Author's Note: Seeing as how I don't know exactly what theme this guide would fit under, I saw fit to mark this fan-fic under the "Humor" category.
Reaver's 3 Step Guide to Surviving, Evading, and Quelling a Rebellion by Knead-Boric, Prologue
Prologue
Reaver's 3 Step Guide to Surviving, Evading, and Quelling a Rebellion, a guide towards surviving, evading, and quelling a rebellion by His Managerial Excellence, Reaver, Esq..
Disclaimer: Application and effects may vary depending on context and circumstances. Note that Reaver Industries cannot be held responsible for the following side-effects that this book may induce, which includes but is not limited to: bodily harm to oneself and others, damage to personal property, eyesores, minor cases of insanity and God complexes, hand twitching, intensive squeeing, binge-reading, and Reaver-infatuation. Please read responsibly.
Dear reader and/or devoted fan of moi, you hold in your hands an account like none other. A guide towards security, life and survival that will surely come in handy in your near or immediate future, being that the Darkness has most surely devastated the lands you once called home by the time you're reading this.
In short, through my experiences as Pirate King of Bloodstone and famed lone survivor of its downfall: I, His Managerial Excellence, Reaver, Esq., shall divulge in this one small edition of an amalgamation of paper the only accessible smidgen of my person's former life and experiences in my hobby and profession of piracy and its end: the Sack of Bloodstone.
To start, shortly after my dull and whinge-inducing trip to the "exotic" country of Samarkland - which you can further read upon in my autobiography "Reaver on Reaver", if you can find a surviving copy of course - I happened to return to a sorely disgruntled Bloodstone. Apparently the ravaged denizens were quite unhappy with my abandon of the city whilst Lord Lucien's lackeys assaulted, raped and pillaged their homes and businesses. But what can one do when they're having their life essence drained by a madman in some dark, stalagmite-riddled stone tower in the middle of the sea? How can one possibly speedily return home after such a thing? I needed the vacation, as terrible as it ended up being. Peu importe, I, their mayoral figure, was now there to the rescue and after skillfully disposing of the remainder of Lucien's holdouts, all returned to normal in the city. Albeit, twas a tense new normal, but a normality in Bloodstone it was nonetheless.
Several months passed after my return when I heard news from mainland Albion. My dear old friend, our late Majesty, father to our current – or former – Majesty (the younger one, not Logan of course) 'Mr. the Hero of Bowerstone' was proclaimed king by the people. Quite the achievement I seem to recall, Albion has not had a formal monarchy since the days of the Old Kingdom - barring Lord Lucien, his Bowerstone was but a de facto city-state. And so I, being the dearest friend I was, sent a congratulatory letter to my new king, alongside with a gift: one of my six Dragonstomper .48's (the jammed one of course).
Little did I know, his ascension would bring the downfall of my most little-beloved pirate den. Following the establishment of this monarchy - which has hopefully not collapsed by the time you're reading this – the rabble of Bloodstone started making exorbitant demands. Demands of proper governance, law and order, even a policing body in the city, as was guaranteed to them by virtue of being citizens of the newly-established 'Kingdom of Albion'. Demands that surprised even me, seeing as this was coming from these people, these cutthroats of all people. Cutting to the chase, after weeks of indulgence in my dearly missed liqueurs and spirits of which Samarkland was in gross deficit of, I somehow managed to not notice that I had a full-on revolt in hands. Crowds upon crowds of the rebelling townsfolk appeared at my doorstep and no matter how many of their heads I dotted with lead, more would come and take the fallen's. It was a neverending sea of plebeian insurgents, if you will.
But enough of my magnificent prelude. On to the guide! Enjoy.
