The more difficult conversations.
"Kurt? Can we talk?"
"About?" Besides lifting an eyebrow that's all the response Blaine was given by Kurt as he was sitting on the other side of the bed reading Vogue.
Blaine squirmed slightly, taking the last courage building breath to psych up for the conversation to come.
"About sex." He said, carefully looking at his boyfriend, knowing this was the conversation topic between them that still was hard to discuss.
Kurt met his gaze only for a second before he looked down again. A small pink shade was forming over his cheekbones though he tried to look unaffected.
"Could we do this another time, Blaine? I still haven't gotten through the latest Vogue and it's already because of you." He flashed a knowing smirk quickly to Blaine before turning his gaze down to the magazine.
"Kurt. Please." Blaine took a light hold of the open page the magazine was opened on in Kurt's hands. "We've already put this off enough so far. You know we need to talk about it. Are you still embarrassed? Are you not ready?"
Kurt finally looked into Blaine's eyes. Holding the gaze. Searching almost.
"It's not that." He said.
"You know I will wait for you as long as it takes Kurt, but we really should talk about it!"
"It's not that I'm not ready, Blaine!" Kurt says firmly, his blush growing slightly redder.
"So you are ready?" Blaine says, looking searchingly into his boyfriend's eyes, trying to see if Kurt's just trying to please him so they can drop the subject already.
"I am ready, Blaine. I am!" Kurt says with a small smile. He finally puts the magazine away and pushes slightly on Blaine's shoulder so he's sitting up straight again, as he had unconsciously started leaning forward.
"So we're both ready?" Blaine says dumbly, blushing a little himself.
A small puff of a laugh escapes Kurt. "Yes, we're both ready."
"Then why aren't we doing it yet?"
"Blaine!" Kurt laughs, knowing Blaine well enough by now to see when he's only playing and trying to lighten the mood, it helps. Kurt feels the tension slowly ebbing away from his shoulders.
Blaine smiles with Kurt as he laughs.
"I want to." He suddenly says in all honesty.
Kurt looks back at him. His eyes are full with sincerity, love, perhaps a slight glimpse of hope.
"I do too." His voice is bright and flowing, almost like a sweet humming.
They share a moment, like they often do. When everything seems to grow quiet and still, and they just hold each other's eyes and don't say anything. It is as if the world is only consists of the two of them.
"When?" Blaine says and breaks the silence. His eyes are still open and sincere but his lips are playing with a teasing smile. He looks like an oversized puppy, as he every so often does.
Kurt laughs again. "Certainly not right now I hope! I need some time to prepare mentally. I don't want it to be awkward!" Kurt looks at Blaine again. His cheeks still bright pink from both the conversation and the laughing
"Off course it's going to be awkward! It's out first time!" Blaine says quickly, his brows are weakly frowning.
"I just want to, - you know." Kurt starts but fumbles with the words and stops completely looking down on the bedspread.
"What?" Blaine asks softly.
"We've been doing so well, -I mean not good! Not that it haven't been good! It's just that—err, we've, - we have." Kurt keeps looking anywhere but at Blaine as he keeps figuring out his sentences. Blaine takes both of his hands in his own and captures his gaze.
"Kurt. Breathe. It's okay, it's just me."
Kurt nods, closes his eyes and takes a deep breath before opening them again. Feeling calmer, he starts over.
"Even though I'm ready I'm still scared." He says.
"And that's perfectly normal! I'm scared too!" Blaine cuts in.
"I know!" Kurt replies quickly. "I know, but let me finish will you!"
Both smile at each other knowingly. They're both a little impatient, both still a little nervous. Blaine gives Kurt sign to continue.
"I'm not as scared as I was." Kurt says, "Because it's all been so surprisingly easy between us. And trust me, from all I've heard of Finn and his girlfriend problems, the moving from second to third base or whatever it is could've been so much worse! But it hasn't been like that! Not with us, it's been so easy and sweet and I've loved every second of it."
Kurt moves a hand from where it's clasped tightly with Blaine's and let it rest softly upon his cheek. "And I want it to continue like that. It's a big thing, I know, but. I just want it to be us. No pressure, no big romantic gestures!"
"But Kurt, you love the big romantic gestures!" Blaine says.
Kurt chuckles. "Yes I do, but you suck at romance!"
"I do not!" Blaine says horribly overdramatic as a smile tugs on his lips.
"No, I'm kidding. You've actually improved a lot." Kurt smiles. He has dropped his hand and laid it over Blaine's again on the bedspread.
"But in all honesty Blaine, I just want our first time to be fun, and spontaneous, and us." Kurt smiles reassuringly. "No pressure."
Blaine returns the smile. "No pressure." He repeats, but he's silently afraid he'll add that pressure on himself anyway, just in the hope to please the person he loves the most.
