die during a mission. Dying in combat is not uncommon in our job and will most likely raise no suspicions. I just need the right mission. And I have to find a way to sustain our life away from Konoha. I know a bit about healing herbs and such. If I learn some healing jutsu I can work as a travelling healer after the birth. I also have to learn as much about how a carrier pregnancy works as I can. I will have no one to help me, so I need to be able to do it all by myself, even if complications should arise.
I stand up and take a deep breath. Somehow, finally coming to a decision, even if it means leaving everybody I hold dear, made me feel a lot better. I guess they will all miss me and I am sorry for the pain I will cause them by leaving but I want to do what is best for my child.
With this resolve I walk off to make myself some lunch and then go to the library to start studying for what is ahead of me.
That's it for today. Thanks for reading.
First chapter down, four to go.
I am not exactly sure wether I can post the next chapter on tuesday because I am going on holiday with my family tomorrow. I am taking my laptop with me but I don't know if I can update without my parents noticing.
Reviews are always appreciated.
Hope to see you next time.
