Sam
"Mummy!" Grace practically throws herself at Connie – who embraces our daughter with more longing than I've ever seen in her before.
All over again, I'm utterly consumed by guilt for my actions. Denying Grace her mother and lying that it was Connie's idea was bad enough, though my lies protected Grace from the truth – which would have hurt her even more. Particularly the part where the father she looks up to, is really a lying, spiteful bastard.
But it was Connie who came out of it worst. I cruelly ripped our daughter away from her in the middle of the night, with absolutely no warning – and just after Grace had finally recovered from the accident which nearly claimed both their lives. It must have been such a shock when Connie found out that we'd gone. Then to add salt to the wound, I allowed Grace to believe that her mother had abandoned her again.
To do our little girl credit, she didn't take it that way at all – seeing it instead as the mother she admires making a difficult sacrifice, in order to make her daughter happy. Grace has been through so much. She needed a break from Holby and she really loves New York – I mean who doesn't, but this is yet another case of Grace being more grown up than her infantile father.
What I did hurt Connie beyond words – and it was unforgivable. Only after I'd done it, did I realise just how nasty it was. At the time, I was engrossed in one of the childish games that Connie and I like to play. Perhaps out of sheer panic, I also tried to 'hide' in the 'game-playing', when I realised that I was going to get what I'd always wanted. I was going to get the infallible Connie Beauchamp – for good.
The first time we were together – before Grace came along, I was quite happy because I suppose I had no expectations of it lasting any longer than it did. I was a womaniser back then and I simply didn't posses the maturity to even consider settling down with anyone.
After the crash though, I knew it was Connie – she's my perfect woman.
Well, I sort of knew before the crash. If I'm honest, I knew when I went back to New York without Grace – after Connie had to do surgery on my then fiancee, Emma. I couldn't get Connie out of my head and when Emma came back, I kept comparing the two of them. Emma would do or say something and I'd be thinking.
'Connie would have done that like this.' or 'Connie would have said that'.
It was unfair to Emma and breaking off the engagement was the only decent thing to do. I knew I wasn't going to be happy – and if I wasn't happy then Grace definitely wouldn't be. I was also extremely jealous of Jacob when I met him.
As Grace recovered from her injuries over the past year, I've grown closer to Connie – or at least I've tried to. Connie has her moments – like the one in the storeroom before I left. However, Connie's dominance speaks volumes and no matter how much I want her, I never expected her to accept my affections the way she was starting to. Perhaps she was tired of playing games. Anyway, the prospect of finally being able to settle down and have some sort of 'family life' was overwhelmingly daunting when it came to fruition. Hence me 'hiding' in one of my games.
I say one of 'my' games, because this was a game of my own invention – and Connie had no willing part in it. She was happy. Grace was happy. And I was happy, but I ran away from Connie like a spineless coward. As usual I acted before thinking – one of my personality traits that has always aggrieved Connie the most.
I played a game and ended up shooting myself in the foot – for when Grace hugs Connie at the airport, I do the same. Whilst Connie embraces Grace deeply, I do not receive so much as eye contact in return for my affectionate gesture. She is of course perfectly civil to me – so as not to alert Grace to the strained nature of our relationship. She accepts my hug without responding to it – even allowing me to peck her on the cheek, but I get nothing back.
"Hi" She replies politely, when I greet her warmly.
Again, her words are perfectly civil. I do detect a slightly frosty demeanour behind them – though that remains unnoticed by our daughter – and again there is no attempt to look at me or to make eye contact. At first, I'm unsure whether Connie is angry, upset – or totally indifferent to me, but after she's been with us for a couple of hours, I realise that it's the former two.
She's furious – and she's distraught. Good going, Sam – well done! You've really done it this time.
When we're back at the cabin things continue in much the same manner. Grace does eventually notice something – but seems to assume that her Mum is a little shy because she hasn't seen us for a long time.
Connie Beauchamp – shy? Never!
Just after lunch, Grace takes Simba for a play just outside the veranda, while Connie and I clear up. I decide its time to investigate the matter further.
"Con?"
Nothing. Now that Grace is out of ear-shot, Connie is ignoring me completely. All trace of civility is gone. Time to try a different approach.
"My mother's here."
She spins around to face me – almost overbalancing in the process, and grabs the kitchen table to support herself. "What?!"
At least that got her talking to me, I suppose. "My Mum's here." I repeat. "She's got the chalet next door."
