Thank you to Barbacar for being my first request!


Muffet VS Girl Scout

Lily Truffa has been in the scamming business her whole Girl Scouts career. In past years, her big eyes, floppy pigtails, charming smile, and innocent demeanor has caused monster and human alike to lose large amounts of money to her. After all, who would suspect an innocent little angel of being the reason wealthy business men suddenly find themselves 2 zeros short of a million bucks?

But now that she was a preteen with clunky braces, Lily knew her time of swindling wealthy tycoons was drawing to a close. So, as any decent human being would do, she decided she'd end her Girl Scout Scam years with a bang. Her target? Muffet the spider monster.

Everyone who was anyone knew of the famous chain bakery notably called "Muffet's Bakery for Spiders". And consequentially, everyone also knew how stingy Muffet was with her earnings. Lily wanted to go down in Girl Scout (and possibly international) history as the one who successfully swindled the Princess of Spiders.

It was an ambitious and near impossible goal, but Lily was stubborn. She wanted to do this, and she was going to. Nothing was gonna stand in her way.

Except for maybe that…

Lily let out a large gasp when a giant muffin on six legs jumped out of the bushes in front of her. The creature let out a series of chirps and waved its front two legs. Lily sighed in relief when she realized the animal wasn't going to attack her.

She recognized it from some of the articles she had found online about Muffet. This was Muffet's prized pet, Mr. Tuffet. Lily had heard rumors about Mr. Tuffet ranging from he was a spider-esque version of a dog to Mr. Tuffet was Muffet's personal executioner to eliminate any competition in the bakery field.

Lily, however, knew that Mr. Tuffet was more of an innocent spider-puppy who'd do anything his master asked of him. She also knew that the spider-muffin couldn't resist a tasty treat.

"Hey, little guy!" Lily said in a cheerful voice "What are you doing all the way out here?" She knelt down so she was eye to eye with the creature and reached out a hand to pet it.

Mr. Tuffet let out a "skree!" and hustled backwards a few steps, clearly untrusting of Lily. Not good, Lily thought to herself. Mr. Tuffet was often Muffet's first line of scam-sniffers. If Mr. Tuffet didn't trust someone, neither did Muffet.

Lily put on her most charming smile and reached into her Girl Scouts messenger bag containing a box of her top three sellers. She debated a moment over which cookie she was going to sacrifice to Mr. Tuffet then pulled out her cookie of choice and held it out on her palm.

"It's okay, little guy" She spoke softly "I'm not gonna hurt you." She stretched her arm out a little more to emphasize her point. Mr. Tuffet gazed curiously at the cookie and sniffed the air before stepping forward an inch.

"It's alright," Lily coaxed "This is for you, see?" She broke the cookie in half and began eating the smaller piece that broke off. She knew Mr. Tuffet wasn't one to be cautious around food (she'd seen reports of him tackling a friendly monster or human that offered him food), so she deduced that it was food offered from a stranger that was making him cautious.

Lily couldn't really blame him, but at the same time, she really needed this little critter's trust or her plan would be dead in the water. She gestured for Mr. Tuffet to eat the cookie again as she took another bite, and to her immense joy, he came closer!

The preteen barely had to wait a second before Mr. Tuffet jumped forward, snatched the cookie from her outstretched hand and jump back before he began loudly nibbling on the addicting treat. Lily giggled at the way Mr. Tuffet chittered excitedly as he feasted and stood, dusting off any crumbs that had fallen onto her lap.

"Hungry little thing, aren'tcha?" She asked with a smile, Mr. Tuffet responded by jumping up and down before running up to her and began to paw on her leg with one of his little spider legs. Lily 'aww'd and leaned down to pet him, only for Mr. Tuffet to leap upwards, jaw unnaturally wide.

Lily shrieked in surprise and tried to jump backwards, only to be caught up in Mr. Tuffet's enormous mouth with her arms and legs dangling out of his mouth.

Without any regard for Lily's comfort in her new contortioned position in his mouth, Mr. Tuffet zoomed off in the direction of his master's home, eager to show off the giver of such tasty food that didn't even have a single spider in its recipe.

As Mr. Tuffet hastily ran to his large home, Muffet was lounging in one of her many living rooms, sprawled out on a large purple sofa in her nightgown with her waist-length silky black hair freed from their pigtails, smoking a before bedtime spider stogie. A special cigar made from webs and spiders.

She was winding down from a long day's work of selling goods and caring for her spiders as well as trying to make some new recipes for her baking. It had been a prosperous day (as all days were for her), but Muffet found she enjoyed lazily watching some bakery TV shows with her spiders after a long day's work.

Tonight had been Georgie's turn for TV show picking, and the smaller spider had chosen Cupcake Wars for the night's entertainment. Said spider was currently nestled in between Muffet's neck and shoulder, munching contently on a SpidrDont.

Other spiders rested on around Muffet as they all watched the TV screen, giggling and critiquing every move the bakers made. A few had made it their job to openly -and loudly- insult the baker's methods and choice in flavors/decoration, causing the occasional ripple of laughter from the spider audience.

About a few minutes in the episode, one of Muffet's messenger spiders -Callie- came up to her with a telegram from the spiders inhabiting the lower levels of her house. "My pet has captured a human you say?" Muffet giggled "Ahuhu, mon dieu, this is certainly a sticky situation, isn't it, dearies?"

The spiders around her laughed at her little joke and Muffet shooed the spiders using her as a cushion off so she could make her way down. Using classic spider transportation, she grabbed onto a single thread of spider web and descended down to the level where her pet and her new guest was waiting.

Upon entering said level, another spider awaited her presence, waving it's two forelegs to grab Muffet's attention before leading her to the room where Mr. Tuffet was. Muffet took a drag from her cigar as she walked in, surprise filling her features when she saw Mr. Tuffet bouncing up and down with a human in his jaws.

"Oh my, what have you got there, mon petit muffin?" Muffet cooed, giggling to herself, "Alright, Mr. Tuffet, release the human." She ordered, Mr. Tuffet quickly complied and promptly spat out Lily on the floor, who was covered in crumbs -Mr. Tuffet's version of drool.

"Ahuhuhu~, sorry, dearie, my little pet can be a bit excitable sometimes." Muffet offered one of her lower arms to Lily who accepted the offer of help and stood, brushing the multitude of crumbs off her. Spiders came around and began salvaging the crumbs to be used in recipes calling for a crumb-style crust (or to be used for midnight snacks later on).

"N-no i-it's fine, ma'am!" Lily said, immediately picking up her 'confused and scared, yet polite' act. Lily dedicated herself to brushing out the last bit of crumbs from her hair, clothing, and accessories before addressing Muffet.

Mr. Tuffet, on the other hand, had no intention of waiting and began nuzzling at Lily's messenger bag, letting out small clicking noises which Muffet recognized as pleading for more food. Seeing her pet's insistence on getting into the messenger bag, Muffet immediately assumed the human girl was here in attempt to steal her recipes for her baked goods.

Not one to accuse something without proof, Muffet decided to play along with the role of 'aloof but generous millionaire'. Muffet smiled sweetly at Lily, showing off her fangs, "Oh, but ma chere, I should be the one to apologize! My silly little pet can be a handful."

Said pet let out a little whine and Lily was astounded to see it clearly pouting up at Muffet. The Spider Princess simply laughed and reached out one hand for Mr. Tuffet to come to, which the spider-muffin did with great enthusiasm. He churred happily as Muffet patted her pet's head.

"Come into my parlor, ma cherie~" Muffet invited, placing a hand on Lily's back as she guided the human girl to a sofa run over by spiders. Muffet waved them off, and the mini-spiders moved away so Lily had a spot to sit comfortably.

Muffet took a particularly large drag from her cigar as she sat herself across the web-themed coffee table in another sofa, the same length and design as the one Lily rested on.

The pair sat in silence for a moment, Muffet trying to figure out what Lily was doing here, and Lily trying to figure out the best way to get Muffet's guard down. After a while, Lily finally noticed the lack of ashes in the air and stared curiously at Muffet's fat purple cigar.

Every time Muffet breathed out a cloud of smoke, the smell of a bakery filled the air, filling Lily with a sense of contentment and relaxation that only a bakery filled with the scent of fresh, hot bread could only do.

Lily then noticed that the cigar was made completely of webbing and…spiders?...she decided to file that information at the back of her mind. Maybe she could use that later in order to soften the spider monster up enough where she would be in a generous mood.

"So tell me, mon petit intrus, what are you doing out here at this hour?" Muffet asked in an attempt to make conversation. "O-oh! I was out trying to sell Girl Scout cookies for my troupe!" Lily said proudly, brandishing her pin-heavy sash wrapped around her torso.

Muffet raised an eyebrow "Oh?" She asked, "Is that what my pet is after?" She gestured to the spider-muffin still clawing at the messenger bag. Lily let out a sweet, innocent giggle and pulled out another cookie. "I bumped into him when I got lost in the neighborhood." The human explained.

"He was just too cute to not give a treat!" Lily praised, trying to get on Muffet's good side. "I got so focused selling treats today" Lily continued, answering Muffet's earlier question "I completely lost track of time and wound up in this part of town!"

Muffet kept a charming and unsuspecting smile on her face. She didn't believe this girl's story one bit. Except for the part about her precious li'l Mr. Tuffet being the cutest little crumpet on the block. That was believable.

What was unbelievable was the fact that a young human (not quite as young as little Frisk was when they broke the barrier), with no other chaperone or partner. Muffet took a particularly large drag of her cigar, allowing herself to think some more before having to respond to Lily's obviously fake story.

"Mon dieu, you've certainly had a busy day, haven't you, petit?" Muffet cooed, Lily nodded sheepishly. Lily watched in silence as some spiders descended from the ceiling holding a tray of tea and began serving it to Muffet and herself.

Lily took a moment to stare in awe at the scurrying little arachnids serving tea like it was nothing before reminding herself why she was really here. "Food?" Muffet offered, gesturing to a small plate with pastries on the coffee table.

"Yes please!" Lily said enthusiastically, picking up a small chocolate cookie. It was only after she took a bite and swallowed did she realize the "chocolate" was actually a spider…

Hastily finishing the cookie -she wasn't about to spit out the cookie in shock, after all, that's how wars start- Lily began to move on to the next part of her plan. "Oh!" She exclaimed, clapping her hands together "I just remembered!"

Lily giggled innocently and took out her best selling Girl Scout Cookie and proudly displayed it on her lap. "Would you like to buy a box of Girl Scout cookies? Each purchase helps an animal in need!"

Muffet puffed a cloud of smoke out that briefly took the shape of a croissant and said "No." Lily blinked, her thought process briefly thrown off. That fast a rejection!? Normally when people said 'no' they were more hesitant or remorseful, even. Then again…she wasn't exactly dealing with a normal victim here…

"Er, would you like to sample one anyway?" Lily asked, regaining her mental plan of action. Muffet, still cautious of the girl, looked to Mr. Tuffet who trilled excitedly and bounced up and down on his stilt legs.

Muffet shrugged and moved from her sofa to sitting next to Lily who pulled out a cookie from the unopened box she was holding in her lap. Lily held the cookie out to Muffet who, instead of taking it with one of her arms, leaned forward and ate the entire cookie in one bite.

Now, as Lily had worked with various monsters before, this next part didn't really scare her as much as it did take her by surprise. When Muffet opened her mouth to eat the cookie, her mandibles shot out of her mouth and ended up swallowing Lily in the process.

The human girl let out a startled squeal as she traveled down the monster's throat and landed in her stomach. "Oopsies!" Muffet's voice was muffled by the stomach walls, and Lily reminded herself not to think how breathing worked while she was in a monster stomach…again.

"Sorry, dearie, I wasn't paying enough attention when I ate that cookie." Muffet let out a laugh that sounded the slightest bit embarrassed. "My apologies," She said. Lily covered her mouth with her hand so as not to get anything inside her mouth.

"It's alright, ma'am." She said calmly "This isn't the first time this has happened to me." Lily felt everything around her jerk around slightly and guessed Muffet jumped in a bit of surprise. "You've been swallowed by a monster before?" She asked, shocked but also slightly less embarrassed.

Lily nodded, then remembered Muffet couldn't see her. She knew these "accidental swallow" incidents never lasted long as she was always regurgitated a few minutes later, so she spent it regaling Muffet with the previous times she's been accidentally swallowed.

After about 5 minutes, Lily was spit back up, slightly damp with spit. Muffet, feeling slightly bad about the incident, directed Lily to a guest bathroom she could use.

Lily took the quickest shower of her life and switched into some spare clothes the spiders had laid out. After she was cleaned, she rejoined Muffet in the same living room as before.

Muffet waved the girl over, and Lily briefly thought she saw a small spider crawl out of her bag and in between the cushions. "So sorry for that again, dearie." Muffet apologized, "It's really no big deal, miss!" Lily assured, "Like I said, it's not the first time this has happened, so I wasn't really worried."

Muffet took a thoughtful drag from her stogie. "Speaking of which," Muffet said, eyeing Lily suspiciously "Aren't you a little young to have been wandering around and getting swallowed by other monsters?"

Now, Lily Truffa was never one to take being doubted very lightly. She once scammed the CEO of an Inspirational Magnet company! Age didn't matter because she had the skill to back it up!

So, out of pure spite, Lily leaned forward and snatched up a small box that was resting on the coffee table since she had come out. She knew what it was, plenty of the big-shots she'd scammed before had these proudly displayed on their desk like it was the Mona Lisa or something.

Opening the little box, Lily was pleased to confirm she was correct. This was a cigar box. Not the kind you get at a gas station where everything's put together and you just need to light it, ohhhh no. This was a "roll it up all on your own" cigar box.

And inside was webbing that vaguely had the sensation of stiff silk and a smaller section containing spiders. Dead ones. Lily held back a quick sniff of disgust and took a hefty pinch of dried up spiders and sprinkled them into a sheet of cigar-webbing, then rolled it up.

Muffet watched, amused, as Lily tried to get the roll to stay rolled up, only for it to reopen. The spider monster chuckled and nodded to a nearby spider who hopped onto Lily's cigar and applied a sticky substance which made the cigar stick.

Lily nodded her thanks to Muffet and the spider before rummaging through her bag for something else. Now was the perfect time to show off one of her badges! Grabbing a box of matches from her bag, Lily made a show of taking one of the small purple tipped matches.

Crossing her legs so one foot was elevated in the air, Lily struck the tip of the match on her shoe sole, causing the match to explode in a purple spark. Muffet stared curiously at the match which was emitting a purple-blue glow instead of the normal yellow.

Lily grinned smugly as she lit her cigar. She didn't earn that firework chemistry badge for nothing. Actually, it was her accidental creation of potassium-laced strike-anywhere matchsticks that got her that badge.

Steeling herself, Lily raised the fat purple cigar -a very messy version compared to Muffet's, but still an admirable look-alike- to her lips and took in a slow breath. Trying to recall all the "lessons" other business men had given her on how to blow a smoke ring (they never gave her a cigar to try it out on, but that never stopped the old fools from talking) paired with how she's seen Muffet make smoke pastries, Lily attempted blow a smoke cookie.

The smoke that curled out of her mouth began as a lavender bubble, but slowly, it began to take the vague shape of a Girl Scout cookie. Granted, it was very sloppy and poorly done smoke cookie, but for the first time ever blowing a smoke pastry, Lily had done a good job. Muffet was impressed. Which was a feat in itself.

Muffet leaned back and made a spider cookie to accompany the Girl Scout cookie. "Magnifique!" Muffet praised, clapping one set of her arms, "Tres bien for you first time blowing a smoke pastry, dearie." Lily beamed under the praise and smiled humbly.

Lily, knowing her business, knew that from this point on Muffet was going to be easy to manipulate. All she had to do now was flatter Muffet into a giggling mess and then Lily would whip out her handy dandy cookie order form and BAM! Muffet's been scammed, and Lily would be looooooooong gone.

For the next few minutes, Lily used her charismatic personality to charm Muffet through jokes, flattery, and simple idle chatter. Muffet, the schemer she was, knew where this was headed, but played along with the human child. It had been a while since she's been able to have a little fun anyway, might as well enjoy it now.

Lily, however, was devoting every ounce of energy and charm into buttering Muffet up. After all, her scam policy has always been "Flatter the donor until they WANT to give". And by the time the pair had been talking for nearly an hour, Lily was sure Muffet was ready to crack.

After Muffet had completed telling the story of the time when a certain internet-famous skeleton had attempted to bake one of Muffet's recipes, and the disaster that followed, Lily was beginning to make her move.

"Speaking of failed advertisements," Lily said, shuffling through her messenger bag. "Would it be alright if I tried to convince you to buy one of my boxes?" The human girl asked sweetly, tacking on a wide, brace-filled smile at the end of her request.

Muffet stifled a giggle. The whole 'innocent' thing didn't flow so well with a giant purple spider stogie sticking out to the side. The spider monster tapped her chin, debating her options. "Sure. Why not?" Muffet said finally, popping a spider-candy into her mouth.

Lily gasped in excitement "Really?!" She said cheerfully, acting like a 6 year old who was told they could have an extra serving of ice cream. Muffet nodded and gestured for Lily to begin her convincing.

Lily nodded, straightened up, and displayed a box of cookies proudly on her knees. "Would you like to buy some Girl Scout cookies?" She asked with a smile, repeating her earlier attempt at advertising. "All proceeds go to a charity of your choosing!"

Muffet giggled "Nice try, dearie, but I've already got all the spider-charities I need." Lily blinked in surprise, she knew the "charity of your choice" thing never got anyone's attention, but the fact that Muffet had already gotten the satisfactory amount of private-owned organizations was surprising.

Until this moment, Lily had yet to meet a single rich business owner who was "satisfied" with anything! Well…..this Muffet certainly was a challenge. A challenge Lily refused to back down from.

'Better take this to the next level then' Lily thought to herself. "Well, then may I ask that you just buy 2 boxes?" Lily asked hesitantly, Muffet raised an eyebrow. Well, at least that's what it looked like. Lily never recalled seeing an eyebrow on the spider-woman.

"Why only 2, chere?" Muffet asked, twirling the cigar in a hand. "Surely you want me to buy more, correct?" Lily blushed shyly and nodded "Yes, but, I'm only 5 boxes away from meeting my goal, and I know my grandparents will end up buying three boxes." She admitted.

"And what exactly is this goal?" Muffet asked, eyeing the girl suspiciously. "T-to reach 1,000 boxes sold!" She stated proudly, Muffet whistled and clapped her hands. "Impressionnant," Muffet complimented, she had to admit, this girl had ambition.

Lily thanked the monster and took on a melancholy expression. Muffet inwardly sighed. She knew what was next. The puppy dog eyes. "What's wrong, chere?" She asked, not really meaning it, but making it sound as if she did. "I-I just," Lily bit her lip as she began to cry on command.

"It's my last year in the Scouts." She admitted, feeling tears stream down her face, "Once I graduate, there's no other faction to go into because this branch of Girl Scouts is so secluded." Lily wiped away some tears and made it look like she was regaining her composure.

"I-I wanted to do s-something special for my troupe, because they've done so much for me, but…..I didn't reach the goal and we have to turn in our profits in 2 days…." The next few tears Lily shed were true. She didn't want to grow up and leave her circle of Girl Scouts who had been with her since her first scam.

Truthfully, it was because of her friend circle in the Scouts that got her into scamming in the first place. It had started as a joke, seeing how many lollipops they could convince adults to give them. But then it had blossomed into something far more ambitious.

As Lily was taking a trip down memory lane, a small spider, near invisible if you weren't looking for it, came up to Muffet's shoulder and whispered something into her ear. "Are you sure?" Muffet asked quietly, when the spider gave her an affirmative, Muffet waved the spider off and gained Lily's attention.

"It appears I owe you an apology, petit" She said, blowing a cupcake shaped smoke. Lily suffered a mini heart attack. Had the spider found out? Was her scam over before it begun? Oh, dear sweet mother of baby Jesus, she knew this day would come, but why did it have to be now?!

"I had my spiders spying on you since you got here." Muffet said calmly, completely unaware to Lily's frantic internal monologue. "I was suspicious you were sent here to spy on me and discover my methods for baking and my recipes."

Lily could only stare in shock. "S-spy?" She repeated, Muffet nodded. "I had my tinier spiders look for any recording devices in your bag and any accessories you had." Muffet shrugged and leaned back into her sofa. "Don't take it personally, cher, it's just my business."

"But, not to worry, my spiders have deemed you to be a trustworthy customer, so I have no more reason to be hostile towards you, ahuhuhu~!" Lily's only response was a slack jaw expression. "I…" This has by far, been the most interesting scam she's ever been on.

"W-why would you expect me of being a spy?" Lily blurted out, "I-I mean what would I even be spying on?" Before Muffet could reply, a distant explosion rocked the entire mansion, mimicking the effects of a 4.0 on the Richter scale.

Furniture wobbled, chandeliers swung, the teacups on the table rattled frantically, and some spiders even fell off the ceiling and onto Lily during the five seconds of the ground shaking.

Lily, being the logical-minded person she was, instantly tried to duck under the coffee table, whereas Muffet simply giggled and daintily sipped her tea. Once the shaking stopped, Lily slowly came out of her hiding spot, staring widely at Muffet who had sat on her sofa like nothing even happened.

"Let's just say my baking methods are a bit…explosion inducing," Muffet giggled, as a charred looking spider parachuted down from the ceiling and handed Muffet a giant piece of paper.

Reading the paper, Muffet was informed the new baking soda-bomb baking method she was testing was in fact effective, but it was highly volatile and should be tested much more before being used for public consumption. Unsurprising, yet not unexpected.

At this point, Lily got the extreme impression that she shouldn't try to mess with Muffet. So, she did what any sane person would do. She continued with her scam plan. Clearing her throat, Lily tried to advertise her cookies one more time. "S-so, uh, now that we've established I'm not a spy," Lily gestured to her bag "Wanna buy some Girl Scout Cookies?"

Muffet sighed, the girl was persistent. She'd give her that much. "Very well," She said, waving her hand "I'll take 10 boxes for the price of two." Lily clapped her hands together in excitement and pulled out her order form.

"Right-o!" She said eagerly "10 boxes for the price of tw-! Wait!" She paused to give Muffet a perplexed look "10 boxes for the price of two?" Muffet giggled and gestured to the food spread between them.

"But of course, cher. How else do you expect to pay for the tea, cigar and shower?" Muffet said this as if it was the most obvious thing in the world, and for the first time in Lily's scamming career, she'd never been more pleased to be about to scam someone. "E-er, right." She stuttered, trying not to give in to a grin that was threatening to break onto her face.

Lily completed signing and dating the parts of the order form she needed to do and handed Muffet the clipboard with 5 pages of back to back writing and signing areas.

Knowing how people are with the infamous terms and license, Lily expected Muffet to simply sign all the circled areas and hand it back to her, so Lily fished out the two unopened boxes she had in her bag and set them on the table, only to see Muffet staring very intently at the papers.

"Er, Miss Muffet?" Lily asked, suddenly having the urge to run. "A-are you reading everything? B-because you only need to sign three spots and I can put your order in for you." She said sweetly, Muffet simply flipped the page and continued reading.

"I am well aware of how to fill out an order form, petit." She said coolly, "I have simply made it a habit to read all the terms and licenses. Just in case." Lily's face paled. No one reads the terms and license! Even when she went to this one super-picky accountant guy, he just got to page 2 before giving up!

Her entire scamming method relied on people not reading the terms and license! Lily had to take a moment and remind herself to calm down. Maybe Muffet wouldn't notice. Maybe she's just the kind of person to lazily scan over the page and not really read. Maybe she's the kind of person who says they'll do one thing just to get people uncomfortable.

Yeah, that had to be it…right?

Unfortunately for this human, this particular spider monster read everything, and boy was this spider TICKED

Cackling lowly, Muffet turned the clipboard over and pointed at a specific passage before reading it out loud. "Page three, Paragraph four: in accordance to the deal made between Girl Scout Trooper Lily Truffa and her sponsor/customer/etc., an additional 100 boxes of assorted cookies will be delivered to the sponsor's/customer's/etc. home and will be billed accordingly."

Muffet's entire demeanor changed from polite hostess to enraged beast in less than a second. Lily's face drained of color, her cigar fell out of her mouth as she vaulted over the couch and tried to make for the stairs or a window to get away but was quickly tackled by Mr. Tuffet who was no longer chirring happily or friendly towards the human girl.

"My, my, what to do with you, mon petit voleur?" Muffet cooed, cackling to herself. Lily was faintly aware of spiders surrounding her at every possible direction as her heart rate increased to an inhuman pace.

"You picked the wrong spider to mess with, dearie." Muffet hissed "Maybe as punishment I should give you to my pet to eat." Lily felt like fainting. "But non, I think I have something planned specifically for you."

Lily suddenly noticed the tip of Muffet's cigar looked as if it was on fire, fueled solely by the fiery rage building up inside Muffet. Grinning wickedly, Muffet held up the order form for the cookies and held it to her stogie, burning the papers to ash within seconds.

Lily's breathing stopped for a brief moment as she saw the ashes of the paper hit the floor, thinking only of how if she didn't act, the next ashes that hit the floor would be hers.

Lily gulped in fear and tried to squirm away when she saw Muffet's mandibles escape her mouth and reach out for her legs. What was once an accident was now completely on purpose. Lily scratched at the floor and kicked with every ounce of strength she could muster to get away, but the result was inevitable.

Muffet swallowed Lily in one fell swoop, effectively trapping the human girl inside her stomach until a fate could be decided for her.

This time in Muffet's stomach seemed more like an eternity than a mere 15 minutes, but then again, fear made someone very disoriented and jumpy. Lily was spit up in the massive backyard in front of this weird purple canon.

Muffet giggled evilly and patted the canon "This, ma Cherie, is Hurleur, my preferred method of travel for long distances." Lily briefly pictured herself splattering all over the windshield of an airplane like a bug.

Muffet giggled again as a loud cranking sound signified the cannon was being repositioned for the next launch. Lily tried to get up and run but she found herself pinned by none other than Mr. Tuffet once again.

After a few more seconds of cranking, the cannon gave one final KAH-RUNCH signifying it was locked onto it's target. Muffet's head snapped over to Lily revealing a fanged, wicked looking grin. "Load her up, my pet! Aaahuhuhuhu~!"

Lily screamed as Mr. Tuffet picked her up by the back of her shirt and tossed her inside. Lily's adrenaline rushed mind briefly noted that the cannon was more roomy than one would expect just by looking at it before returning to panicking at the thought of being inside a cannon.

Lily tried to wriggle out, but soon found that once she was in the cannon, the only way out was to be blasted out. "Y-YOU CAN'T DO THIS!" Lily screamed, Muffet only responded with a giggle. "Actually dearie, I can, and I have. Multiple times."

As Lily began to freak out more, Muffet giggled to herself as she plugged her ears with the top set of her hands and tapped the lit end of her cigar to the fuse with another set. "FIRE IN THE HOLE, DEARIES~!" Muffet cackled as she lit the fuse with her cigar causing a bright pink color flare as the spark raced towards the end of the fuse. As the fuse went down, Muffet peered into the cannon and popped her own cigar into Lily's mouth. "You might want this for later, dearie. Ahuhuhu~!" She giggled before moving back behind the cannon.

Embracing her inevitable death, Lily screamed "MAYBE I CAN GET A SPACE BADGE FOR THIIIIIIIIISS!" As she was sent flying into the night sky. From the ground, Muffet raised a hand to her head to shade her eyes and watched as Lily Truffa became nothing more than a twinkle in the sky.

"Hhmph!" Muffet huffed, brushing off invisible dust from her nightgown. "Teach that pest to try and scam my spiders from their hard earned money!" Muffet ushered all her spiders back inside for a good night's rest. After all, they deserved to sleep well because their next task was to figure out how Girl Scout cookies were so addicting and how to incorporate that into their recipes.

~ELSEWHERE IN SPACE~

Lily Truffa sat on a rock, constantly blowing pastry shapes with her cigar smoke (which somehow survived the trip here to this wretched mini-planet) to attract customers to buy the remaining cookies she found she had been jettisoned with.